Hello everybody! I've had some interesting developments in my dating life in the past couple of weeks that Id like to get some insights on, but first some background info.
I'm 28. I lack any real long term relationships. The longest I've ever been with someone was in high school and that was a secretive year long thing. Looking back I wouldnt say that this was a healthy relationship. My boyfriend treated me poorly for the majority of the time we were together. This was also the last person I have had penetrative sex with. Everything since then has been hj bj combos with friends or really, really short term relationships ranging from a week to a month or so. I'm used to being by myself emotionally and physically. Looking back I'd have to say that out of all the guys I tried to build relationships with there are only two of which I feel like I missed out on something or had real potential with. I've always sort of felt I just haven't ended up liking that many people for whatever reason. Until I was 27 I lived in a smaller town. I thought moving to Seattle would jump-start my quest for a significant other, but its taken longer than Ive expected to connect with someone or to feel comfortable enough to do so. After two years this is where Im at...
After another confused straight boy crush earlier this summer I met a bisexual guy on OKC who was keen on ditching his then girlfriend if things went well between us. I initially pushed him away saying it was a bad idea. He then came back saying his girlfriend said it was okay for him to experiment and some crap like that. After some back and forth we decided to be friends. Right before our we met each other in real life I see that he has become engaged to his girlfriend. I checked with him to confirm that this was a friends only thing. From then on out, friends. Hes sweet and has similar interests to me. Ive enjoyed his company and Ive been needing a friend myself.
About two weeks ago him and his girlfriend broke up. He had previously mentioned to me that things were rocky between them. He had also implied that he popped the question to see how serious she was about the relationship.(who does that?) That sounded pretty strange to me honestly and if the things before werent a clear indicator Id probably now be wise to avoid getting involved with him romantically. Its clear he has some issues he needs to settle with his sexuality. Im bored and lonely and upon finding he feels the same we make some plans. He came over to watch a movie the other night and I thought at most wed maybe cuddle. Less than ten minutes in his hands are up my shirt and down my pants and were moving full force into sexy times. I felt a familiar sensation creep up; paralysing fear. We attempted to do the easier things, but I didnt feel turned on and couldnt get hard. He wanted to have sex, but I told him I couldnt even though I had been thinking about doing this with him for a while. We finished up the movie just holding each other. The next day I felt bad, broken and like Id never be able to be intimate with someone. I was totally blaming myself because I had encounters with people in the past where the first time was so nerve wracking for me that I couldnt enjoy myself. I sort of figured it would be this way forever at the rate things were going. Needless to say I wasnt looking forward to my date that I had planned that night earlier in the week with another OKC person.
I met him at the bookstore and we decided to go to a coffee shop. Hes taller than me, younger by five years and comes across as rather intelligent and worldly for his age. We share a few surface level nerdy interests. Hes into metal, has some facial piercings and works at a homeless youth center. He comes off a bit brash, but hes handsome and has a warm, bubbly personality. After about an hour he suggests we head over to my place since its on his way home and watch a movie. We park it on my bed and gradually move to the same place I was the night before, but this time we actually watch the movie to its conclusion.
I dont know exactly what he did differently. This guy made me feel comfortable, sexy and excited. He was just the right amount of aggressive without being pushy. Before the night was over I had done a lot of things that I wouldnt have imagined doing on a first date with anyone else. I got the impression he knew what he was doing and I was more than happy to let him show me the ropes. Of course we asked each other about our sexual history and statuses before going too far. He wanted to go all the way, but I told him I wasnt ready for that yet. He was fine with that as there were plenty of other things to do. I was elated that I was finally clicking with someone.
Next day I went into work lacking sleep, but feeling really good. We kept in touch and made plans for the weekend. He texted me saying that he wished we were still laying in bed holding each other. I felt the same and pushed on through the day smiling. Friday night I met him at a concert and he introduced me to a few of his friends. Later that night they dropped us at my place and we had another fun night trying all kinds of things. We both lived up to our OKC versatile answers. Hah! I cant even put into words how nice it was to finally feel close to someone. Its like all the worries and anxieties Ive had about opening up to people intimately have gone away.
Now, for the negative stuff. Due to my personality and previous situation I tend to look for problems where there arent any. The flipside however is I dont want to be an idiot should I be missing something. Should I be worried that hes such a master in bed? Hes so sweet and has a million nice things to say to me that at times it feels too good to be true. On the other hand I might be so fucked in the head that I cant comprehend why someone would like me that much. He says he has only had one boyfriend and hasnt had sex for a long time (I realize thats relative). After he asked me how long it has been since Ive been tested and what Ive done since then (as well as disclosing his own information) he asked if I would want to have sex without a condom. I told him that I wasnt comfortable with the idea at this time. Should that be setting off an alarm? I mean, Im writing this so obviously it did. Based on everything I hear the last thing I want to do is have unprotected sex with anyone. It seems like the easiest solution is to go get tested together and avoid assuming anything bad because Im thinking that I like having him around. The only other negative thing that has come up is his casual interest in astrology. I always feel like Im in the minority not wanting to talk about that garbage. Im at the point where Id be happy to see this go somewhere. If it doesnt Ive at least gotten over my initial fear of intimacy and I think Id have a lot less anxiety about dating other guys. Any thoughts or opinions would be appreciated.