I'm not posting a lot lately, Busy with real life. Get back to my pc today to find out of my long time internet friends has left me the equivalent of a suicide note and has killed himself.
I don't really like to air my negative personal issues out on here but I just felt I should tell people and get it off my chest. It's hit me pretty hard and I'm not sure exactly what I can do about It.
Iv only been here about a year but I really love you guys.
I've had a very fortunate life so far. My parents are great, and THEIR parents are alive and well, too, even at 90 years of age. I have a great family, and great friends who I look after and have my back for whatever, whenever. For the longest time I didn't know what the pain of a loved one felt like.
Until a very good friend of mine killed himself, and I found out through a text message of all things.
I was just kinda numb for awhile. I didn't feel like talking to anyone, I didn't feel like getting out of bed in the morning, I didn't feel like feeling anymore. i kept asking myself a thousand different questions about how things could have played out differently, or how the fuck I couldn't see how scared or hurt he was, or maybe maybe maybe. For the first time in my life, I realized how fragile life really was. How temporary it all is, and how everything you love will eventually, inevitably die.
And in a weird kind of way, that's exactly the kind of realization I needed to get out of my funk. Because life is worth living. It's the greatest gift in the world. And it doesn't last forever, so I couldn't spent forever feeling shitty about it. I had to realize that whatever happened was in no way my fault, so I can't keep feeling guilty about it, either. For better or worse, the world keeps spinning, life keeps going, and I had to find a way to keep going, too. The pain, the depression, the hurt and the heartache, like everything else in life...this too shall pass.
tl;dr: I know dat feel, bro. It gets better.