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[Inanna]

I don't even know what I'd do with myself in snow. Probably freak out and run back inside.

Heh, I'm always scared of slipping and falling flat on me arse! XD

I hate being wrapped up in thick coats and wear layers after layers of warm clothes. I love slightly chilly weather and pleasantly warm weather when its cool enough to wear just jeans and T-shirt outside. Also love the rain and thunderstorms but only when I'm indoors, who in their right mind would want to go out when its raining heavily? Getting your clothes wet is horrible. I really LOVE cuddling with my guy on the sofa looking out the glass screen door when its really pouring down. Ah heaven! Also like it when it rains at night, love the sound and smell of it, helps me sleep better!

 

[shanshan310]

One thing I really long for is to see the trees change, which you sadly don't get this close the the equator. Autumn leaves are so pretty. I don't mind the heat, but there is a period over Christmas for about six weeks where it just rains and rains and rains. And every time it rains its gets more humid.

Going outside.

lol.

 

[twobear]

Hi Girl GAF,

Sorry to post tumblr gifs but I can't find the original.

It's basically just a perfect takedown by Anne Hathaway during an interview with some dickhead asking stupid questions. I thought some of y'all might appreciate it.

If anyone knows the interview, I'd appreciate a link. I might make a thread about it I love it that much.

 

[Inanna]

Its with Jerry something from Extra did a google search with "watch what you eat" with her name and the video popped up.

 

[Zoe]

She normally looks weird to me, but she's working that short hair.

 

[Leeness]

Haha Anne Hathaway. I really like her, she sounds like a pretty great lady.

 

[peach]

Hi Girl Gaf! I need some advice and thought this would be a great place to go!!

I just got married & I am having a name-change ordeal! I am a professional and 26 years old, and I didn't plan on changing my name at all. I didn't realize how strong of opinions others would have!! And we have been receiving a large amount of mail addressed to Mr. & Mrs. ... . People are also beginning to refer to me by my husband's last name even though my plans were pretty clear. It is making me feel guilty and disconnected since it is not my last name. My husband is all about me doing whatever I want and has no problem either way.

I have considered hyphenating or just adding his on... I definitely do not want to change my name completely.

So, what does girl gaf think? Do I give in? Did anyone else out there keep their name? How has it worked out in the long run?

 

[SquiddyCracker]

Hi Girl Gaf! I need some advice and thought this would be a great place to go!!

I just got married & I am having a name-change ordeal! I am a professional and 26 years old, and I didn't plan on changing my name at all. I didn't realize how strong of opinions others would have!! And we have been receiving a large amount of mail addressed to Mr. & Mrs. ... . People are also beginning to refer to me by my husband's last name even though my plans were pretty clear. It is making me feel guilty and disconnected since it is not my last name. My husband is all about me doing whatever I want and has no problem either way.

I have considered hyphenating or just adding his on... I definitely do not want to change my name completely.

So, what does girl gaf think? Do I give in? Did anyone else out there keep their name? How has it worked out in the long run?

Not a girl but I'm going to have to butt in here and say that it's pretty ridiculous that some people in any way object to other people not wanting to change their mind.
That you're even starting to consider doing it because pretty much everyone think you should is sad.

Stay strong girl, if you do change your name don't let it be due to societal pressure.

 

[The Anti-Monitor]

In Spain we keep our last names and I've always considered the tradition of changing it to your husband's stupid so... I think you should keep it.

Also, Hathaway is ugly. That said, she was great as Catwoman, greatly exceeded my expectations.

Also this was kinda hot.

 

[Kisaya]

If you like your last name, keep it ;p Don't feel too bad about it. Hyphening seems like a good solution if anything.

I hate my last name so I'm most likely going to change mine when I get married, unless my husband's is terribly worse haha.

 

[peach]

Thanks everyone! I was so shocked at some of the reactions I got!! Even the hairdresser on our wedding day!! Of course I get the, what about your kids?! question which is really dumb... Who says we have to have kids? I am not going to hyphenate because that would make me Mrs. B.S. and I'm a high school teacher lol. I'm going to keep my name unless I decide to change it for my OWN reasons, not everyone else's!!

 

[The Anti-Monitor]

Thanks everyone! I was so shocked at some of the reactions I got!! Even the hairdresser on our wedding day!! Of course I get the, what about your kids?! question which is really dumb... Who says we have to have kids? I am not going to hyphenate because that would make me Mrs. B.S. and I'm a high school teacher lol. I'm going to keep my name unless I decide to change it for my OWN reasons, not everyone else's!!

You should totally hyphenate it, though. You'll never have to worry about any nickname of any sort, it writes itself!

 

[Masoria]

People are used to moms having different last names than their kids. It's really not that abnormal.

Do what you want, and politely tell everyone else to mind their own business

 

[SquiddyCracker]

Thanks everyone! I was so shocked at some of the reactions I got!! Even the hairdresser on our wedding day!! Of course I get the, what about your kids?! question which is really dumb... Who says we have to have kids? I am not going to hyphenate because that would make me Mrs. B.S. and I'm a high school teacher lol. I'm going to keep my name unless I decide to change it for my OWN reasons, not everyone else's!!

Same thing with the kid thing, it's perfectly normal not to have any and getting kids solely because you're pressured into it by your surroundings is an awful reason to have kids.
Get them if you want some, and then you could grace them with a hyphened last name so that they take both from both their parents equally.

 

[Emitan]

Don't change it unless you want to. It's your name and no one else's.

 

[Inanna]

I would never change mine, I've told my fiance and he's okay with that, his family however is pretty traditional but I don't really care about them as long as my guy is okay.

I made a topic about it over at the OT side a year or so ago I think and got very good feedback from guys which makes me think a lot of guys are okay with it. I did get some "It shows disrespect" type responses but ah well, might take another decade or so for it to become the norm.

But seriously, if you don't want to change it then you shouldn't.

 

[Emitan]

"It shows disrespect"?

Guess every guy who doesn't change his name isn't respectful or else that's a horrible double standard. Oh wait...

 

[Devolution]

Went to a titty bar last night. Didn't get a private lap dance though. Was being cheap and just sitting at a table boozin'.

 

[The Anti-Monitor]

Went to a titty bar last night. Didn't get a private lap dance though. Was being cheap and just sitting at a table boozin'.

Nice.

With titty bar you mean strippers or hooters?

 

[Devolution]

Nice.

With titty bar you mean strippers or hooters?

Strippers. The hottest one there couldn't dance for shit, let alone pole dance. There were some really good ones though.

 

[The Anti-Monitor]

Strippers. The hottest one there couldn't dance for shit, let alone pole dance. There were some really good ones though.

How were they? I've only gone once but they were very nice. I believe I told you the story.

And yes, some of those girls do awesome shit pole dancing. Respect, because it's hard as fuck.

 

[Devolution]

How were they? I've only gone once but they were very nice. I believe I told you the story.

And yes, some of those girls do awesome shit pole dancing. Respect, because it's hard as fuck.

There was only like 4 on rotation, 2 poles. I didn't have my glasses so I couldn't see faces. Most of them had really good bodies and could ass shake. I got kind of jealous at some of their abilities that's for sure.

 

[Platy]

And yes, some of those girls do awesome shit pole dancing. Respect, because it's hard as fuck.

Friends once dragged me to one of those places .... very bad one ... and one girl fell doing pole dancing.

That image will never get out of my head.

 

[shanshan310]

As someone with a hyphenated last name (and my parents never even married! God dammit mom!) this sucks.

Yeah, hyphenated names can be kind of long winded. Sometimes they work, but in the case of a couple of people I know the last names didn't really fit together.

Some people make their maiden name into their middle name, which is cool I guess.

Kinda torn up about what I'd do, because I have the best last name ever and I don't know if I'd feel comfortable having this new last name from a different family whose origins I'm not a part of, but I'd also like to, I dunno, be connected by name to someone. Also, if my partner and I were to swap last names we'd both have alliteration and be like superheroes

 

[The Anti-Monitor]

Well, if your partner were to be called Schwarzmccrushingballzenegger, I'd get that last name too.

 

[SquiddyCracker]

Yeah, hyphenated names can be kind of long winded. Sometimes they work, but in the case of a couple of people I know the last names didn't really fit together.

Some people make their maiden name into their middle name, which is cool I guess.

Kinda torn up about what I'd do, because I have the best last name ever and I don't know if I'd feel comfortable having this new last name from a different family whose origins I'm not a part of, but I'd also like to, I dunno, be connected by name to someone. Also, if my partner and I were to swap last names we'd both have alliteration and be like superheroes

I've never heard of swapping last names, but that would make for a pretty awesome tradition.
The thing is, it is a pretty archaic tradition and the roots are, well, they are pretty misogynistic.
The woman becomes part of the man's family, because men are more important in that regard.

Nowadays though, you don't become part of any one person's family. In today's individualistic society, it is more like a new lineage is established - a new family is created, a fusion of the two old ones. In that sense, a hyphenated last name makes perfect sense, but the problem with them of course is that you might end up with highly convoluted names down the line.

Personally, I like the concept of picking a new last name together, as your first act in establishing the new lineage. That's what me and my girlfriend will end up doing, as she dislikes her last name (though taking her last name would get me a pretty cool alliteration).

 

[Opiate]

Taking a husband's last name is one of the few conventionally sexist ideas which I feel has practical value: it keeps house finances simple, it keeps social situations simpler (if she has your last name, it's obvious what the situation is), and most importantly, it simplifies the naming of the child.

This could of course be switched -- the man taking the woman's name instead -- and that would be fine, but I want to point out that sharing a last name has functional value if you can stomach the misogynistic origins.

 

[SquiddyCracker]

Taking a husband's last name is one of the few conventionally sexist ideas which I feel has practical value: it keeps house finances simple, it keeps social situations simpler (if she has your last name, it's obvious what the situation is), and most importantly, it simplifies the naming of the child.

This could of course be switched -- the man taking the woman's name instead -- and that would be fine, but I want to point out that sharing a last name has functional value if you can stomach the misogynistic origins.

Picking a new last name together would be just as practical, the only thing you'd miss out is the easy of researching one's lineage, but if we go for the switcheroo and you have each generation alternating between taking the mans/woman's name you end up with the same problem.

At some point you're just gonna have to give up a tiny bit of practicality to make for a less sexist society. That is, if we're talking from a philosophical societal engineering POV - people are in the end who decide what ends up being the norm.

 

[Opiate]

Picking a new last name together would be just as practical, the only thing you'd miss out is the easy of researching one's lineage, but if we go for the switcheroo and you have each generation alternating between taking the mans/woman's name you end up with the same problem.

At some point you're just gonna have to give up a tiny bit of practicality to make for a less sexist society. That is, if we're talking from a philosophical societal engineering POV - people are in the end who decide what ends up being the norm.

I don't agree. If you'd like to take your own names, that's fine, but I see no problem with other people choosing otherwise and picking practicality as a more important concern than breaking traditional sexist stereotypes.

 

[Prax]

Hi Girl Gaf! I need some advice and thought this would be a great place to go!!

I just got married & I am having a name-change ordeal! I am a professional and 26 years old, and I didn't plan on changing my name at all. I didn't realize how strong of opinions others would have!! And we have been receiving a large amount of mail addressed to Mr. & Mrs. ... . People are also beginning to refer to me by my husband's last name even though my plans were pretty clear. It is making me feel guilty and disconnected since it is not my last name. My husband is all about me doing whatever I want and has no problem either way.

I have considered hyphenating or just adding his on... I definitely do not want to change my name completely.

So, what does girl gaf think? Do I give in? Did anyone else out there keep their name? How has it worked out in the long run?

I say if you wanna keep your last name, then keep it. Professional or sentimental reasons.. whatever the reason~! Or if you like his last name, then adopt it. This is your identity, after all, and you should be the one to decide.

I plan on keeping my last name, anyway. When it comes to future children though.. I still am not sure. I definitely don't want them to only have my spouse's last name, but hyphenated names just seem so cumbersome. I wish it wouldn't be so weird giving the child some kind of new or amalgamated last name (but then none of the parents would have that last name lol).

 

[Sheik]

Taking a husband's last name is one of the few conventionally sexist ideas which I feel has practical value: it keeps house finances simple, it keeps social situations simpler (if she has your last name, it's obvious what the situation is), and most importantly, it simplifies the naming of the child.

This could of course be switched -- the man taking the woman's name instead -- and that would be fine, but I want to point out that sharing a last name has functional value if you can stomach the misogynistic origins.

I think you make really good points. For convenience alone, not considering sentiment or even practicality, it makes so much more sense to me to keep one last name for both spouses. This is coming from somebody who is usually very conscious of historically patriarchal institutions. Hyphenated names are such a nuisance to me. The confusing part is choosing which last name to take, especially if you're in a same-sex relationship. However, I can completely understand why somebody would want to keep their own last name. It's admirable.

 

[shanshan310]

Taking a husband's last name is one of the few conventionally sexist ideas which I feel has practical value: it keeps house finances simple, it keeps social situations simpler (if she has your last name, it's obvious what the situation is), and most importantly, it simplifies the naming of the child.

This could of course be switched -- the man taking the woman's name instead -- and that would be fine, but I want to point out that sharing a last name has functional value if you can stomach the misogynistic origins.

This is what makes it such a hard decision. Traditions aside, it really is convenient and it does make the relationship seem more official.

I've never heard of swapping last names, but that would make for a pretty awesome tradition.
The thing is, it is a pretty archaic tradition and the roots are, well, they are pretty misogynistic.
The woman becomes part of the man's family, because men are more important in that regard.

Personally, I like the concept of picking a new last name together, as your first act in establishing the new lineage. That's what me and my girlfriend will end up doing, as she dislikes her last name (though taking her last name would get me a pretty cool alliteration).

That's a cool idea I guess it would make family history a bit more confusing though.

To be honest I think it would be great if my partner took on my name, and I don't think he'd mind it, but there would be so many weird looks and questions about it. I guess people would get over it eventually It does feel important to me to share the last name of whomever I marry, but like I said I think my last name is awesome.

 

[FyreWulff]

This is what makes it such a hard decision. Traditions aside, it really is convenient and it does make the relationship seem more official.



That's a cool idea I guess it would make family history a bit more confusing though.

To be honest I think it would be great if my partner took on my name, and I don't think he'd mind it, but there would be so many weird looks and questions about it. I guess people would get over it eventually It does feel important to me to share the last name of whomever I marry, but like I said I think my last name is awesome.

Whoever I end up marrying, I'm taking her last name. Because I absolutely hate mine and I do not care one iota about "family lineage". And if I don't get married, I'm still legally changing my name once I get the money and the time.

edit: I guess what I'm trying to say is it should be up to the people involved to do what they want, people outside of a marriage can go take a hike.

 

[SquiddyCracker]

I don't agree. If you'd like to take your own names, that's fine, but I see no problem with other people choosing otherwise and picking practicality as a more important concern than breaking traditional sexist stereotypes.

If we're going to generalize about what's good and bad in general though, upholding this particular traditional sexist stereotype doesn't come without a cost.
It's a balance between being free from overbearing norms that result mental stress if you do not follow them (peach being a good example of a minor case of that) and the practicality of having one shared name.
But that's simplifying the situation, as you can have the best of both worlds (less traditionalist sexist stereotype+practicality) by opting to go for the female's last name, a hyphened last name, or create a new last name for both of you.
In the first case, second, and third case, the only tradeoff is that you make lineage research for future generations a bit harder, but I'm saying that it's totally worth it to get rid of this particular stereotype (as the criticism of women not interesting in taking their husband's last name can get pretty nasty, judging by that thread where it was brought up).

Again, purely from a societal engineering POV. In the end, it's people that decide what practice remain and is discarded.

This is what makes it such a hard decision. Traditions aside, it really is convenient and it does make the relationship seem more official.



That's a cool idea I guess it would make family history a bit more confusing though.

To be honest I think it would be great if my partner took on my name, and I don't think he'd mind it, but there would be so many weird looks and questions about it. I guess people would get over it eventually It does feel important to me to share the last name of whomever I marry, but like I said I think my last name is awesome.

In the end, one of you would be taking on the name of the other person, so I think people would have an easier time accepting that even if it's in a non-traditional direction
It would still be a lot more palatable than creating a new name together, which might be seen as rejecting both of your families "lineage" - but I've never cared about stuff like that.

 

[Zoe]

Picking a new last name together would be just as practical, the only thing you'd miss out is the easy of researching one's lineage, but if we go for the switcheroo and you have each generation alternating between taking the mans/woman's name you end up with the same problem.

Picking a new last name is too weird to me. Maybe it's just because I'm coming from an Asian perspective, but those names have meaning. You can't just throw some letters together.

 

[suzu]

I say if you wanna keep your last name, then keep it. Professional or sentimental reasons.. whatever the reason~! Or if you like his last name, then adopt it. This is your identity, after all, and you should be the one to decide.

I agree with this.

--

I'm not attached to my last name so I don't mind changing it if the new one sounds good. Most likely I won't even bother, because I'm too lazy to go through the process. hah.. Also I dislike hyphenated names.

 

[SquiddyCracker]

Picking a new last name is too weird to me. Maybe it's just because I'm coming from an Asian perspective, but those names have meaning. You can't just throw some letters together.

Yeah, I'm probably a bit more flexible than the norm in that regard.
I've already change my first name (kinda considered it an adult rite) because I didn't pick it

 

[Inanna]

Taking a husband's last name is one of the few conventionally sexist ideas which I feel has practical value: it keeps house finances simple, it keeps social situations simpler (if she has your last name, it's obvious what the situation is), and most importantly, it simplifies the naming of the child.

Depends on the country, here in the UK a couple doesn't have to have the same surname to enjoy all the legal rights and advantages that a married couple would, like taxes and insurance etc, actually you don't even have to be married. If you're in a civil partnership you'd get the same legal benefits and women don't change their surname in civil partnership. A lot of couples prefer being in civil partnership than getting married in the UK.

Most banks/coucil etc don't question you if you don't have the same surname. So really I don't see any practical benefits of sharing the same surname, at least not in the UK. Actually one of my cousins changed her surname and it was a nightmare, my sister didn't change her and she's never been questioned. So really I don't see any practical benefits of having the same surname, at least not in the UK.

As for naming the child, either hyphenate or use one as middle name and the other as surname, its really not that complicated.

 

[yuna55]

We joked semi-seriously about combining last names. (I was a Mc, so basically turning his German last name into McGermanname lol) My husband was adopted as was my dad, so both of our last names don't really "mean" anything as far as genetics. For both of us, each last name was something we shared with our immediate family but anybody else with the last name either wasn't related or lived hundreds or thousands of miles away. There really isn't much "connection" for either of us to either last name. I'm actually more connected to my mother's maiden name (which is quickly disappearing) and my grandmother's maiden name (which will probably never disappear due to a huge, ever-producing family). It was kinda tough knowing that choosing his name would essentially end my maiden name for future generations, but in the end, it just mattered to us that we shared a name. Now that I have his name, I absolutely love that I changed it.

Also, it's been nice not having people comment about how "Irish" I must be with a Mc name. My family is actually not Irish at all, and the only reason we had a Mc name was from some drawn-out old family drama. "You must be so excited about St. Patty's Day!!!!" Nope, not Irish. "OH NO YOU MUST BE IRISH BECAUSE OF YOUR NAME!!" Nope. "NO YOU'RE WRONG! I KNOW BECAUSE I'M IRISH TOO!" Sigh, to walk away or explain the family drama that happened 50+ years ago?


In regards to choosing a completely new name, I saw it a few times in the tax prep business. Every time it came up, one or both spouses would have forgotten to change their name either at their job, on their bank account, on their Social Security card, etc. It was always a disaster for us and the clients. The first time we saw it, the people dropped off their tax docs without explaining the situation, and their folder had tax documents with 4 different last names. Our first thought was fraud lol

 

[SquiddyCracker]

In regards to choosing a completely new name, I saw it a few times in the tax prep business. Every time it came up, one or both spouses would have forgotten to change their name either at their job, on their bank account, on their Social Security card, etc. It was always a disaster for us and the clients. The first time we saw it, the people dropped off their tax docs without explaining the situation, and their folder had tax documents with 4 different last names. Our first thought was fraud lol

Yeah, you gotta be pretty pro-active when it comes to name changes.
Make sure every institution and person of importance is notified.

 

[shanshan310]

I'm actually more connected to my mother's maiden name (which is quickly disappearing) and my grandmother's maiden name (which will probably never disappear due to a huge, ever-producing family). It was kinda tough knowing that choosing his name would essentially end my maiden name for future generations, but in the end, it just mattered to us that we shared a name. Now that I have his name, I absolutely love that I changed it.

After my grandmother got divorced she decided to take her mother's maiden name instead of returning to her father's last name.

Changing your name seems to involve so much paperwork @_@ In fact, most things seem to involve a lot of paperwork.

 

[SquiddyCracker]

After my grandmother got divorced she decided to take her mother's maiden name instead of returning to her father's last name.

Changing your name seems to involve so much paperwork @_@ In fact, most things seem to involve a lot of paperwork.

I only had to fill in and sign a couple of papers, send them in, get called back because my handwriting was so awful they had to confirm my request over the phone, wait 2-3 weeks, and get a new name.

Then I had to update my passport and notify my bank and school, and probably a couple of other things.

 

[Emitan]

I'm planning on changing my first and last name and I bet that's just going to cause a lot of problems.

 

[Slayven]

Hello ladies, I got a question that has been in my mind for a while. Is it me or YA fiction targeted at girls kind of insulting? Like 98% of the heroines don't find self worth until 2 or more dudes are fighting over her.

It seems a lot more insidious then the boys' version where they just get an awesome sword or super powers.

 

[Emitan]

I'm a total stranger to YA fiction. I read Lord of the Rings in 2nd or 3rd grade and completely skipped that level of reading. Sounds like I didn't miss much.

 

[Zoe]

I grew up on Christopher Pike novels. I think almost all of his protagonists were female.

 

[Slayven]

I grew up on Christopher Pike novels. I think almost all of his protagonists were female.

Pike is some next level shit, the book about Mars and vampires was freaky.

 

[Prax]

I'm planning on changing my first and last name and I bet that's just going to cause a lot of problems.

I think all things considered, being able to name yourself is a pretty cool rite of passage.
It's half the reason why I found the practice in things like Wicca/Pagan rituals fascinating. All that "True Name" type of stuff is cool.

Hello ladies, I got a question that has been in my mind for a while. Is it me or YA fiction targeted at girls kind of insulting? Like 98% of the heroines don't find self worth until 2 or more dudes are fighting over her.

It seems a lot more insidious then the boys' version where they just get an awesome sword or super powers.

I was never into reading much fiction, so I can't really gauge how terrible YA fiction is, but from what I have read at some points (paragraphs, excerpts, summaries)... Yes. I find them either insulting or mind-numbing.

I guess perpetuating gender norms/roles is popular, and females being more generally interested in relationships, and males are more generally interested in explicit symbols of power? So girls "win" by having successful relationships in books (being well-liked or getting love), and guys "win" by getting treasure or something (I guess getting "the girl" also counts as treasure lol)?

 

[cloudwalking]

Hello ladies, I got a question that has been in my mind for a while. Is it me or YA fiction targeted at girls kind of insulting? Like 98% of the heroines don't find self worth until 2 or more dudes are fighting over her.

It seems a lot more insidious then the boys' version where they just get an awesome sword or super powers.

i don't read much YA fiction anymore, but i definitely agree with you. people are going to write what sells, though, and i guess most young girls do like the thought of being chased by multiple cute boys. especially if they're somehow magical/supernatural cute boys.

 

[Lissar]

Actually (despite being almost 29) I read a lot of fantasy and sci-fi YA, but mostly I don't read the stuff that is targeted towards a female stereotype (usually with pink and/or sparkle bling-bling covers.) There are a lot of books targeted towards more general audiences that are great (Neil Gaiman, Diana Wynne Jones, Ursula Le Guin, Garth Nix.) A lot of things targeted towards stereotypes tend to be unappealing (unless you fit said stereotype.)