If you just saw this post like I wanted you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you're sitting in, because this post is going to be a rough fucking ride.
For those of you that have your heads stuck under rocks, which apparently is the majority of this thread, we have been FUCKING UP in terms of game nights and general social interactions with 343. I've been getting PMs on PMs about people LITERALLY being so fucking BAD and so fucking NOOBY. If you're reading this right now and saying to yourself "But oh em gee Homeboyd, I've been having so much fun with my HaloGAF bros this week!", then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don't have to fucking find your ISP address to do it myself.
I do not give a flying fuck, and 343 does not give a flying fuck, about how much you fucking love to talk to your HGS clique. You have 361 days out of the fucking year to talk to your bros, and this week is NOT, I fucking repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. This week is about fostering relationships in the Halo community, and that's not fucking possible if you're going to stand around and talk to each other and not our Dev execs. Newsflash you stupid cocks: 343 DOESN'T LIKE BORING POSTERS. Oh wait, DOUBLE FUCKING NEWSFLASH: 343 IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE FUCKING SUCK, which by the way in case you're an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE FUCKING SUCK SO FAR.
This also applies to you little shits that have talked openly about gaming with a different COMMUNITIES IN FRONT OF 343 DEVELOPERS. Are you people fucking retarded? That's not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to quote me back telling me if you're mentally slow so I can make sure you don't go to anymore game night events. If 343 openly said "Yeah we're gonna invite the CoD community over", would you be happy? WOULD YOU? No you wouldn't, so WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO IT TO THEM?? IN FRONT OF THEM?!! First of all, you SHOULDN'T be gaming with other OT's, I don't give a FUCK if your boyfriend posts in it, if your brother posts in it, or if your entire family posts in that OT. YOU DON'T GO. YOU. DON'T. GO. And you ESPECIALLY do fucking NOT convince other bros to leave with you.
"But Homeboyd!", you say in a whiny little bitch voice to your computer screen as you read this post, "I've been cheering on our teams at all the AGL events, doesn't that count for something?" NO YOU STUPID FUCKING ASS HATS, IT FUCKING DOESN'T. DO YOU WANNA KNOW FUCKING WHY?!! IT DOESN'T COUNT BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN FUCKING UP AT MLG FUCKING TOURNEYS TOO. I've not only gotten PMs about people being fucking WEIRD at AGL (for example, being stupid shits and saying stuff like "durr what's a flag juggle?" is not fucking funny), but I've gotten PMs about people actually cheering for the opposing team. The opposing. Fucking. Team. ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?!! I don't give a SHIT about sportsmanship, YOU CHEER FOR OUR GODDAMN TEAM AND NOT THE OTHER ONE, HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN TO AN AGL EVENT? ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND? Or are you just so fucking dense about what it means to make people like you that you think being a good little supporter of the gaming community is going to make our developers happy? Well it's time someone told you, NO ONE FUCKING LIKES THAT, ESPECIALLY FUCKING 343. I will fucking dick kick the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don't give a fuck if you report me, I WILL FUCKING ASSAULT YOU.
"Ohhh, I'm now crying because your post has made me oh so so sad". Well good. If this post applies to you in any way, meaning if you are a little asswipe that posts megapost rants or "how to save Halo" posts at night or if you're a weird shit that does weird shit during the day, this following message is for you:
DO NOT POST IN THIS THREAD.
I'm not fucking kidding. Don't post. Seriously, if you have done ANYTHING I've mentioned in this post and have some rare disease where you're unable to NOT do these things, then you are HORRIBLE, I repeat, HORRIBLE PR FOR THIS COMMUNITY. I would rather have 40 bros that are fun, talk to devs, and not fucking awkward than 80 that are fucking tryhards. If you are one of the people that have told me "Oh nooo boo hoo I can't talk to devs I'm too l33t", then I pity you because I don't know how you got this far in life, and with that in mind don't fucking post unless you're going to stop being a goddamn dev cock block for our community. Seriously. I swear to fucking God if I see anyone being a goddamn boner in tonight's thread, I will tell you to leave even if you're sober. I'm not even kidding. Try me.
And for those of you who are offended at this post, I would apologize but I really don't give a fuck. Go fuck yourself.