Who cares who was first? I'm glad more players in major sports are coming out
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LGBThread |OT3| Friends of Dorothy!
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VICTORsaurio
Member
My mom was recently diagnosed with lung cancer. We don't know too much about it yet, she's going today to see a doctor with the results of the last tests they did to her biopsy (my older brother is taking her). I saw she was crying before leaving to work so I sat with her to comfort her a bit. Then she told me something I never thought I would hear from her: she said she was sorry if she wasn't a good mother to me, if she wasn't there when I needed her. That "people" told her she had to distance herself from me because it wasn't good for me (to be too close to her, because that's what made me gay, apparently).
I told her she was crazy and she was the best mother anyone could ask for. When I was teen my parents sort of forced me to come out (I probably should have been more careful covering my tracks, though). To my surprise, my father was more accepting of it, even though they both were forcing me to go to a shrink. In response I did take some distance from her and even after all this time, things haven't been the same, even though she accepts me now (and has for a while). I love her very much and I don't have any bad feelings, I feel I'm just very independent (and have always been) for better or worse.
I'm trying to be more loving to her now that she needs it the most. I'm still in shock about what she said to me and it just kills me to know that people would ever advice a mother (or a father) to distance themselves from their (gay) children because they've turned them gay and that's bad. We all need our parents and even more during a tough moment like coming out.
I still think I'm very lucky and I have the best parents in the world and I can't belive she had been holding this in for so long, I'm glad she let it out because I felt like she really believed she needed to be forgiven by me.
I told her she was crazy and she was the best mother anyone could ask for. When I was teen my parents sort of forced me to come out (I probably should have been more careful covering my tracks, though). To my surprise, my father was more accepting of it, even though they both were forcing me to go to a shrink. In response I did take some distance from her and even after all this time, things haven't been the same, even though she accepts me now (and has for a while). I love her very much and I don't have any bad feelings, I feel I'm just very independent (and have always been) for better or worse.
I'm trying to be more loving to her now that she needs it the most. I'm still in shock about what she said to me and it just kills me to know that people would ever advice a mother (or a father) to distance themselves from their (gay) children because they've turned them gay and that's bad. We all need our parents and even more during a tough moment like coming out.
I still think I'm very lucky and I have the best parents in the world and I can't belive she had been holding this in for so long, I'm glad she let it out because I felt like she really believed she needed to be forgiven by me.
If I was straight it would totally change me. If i had to go by my straight cousins and father and how they lived their lives, I would be a daddy 3 or 5 times over with several different women, not married and paying child support. The only thing good would be being comfortable in my own sexuality. I probably not be interested in the Japanese language or even travel abroad. I might even have a few felonies like my male cousins and probably be locked up in jail for doing stupid straight male things.
I guess I should be grateful for being gay. I'm the only one of my male family members over 18 to finish college and travel abroad and not to have some sort of criminal record.
I guess I should be grateful for being gay. I'm the only one of my male family members over 18 to finish college and travel abroad and not to have some sort of criminal record.
Victor, I just read your post. That must have been terrible to hear.
No, I mean "identities" in the sense that you can have identities like "son", "brother", "liberal", "Catholic," "Republican," "immigrant", "men's right advocate," "racist", or as a member of a profession and so forth. Some identities are externally defined (e.g. your identity as a brother sort of depends on whether you have siblings) and others are defined internally based on your beliefs and your identification with the label. I came to some of my identities (e.g. feminist, antiracist, atheist) directly or indirectly as a result of my experiences growing up gay.
No, I mean "identities" in the sense that you can have identities like "son", "brother", "liberal", "Catholic," "Republican," "immigrant", "men's right advocate," "racist", or as a member of a profession and so forth. Some identities are externally defined (e.g. your identity as a brother sort of depends on whether you have siblings) and others are defined internally based on your beliefs and your identification with the label. I came to some of my identities (e.g. feminist, antiracist, atheist) directly or indirectly as a result of my experiences growing up gay.
I don't think being gay is an on/off switch, so I don't think I just would be the same person, sexuality is so heavily intertwined with every aspect of your self I see no problem people feeling so strongly about it, it's not something like eye color, or handedness, hell I don't think it can even ve compared to race.
I don't know if anybody care about Cannes but the Palme d'Or went to "La vie d'Adele", a french movie about a Lesbian relationship. It's an adaptation from a graphic novel (Le Bleu est une couler chaude, "Blue is a warm color). Obviously haven't seen the movie yet but I have read the comic and it's a great read. (and really moving, especially if you're soft like me >.>)
Again, I'll have to disagree with this because the personalities I've known that are the closest to mine belong to straight guys. My best friend is so absurdly, ridiculously similar to me in a ton of aspects, and that doesn't change because we watch different porn. In Mumei's case I can see why it "triggered" particular interests, and identities as he says.
I often wonder what kind of gay person would I be, if i had a hot body and good looks. Would I sleep around? Would I do porn? Like a guy I know on facebook, he is so attractive and sexy but isn't in a relationship but he does sleep around he says. He's been to almost every Caribbean island and got f-ed by a lot of those island guys. He has the looks and body. He often likes to jog shirtless wearing skimpy shorts and running shoes. I envy him.
Amibguous Cad
Member
He came out immediately after his season ended. He won't get a chance to play until the NBA's offseason is over.
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
Very highbrow stuff, Mumei.
But I understand what you're saying. I suppose being bi has helped to shape me into the person I am today, but probably not as much being gay has shaped you.
Come to think of it, I would like to have some sexual relations with a woman. Most of the guys I run into mostly want to be like a woman. I mean act and want to be called a woman not a gay male. Like this one person I walked out on when he told me "I really want you to play with my pussy.."
I like men who look and act like men (prefer vers/top since most vers/bots end up being total bots.) But I have fantasized sometimes about women. Would be nice to have spontaneous sex without worrying about poop.
If i had a girl with a common sense, good looks, and independent who wants a relationship for companionship and sex (and not a source of income or meals) I would be ok with that. Then again, those only appear to exist in the movies.
I like men who look and act like men (prefer vers/top since most vers/bots end up being total bots.) But I have fantasized sometimes about women. Would be nice to have spontaneous sex without worrying about poop.
If i had a girl with a common sense, good looks, and independent who wants a relationship for companionship and sex (and not a source of income or meals) I would be ok with that. Then again, those only appear to exist in the movies.
Wha? There are plenty of those in the world.
lol, the problem is that the competition for them is stiff.
Forgot to add "one that works a day job 9-5ish and who's idea of going out is not confined to 12:00 AM at a club.."
Bah, I don't believe you!
Same here.
fem guys are lots of funI used to be like that...and still am when it would be who I find attractive and want a relationship with, but I can see "fem" guys to be really fun to hang out with. Previously people like Tyler Oakley who is big on youtube would turn me off to the gay scene, but I find him so hilarious now and even others I've found. I think part of that personality exists in me a bit, but not as out there or crazy.
Naked Snake
Member
I find a touch of femininity in some guys very attractive, but in a tossup I'd probably go with a full on masculine man.
I'd say my ex bf had subtle hints of femininity, mainly in the way he talked and walked, but he was hairy and looked masculine.
I'd say my ex bf had subtle hints of femininity, mainly in the way he talked and walked, but he was hairy and looked masculine.
chronos4590
Member
I've always thought the same thing. Granted My family has not quite had the same experiences that yours had from what you typed down, but I think my sexuality made me want to put a barrier on some people and stay extra cautious with who i'm with and who i associated myself with. I didn't hang out with certain people unless i knew they were ok with being gay, hence me always being with my fellow music and theater nerds Lol. Anyone else that I was still ok with in school i didn't want to hang out with them much outside of school. There were quite a decent number of reckless people straight at my school and i think if i was straight i would've been felt more inclined to follow the status quo. For me at least I think it helped me be above any high school influence. Plus being a double minority, not being part of the status quo was not a problem with me. its natural lol
Cosmic Bus
pristine morning snow
Femme guys are my kryptonite. If there's chest hair? I might faint.
In my day to day, happening across a very attractive guy can sometimes elicit a mental thumbs-up; if they're exhibiting some femme characteristics, though, it's almost hypnotic and I invariably feel my pulse quicken and my face gets red and hot. Handsome-cute + body hair + femme = driving me wild.
Unfortunately, they generally want either a big, strong, masculine man or someone equally feminine and precious. I am neither, so they tend to look right through me.
Same for me, I think. Not that I need a guy to be uber-macho or something, just a regular guy
Had to share this
Loves me some Latino men.
I know how you feel. I'm the big fat scary looking guy so they think i am straight and run away from me. There is something so hot and sexy about fem guys. I like their energy and attitude.
Loves me some Latino men.
I know how you feel. I'm the big fat scary looking guy so they think i am straight and run away from me. There is something so hot and sexy about fem guys. I like their energy and attitude.
CornBurrito
Member
To bring back a semi old topic, I think I'd instantly choose to be straight if I could. I have had 2 girls that I am 99.99% sure liked me. I've had 0 male friends after middle school. I could probably already be in a happy relationship if I were straight.
I didn't even notice he had earrings lol.Jubei, yes, there are some hot guys here
And jubei, those earings are a BIG BIG turnoff for me. I can't stand them. And I've seen lots of guys wearing them as if that gave them a more "macho" look when it doesn't.
There are times when I wish I was living in Mexico or Puerto Rico just for the men there.
For the love of God I hope the kevin guy is ok.
1. I don't want a good person to die! And he seemed to be nice
2. Sex is not worthy of a suicide.
3. I can imagine the headlines: "NeoGAF killed a guy".
(I dunno if this is the right place to post that but I feel safe with you guys without half of gaf jumping on me)
1. I don't want a good person to die! And he seemed to be nice
2. Sex is not worthy of a suicide.
3. I can imagine the headlines: "NeoGAF killed a guy".
(I dunno if this is the right place to post that but I feel safe with you guys without half of gaf jumping on me)
shut UP.
I was contemplating suicide last week but I also thought "I'm sure as a ghost I'll feel stupid for doing that" so guess what I'm alive and kicking
Awful situation, and as a result of that crappy thread Honestly it's more about depression than virginity. I lost my virginity when I was 21 and not only never felt the need to kill myself before, it was so NOT worth the "pressure" you feel when you're older and still a virgin. There's this other guy in that thread asking "why should I not kill myself if I'm 24 and a virgin?" and it seems like he got ignored. Holy crap, I can't even begin to understand... I feel lucky that I've always been really in love with life and I can't see myself ending it under any circumstances.
I'll repeatedly senretsukyaku you if you say that again, neojubei(((
Honestly it's more about depression than virginity. I lost my virginity when I was 21 and not only never felt the need to kill myself before, it was so NOT worth the "pressure" you feel when you're older and still a virgin. There's this other guy in that thread asking "why should I not kill myself if I'm 24 and a virgin?" and it seems like he got ignored. Holy crap, I can't even begin to understand... I feel lucky that I've always been really in love with life and I can't see myself ending it under any circumstances.I'll repeatedly senretsukyaku you if you say that again, neojubei
(((Cosmic Bus
pristine morning snow
jubei, you've been doing noticeably better these days and I hope you keep it going!
Thoughts of suicide (thoughts -- not impulses) on are my mind every single day, but for better or worse, nothing's come of it in the past four years or so. It still feels like the inevitable conclusion for me, yet at the same time, I think I'm too stubborn to let go of the always-out-of-reach fantasy I've been chasing.
Thoughts of suicide (thoughts -- not impulses) on are my mind every single day, but for better or worse, nothing's come of it in the past four years or so. It still feels like the inevitable conclusion for me, yet at the same time, I think I'm too stubborn to let go of the always-out-of-reach fantasy I've been chasing.
Seconded, I'm rooting for you from my corner here.
As someone who attempted suicide more than once I can say the thoughts are completely off my head, and I couldn't feel better (well in all honestly I could, but anyway...) I just can't even wrap my head around suicide thoughts anymore, which completely shocked me the first time I realize it. I hate this next phrase because it's so corny, but it seriously gets better. It's going to need some work though no matter what, but it's possible.
I'm completely uninformed about it, but I'd say it'd be a good idea to seek help in case of constant suicidal thoughts, right? I've been lucky that I haven't lost anyone because of suicide so it's a completely alien topic to me.
Life is way too awesome guys, and this comes from a single, mostly closeted guy with an incredibly crappy dating history
Life is way too awesome guys, and this comes from a single, mostly closeted guy with an incredibly crappy dating history
Cosmic Bus
pristine morning snow
Speaking only for myself, therapy only gets you so far: talking is talking is talking and that won't ever stop the screwed-up chemical cocktail in my brain from causing the thoughts. My therapist tried to ingrain some habits to combat negative thinking, but it just wouldn't click. I was a pessimist and a defeatist even as a little kid, so there's a lifetime of behavior to be undone (if it can be at all).
Medication might help with my more serious issue, but that isn't an option.
Medication might help with my more serious issue, but that isn't an option.
I had the luck to find the greatest shrink ever, after like 5 failed attempts, they guy is a pro. Unfortunately they aren't easy to find, and they are very expensive. (tip: a therapist being expensive is in no way a sign he or she is good).
talks with him boil down to one thing: the only one who can help you is yourself, no one else. It's far easier said than done, of course.
Oh and also zero drugs, he was completely against them, for him depression is misdiagnosed in the majority of cases, which is why results are so unreliable. There are some cases where drugs are needed, the man works mostly with drug addicts (and rich people's kids with several problems) so he uses medications sometimes, but it's only in extreme, rare cases. Drug companies don't like that, obviously.
talks with him boil down to one thing: the only one who can help you is yourself, no one else. It's far easier said than done, of course.
Oh and also zero drugs, he was completely against them, for him depression is misdiagnosed in the majority of cases, which is why results are so unreliable. There are some cases where drugs are needed, the man works mostly with drug addicts (and rich people's kids with several problems) so he uses medications sometimes, but it's only in extreme, rare cases. Drug companies don't like that, obviously.
I'm speaking from my experience though.
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