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[Klyka]

I'm not sure why I'm asking this now, but....is it worth it to even bother with the dating game if you don't have the rest of your life in order, or if you don't have any social life? I just (still) feel like it would be too awkward or weird putting myself out there in the dating scene with so much else missing from my life (like what do I say when she asks when she gets to meet my friends?) But can anyone else speak from experience about this? I'm just tired of not having a girlfriend/companionship, but I don't want to end up just embarassing myself.

If there can be dead beat idiots living on welfare and addicted to drugs who can have a wife and 3 kids, then I'm pretty sure you can find a woman even without a "fulfilled life".

 

[hellclerk]

*Snip*

Personally, I don't think that I am wrong. If you're in a relationship, I would expect that your bf, gf, whatever does not go out with someone of the opposite sex in a one on one situation. Is that unreasonable?

This is a hard situation for me because this is easily the prettiest girl I've ever dated. I've already gotten into a fight at a club because some guy pushed up on her. Doing things like this really doesn't ease my concern.

Nope, you're not in the wrong, but why don't you do this: Ask to go with her. Put it in the context of being apologetic for not trusting her right off like that, and offer to go along with her to meet this friend of hers. You should get to know her friends, right? May as well get to know this guy too. Don't go in looking to act all macho and stake your territory either, just show up and act friendly. You'll see exactly what's going on in their faces. If the guy's uncomfortable by your presence, you know what he was thinking, if your girl says "no" or seems very uncomfortable as well, you might have problems down the line. Regardless, don't act on it. until after pinkberry. Play along, worst case scenario you'll have access to a few red flags to bail out on, best case scenario, you meet a new bro and you can be comfortable with your girlfriend being around other guys, maybe even ones you don't know.

Now, if she says no to you coming along, that right there would be a large red flag. tread with caution.

 

[Wellington]

Alright so I'm not crazy, that's at least a start.

As a bit of background, she has a lot of friends in general, mostly females but there are a lot of guys as well. Any time she has ever used the term BFF it's referred to a guy. She's actually extremely conservative, so I'm sure I can trust her. I remember getting her drunk a few times while we were simply dating and she still rejected my advances. I do trust her. This is the first time that we've come across this situation while in a relationship. I didn't care who she saw (to an extent) when we weren't together because quite frankly I was doing my dirt too.

Slo/Dskillz: That's why I am trying to lay the ground rules now. She's not doing it several times a week, but that she does it at all is a problem to me. She says it's to "catch up" with the guy. Me personally, I catch up with my female friends via phone call or in a group setting. Like I said, there are guys that I know are in her life and have been in her life and she mentions a lot ("One time I was hanging out with so and so") I'd be a lot more accepting of them than someone she never mentioned. Further to my point, when she brought it up, she said she's going to meet with a friend after work on Wednesday and provided no further detail. How can I build trust if you're not willing to provide details without me prying them out?

I'd specifically spoken to her about this before we ever got together, saying that it would be an issue. Obviously I don't want her to cut off her friends, that would be stupid on my part because they've known her for way longer than I have. I just need to figure out a way to show or tell her that she is wrong without coming off as jealous, spiteful, or needy. It's just overall fucked up, I'm not some patsy that she could get away with this with.

 

[J Tourettes]

Alright so I'm not crazy, that's at least a start.

As a bit of background, she has a lot of friends in general, mostly females but there are a lot of guys as well. Any time she has ever used the term BFF it's referred to a guy. She's actually extremely conservative, so I'm sure I can trust her. I remember getting her drunk a few times while we were simply dating and she still rejected my advances. I do trust her. This is the first time that we've come across this situation while in a relationship. I didn't care who she saw (to an extent) when we weren't together because quite frankly I was doing my dirt too.

Slo/Dskillz: That's why I am trying to lay the ground rules now. She's not doing it several times a week, but that she does it at all is a problem to me. She says it's to "catch up" with the guy. Me personally, I catch up with my female friends via phone call or in a group setting. Like I said, there are guys that I know are in her life and have been in her life and she mentions a lot ("One time I was hanging out with so and so") I'd be a lot more accepting of them than someone she never mentioned. Further to my point, when she brought it up, she said she's going to meet with a friend after work on Wednesday and provided no further detail. How can I build trust if you're not willing to provide details without me prying them out?

I'd specifically spoken to her about this before we ever got together, saying that it would be an issue. Obviously I don't want her to cut off her friends, that would be stupid on my part because they've known her for way longer than I have. I just need to figure out a way to show or tell her that she is wrong without coming off as jealous, spiteful, or needy. It's just overall fucked up, I'm not some patsy that she could get away with this with.

I used to care about things like this when I was younger but nowdays if a gf wants to meet up with her guy friends, I trust them enough to not have a problem with it. As someone else has said, it's hard to not come across as an immature, controlling prick by saying that you don't want her to meet up with guy friends that you haven't met.

The way I see it is if she loves me than I have no reason not to trust her. If she was to fuck somebody else then obviously she's not worth my time. Che sera.

 

[Stridone]

I used to care about things like this when I was younger but nowdays if a gf wants to meet up with her guy friends, I trust them enough to not have a problem with it. As someone else has said, it's hard to not come across as an immature, controlling prick by saying that you don't want her to meet up with guy friends that you haven't met.

The way I see it is if she loves me than I have no reason not to trust her. If she was to fuck somebody else then obviously she's not worth my time. Che sera.

This is what I'm doing now (pretty much in the same situation as Wellington). I certainly do have feelings of jealousy (she is very close with her best friend who is male) but I'm never going to tell her that or make her notice. If she wants to cheat, she will. Her loss. I really don't know which strategy is better, trying to control it or not, but I like to think this will prevent her from cheating.

 

[dskillzhtown]

Alright so I'm not crazy, that's at least a start.

As a bit of background, she has a lot of friends in general, mostly females but there are a lot of guys as well. Any time she has ever used the term BFF it's referred to a guy. She's actually extremely conservative, so I'm sure I can trust her. I remember getting her drunk a few times while we were simply dating and she still rejected my advances. I do trust her. This is the first time that we've come across this situation while in a relationship. I didn't care who she saw (to an extent) when we weren't together because quite frankly I was doing my dirt too.

Slo/Dskillz: That's why I am trying to lay the ground rules now. She's not doing it several times a week, but that she does it at all is a problem to me. She says it's to "catch up" with the guy. Me personally, I catch up with my female friends via phone call or in a group setting. Like I said, there are guys that I know are in her life and have been in her life and she mentions a lot ("One time I was hanging out with so and so") I'd be a lot more accepting of them than someone she never mentioned. Further to my point, when she brought it up, she said she's going to meet with a friend after work on Wednesday and provided no further detail. How can I build trust if you're not willing to provide details without me prying them out?

I'd specifically spoken to her about this before we ever got together, saying that it would be an issue. Obviously I don't want her to cut off her friends, that would be stupid on my part because they've known her for way longer than I have. I just need to figure out a way to show or tell her that she is wrong without coming off as jealous, spiteful, or needy. It's just overall fucked up, I'm not some patsy that she could get away with this with.

If something is bothering you, then it is a problem. I don't care if it is smoking, drinking, hanging out with guys, whatever. You have to decide how much of a problem it is. You must decide of it is a deal breaker or not.

 

[siddx]

Just sounds to me like she enjoys the presence of male figures in her life and perhaps even the attention they give her. But if she is as conservative as you claim and you are sure you can trust her and she isn't fucking any of these guys then what is the problem? Are you mad because you want her to hang out with you instead? Are you just a control freak who wants her to associate only with people you approve of? I don't see the issue here unless it's this constant thing where every time you want to spend time with her she is off hanging out with some guy friend. Chances are if she is beautiful many of these guy friends do want to fuck her face. But so what? Thats life. It's always going to be that way with most men she encounters. If you trust her like you say you do, it shouldn't matter. She isn't going to fuck them, she obivously gets something out of the friendship that is important to her, so let it be.

 

[soultron]

Agree with sidd on this one.

I think you're letting the fact that she's the prettiest girl you've dated roll you. I know that might make you think all the dudes out there want to fuck her that much more, but dudes want to fuck any girl that is nice to them as long as they look half-decent.

We all get jealous. You yourself have said it's not a constant thing, more of a one a week or every couple of weeks, so calm down a bit. I'm sure as the relationship gets further along and more serious, you'll be the only guy she wants to hang with most of the time.

Another thing to ponder is she was probably hanging with her guy friends all the time when she was single. She's probably curbed that a lot to hang with you. (Notice how you never see your friends once they get into a relationship? And you ask them to hang? That's probably happening to her with her friends.)

 

[dskillzhtown]

I guess where I disagree is the fact he would be ignoring his likes/dislikes so that he doesn't look like a jerk. Why should anyone accept something they don't like so that he won't look like a jerk? So what. People like what they like. Why change your likes, what you are compatible with? My girl doesn't go out much, she enjoys sitting at home chilling. Now if she were to go out a few time a week, on paper there would be nothing wrong. But that isn't what I like.

I think alot of people keep trying to put themselves in the best light and ignore what they like and don't like. It eats and eats and eats at them until it blows over one day. I have done that and I have seen it happen to others. If something is eating at you, don't ignore it. Try to come to a happy medium about things.

 

[soultron]

I hear you, dskillz.

I still think there are some times where some peoples' advice can save you from yourself and/or rash decisions. A little perspective, that's all.

If this is a dealbreaker for wellington though, he needs to decide and then act accordingly.

 

[DarkMage619]

Trust is a major component in relationships. It is totally understandable to not like strange random guys being around your girlfriend. At the time it is more than a full time job to watch over your girlfriend wonder who she is with and what she is doing. I would advise to make it clear that you'd like to meet her firends cause that is what should happen anyway and then leave it at that. Watch her behavior. Women test guys all the time. She might just want to test the limits of your trust and see your reaction. Don't sweat it

The Dark One

 

[SRG01]

You need to apply Pascal's Wager to dating. You need to trust her or else the relationship has already failed.

 

[Darkatomz]

My personal experience has been different. I live in Santa Monica, maybe an hour north of you, and I've dated white girls, as well as other races. I'm currently in a relationship with a white girl, as is one of my Asian friends. I just came from a Barmitzvah (sp) where there was another white girl with an Asian guy there too. One of my cousins just married a white girl as well.

...I should just move to Cali or Canada, like, now.

 

[Eggo]

You need to apply Pascal's Wager to dating. You need to trust her or else the relationship has already failed.

I may be naive here (speaking as someone who has not been cheated on), but I agree 100%. Relationships are built on trust, and if you can't trust your partner, then it's not a relationship. My gf feels the same way. I mentioned to her that I was going to have lunch with my ex, who I am still friends with. She asked, "Are you going to have sex with her?" I said, "No" and she said, "ok." That was it. End of discussion. She doesn't get jealous, and neither do I. Jealousy doesn't solve anything. It only makes things worse.

...I should just move to Cali or Canada, like, now.

Why do you say this? Unless you live in some rural area like a mountain top, where it's hard to find people, I'm guessing there are single white women where you live already.

 

[JimiNutz]

So I was 'dating' this girl a few months back.
Nothing serious (we have some history) and we just were using each other to go out on the odd date until someone else better came along.

Anyway after New Years she started getting in touch less and less. We went from texting every day, to every other day, to once a week, then barely at all (she initiated this decline in contact not me).
So I figure, she got new dick, despite the fact that she's telling me she's just 'really busy with work'.

It's fine though because by a stroke of luck I found new pussy a few days after New Year so I'm paying some attention to that.

She is now randomly texting me again - not a lot, but the odd text here and there.
If I'm honest I wouldn't mind keeping her as a potential back up in the future (I still think she's got new dick at mo and I think the new girl I'm dealing with is much hotter - but has no long term potential).

So how do I keep this other girl 'on the bench' if you know what I mean.
At first I was just gonna ignore her completely, but now I figure I'm gonna have to text her every now and then if I want to keep at least a little bit of a connection.
What's the right amount, once a week, twice a month?

 

[Darkatomz]

Why do you say this? Unless you live in some rural area like a mountain top, where it's hard to find people, I'm guessing there are single white women where you live already.

I'm an asian male in Mass. I might not have the worst odds, but you can probably get the idea.

 

[hellclerk]

I'm an asian male in Mass. I might not have the worst odds, but you can probably get the idea.

Eastern, western, or central Mass? Cause if you're in the east, you MIGHT get a college girl, but in central and west... yeah, you'd be fucked.

 

[dskillzhtown]

So how do I keep this other girl 'on the bench' if you know what I mean.
At first I was just gonna ignore her completely, but now I figure I'm gonna have to text her every now and then if I want to keep at least a little bit of a connection.
What's the right amount, once a week, twice a month?

Just text her like once a week to see what is up. But sooner or later that fuckbuddy shit ends. She finds someone she cares about, finds a real relationship or whatever. A word of caustin, usually the chicks who are fine with being "pussy in the glass" end up flipping out when you do get serious with someone and want to cut it off completely.

 

[Barrage]

Just text her like once a week to see what is up. But sooner or later that fuckbuddy shit ends. She finds someone she cares about, finds a real relationship or whatever. A word of caustin, usually the chicks who are fine with being "pussy in the glass" end up flipping out when you do get serious with someone and want to cut it off completely.

True. There comes a time when every benchwarmer wants to either become a starter, or play for another team.

 

[Eggo]

I'm an asian male in Mass. I might not have the worst odds, but you can probably get the idea.

Unfortunately, I don't know what that's like. Los Angeles is probably the furthest thing from Boston (or general area). Still, I'd think there is no shortage of white folk in that part of town. If you're a minority, does that have such an impact on dating? Out here, the city is so diverse that you're used to seeing all ethnicities everywhere.

I met an acquaintance a few months ago. Vietnamese guy who lives in Boston. Said he cuts hair for a living, and I'm pretty sure he cuts Paul Pierce's hair. So I know there are Asians out there, but I've never been to Massachusetts, so I can't speak from experience.

 

[The Shadow]

Just sounds to me like she enjoys the presence of male figures in her life and perhaps even the attention they give her. But if she is as conservative as you claim and you are sure you can trust her and she isn't fucking any of these guys then what is the problem? Are you mad because you want her to hang out with you instead? Are you just a control freak who wants her to associate only with people you approve of? I don't see the issue here unless it's this constant thing where every time you want to spend time with her she is off hanging out with some guy friend. Chances are if she is beautiful many of these guy friends do want to fuck her face. But so what? Thats life. It's always going to be that way with most men she encounters. If you trust her like you say you do, it shouldn't matter. She isn't going to fuck them, she obivously gets something out of the friendship that is important to her, so let it be.

I'm in total agreement.

Here's the deal: If a woman is going to cheat on you, she's going to cheat on you, regardless of any petty rules you put down. "Oh, honey, I'm going to hang out with John." can easily become, "Oh, honey, it's girls night out. Don't wait up for me." Forbidding her (lol) from meeting her male friends isn't going to do anything but give her the impression that you don't trust her, are insecure, control freak, etc, or any combination of the above.

You want to be sure someone won't cheat on you? Lock them in the basement. Otherwise, you're going to have to *gasp* trust them to be faithful.

 

[JimiNutz]

Just text her like once a week to see what is up. But sooner or later that fuckbuddy shit ends. She finds someone she cares about, finds a real relationship or whatever. A word of caustin, usually the chicks who are fine with being "pussy in the glass" end up flipping out when you do get serious with someone and want to cut it off completely.

She's not like that.
She's been pretty indifferent with me, and I've actually talked about other girl in front of her and she doesn't care, she won't flip out.
If she finds someone she finds someone, she can still sit back on my bench if that relationship ends at some point lol.

True. There comes a time when every benchwarmer wants to either become a starter, or play for another team.

I'm well aware of this.
I think, although not certain, that she's playing for another team at the mo anyway (I'm just assuming that based on the fact that she's been cutting back our contact all of a sudden).
I'm not interested in having her as anything other than a benchwarmer for me for the foreseeable future.
I don't care if she's getting action elsewhere, she's just my back up - but don't want to seem so disinterested that I lose her entirely.

 

[Bleepey]

I was talking to this girl whose number i got ages ago and it was one of those conversations where everything gels so well. Man she's the type of girl who's intimidatingly beautiful and has a great personlaity. One of the things that surprised me was when i asked her what she thought when i asked her out at the trainstation i met her at, she said that she was nervous and anxious about how she looked when she realised i had approached her!

She was saying she was wondering how her hair looked like etc etc and she thought she looked like shit and plain. It's a bit of an insight into how women can think when you approach them out of the blue. Other things i talked about with this girl was the Game. I told her about the Game,she bought and read it and she talked about how a lot of it would work and we really bonded out of it. From my discussion with her and what i talked to the girls i went on dates with earlier this week, girls really relate to when you expose a vulnerable side especially if i was doing a lot of cocky funny ( http://www.themodernman.com/cocky_and_funny.html). i think all of the things combined:
1) i was confident enough to talk to her out of nowhere
2) i told her about the Game by Neil Strauss and she saw that i was open and honest with her
3) i could be funny and make her laugh as well as expose my vulnerable side by talking about things like how the time i could only stutter an invitation to dinner/ lunch and now i can approach a random girl out of the blue and now i can have the two hottest girls in the club throw themselves at me on the same night.

We share this interesting friendship where it's apparent i like her and she at the very least can stand my company. So i can say hey i hit on a girl last week and she wanted to have my babies within an hour and she can tell me about how this guy had the balls to talk to her the other friday.

 

[Cubsfan23]

I have a question and I figured I'd post it here to get a general consensus.

I have been with my girlfriend officially, for a little less than a month, but we've been dating since Labor Day. I know her well enough and I want to think that she knows me as well. The issue is whether I'm being jealous for no reason or if I'm right on this subject.

We both have a lot of friends, some of the opposite sex. Some of her "bffs" are guys, I have one "bff" that is a girl. She believes that she should be able to meet with any guy that is her friend, one on one, whenever she wants within reason (like after work, not late night or weird situations). I believe that no, that's not cool, and am willing to compromise and say that if I know the guy, then yeah, she can meet them alone but aside from that it's a no fly zone. (Mostly because I am very physically imposing and I am comfortable if they see that I am willing to choke them out if they try some shit)

It's like, the only argument we ever have because she does have a lot of guy friends, a lot of which I have met. She went to see Black Swan with one of them and I had no issues with it. She's gone to IHOP with another, I have no problem with it, both of those guys I know. She tells me Sunday night that Wednesday she's meeting up with another guy after work for Pinkberry, I said it is a problem because I don't know the guy. She says that I have trust issues and that I just have to trust her, I say fuck that shit she's fucking crazy to think that any guy would go along with it.

Personally, I don't think that I am wrong. If you're in a relationship, I would expect that your bf, gf, whatever does not go out with someone of the opposite sex in a one on one situation. Is that unreasonable?

This is a hard situation for me because this is easily the prettiest girl I've ever dated. I've already gotten into a fight at a club because some guy pushed up on her. Doing things like this really doesn't ease my concern.

you got 2 options


"cool, i was also thinking about hanging out with "girl bff". I guess I'll call her up now to finalize"

or if you don't want to go that route, its pretty much time to end it as she obviously won't back down from this, and it will continue to be a sore spot, which will make this relationship inevitably end anyway.

It's cool to hang out every once in awhile with an ex, friend, or whatever one on one if your companion is ok with it, but to be EAGER and CONSISENTLY want to be in said situations, with some of them being people your partner hasn't even met, is just a bad sign. There's a difference between trust and blind faith. Whoever says you have trust issues or whatever is just projecting anyway.

my 2 cents

 

[Dabookerman]

This is gonna make me sound like a 2 year old, but I've never actually asked this..

Straight after a wank, does the sudden mood change mean you are at your most rational?
If you had thoughts about a girl before hand, and then straight after suddenly it's, jesus god no, that's a bad idea!

Which do I pick!!??

 

[Xun]

This is gonna make me sound like a 2 year old, but I've never actually asked this..

Straight after a wank, does the sudden mood change mean you are at your most rational?
If you had thoughts about a girl before hand, and then straight after suddenly it's, jesus god no, that's a bad idea!

Which do I pick!!??

I almost agree that you probably are at your most rational.

Also hot/cute Australian bar girl was being flirty with me and my friend (came up to us to chat), god damn her and her cuteness!

The two girls we were out with (just friends from school) agreed.

Damn her for getting in my head!

 

[Mike Works]

Wellington, you sound unreasonably controlling. Siddx, The Shadow, etc have summarized all that needs to be said. You claim you trust her when it comes to cheating, but you clearly don't.

 

[siddx]

This is gonna make me sound like a 2 year old, but I've never actually asked this..

Straight after a wank, does the sudden mood change mean you are at your most rational?
If you had thoughts about a girl before hand, and then straight after suddenly it's, jesus god no, that's a bad idea!

Which do I pick!!??

I always told myself that the way I felt about a girl immediately after ejaculation was the best indication of whether I should pursue a relationship with her. If I still wanted her around after I came, she was a keeper for instance.

However as time goes on, I am not entirely sure. After you bust a nut you are in a state where you have gotten what you want from life and it may not be the best time to judge the worth of the person you are with. It's like eating a great meal and then thinking "I am so content and full and satisfied I don't even want to see another piece of food ever again". Obviously once your hunger returns you will feel differently.

 

[whitehawk]

Alright, I know most of you say no against this, but I am going to try to get my ex back. It's worth a try. Here's the situation:

We broke up last Tuesday. In person. She was very respectful about it, still cares about me. She said things like "earlier today I said to myself, 'am I really going to break up with him'"? Basically it was hard for her to do. We both wanted the relationship to work, but there were some problems. A large part of it was she worked on Fridays and Saturdays, and we both had busy schedules which made it hard to see each other. Anyway.

3 days later, on friday she texted me. Saying she is giving me room, but that she wants me to tell her when I'm ready to talk because it's hard for her not to talk to me. Said she understands we deal with things differently. I didn't respond.

My birthday was yesterday. She texted me saying 'happy birthday'. I responded with a 'thank you'. She texted later saying "The sun came out for you. Hope you have a nice day". I didn't respond after that.

One of her friends also randomly starts chats with me on facebook. She mentioned if I wanted to get back with her, it's not hopeless. She thinks she wants to get back together.

I'm not quite sure how she's feeling. It could be hopeless, or maybe she would be down for getting back together. Although contacting me only 3 days after the breakup says something.

My plan has been to cut contact for at least 2 weeks. Next thursday I'm singing a song with my schools band. It's going to be a kick ass performance. She's also an amazing vocalist, and she will be at the show. She's never heard me sing like I'm going to, so I want her to say "wow". Then after that, sometime I want to tell her I'm ready to talk. I'll just be very straightforward. (She is a very open and straight up person herself. No games.) I will tell her what I've been thinking since the breakup, apologize for some things, and let her know I've still care about her and have been thinking about her. One of the things she complained about when she broke up with me is that I wasn't aggressive enough. At first it was very refreshing compared to other guys she dated, but when the relationship got more serious I didn't step up enough. So hopefully by fighting for her I'm showing this quality.

This could be a shot in the dark, but I have to try. It's been easier every day since the breakup, but I still think about what I can do to get her back everyday. I have to do this. Anyway, I'm not sure why I'm posting this... It's just been on my mind for the past week, just want to talk I guess :lol

 

[TurboLibre]

It didn't work out the first time, what makes you think anythings going to be different the second time around? Lets assume you get back together. What then? Do you really think you'll have a lasting relationship? She left you before, what makes you think she won't do it again? I say move on. Take what you learned from the experience and apply it towards someone who isn't going to bail on you at any random time.

Take my advice with a grain of salt though. I don't understand emotional attachments so people wanting to get back with their ex is just crazy talk to me.

 

[vitaminwateryum]

Alright, I know most of you say no against this, but I am going to try to get my ex back. It's worth a try. Here's the situation:

I'm not quite sure how she's feeling. It could be hopeless, or maybe she would be down for getting back together. Although contacting me only 3 days after the breakup says something.

My plan has been to cut contact for at least 2 weeks. Next thursday I'm singing a song with my schools band. It's going to be a kick ass performance. She's also an amazing vocalist, and she will be at the show. She's never heard me sing like I'm going to, so I want her to say "wow". Then after that, sometime I want to tell her I'm ready to talk. I'll just be very straightforward. (She is a very open and straight up person herself. No games.) I will tell her what I've been thinking since the breakup, apologize for some things, and let her know I've still care about her and have been thinking about her. One of the things she complained about when she broke up with me is that I wasn't aggressive enough. At first it was very refreshing compared to other guys she dated, but when the relationship got more serious I didn't step up enough. So hopefully by fighting for her I'm showing this quality.

This could be a shot in the dark, but I have to try. It's been easier every day since the breakup, but I still think about what I can do to get her back everyday. I have to do this. Anyway, I'm not sure why I'm posting this... It's just been on my mind for the past week, just want to talk I guess :lol

Sounds like something straight out of High School Musical. Good luck.

 

[bluemax]

It's official, im in love with white girls now. Gotta get my game on tight if I am gonna get a white girl.

This reminds me of a story, I was at the mall a year or so ago. I went to the rest room and this dude comes in all excited. I'm taking a piss and he comes up to me and he's like, "Hey man I'm about to get me a latina!" He wanted me to follow him out so I could see the chick and what not. Too his credit she was pretty hot.

So question dating gaf, what's a good second date? I met up with this girl for coffee on Saturday and I want to do something casual this week. There's a place near me that does Punk Rock Karaoke on Wednesday (with actual band) I was thinking about inviting her to that, and if not finding something Friday/Saturday to do.

 

[woodchuck]

This reminds me of a story, I was at the mall a year or so ago. I went to the rest room and this dude comes in all excited. I'm taking a piss and he comes up to me and he's like, "Hey man I'm about to get me a latina!" He wanted me to follow him out so I could see the chick and what not. Too his credit she was pretty hot.

So question dating gaf, what's a good second date? I met up with this girl for coffee on Saturday and I want to do something casual this week. There's a place near me that does Punk Rock Karaoke on Wednesday (with actual band) I was thinking about inviting her to that, and if not finding something Friday/Saturday to do.

I think that's a great idea for a second date

 

[sooperkool]

Alright, I know most of you say no against this, but I am going to try to get my ex back. It's worth a try. Here's the situation:
I'm not quite sure how she's feeling. It could be hopeless, or maybe she would be down for getting back together. Although contacting me only 3 days after the breakup says something.
My plan has been to cut contact for at least 2 weeks. Next thursday I'm singing a song with my schools band. It's going to be a kick ass performance. She's also an amazing vocalist, and she will be at the show. She's never heard me sing like I'm going to, so I want her to say "wow". Then after that, sometime I want to tell her I'm ready to talk. I'll just be very straightforward. (She is a very open and straight up person herself. No games.) I will tell her what I've been thinking since the breakup, apologize for some things, and let her know I've still care about her and have been thinking about her. One of the things she complained about when she broke up with me is that I wasn't aggressive enough. At first it was very refreshing compared to other guys she dated, but when the relationship got more serious I didn't step up enough. So hopefully by fighting for her I'm showing this quality.
This could be a shot in the dark, but I have to try. It's been easier every day since the breakup, but I still think about what I can do to get her back everyday. I have to do this. Anyway, I'm not sure why I'm posting this... It's just been on my mind for the past week, just want to talk I guess :lol

I don't know about this plan of yours... ok, I do know. This profound display you are planning is not the right move really. You should be moving on or at least being aloof. Its easier for you every day because you aren't moving on, you're thinking about how you'll overcome her current desire to be broken up. This plan of yours is fraught with warning signs and i the going against the one thing you say you both have in common. No game playing.

 

[whitehawk]

I'm not trying to play games. I want to wait at least 2 weeks before I try anything, the concert happens to fall at about 2 weeks. I'd rather do it after. I feel like if she's thinking in any way it could work again, that the only way it would happen is if I make a move. So that's what I'm going to do.

It didn't work out the first time, what makes you think anythings going to be different the second time around? Lets assume you get back together. What then? Do you really think you'll have a lasting relationship? She left you before, what makes you think she won't do it again? I say move on. Take what you learned from the experience and apply it towards someone who isn't going to bail on you at any random time.

I feel a large part of the breakup is also because I am still in-experienced with relationships. Once the relationship started to get serious, I wasn't sure how to handle it properly. I've learned a lot, but I really wish I didn't have to learn it with her.

She's kind, beautiful, talented, tall, respectful, fun, comforting. She's a freaking model too. Large chance it may not work out, but I think it's worth a shot for this girl.

Take my advice with a grain of salt though. I don't understand emotional attachments so people wanting to get back with their ex is just crazy talk to me.

Yeah I'm the exact opposite. I'm the kind of guy who has no interest in one night stands.

 

[Neki]

Alright, I know most of you say no against this, but I am going to try to get my ex back. It's worth a try. Here's the situation:

I'm not quite sure how she's feeling. It could be hopeless, or maybe she would be down for getting back together. Although contacting me only 3 days after the breakup says something.

My plan has been to cut contact for at least 2 weeks. Next thursday I'm singing a song with my schools band. It's going to be a kick ass performance. She's also an amazing vocalist, and she will be at the show. She's never heard me sing like I'm going to, so I want her to say "wow". Then after that, sometime I want to tell her I'm ready to talk. I'll just be very straightforward. (She is a very open and straight up person herself. No games.) I will tell her what I've been thinking since the breakup, apologize for some things, and let her know I've still care about her and have been thinking about her. One of the things she complained about when she broke up with me is that I wasn't aggressive enough. At first it was very refreshing compared to other guys she dated, but when the relationship got more serious I didn't step up enough. So hopefully by fighting for her I'm showing this quality.

This could be a shot in the dark, but I have to try. It's been easier every day since the breakup, but I still think about what I can do to get her back everyday. I have to do this. Anyway, I'm not sure why I'm posting this... It's just been on my mind for the past week, just want to talk I guess :lol

Can't learn without making a few mistakes. I hope you know what you're getting into here.

 

[Aesius]

Whitehawk, you have to forget about this girl. You'll find others. Don't waste any more time thinking about her. It's over. Move on.

 

[TurboLibre]

I feel a large part of the breakup is also because I am still in-experienced with relationships. Once the relationship started to get serious, I wasn't sure how to handle it properly. I've learned a lot, but I really wish I didn't have to learn it with her.

She's kind, beautiful, talented, tall, respectful, fun, comforting. She's a freaking model too. Large chance it may not work out, but I think it's worth a shot for this girl.

See, that inexperienced stuff is utter crap. You're in High School right? Nobody is really experienced then so don't get hung up on it. She wanted to break up for different reasons whether she's willing to admit it or not (or maybe doesn't realize it herself).

Save yourself the trouble and move on. Again, even if it works out and you manage to get back together, I don't see anything good coming out of it. But hey, you're going to do what you're going to do. Sometimes the best way to learn is to jam that fork into the light socket.

 

[_Alkaline_]

This is gonna make me sound like a 2 year old, but I've never actually asked this..

Straight after a wank, does the sudden mood change mean you are at your most rational?
If you had thoughts about a girl before hand, and then straight after suddenly it's, jesus god no, that's a bad idea!

Which do I pick!!??

The refractory period has changes in hormones/chemicals which reduces sexual arousal. By that means, yeah, we are at our most rational as we are not being distracted by other factors.

 

[whitehawk]

Many people split up for a while and get back together. My parents did. My ex's parents did. My brother did when he was dating girlfriend of 5 years in high school. I'm not saying I want to get married to this girl, but I think it's worth giving it another shot. It may not work out, hell, highly likely it won't. But I feel it's something I have to do and I'll regret it if I don't. If it doesn't work out this time, I'll forget about it.

 

[sooperkool]

Whitehawk,

Nobody ever thinks they're playing games but it all works out that they are. This plan of yours is going to make this worse for you but you don't realize it. She broke up with you for some reason and like others have said it may not be why she said. You're going to sing your heart out and then have this "heart to heart" talk and almost certainly end up right back where you were before... or worse she humours you for a little while in a shm of a relationship. Its hard but you need to move on, maybe you'll get together again in the future but it probably won't happen right now.

 

[Neki]

Many people split up for a while and get back together. My parents did. My ex's parents did. My brother did when he was dating girlfriend of 5 years in high school. I'm not saying I want to get married to this girl, but I think it's worth giving it another shot. It may not work out, hell, highly likely it won't. But I feel it's something I have to do and I'll regret it if I don't. If it doesn't work out this time, I'll forget about it.

You're not going to change your mind, so just go do what you need to do to either forget her, or get her.

 

[TurboLibre]

Lets be real here Whitehawk, you posted about doing this so we could convince you out of it. You've seen enough of these posts to know what the response is going to be, so we're just doing our part.

Either way, Godspeed. I hope you prove us wrong. Actually I hope you come to your senses, but you know.

 

[whitehawk]

I'm not trying to convince myself to do it. I'm not quite sure why I posted here. I think I was just looking to talk about it, and hoping someone had experience with getting back with their ex.

I'll be giving it a shot in about a couple weeks. I'll let you guys know how it goes then. *crosses fingers*

 

[_Alkaline_]

Remember that most women want to come out looking good. It's possible that she's hinting at any possibility of getting back together as a means of communicating that you're still a good guy and that you shouldn't be upset at yourself for the relationship ending. But it still means that she does not want anything.

Women tend to not be honest because honesty is often a harsh truth, and they're afraid of looking like a bitch. They justify that a lie is ok because it makes the guy feel a lot better, but most of the time it only makes things worse because he still thinks he has a chance.

I'm not saying you don't have a chance with this girl, but it's a common story. Just be careful.

 

[siddx]

I have experience with getting back with exes. I did so twice. I never will again.

Regardless of success stories you may have heard about exes reuniting, the odds are against you. The vast majority of ex reunions don't work out. You are going to try regardless of what I or anybody else says, just know that the cake always tastes sweeter in your memories than it does in real life. We tend to minimize the negative memories of our past relationships because by nature why would we want to paint all our past experiences in a miserable light? We would rather be able to think of our past endeavors in a way that doesn't make us want to punch ourselves in the face. It's only when we get back with these people that we remember why we didn't work out in the first place.

 

[Mike Works]

whitehawk, if you really want her back, give that amazing performance at the high school box social or whatever the hell it is you Glee kids are doing these days. blow everyone away.

and then go after a different girl.

 

[Aesius]

whitehawk, if you really want her back, give that amazing performance at the high school box social or whatever the hell it is you Glee kids are doing these days. blow everyone away.

and then go after a different girl.

This. A thousand times this.

 

[Neki]

I have experience with getting back with exes. I did so twice. I never will again.

Regardless of success stories you may have heard about exes reuniting, the odds are against you. The vast majority of ex reunions don't work out. You are going to try regardless of what I or anybody else says, just know that the cake always tastes sweeter in your memories than it does in real life. We tend to minimize the negative memories of our past relationships because by nature why would we want to paint all our past experiences in a miserable light? We would rather be able to think of our past endeavors in a way that doesn't make us want to punch ourselves in the face. It's only when we get back with these people that we remember why we didn't work out in the first place.

reminds me of 500 days of summer.

 

[ShadyLurker]

whitehawk, if you really want her back, give that amazing performance at the high school box social or whatever the hell it is you Glee kids are doing these days. blow everyone away.

and then go after a different girl.

I agree, just point at the best looking one you can spy in the crowd and smile or something.

It works in the movies anyway.

I mean, come on. You're a singer in some sort of band. How hard can it be for you to get girls attention right?