How were you spanked?
- Thread starter Rabbi_Vole
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RoadHazard
Gold Member
Physically hitting a child in order to cause pain most definitely is child abuse.
Gonna be honest, pretty disheartening to see a mod saying "little swats on the butt" when I remember seeing friends of mine being spanked and I remember the crying and how scary the whole situation would be. I'd never describe what I saw as "little swats on the butt". Don't cutesify stuff like that, it's a little gross.
None of it was "go to the hospital" level stuff but it was still real scary. And it was just a regular spanking.
My mom loved me...I think. But it was definitely child abuse. If I have any kids, I'm never going to spank them.
Switch Back 9
a lot of my threads involve me fucking up somehow. Perhaps I'm a moron?
Apparently my dad did it once to me and felt so bad about it he never did it again.
We got into a few physical alterations when I was a teenager, but that's a whole different story.
We got into a few physical alterations when I was a teenager, but that's a whole different story.
I was spanked very rarely, as I seldom acted up. It was usually just open palm to the bottom. The "go get a switch" thing was something my grandparents would do only for the fear factor; they would never actually use the switch since the threat itself was enough. The worst thing I remember is being hung from my ankles and smacked around for wetting the bed when I was 4.
I don't think people are trying to conflate that. It's just that spanking is wholly unnecessary regardless of severity and people that still practice it need to be educated on more effective and safe practices. I don't think I would call CPS on a gentle swat... I'm a mandated reporter, though, and I'm not completely sure if that constitutes child abuse legally, but I would like to let parents know that there are better ways to rear their kids and it absolutely should not be defended.
Vulcano's assistant
Banned
my parents were too boring and too much of a couple of bookworms to spank me, my grandmother probably tried a bamboo branch a couple of times though.
Switch Back 9
a lot of my threads involve me fucking up somehow. Perhaps I'm a moron?
Jesus christ. Now that is child abuse, 100%. Hanging a toddler upside down and beating them for wetting the bed!? Good god that's disgusting parenting.
Arrogant Bastard
Banned
There is a vast difference between striking a child to cause pain and a open handed smack on the ass.
No, I'm pretty sure they are trying to conflate that.
There is a vast difference between a beating and a smack, but the vast difference doesn't matter because it's completely unnecessary regardless.
Also, the purpose of all spankings is to inflict pain. A physical sensation and emotionally. That's why it's physical.
That's fucked up and most certainly child abuse.
Holyoneturtle
Member
Belt was my mother's preferred tool with the occasional sandal thrown I'm for variety sake. FYI I will never do this if I ever have children.
Chittagong
Gold Member
Finland.
I was the first generation when being hit with belt or hand was criminalised. My little brother was still hit by hand, and to this day I haven't forgiven my parents for taking out their frustrations on him, even if only with slaps. I love them otherwise, and they did a lot of good for me, but those occasions were selfish and lazy.
I realise in Africa, Asia, Southern Europe, USA and Latin America all the horrors in this thread are business as usual, but they're no less shocking to me as a Finn. And to think that those regions are essentially all of the world.
Forerunner
Member
My mother didn’t do it too often, but she used a plastic spatula when she did. My father on the other hand was a different story. He pretty much used everything a belt, open hand, and etc. However, he was a drill instructor in the Marines, so he yelled more than anything.
echoshifting
Banned
There is such a thing as a "little swat on the butt" though. That said...
I think the most difficult thing for me when it comes to discussing corporal punishment is that my parents ran the whole gamut of the scale and it's nearly impossible for me to distinguish between the times when it did not harm me and the times when it was outright abuse, even now, because the only constants were fear and shame and it is still easy for me to recall that emotional experience by thinking about this stuff too much. There were certainly a few times when what happened could accurately be described as a "little swat on the butt;" I can remember one instance in particular in which my father demanded I submit for a spanking (threatening to abandon me in the mountains if I did not) and became so embarrassed by the mortal terror he instilled in me that he barely touched me. In an abusive environment, even a "little swat on the butt" can become emotionally charged because the victim doesn't know what to expect.
But I do think I would feel differently if they never engaged in grievously abusive behavior.
I have more to say but I think I'll stop, I always end up regretting posting in these threads.
I gotcha. That all makes sense. I think there's definitely value in reminding people that spanking doesn't actually work as they think it does, and that even if it's not causing physical harm it's still a bad idea. I think what happens in these threads is that some people take that stance and then use words that are heavily weighted with connotation--like, "child abuse" to me definitely carries the connotation that the parent is unfit to care for a child--which of course other folks get upset about because it feels like their parents are being attacked as monsters.
I'm not sure how to improve this conversation, really. I can feel myself getting defensive over it whenever it happens, which isn't productive on my end either. Usually I try to just stay out of arguments where that tends to happen, but then I'd already posted and all.
Trigonometrize.
Member
My father would only get really in my face and push me into a chair to get me to listen. Spanking is for parents who have lost to their child and it doesn't even do anything productive.
five flying fish
Neo Member
Most spankings I got were open palm on the bottom. They never threatened to use any objects. Always was more scared of the yelling that accompanied spanking, never the pain itself. I definitely still remember when in the 1st grade I got hit and then locked in the downstairs bathroom for being too shy to greet one of my previous teachers from kindergarten.
Chittagong
Gold Member
This is exactly how I see it as a Finn.
It's less the absolute abuse / pain / damage caused by "spanking", and more of the horror of the entire situation of somebody stronger inflicting pain to someone weaker despite their pleas to stop. It's the fact that they have no escape, no recourse, that they will be violated by the stronger one, because of... reasons.
It's hard to describe the disgust I feel to someone who grew with institutionalised corporate punishment. The closest I can compare it to is the feeling of seeing rape on a TV show or film. I know they are not comparable, and I am not comparing corp pun and rape, but seeing them fire up the same neurons for someone not used to either.
Uncle_Classy
Member
Both of my parents would spank me on rare occasions up until I was maybe 6 or seven. I can remember maybe two times when my dad spanked me with a belt. For the record, I personally don't feel that what my parents did was abuse. They were both older when I was born, my dad especially, and I recognize that that was just the norm for parenting when they grew up and what they experienced too. Now I definitely intend on never hitting any of my own hypothetical children as I know there are much better ways to discipline a child.
As an observer, I will say (as my last contribution as well) that it wasn't the hand hitting the butt itself all by itself. It wasn't always a flurry of 12,000 pound echoing slaps. What makes me think cutesifying it into "little swats on the butt" = gross is all the things surrounding said "little swat". It's yelling, it's crying, it's forcing the kid over your knee, it's doing it in front of others on purpose, it's making it a routine, it's unintentionally making it more about the spanking than any kind of lesson, it's all those things. It was always jarring.
ThatGuyAgain
Member
I was spanked with a paddle. It was a LONG time ago so I don't remember specifics but it was like a special designer paddle with holes in it and some stupid saying on it.
Now that I think about it, my step-father must have purchased it somewhere.
Now that I think about it, my step-father must have purchased it somewhere.
LMAO. Jesus
The punishments that I actually remember were when I wouldn't go to sleep. My dad would make me stand up in the hallway in the middle of the night for about 20 or 30 minutes.
MasterShotgun
brazen editing lynx
Open hand or occasional belt. Always on the ass and usually by my dad.
I wish he never resorted to spankings and can't fully justify his use of them, but I don't hate him for it. After hearing about how his own father punished him and his siblings, I'm thankful my dad toned it way down. His father definitely crossed the line, and I'm sometimes glad I never met that man.
And besides, my mom's non-spanking punishments were more effective. Confiscating my gaming controllers for long periods of time was probably her best and favorite move.
I wish he never resorted to spankings and can't fully justify his use of them, but I don't hate him for it. After hearing about how his own father punished him and his siblings, I'm thankful my dad toned it way down. His father definitely crossed the line, and I'm sometimes glad I never met that man.
And besides, my mom's non-spanking punishments were more effective. Confiscating my gaming controllers for long periods of time was probably her best and favorite move.
Stallion Dan
Member
Open hand by my mother, it was punishment, not abuse. And it worked.
Arrogant Bastard
Banned
I respect all of this, and I have zero intentions of spanking my children. It is much more about the emotional anguish that I don't want them to go through than the very minor physical pain. I say minor because my parents very very rarely used spanking, for lack of a better phrase it was more used as a "do I have your attention now?"...and it worked wonders. My grandparents used it more and even then it wasn't used often, most frequently it was go pull a switch (which wasn't used) this act typically worked. Again, why...the emotional/psychological aspect that you are talking about.
The problem I have with this discussion everytime is how quickly it turns into you are a monster, abuser, horrible person who doesn't love your children. There is a colossal difference between a minor slap on the ass and some of the explicit abuse that is being posted here. I get exceptionally defensive when people start equating it to child abuse, horrible parents, they don't love you. Sorry. My parents are wonderful parents who have done an exceptional job. I could give a laundry list of examples but nah. Not to derail this thread, but I far and away consider my evangelical Pentecostal upbringing as child abuse. Yet, a great deal of people wouldn't bat an eye at that. It all went part and parcel with the discipline.
Rabbi_Vole
Banned
We should pitch a "Day of catharsis"where grown men and women are allowed to spank their parents. It's not so much for retribution but as this thread is proving out, much needed closure and catharsis.
Technobabel
Member
I got spanked by the normal stuff (hands, spatulas, etc).
I spanked my child for a while (until he was 3, he's now 4), but eventually I could tell it was having a net negative effect so I stopped. He would get really scared if he did something like spill his milk (even though I'd never spank him for an accident, only when he knew he was doing something he wasn't supposed to), and getting aggressive with other kids when he got frustrated / angry. Now I try to talk to him instead of spanking, which can be hard because I have a bit of a short fuse myself, but I can tell he is getting better because of it (he'll try to tell us what is frustrating him instead of instantly going crazy). My wife has a million times more patience with kids than I do, so she's never laid a hand on them.
I spanked my child for a while (until he was 3, he's now 4), but eventually I could tell it was having a net negative effect so I stopped. He would get really scared if he did something like spill his milk (even though I'd never spank him for an accident, only when he knew he was doing something he wasn't supposed to), and getting aggressive with other kids when he got frustrated / angry. Now I try to talk to him instead of spanking, which can be hard because I have a bit of a short fuse myself, but I can tell he is getting better because of it (he'll try to tell us what is frustrating him instead of instantly going crazy). My wife has a million times more patience with kids than I do, so she's never laid a hand on them.
I gotcha. That all makes sense. I think there's definitely value in reminding people that spanking doesn't actually work as they think it does, and that even if it's not causing physical harm it's still a bad idea. I think what happens in these threads is that some people take that stance and then use words that are heavily weighted with connotation--like, "child abuse" to me definitely carries the connotation that the parent is unfit to care for a child--which of course other folks get upset about because it feels like their parents are being attacked as monsters.
I'm not sure how to improve this conversation, really. I can feel myself getting defensive over it whenever it happens, which isn't productive on my end either. Usually I try to just stay out of arguments where that tends to happen, but then I'd already posted and all.
It's really hard to tell someone they're doing something wrong. I think no matter what language you use a parent is likely to take advice about spanking as an accusation of being an unfit parent. It causes cognitive dissonance.
"I'm a good parent" "I spank." "Therefor spanking can't be bad."
When you give someone information that is dissonant with their reality, especially on something as personal and deeply ingrained as raising a child, you're bound to see some passionate responses.
Another problem is that in the short term spanking APPEARS to work. Kid's crying. You spank them. They stop. Spanking works! But it doesn't take into account long-term psychological effects. A kid can turn out well-adjusted with spankings, sure, but I don't think it's worth the physical and emotional stress it causes when you can get better results without causing that. The better way just takes more effort.
You get people saying "I was spanked and I turned out fine." but they're missing that their experience taught them that spanking is okay and that it's okay for themselves and others to spank. Some people encourage others to spank and overlook when others spank. Those are some negative effects. At the very least it perpetuates a very outdated and ineffective practice.
ScientificNinja
Member
I was spanked with one of these by my parents.
I am fine with it and they were right to.
When i was around 7 (maybe more), i went to a cousin's house without telling my mom and my dad hit me with a belt. I was so upset i wrote him a hate letter, he never hit me again and my mom told me my dad still has the letter and he is planning to give it to me when i graduate college.
no a couple slaps is...relative. I mean really some parents shouldn't have had kids. and why do you have to be so negative? maybe I'd place the kids in more loving homes?
jeez..
Either a pop on the legs/hand/arm with open hand, or if we got in big trouble, wooden spoon (the "Spankin' Stick") to the butt. Think the last time I ever got spanked was at the age of six. Six or seven.
I can not say I'm the biggest fan of the spoon concept. The quick pop was always enough, and I have no ill-will to my parents for it. The stick though, that I remember being afraid of as a kid. Not in a, "Oh that means I stay in line and keep respect," way either. Just genuine fear.
Still love my parents, really do want to make that clear. I don't hate either of them for it; it's in the past and it never truly scarred me. But I know that I won't follow in their footsteps for my children just due to how I saw things.
I can not say I'm the biggest fan of the spoon concept. The quick pop was always enough, and I have no ill-will to my parents for it. The stick though, that I remember being afraid of as a kid. Not in a, "Oh that means I stay in line and keep respect," way either. Just genuine fear.
Still love my parents, really do want to make that clear. I don't hate either of them for it; it's in the past and it never truly scarred me. But I know that I won't follow in their footsteps for my children just due to how I saw things.
Jacksinthe
Banned
Missed school several times. Handprints and bruises on faces weren't in style back then.
Pretty much anything my dad could get his hands on. Belt, hands, anything hard with a flat surface. He even kept a broken off piece of 2x4 between the couch and the endtable for quick delivery. Sometimes he'd position me so it was a hard wack on the butt cheeks, sometimes he'd swing hard and fast to catch me anywhere on my body. I remember catching a nice hard swing on the back of my forearms with the aforementioned 2x4 on more than one occasion.
Rot in hell you fucking bastard.
Rot in hell you fucking bastard.
witchedwiz
Member
oh yeah old "battipanni" my ass still remembers you..
samoscratch
Member
My father treatened us in German saying
"Mit oder oneh anlauf"? (spelling?)
"With or without windup or force"?
But then he would gently tap our bottoms it was more to scare us.
My mother on the other hand would go ape,wooden spoons, fists, pretty much anything. She gave me a black eye when I was 7 or 8 because I liked to play with her expensive beauty cremes. Needless to say she was very abusive.
"Mit oder oneh anlauf"? (spelling?)
"With or without windup or force"?
But then he would gently tap our bottoms it was more to scare us.
My mother on the other hand would go ape,wooden spoons, fists, pretty much anything. She gave me a black eye when I was 7 or 8 because I liked to play with her expensive beauty cremes. Needless to say she was very abusive.
Pandora012
Member
I got the belt and opened handed a couple of times. Last time I got spanked I got left with tons of bruises.
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