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[Black Deatha]

Ok, I was partialy inspired fro this topic because of that other Valentines day thread.

I dont know what to do anymore, I just can't get a girl, I am sure I'm not the only one on this board with this problem either, but I am sick of this. I am 20, and I have never had a gf. I'm not bad looking (been told by a few girls even that I am cute), medium height, dark hair. And I am a pretty outgoing person, but I am unfourtinatly not the best when it comes to talking to girls I'm intrested in. I mean I can talk to them, but not always well. Girls I am not intrested in or attracted too I dont have as much of a problem with talkin to, and I can easly talk to guys. I know I have imporved in the last couple years when it comes to my talking to girls, but still not great at it.

I have asked out a few girls, most actualy are girls I knew at work, but almost all the ones I asked had boyfreinds, which sucked, but there's not much you can do about it. So I move on, but it's just, I personaly like to get to know a girl at least a little before asking her out. Usualy basic stuff like age and whatever else I can learn about her from talking with her a bit, I also like to do this to hopefully try and show them that I'm a nice guy and hopefully not like every other random jerk that would hit on them.

Unfourtinatly, when talking to girls I have no skill whatso ever it would seem at reading them and there signals if there even are any. And on top of that I get so damn nervious when I want to ask them out. So while there have been many girls I have wanted to ask out, I usualy wuss out at the last minute and in turn have only asked out a 3rd of the girls I wanted to ask. There's also the problem I have when it comes to first approaching girls at all, and this is more a probelem with meeting girls outside work. Just the other day I was at a bar with my friend, and was slightly drunk but was told by my freind who was sober that a girl was checking me out (dont think he was messing with me) and he and his brother kept saying I should go talk to her, but she was with her freind (another girl) and I was too worried of being embarised to go talk to her, so who know's could have been a missed opportunity.

I have freinds who keep telling me the whole "Stop looking for a girlfriend and you'll eventualy just meet someone" line, and I imagine to some extent that's true, but god damn it hasnt happend yet. And I am sick of being single, 20 years in enough.

Also I know this might come off as being pickey, but I also look for a few things in a girl, I don't know exactly why, but I have this thing where I want to be older than the girl, now I can see myself ignoring that if I really liked the girl, but it's one thing I would perfer, there's also the fact that I dont smoke or do drugs, so I would like to have a gf who's the same way, and of sourse, I want a girl I am actualy attracted to, I mean I am deffinatly not overweight, and I would like any girl I have to be roughtly my size. Are my standerds (if you wanna call them that) too high or unresonable?

Point is, I don't know what to do, I know part of the problem is just with me, but any help, tips or suggestions from the many here who are suscessfull with girls would like to share woud be appreciated, And I am sure any others with similar problems would appreciate it too.

Lastly, I should mention, I just recantly met another girl, my freind's gf's freind, and she seems cool, she does smoke, but doesnt do drugs, so i could live with that, and I in talking to her found out she doesnt have a bf, and asked her if she would like to do something sometime, she said sure, and I saw her once since at my freinds place again, where she came with another of her freinds, which I am told she is rarely without, I got her MSN, so I can talk to her a bit that way. But I am not sure where it will lead.

Oh yeah, and I almost forgot to mention, one thing that'a bit of a probelem is I dont have my licence right now (stupid this is expired) because I went to renew my learners which I still had bacause of a combination of being busy and to lazy to constantly practice my driving, never had enough practice to bother taking the driving test. Anyway, long story short, went to renew my learners one dar before work, and the fuckers tell me that the BC law changed AGAIN and no you cant just pay to renew it, you must re-take the test (which that day I didnt have the time to do) so it expired, and I am now without a licence and a car, I know that doesnt help my situation.

Help me GAF

~Black Deatha

 

[Tommie Hu$tle]

Hmmm sounds bad. I think you could always go with organizing a death cult online. Worked out well for this guy.

 

[Nikashi]

Wow, a depressed male around Valentine's day? Okay, reality check dude.

Valentine's Day is a holiday invented by greeting card companies to take up the slack between Christmas and Easter. Guys now have to go and spend money for no good reason to remind the person they are in love with that they are STILL in love with them, and somehow that chocolate is proof. If you really love someone, you don't need to set a day aside to remind each other.

You'll find someone. Just stop acting like you're the only person who hasn't had a serious relationship yet. And 20 years? Yeah, like you were all lonely for a woman when you were 11.

And I've heard cocky/funny works.

 

[kitchenmotors]

Do you have a job? Do you go to school? I would be more worried about getting a license and a car before trying to worry about finding a girlfriend. Don't seem so desperate about it, that might be your problem.

This post kind of reminds me of a recent Howard Stern caller, you don't have a creepy laugh do you?

 

[Black Deatha]

Wow, a depressed male around Valentine's day? Okay, reality check dude.

Valentine's Day is a holiday invented by greeting card companies to take up the slack between Christmas and Easter. Guys now have to go and spend money for no good reason to remind the person they are in love with that they are STILL in love with them, and somehow that chocolate is proof. If you really love someone, you don't need to set a day aside to remind each other.

You'll find someone. Just stop acting like you're the only person who hasn't had a serious relationship yet. And 20 years? Yeah, like you were all lonely for a woman when you were 11.

And I've heard cocky/funny works.

I said several times that I knew I wasnt the only one, not denying that at all, and your right, about the 20 year thing, wasnt being literal, mosr like 5 or 6 years I have really been wanting a gf, And damnit I KNOW about the Valentine's day bs, i never said it was the reason I created this thread, but rather just reminded me of the fact I am sick of being single, and wanted to see what the people at GAF could say to help. I dont care about Valentine's day, never have, it'll be another day, just another day in which I am reminded more so of my single status.

Do you have a job? Do you go to school? I would be more worried about getting a license and a car before trying to worry about finding a girlfriend. Don't seem so desperate about it, that might be your problem.

This post kind of reminds me of a recent Howard Stern caller, you don't have a creepy laugh do you?

Yes, No, and no creppy laugh.

And as for the job actualy I am just starting a new job on Monday, pays better than any I have had up till now, and if my post sounded desperate, it wasnt my intent, I was just trying to lay out the facts so that any who may have any suggestions wont have to ask a bunch of questions later, but apperantly I missed a few :lol.

And as for school, I plan to go back eventualy, but I just dont have the money yet, and I while I know what i want to do, I still ahevnt really worked out a plan for what courses I am going to take exactly and where.

~Black Deatha

 

[pjberri]

School (I assume you mean you want to go onto tertiary education, opposed to repeating HS) is one of the better places to meet people (not just girls), in my opinion. There's just an abundance of like-minded people there, it's virtually impossible to not meet nice people.

 

[AssMan]

You need some advice from the love doctor:

 

[Shinobi]

And I've heard cocky/funny works.

"Works for me."

 

[robertsan21]

Tell you you what.

we have all been in this situation, i remember when i was the same as you, i was very shy to confront a girl i liked but that changed after a while.

be yourself, walk up to the girl you like when she is alone speak to her and ask her to go out with you. i know you will do it in a shy way..as you are shy but dont worry about it. that look always works on girls!

just walk up as it was you best friend and let her know that you want to go out with her.

if she says no then shit happens!
its not your fault that she does not want to go out with you. and probably your better of without her anyway if she says no.

and dont think like you do. thats the main reason to your failure with women.
you say your afraid of getting turned down, well if she turns you down she turns you down dont think about it, at least now you know what she wants. you have nothing to lose?

if you dont go up to her and ask her then you will never know if she wants to meet or not

 

[speedpop]

Or you can always hang around the primary schools and coax a few girls in....

Seriously, you should take what your friends said to heart. Usually when you're not "finding" a girl, one just plops right in front of you. Of course you can't just sit on a couch and say well fuck me a girl will waltz in my lap right now. Go out, let down your hair, stop worrying about chicks because the first thing a girl wants to see in a guy is confidence. The next thing they will look for is of course your looks/penis size.

 

[lilraylewis]

I don't know, man. Maybe you should lower your standards a bit, if only for a short time. Judging by what you wrote, it seems as if your an decent looking guy with no game, so why not try working on building the ole' game up a bit? Pursue women you know you can get. Use your relationship with them as a learning experience. Learn to notice signals and do all that stuff you have no clue how to do because you haven't had a relationship in your 20 years on this earth.

I was in your same situation a few years ago. I was fat until I was 18, so I pretty much had 0 relationships all through high school. I finally got into shape, but I was really awkward around women and unsure of myself. My friends set me up on like 5 dates, and I blew each one. I asked a couple of girls out myself, but the dates didn't go so well due to lack of experience. I finally lowered my standards a bit, got used to being around women, and now, although I'm not a player or anything, but I don't have a hard time getting a fairly attractive woman.

 

[Brannon]

I'm not an expert, but I hear it's easier to get girls to look at you if you are already hooked up. Wierd phenomenon, and you should take advantage of this. So pretend you already have a great girlfriend, and the girls will come flocking to you!

This may or may not work so, uh, yeah.

 

[Willco]

I really can't say much, because I've had a pretty healthy social life since forever. There's not much game to it as many would have it seem. Chances are, if you're not a complete dick and you just be yourself, women will like you.

 

[robertsan21]

a way to tell if a girl fancy you

if you see a girl looking at you look at her aswell and smile give her acouple of looks once in a while and if she keeps checking you out your it dog, your the man! go up to her and just ask her there and then!

she will say yes!

 

[sefskillz]

I'd also like to add that you should stop asking girls out that you work with. Neither of you really want a relationship with a coworker and unless she's just all over you giving you blunt signals, I wouldn't bother even trying.

I'd say lower your standards a bit. You're not looking for marriage, you're looking for a date. You could probably use the date 'practice'. Start looking for women in other places, rather than bars and at work. This isn't too feasible without a car, so I dunno what to tell you.

You should know that you're really only 20 years old. That is young, there is plenty of time. Both of my long term relationships came from meeting a girl out of nowhere, when I wasn't actively pursuing... at a friend's birthday party or whatever. Some atmospheres are just easier to work in than others.

 

[Crispy]

I am in the same situation, 20 years old and only kissed some girls while going out with too much alcohol. I had kind-of a girlfriend but I don't even count that, since I only saw her three times and the only thing we did then was kiss, we had absolutely NOTHING to talk about.

Sometimes it gets me really down, especially when I see ALL of my friends having a healthy long-term relationship and most of them had several in their live. I then start to question myself and my social skills. While going out I don't approach girls, but that's mainly because I never see one checking me out, I guess I'm blind to the signs. I'm really someone who needs to get to know a girl at a party or something, but here comes my next problem.

I never get to meet new people. All of my friends have less and less time for me, they spend it with their girlfriend. At parties from friends it's always the same old people I already know, so no new contacts there. At school I get to know people, but they all live at the other side of the country, so I don't see them outside of school. I don't like sports, so that's not an option either. I am doing fitness right now, but there are mainly older people there.

So I don't see myself getting out of this situation anytime soon...I try not to think about it too much, but sometimes it gets too much. Like last week, I was at my grandma's birthday party and all of my uncles and aunts thought I was so good looking, I would probably have a lot of trouble with girls chasing me and they all think I'm some kind of womanizer. It really gets me down, because apparently, nothing is wrong with my looks, it's something in my personality that's not right.

 

[shuri]

It's all about the personality. if you are having problems dealing with talking and having a conversation with girls, go out with your friends and analyse how they talk with them. They hate insecurity, and if you cant have a conversation with them, it's over, pretty much.

It's the root of everything. Just find models and analyse how they do it, then apply what you learned to them. The second step is how you look, aka how you dress. While I know that jeans and tshirts are real comfortable around the house and at the mall, chicks think it's just a bit too simple. Once again, check around you and try to find a style that you like.

Dont make the mistake of copying some cool style that you dont like, how that it doesnt suit you at all, it'll come off pretty phony

Heck, as for the whole talking to chicks thing, when I was an early teen, what I did was to practice online.

WHAT?!

Yup, just find (real) girls online, around your age, and just start talking to them. You'll develop a method real quick. That what I was doing when I was 13-14. You'll know what works and what doesnt, and how to keep them interested. It's an excellent practice if you are too shy. And I'm not talking about going Rico Suave on them, it's just to build up experience on the whole dynamic of having a decent conversation.

Personality, self-confidence. The keywords here.

edit: OR TRY THIS

 

[Cubsfan23]

Help me GAF

o.k. since you asked nicely.

#1. Positive mindset- This means be positive 24/7/365 (366 in a leap year) Postive people only want to be around positive people. Once you notice a negative thought enterting your mind, you have to squash it immediately. The longer you do this, the easier it is to stay positive.

#2. 95% of your communication is body language (including eye contact) and voice tone. If you have those two down, it really doesn't matter what you say, especially if you bring that positive vibe.

#3 Stop trying to get a girl to complete your life. You have to be fufilled with yourself, even when you are single. Neediness and desperation will get you nowhere, as you may have noticed. FALL IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF. If you can't do that, how can you expect a girl to?



and finally, go to these links that helped me tremendously

www.doubleyourdating.com
http://www.fastseduction.com/youarenew
http://www.ga-forum.com/showthread.php?t=4568&highlight=ultimate+dating

 

[AssMan]

2. 95% of your communication is body language

WRONG! 65% is!

 

[Cubsfan23]

Studies in media messaging show that body language contributes to over 50% of the message, voice tone to a little under 40% and content of the message is attributed to less than 10% of what listeners remember about a presentation

http://www.aamc.org/members/facultydev/sept04/lessons.htm

 

[Wellington]

WRONG! 65% is!

Cubsfan vs. Hitch, WHO WINS!?

Just flirt with every potential girl you want to hook up with. Don't even do it blatantly, the ones that catch on and reciprocate are at least smart enough to understand and potentially like you.

If that doesn't work you can always just do like me and drink a lot.

 

[KiNeSiS]

I can help a little confidence and bravado go a long way.
Change up your swagger scrapper bitches like a man who is sure of himself.
You just need to get open and get the bitches open by maybe making them laugh.
Then just talk to them like a normal person for about 1-2 minutes get the number and break out.

After you hit the skins you can treat her like a second class citizen.

 

[Dilbert]

1) Short-term issues first: Not having a license or car at 20 is, to be frank, a HUGE turnoff for a girl. Get that situation rectified ASAP...and if your job isn't cutting it either, then you should think about what you need to do to get a better one. You don't have to be rich, but you need to be able to afford to take a girl out somewhere every once in a while, even if most of the time you do low-key stuff like renting movies or grabbing coffee.

2) You are always competing against other guys your age. At 20, a lot of them are in school and working part-time, so you're probably in about the same category...but in a couple of years, many of them will be graduated, starting up a career, and establishing themselves as adults. I strongly encourage you to keep going through school and make a plan about what you want for your future.

3) It is a contradiction in terms to complain about how you can't meet anyone...and yet be picky about who you want to date. Pick one.

4) Confidence and humor make up for a lot of other shortcomings, and you'll need them for situations OTHER than getting girls. Practice, practice, practice.

5) Valentine's Day is bullshit. If you're getting bummed out because some conglomerate invented a holiday, something is wrong.

 

[demi]

Phew, glad I'm not the only one.

 

[demon]

5) Valentine's Day is bullshit. If you're getting bummed out because some conglomerate invented a holiday, something is wrong.

Like I said in the other "woe is me" valentines day thread, it really has nothing to do about the 'holiday' itself, but the fact that every february there's this annual barrage of reminders from the media and our culture in general about relationships and love and so on, and regardless of the holiday being bullshit, the message is depressing. Maybe one of these days a girl will just "come out of no where" like people keep saying, but every aspect of my life is so out of whack and disappointing and full of regret that I don't know where to begin, what to try to make up for, and what to forget about and put behind me. Now if only I can figure all that out in the next 24 hours...

 

[Gorey]

The car thing is not insurmountable. I had plenty of luck with girls when I was 18-24, and I had no ride through the entire period. If you've got a good 'game', you can overcome just about any personal shortcoming.

Impression I get is that your standards are too high and you self confidence is shaky. The former is easy- relax and stop being so picky, it's all usefull experience. You've got plenty of years ahead of you to develop this. It's like going in for job interviews- the more of them you do, the better you get at it. You may not always enjoy the experience in terms of the emotional baggage, but at least your social skills with the opposite sex improve.

The later is more difficult, but others in this thread have tackled that already.

 

[pnjtony]

I used to be in the same boat...don't try to be thier friend right off the bat, you'll get stuck in that "friend" rut. Just have the attitude that if she shoots ya down, you don't give a shit. It took me YEARS to figure that out. The first time I threw it all out the window and laid it out on the line.....BAMM! worked like a charm.

Oh yeah, and find out if they have a boyfriend FIRST genius.....

 

[DJ Sl4m]

If you think that's bad, imagine having a girl you can't get rid of, esp one that's physcho.
This bitch I have needs to get the fuck, and soon, while I still have any sanity left.

 

[MoxManiac]

I just accepted my fate and move on. And i've got you beat, will be 22 next month.

 

[rkn]

lower your standards

 

[marsomega]

If you think that's bad, imagine having a girl you can't get rid of, esp one that's physcho.
This bitch I have needs to get the fuck, and soon, while I still have any sanity left.

Aren't you enaged?

 

[theo]

I want a girl I am actualy attracted to, I mean I am deffinatly not overweight, and I would like any girl I have to be roughtly my size. Are my standerds (if you wanna call them that) too high or unresonable?

you're standards are too high

i suggest you go hog hunting

 

[DJ Sl4m]

Aren't you enaged?

Yea, lol
It looks like it'll stay that way too, I'm not marrying under these circumstances. :/

 

[J2 Cool]

In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.

 

[Folder]

In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.

That's cliched childish bullshit, for the record...

 

[Kuro Madoushi]

Cubsfan's advice on following Cocky and Funny works quite well

In addition to the cock and the fun, remember to try and tease girls in a way that'll make them laugh.

Other than that, I think your mindset is wrong. If Cock and Fun don't work for you, try Doc Love: http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove_250/266_relationship_expert.html

If anything, just reading the articles will give you a reality check, hopefully boost your confience, and help you read signals from women better

Best of luck...and Valentine's Day is a good place to start, there'll be other like-minded lonely women looking for meat too.

 

[Dilbert]

Cock and Fun

:lol :lol :lol :lol

 

[Black Deatha]

Wow, thanks guy's this is what I was hoping for, some actual good advice.

One thing though, when refering to building up confidence and falling in love with one's self, wouldent that make a person very vein?

But in any case I don't lack ALL self confidence, I think I dress ok, I usualy do wear jeans, and a t-shirt, sometimes I wear a button/collar shirt over it left unbuttoned (whatever that style is called) and actualy, I just recantly bought my self a black leather bomber, I have wanted one for years, and saw it for a good price. My one freind laughed at me bout it, but I think it looks really good, and everyone besids that friend says to too.

Let's see, oh, my new job shouldent be bad, it's a full time job, starts at $10 per hour, I just recantly quit my lest job I was at for 2 years and HATED (Real Canadian Superstore), I also am pretty good at saving my money when there's something I want to buy or have nothing to buy, I don't let it burn a hole in my account.

As for the driving or lack there of thing, I do plan to fix that eventualy, just have to re-take the damn written test, I suspose I was never in a big hurry to drive because I wasnt looking forward to what i was seeing my freinds who drove going through, cost of car insurance, hit truck constantly breaking down.

And to the other's in the same boat as me, I know how you feel (obviously) it sucks.

~Black Deatha

 

[MrSingh]

yup. another vote for cocky and funny. it always works.

 

[android]

You need some advice from the love doctor:

"Get a bigger penis"

 

[evilromero]

Hmmm. Do drugs and go to parties. You'll meet a lot of girls because you'll impress people with your wit and physical humor. You'll wake up the next morning with a girl next to you.

 

[Black Deatha]

Hmmm. Do drugs and go to parties. You'll meet a lot of girls because you'll impress people with your wit and physical humor. You'll wake up the next morning with a girl next to you.

See, that's kinda a problem for me here, what with being aganst drugs and all. And as for partys, I never go to them, and my freind's are they types that dont either.. In fact many of them are less outgoing than myself, that doesnt help.

"Get a bigger penis"

That's one area I dont think is much of a problem Mr. Smith.

Oh yeah, and for any intrested, this is the leather jacket I bought here.

~Black Deatha

 

[radioheadrule83]

I can't complain. I don't get much because I don't approach girls. I know full well it's just a confidence thing.

I rationalise it to myself. To be honest, I look at it this way... I get what I deserve.

• I treat myself like shit.
• I stay up all night after I get home from work out of the basic principle: I must do something interesting/engaging every day, even if its from the comfort of a chair in my bedroom.
• I eat & drink utter garbage
• I make adequete attempts (at best) to make myself look good.

I see plenty of people I know tethered to women all around me and they all have one thing in common: more problems and worries than me.

I'm thoroughly enjoying being a laid back, single nerd.

I am pretty fucking ashamed of the way I've been with girls when I actually wanted a girlfriend. Back in my teen years and stuff... I was dire, but not unlike other teens I suppose. I got needy, over-emotional. Now I just don't give a shit. I wanna fuck pretty much every passable woman I meet sometimes, but we all know a quick meeting with madame palm and her five sisters sorts out any of that crazy shit. I would like the caring and companionship that comes with having a partner -- but no way. I am who I am. I'm that person right NOW. If people can't like me for who I am without me spending shit loads of money on living right and looking good - are they really worth it? Right now, after the years of chasing people around, I prefer to spend my time being nice to myself. It seems everyone else is incapable of doing it unless you bribe them by changing who you are.

Maybe in a few years I'll care enough to change my tune.

 

[dem]

This is what bars are for

 

[demon]

This is what bars are for

I've been to bars, and that don't do shit for me. I hardly ever see a girl in a bar I'd be remotely interested in who's obviously single or alone or not with a guy, let alone one I find attractive. Much of the time they're total meat markets anyway. This weekend I had nothing to do and no one to do it with (typical) so I went to a couple bars on friday and saturday night, and that's probably the first time I've ever gone out to bars by myself. And I realized if you can't meet people outside of bars, you can't meet people in bars. I just don't understand how bars are seen as popular places to hook up.

 

[Cubsfan23]

One thing though, when refering to building up confidence and falling in love with one's self, wouldent that make a person very vein?

The whole idea of that is, when you love yourself, you don't have to get it from other people; it just becomes a bonus when do you get it from others.

 

[Boogie]

The whole idea of that is, when you love yourself, you don't have to get it from other people; it just becomes a bonus when do you get it from others.

Except when you get so "satisfied" with being on your own that you don't bother to try for anything more and find someone.

 

[OpinionatedCyborg]

That's cliched childish bullshit, for the record...

It's also a reference to Scarface and not meant to be taken seriously, for the record...

 

[OpinionatedCyborg]

Except when you get so "satisfied" with being on your own that you don't bother to try for anything more and find someone.

You don't need to try to find someone...confident, happy people will find others naturally without trying. The first mistake people make when getting girls IS trying. Act like yourself and you'll be fine.

 

[Cubsfan23]

Except when you get so "satisfied" with being on your own that you don't bother to try for anything more and find someone.

No i would call that staying in your comfort zone and playing it safe.