WhereAreMahDragonz
Banned
Maiden, smaller boobs are a blessing, trust me.
-
Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.
GirlGAF |OT 2| Shall I Compare Thee to a Summer's Eve?
- Thread starter Devolution
- Start date
TheMaidenInBlack
Banned
I definitely know that too big is a real pain (literally) but a little bit more padding would suit me fine!
Princess Viola
Member
nonsense
Truth.
I was talking about them not looking nice in dresses was there not a full stop afterwards? If not terribly sorry for any confusion.
lmao gso ^
also, I used to be really insecure about my breast size but I got over it. Only thing that puts me down about it is not being able to fill in some clothing
My bum is okay though
clearacell
Member
Is it because they use it as a pretense to ask you out?
Well, not really (although that is annoying too). Iunno. Whenever I happen to open up to a guy about something personal, and they say something like "oh I know exactly what you're talking about, I went through the same and it was so hard." Idk, I just want to roll my eyes and disregard whatever they're going to tell me. It sorta makes me feel like an asshole because I assume all guys have this privilege that will never put them in the same level as me.
TheMaidenInBlack
Banned
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
That's kind of stupid. What is the experience they're relating? I think that matters a lot more than anything else, I'm not sure why they can't have a similar experience or why it would be insulting unless they're not even close to the same scale. Like say your mom died and you were sad and they're like yeah, I totally know what you mean, I was sad one time when I went to the store and they were out of ice cream. Seems like maybe you have something specific in mind but depending on what it is I don't see why men can't relate or that should be insulting. People always try to relate to others, its the way we are. I can understand of it feels like they're cheapening that experience by comparing to something of different scale though.
I can kind of understand. It's not the best when someone's form of relating is by bringing it back to themselves.
I think it also really depends on how they're approaching their relating. Especially if it's something to do with gender since that makes relating much harder.
It has a lot to do with gender. They sorta approach it with me like "oh well I went through that too and it wasn't that bad, you'll be okay!" And it's like, well of course it was easy for you...
XiaNaphryz
LATIN, MATRIPEDICABUS, DO YOU SPEAK IT
So my wife got some L'oreal brand kid conditioner for our 4-year old daughter because her hair is thick and really curly, and apparently the plain ol' regular baby shampoo isn't cutting it anymore for her hair. The dark path of hair products has started way earlier than I expected.
Am I doomed? Is this a tiny preview of the hair maintenance terror that awaits in 10 years?
Am I doomed? Is this a tiny preview of the hair maintenance terror that awaits in 10 years?
Zoe
Member
But do they know gender is involved? They'll never know unless someone teaches them.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Can you give some examples?
Yeah, who knows who's behind those profiles. Stuff like that is really strange.Personally, if it's someone I don't know in person (or on GAF), I stay away. I have a strong suspicion most of them are just fake accounts for phishing or other nefarious purposes. Why is a random college girl in Tennessee with 6000 friends trying to friend me, again?
I've gotten a few requests from friends of friends with whom I technically went to high school but never talked to, and I've rebuffed every one of those, too.
Yeah that's what I was thinking. People trying to relate on gender issues can be frustrating.
I had a guy tell me to bus alone downtown at 12am to go see him and when I told him I was uncomfortable doing it because of how late it was he did the whole "oh but I do it so you'll be fine!"
So I think it's completely fair of you to be annoyed with that kind of attitude.
clearacell
Member
I guess we minorities can relate to it in terms of white mans privelidge... Like a white guy will never understand what it's like for an old white woman to look at me and speak loudly and slowly at me because apparently I don't know English due to the color of my skin. A male won't know what it's like to be a woman because we have this inherent male prevelidge going for us, and we relate even less so for a Muslim female. But I hope you don't get annoyed that we can understand, even though we can't quite relate. I can certainly relate to te unfairness of our society, but maybe just not whatever specific situation you are currently in.
Mineshaft_Gap
4077th
:O
You play games! We're like the same you and I. What's your number?
Seriously though. When I'm in a bad mood, I don't care who it is. Anyone who tries to relate to me is annoying. Sometimes a gal just has to pout.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
You understand that literally everyone does this right? You look for people who are similar or you can relate to. You don't talk and have relationships whether intimate or not because you have nothing in common. It can be frustrating depending on the topic and how unique it is, and whether the person wants to or not it can feel like they are cheapening or minimizing that experience depending on how they choose to relate. No one is perfect, I intent should matter when discussing things. I'm sure there's plenty of times you and everyone have tried to relate and it's offended the other person to some degree. But you seem to be angry at the audicity of someone trying to relate to you or talking to you because they think you have similar interests. That's kind of a crappy thing to do. Doesn't mean people don't still get frustrated at times, no one is perfect but that shouldn't be the aim.
Maybe not doomed but there are days I loathe my curls.So my wife got some L'oreal brand kid conditioner for our 4-year old daughter because her hair is thick and really curly, and apparently the plain ol' regular baby shampoo isn't cutting it anymore for her hair. The dark path of hair products has started way earlier than I expected.
Am I doomed? Is this a tiny preview of the hair maintenance terror that awaits in 10 years?
WhereAreMahDragonz
Banned
You have a different viewpoint than the people in this thread because you're a man. I'm not saying you shouldn't be here, but it's important that you try to remember that you have not experienced some of the things that we have before telling us how absolutely wrong we are.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
You're not saying but you're heavily implying by saying I'm a man and then mentioning things I didn't say. I dont understand how everyone else was just an opinion but Im stating how absolutely wrong people are. I didn't say anything specific to gender, I said getting mad when it's something everyone does isn't the greatest things to do. I didn't say or imply anything else you're trying to say. If you want to respond to something, pm me. I'll leave your thread.
WhereAreMahDragonz
Banned
All I was getting at was that it's important to be open minded to what Kisaya is trying to say as opposed to just saying "that's a really shitty thing to do". If you're going to post in GirlGAF, as a man, try to see where the other person is coming from. The same would be expected in every other thread. Of course what you said is an opinion, but it just came off in kind of an abrasive way.
You didn't say anything about gender, but that's where the conversation seems to be heading so I assumed. Apologies if I offended you, I just woke up and I'm a bit grouchy.
Oh god I've jinxed Montreal.
I blame you.
But tonight we'll see! But they're in Boston so I have a bad feeling.
I don't pout. I get the death stare. STAY AWAY FROM ME
Well, it really didn't help when his first sentence was, "That's kind of stupid." Pretty uncalled for and abrasive considering how mellow this sub usually is.
Hey. Guess no-one's been to a knitting circle then, huh?
I was thinking whether it'd be a good idea to start a thread a bit like the Everyday Sexism project. Probably a bad idea. What I am really saying is that I think it would be good to have an Everyday Sexism-style project for games.
I was thinking whether it'd be a good idea to start a thread a bit like the Everyday Sexism project. Probably a bad idea. What I am really saying is that I think it would be good to have an Everyday Sexism-style project for games.
WhereAreMahDragonz
Banned
No, it didn't help. I'm all for having guys in here, but this isn't the place for a debate. Take it to off-topic and start a thread if you want to argue.
Seriously.
I have not been to a knitting circle, but a cool-looking knitting store just opened up next to me. Maybe I'll go in the summer and learn a new skill! :OHey. Guess no-one's been to a knitting circle then, huh?
I was thinking whether it'd be a good idea to start a thread a bit like the Everyday Sexism project. Probably a bad idea. What I am really saying is that I think it would be good to have an Everyday Sexism-style project for games.
And I dunno, going by the usual reception of of sexism threads on gaming side... I feel like most of the time I'd just be posting trying to legitimize that what I experienced was sexism in response to people who want to just brush it off. Fat Ugly or Slutty is the closet thing I can think of for a website that does something like Everyday Sexism, so a more general thing for video games that isn't limited to private messages would be neat!
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
I popped in because I'm assuming there was a response to my post and you ignored taking it to PM. It's interesting how my post was a debate when she asked for an opinion but everyone else's was just an opinion. I'm sorry I didn't pussy foot around it but I do feel that's it's stupid to dislike someone over something minor. If you read my posts you would see I said I can understand why it would be annoying depending on the situation. My feelings are that there's enough things that people hate and treat each other shitty over, I feel like someone trying to empathize (although possibly misguided at times) is a bad thing to get mad at. I agree with Zoe that if it bothers you, then explain why but yeah posts like mineshaft that people having the audicity to talk to someone or try to relate when it's a basic human function that literally everyone does since this is how human beings make relationships feels incredibly mean by the person doing it. I'm not sure why you think my posts are starting some grand debate or forcing people to change opinions(is saying something is stupid viewed this negatively?) but I didn't make this an argument. I stated my opinion responding to a question asked and yes, I replied to a response that really rubbed me the wrong way and explained why. I'm not sure why I'm not allowed to respond to something, it really feels like you're saying that men can reply as long as they agree with you. I honestly don't know what you want me to do.
Edit: Well everyone seems to hate me so I'll leave.
WhereAreMahDragonz
Banned
Kisaya wanted to vent in this thread, which is SPECIFICALLY DEDICATED to the women of GAF, and you come in here and tell her that she's wrong? Everyone else here is making rational comments to the discussion, but you felt the need to argue and basically tell her that she's an idiot for feeling a certain way. Who asked you?
She was mostly asking about what the OTHER WOMEN here thought. You can say that you were "stating your opinion" all you want, but that doesn't change the fact that it came off in a confrontational way. This is a place to vent and communicate between women, with men allowed as long as they respect that fact. And you are clearly not doing that.
Men can disagree, but don't be rude about it.
I think we all know how an Everyday Sexism thread here would go. There will be posters who sympathize and accept what we put forth, but they will be in a war against cries of,
"Oh that happens to all of us."
"Xbox Live is full of kids and that happens to me too. Just play with friends and mute everyone." (even though the actual worst offenders on Live are adult men)
"Why do you let it bother you? Who cares?"
"You misunderstood his intentions."
"Relax, they're just words. They only have power if you let them."
"Well, you should have expected that with your obviously feminine gamertag."
"Why did you feel the need to let everyone know you were are girl? You wanted attention and you got it!"
"Ugh, another one of these threads! Why can't we just talk about games?"
"Well, biologically, men behave this way because reproduction..."
And so on.
But of course, unless we take the time to educate them, it's our own fault for getting upset. How on earth could they be expected to understand where we're coming from? It's not like empathy is an innate skill.
"Oh that happens to all of us."
"Xbox Live is full of kids and that happens to me too. Just play with friends and mute everyone." (even though the actual worst offenders on Live are adult men)
"Why do you let it bother you? Who cares?"
"You misunderstood his intentions."
"Relax, they're just words. They only have power if you let them."
"Well, you should have expected that with your obviously feminine gamertag."
"Why did you feel the need to let everyone know you were are girl? You wanted attention and you got it!"
"Ugh, another one of these threads! Why can't we just talk about games?"
"Well, biologically, men behave this way because reproduction..."
And so on.
But of course, unless we take the time to educate them, it's our own fault for getting upset. How on earth could they be expected to understand where we're coming from? It's not like empathy is an innate skill.
Professor Beef
Banned
People would rather put points in Debating instead of Empathy.
I can't tell your tone in the last sentence, are you being serious? Either way I think empathy might even be un-learned by some people as a result of peer pressure, homosociality and so on.
Yeah, maybe it's totally impracticable, I don't know. I just really like Everyday Sexism and judging by some of the nonsense out there I thought it might be a good resource/support.
What about something off-site? We could make a thread for it when it's first created maybe, but keep the stories on the actual site anonymous?
Devolution
Member
The Librarian
Banned
That's a pretty interesting idea. I'd be for it as long as it doesn't devolve into this:Hey. Guess no-one's been to a knitting circle then, huh?
I was thinking whether it'd be a good idea to start a thread a bit like the Everyday Sexism project. Probably a bad idea. What I am really saying is that I think it would be good to have an Everyday Sexism-style project for games.
Or maybe an OT thread where we can post about experiences with sexism every time they happen.
TheMaidenInBlack
Banned
I think that one of the most enlightening things about my experience on GAF so far is my attitude towards sexism. I don't seem to be nearly as annoyed by it, nor do I seem to encounter as much, as many of the female posters here.
This isn't a dig at anyone, just an observation about myself.
This isn't a dig at anyone, just an observation about myself.
I should have added the /s. Sorry about that. And I'm really not trying to talk you out of your thread idea. I think as a resource, it could be wonderful if it opens even one mind. I guess I've spent too much energy reading some of the threads on gaming side (the homosexuals in gaming, any sexism or lack of playable female character threads, and the occasional characters of color threads) and I'm getting bitter. As a black lesbian, it's pretty unfathomable to me that so many people can't step outside of themselves to understand another side for even a moment. I feel like I do that every minute of my life.
You didn't come across as bitter at all, I was just making sure I understood. It must be bloody tough tbh.
I don't mind being talked out of it in all honesty! Not really my idea either
If it's daft, better to know. Just thought it might help a bit, I've had some pretty shocking non-gaming experiences that I still struggle with almost every day, and I know it feels like such a relief when you know you're not alone.PS Pau, maybe that's better, because then it'd not just be limited to GAF members?
I thought of responding to zaraki, but then I felt that dragging the conflict along wasn't necessary. Instead, I'll try to be constructive. Oh, and hey, GirlGAF.
tl;dr: nah, it's not weird
Personally, when people share personal stories with me (as in, they're feeling shitty about something and are telling me why), I really try not to dismiss it as "it's not that bad". Telling them "it's not that bad" is like saying "you don't know how to unravel yourself from that problem? come on, now..". Condescending, to say the least. How bad it may or may not be is rather irrelevant if the person feels trapped by something and can't see a way out of it.
The important thing for me to do, for people who trust me enough to share things with me, is to show them a light if they're in the dark. It's very easy to panic if you don't see a way out of something, and the emotions we experience in tough situations can kick up a thick cloud of dirt around us. It happens to me, and it helps when someone shows me a light (thanks, Pau).
I don't try to act as if I totally understand their condition, though. I just try and listen, and listen some more, until I can try to find something to anchor them and disarm those emotions. It doesn't always work, though. I aint no wizard. I look up to those who can disarm those situations a lot better than I do, though.
Do you feel like that's something missing from those interactions?
tl;dr: nah, it's not weird
Personally, when people share personal stories with me (as in, they're feeling shitty about something and are telling me why), I really try not to dismiss it as "it's not that bad". Telling them "it's not that bad" is like saying "you don't know how to unravel yourself from that problem? come on, now..". Condescending, to say the least. How bad it may or may not be is rather irrelevant if the person feels trapped by something and can't see a way out of it.
The important thing for me to do, for people who trust me enough to share things with me, is to show them a light if they're in the dark. It's very easy to panic if you don't see a way out of something, and the emotions we experience in tough situations can kick up a thick cloud of dirt around us. It happens to me, and it helps when someone shows me a light (thanks, Pau).
I don't try to act as if I totally understand their condition, though. I just try and listen, and listen some more, until I can try to find something to anchor them and disarm those emotions. It doesn't always work, though. I aint no wizard. I look up to those who can disarm those situations a lot better than I do, though.
Do you feel like that's something missing from those interactions?
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Fucking seriously? This is fucking disgusting.
I didn't call her an idiot. And I'm not sure why you're so angry that a man psoted when the posts I refered to didn't even involve gender. Her post post I responded to didn't mention it and I even had a caveat and the other thing I disagreed with also had nothing to do with gender. Stop putting words in my mouth that I called people idiots or trying to imply I'm starting some battle against when. It was a generic question and I responded to that generic question. Whether the discusiion over to something else or not I didn't particate in that or say the things you're implying.
He's banned but I wanted to say I agree with everyone else.
Guys need to remember this Is still GirlGAF and while you're welcome to post in it, you need to be more respectful of what you write in here.
Guys need to remember this Is still GirlGAF and while you're welcome to post in it, you need to be more respectful of what you write in here.
That's not really a good thing that it doesn't bother you.
Similar threads
- Locked