i can't wait it's gonna be so amazing...If I Ever Feel Better (thats a music reference)
for real though i got sick at coachella. so much fucking dust
among other things :x
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LGBThread |OT3| Friends of Dorothy!
- Thread starter Sai-kun
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i can't wait it's gonna be so amazing...If I Ever Feel Better (thats a music reference)
for real though i got sick at coachella. so much fucking dust
kitchenmotors
Banned
That's terrible... at least you got to see so many great bands. Tuesday is gonna be epic. I'm considering getting that $50 poster, btw. :O
DR2K
Banned
I was more gentlemen than usual, but I figured I'd try the classy approach to dating. Since the other way is not working.
Dead Prince
Banned
So today my boss and some of our co-workers were in a meeting room waiting for some people to arrive. They were pretty late so we ended up talking about random stuff like movies and tv shows. Somehow the show Glee came up. My boss mentions that he's not a fan of what the show teaches. I ask him to elaborate. He says that the makers of the show are pushing a homosexual agenda in too much of an in-your-face and obnoxious manner. At that point, I pretty much responded with "Ahh yeah I know some people don't like that," and the conversation continued on to something else. He is five years older than I am, and he used to be my co-worker before he was promoted to be my boss. He does not know I'm gay, but three of my co-workers do, and they were quiet during the whole Glee conversation.
I was mentioning this to another gay gaffer, and he considered what my boss said offensive because of the use of "homosexual agenda." I didn't really feel offended though, and it didn't really affect my opinion of him. I still respect and admire him a lot. Primarily, because he's a smart programmer, and he's just a cool kid to talk to. What do you guys think? Should I have said something? Do you consider what he said offensive (maybe considering his role as a manager)?
I was mentioning this to another gay gaffer, and he considered what my boss said offensive because of the use of "homosexual agenda." I didn't really feel offended though, and it didn't really affect my opinion of him. I still respect and admire him a lot. Primarily, because he's a smart programmer, and he's just a cool kid to talk to. What do you guys think? Should I have said something? Do you consider what he said offensive (maybe considering his role as a manager)?
MyAbsolution
Member
I woulda dropped the bomb right then and there and seen his face go red.
People usually feel like shit and pull 180 when you do.
People usually feel like shit and pull 180 when you do.
Sigh. I've been in that situation - someone you really admire and appreciate having a not-very-informed opinion on homosexuality. I'll be honest, I try to not let it bother me as much as I can. I don't think having this... particularly strong bad point completely negates all the positive aspects of a person. Am I wrong? :/
In my case, and it was quite recently, the man I admire the most and who I consider a second father said "I've heard [X country, I can't even remember] has an uneven man-to-woman ratio population-wise, so the homosexuality rate over there is horrible". He's absolutely NOT an ignorant man, he's pretty much the smartest/wisest human being I know in person and my role model since I was a kid. We match a lot (maybe not in the smart/wise department
), we're always talking to each other and kind of isolate from the rest of the extended family, lol. we have a ton in common and he's been a huge influence in my life.
So those words were a bit painful And while it wasn't downright hate and bigotry, it was painted by him as something undesirable at the very least. Again, I just decided this aspect of him (which had never been present anyway) won't make me suddenly change my mind on him. He's human and he's not perfect, and I'm confident he appreciates me as I appreciate him. That same day we had dinner and had an amazing talk until really late at night
In my case, and it was quite recently, the man I admire the most and who I consider a second father said "I've heard [X country, I can't even remember] has an uneven man-to-woman ratio population-wise, so the homosexuality rate over there is horrible". He's absolutely NOT an ignorant man, he's pretty much the smartest/wisest human being I know in person and my role model since I was a kid. We match a lot (maybe not in the smart/wise department
), we're always talking to each other and kind of isolate from the rest of the extended family, lol. we have a ton in common and he's been a huge influence in my life.So those words were a bit painful
And while it wasn't downright hate and bigotry, it was painted by him as something undesirable at the very least. Again, I just decided this aspect of him (which had never been present anyway) won't make me suddenly change my mind on him. He's human and he's not perfect, and I'm confident he appreciates me as I appreciate him. That same day we had dinner and had an amazing talk until really late at night Gay agenda is the dumbest thing people ever discuss. It's not like we're running an Illuminati cult here. And even if we were, I don't know why they make it out to be such a terrible thing. At least we'd look good taking over the world.
If any of you oust the secret brother/sisterhood you're getting demoted to rank 1 apprentice oathkeeper!
MyAbsolution
Member
It doesnt make them bad people. But if no one tells them otherwise they will continue saying stupid shit. Hell they might even change their tune and become a better person for it?
ShadyLurker
Member
Do you think doing this could change people's perspective? I mean assuming the people you told liked or respected you before you told them.
Do you think they gain respect for all gay people and think something like "hey MyAbsolution is a great guy, maybe being gay isn't so bad" or do they just change their opinion of you to fit their worldview "MyAbsolution is gay? I never did like him much"
Have you ever had experience with either happening?
Instigator
Banned
Well, he's at least 50% right. Glee is obnoxious.
As for your main issue, some people will never be comfortable around gays. I don't consider it offensive, particularly if he's just bitching about a kiddy show. At least you know where he stands.
I don't think you really had to say anything. Arguing with your boss in the heat of the moment is not too smart. Not everything has to be a battle. Though knowledge about your situation is bound to come out, you just just need to figure out what you will do then or maybe pre-emptively inform the boss at a more appropriate time. Maybe discuss unrelated equal right issues with him and see where he stands overall.
Instigator
Banned
What you say is completely ridiculous.
Everybody has agendas. And organizations lobbying for changes in society definitely have agendas too. Just like anti-gay right groups have agendas. The word agenda itself is not bad here and it's quite appropriate.
It may be used as a big boogeyman by opponents of gay rights, but if they're for traditional marriages and believe God doesn't sanction homosexuality, then of course they're going to oppose the gay agenda. Especially at this turning point in history, they may feel their whole world is slipping. The time to act would definitely be now.
I'm not surprised that relatively liberal France has had these huge protests against gay rights lately.
Everyone may have an agenda, but "gay agenda" is an explicitly coded term loudly advanced by people who would have everyone believe that there's an element of counterculture at work with the aim of compelling children to turn gay and usurp morality. Real, non-straw gay agenda? Love and acceptance for gay people and equal protections under the law. Period. Are you really surprised that gay people don't wish to lend legitimacy to the talking points of bigots by using their dog whistle terminology? Really now.
DR2K
Banned
Nope, just a kiss.
Online dating is never about:
- Serious relationships
- Friendship
It's pretty much a rule
well actually that's how i met my boyfriend.
this august will be our 5th anniversary
if he's using the phrase 'homosexual agenda', it's very unlikely he's that smart.
what you did is fine. not everyone needs to draw battle lines
if he's using the phrase 'homosexual agenda', it's very unlikely he's that smart.
what you did is fine. not everyone needs to draw battle lines
honestly i think its a matter of priorities.
some of my colleagues say from time to time some extremely homophobic shit, and while I definitely have a temper and confront them i do not tell them i'm gay, because you know at the end of the day
- that's none of their damn business
- i prefer not to make the workplace uncomfortable
if it's just a one time thing you can brush it off your shoulders and go on with your life, because you know you are not supposed to feed the troll
DR2K
Banned
See the results you get by not putting out?
Sex isn't a big deal to me.
Side note is everyone a bottom? I swear since I grew my beard out they've been coming to me out of the wood work. Its really nice.
Just joking about playing hard to get making people more interested. And beards have that effect on people
Bel Marduk
Banned
I haven't seen Glee for a long time but I'm pretty sure its just that they have gay characters on the show. What your manager said was not only offensive but downright fucking hateful. Think about the phrase "homosexual agenda" and what it means to people. What is it? If you're talking about the gay rights movement.. then our agenda is to have the same rights as everyone else. If you're against it then it would have to mean that we somehow don't deserve equal rights!
You should have called out your manager right then and there. Too late for that, I suppose, but you can still contact HR and let them know what he said. Imagine if he would have said the same thing about any other minority group? Would you have said something to him then? "homosexual agenda" is very hateful and anyone who holds that sort of opinion is not a "cool kid to talk to."
RadioHeadAche
Member
Once the whole world is gay, victory will be ours.
one of us
one of us
one of us
one of us
one of us
one of us
If you weren't offended you have no obligation to be, but I would have got all in his face over that. Wanker.
Instigator
Banned
Militant GAF at the barricades yet again.
GasProblem
Member
I want Karofsky back
I had a similar conversation about this supposed "gay agenda" recently. One (gay) guy claimed that nowadays there are hardly any movies, TV series or books without gay characters (which is bullshit in itself as shown by the conversation you guys had few pages back, when it was hard to find a TV series where gay characters aren't either a stereotypical comic relief or just minor characters) and thus the "gay agenda" is more and more obvious and that may annoy straight people. And I found that ridiculous. How can showing characters with certain features that exist in real world be considered artificial and forced? It's like saying that having a dark-skinned character is "pushing black agenda" or having a single strong independent women is "pushing feminist agenda". Such people exist among us so why do some people expect that they will suddenly disappear from fictional worlds that are based on the real world?
But I don't think what he said was offensive, rather stupid or ignorant. I haven't see Glee (other than few ads for the show itself or that starred characters from the show) so I don't know how obnoxious it really is (some characters really seem stereotypical). But, as I said earlier, I find the whole "homosexual agenda" argument simply ridiculous. It wouldn't change my mind on the person, though, because we all have some stupid opinions that we hold on to. But I would gladly discuss the matter with the guy (no need to mention that you are gay).
Bel Marduk
Banned
Care to elaborate, Instigator?
Instigator
Banned
There's such a thing as tokenism.
Glee's depiction of homosexual characters is dreadful. The main gay guy is an asshole but all his action are depicted as positive and supposedly empowering. I find it really grating. I'm always baffled when Glee is cited as a show with a positive representation of homosexual. (granted I couldn't stand the show as a whole, so I haven't seen all of it).
The term "Gay agenda" is fucking bullshit though, it has clear negative connotations and it's certainly not an okay thing to use...
The term "Gay agenda" is fucking bullshit though, it has clear negative connotations and it's certainly not an okay thing to use...
Instigator
Banned
I don't think the situation warranted blowing up, wiggling fingers and educating the imbeciles.
I realize many GAFFERs are just students and have not started careers. It makes a difference when you actually have to work with people for the long haul. You don't want to create a toxic environment and have the whole dynamics of the workplace work against you, perhaps even forcing you to leave.
In other words, choose your battles carefully. Be friendly and use diplomacy.
LOL, how old are you?
Bel Marduk
Banned
Saying hateful things creates a toxic environment.
DR2K
Banned
Aka stay in the closet.
Instigator
Banned
Yes, and as a superior, it's definitely more of his responsibility, but calling him out in a hostile manner won't likely help matters.
But shutting up will help matters? That is how people get away with this shit. Of course being hostile won't help but you can certainly speak up.
Edit: Or should I just say you are too young to understand and dismiss you?
But why does it have to be in hostile manner? There's always such a thing as casual discussion.
Phonomezer
Banned
The heauxmeauxs are the reason I don't watch it. Horrid characters, horrid show.
Instigator
Banned
It doesn't.
But that was in response to some of the posters saying they'd be all over his face and stuff like that. But I understand GAF is often all talk.
Or hyperbole for the sake of humour or support. :/
Dead Man and Instigator, stop fighting, specially the former because is trying to annoy the later while discussing his age, that was unrespectful.
My friends now think I'm definitely straight (lol) just because of a comment I made. We were talking about a friend that made new friends. There are two girls among them (let's call them girl 1 or 2) and we were saying that everyone was fine with girl 1 because she is very friendly and kind. Then someone mentioned girl 2 and I said that I didn't remember her. They described girl 2 and then I quickly said: Yeah, I remember her, she is a very pretty girl.
Now they think that I have a crush on girl 2 and that I should befriend her in order to date her. I was laughing hard inside of me.
Then, I went to a class with a friend (he's a guy), and before the teacher came into the classroom he told me that I forgave him because he thought I was gay. I asked him why he thought tha and he mentioned that I was too serious and that I never talked about girls like that. I thought of coming out to him but I decided not to do that because his girlfriend could spread that information with everyone (She can't keep a secret, as bad as it is, but she does it without bad intentions, is just that she talks with herself too loud sometimes).
Now I won't be able to come out to all of them because they'll think that being gay is BS and a decision and that I should stick with girls like (I've never had a girlfriend, but they now think that I like girls :/)
Oh well...
My friends now think I'm definitely straight (lol) just because of a comment I made. We were talking about a friend that made new friends. There are two girls among them (let's call them girl 1 or 2) and we were saying that everyone was fine with girl 1 because she is very friendly and kind. Then someone mentioned girl 2 and I said that I didn't remember her. They described girl 2 and then I quickly said: Yeah, I remember her, she is a very pretty girl.
Now they think that I have a crush on girl 2 and that I should befriend her in order to date her. I was laughing hard inside of me.
Then, I went to a class with a friend (he's a guy), and before the teacher came into the classroom he told me that I forgave him because he thought I was gay. I asked him why he thought tha and he mentioned that I was too serious and that I never talked about girls like that. I thought of coming out to him but I decided not to do that because his girlfriend could spread that information with everyone (She can't keep a secret, as bad as it is, but she does it without bad intentions, is just that she talks with herself too loud sometimes).
Now I won't be able to come out to all of them because they'll think that being gay is BS and a decision and that I should stick with girls like (I've never had a girlfriend, but they now think that I like girls :/)
Oh well...
Sorry, but I think you may have that backwards. Instigator started by calling people young and not knowing how the world works. I was mocking that in my reply. I have no idea how old he is.
But yeah, my reply was snarky, sorry.
Between the faux naivete, speaking past people, and dismissing opinions on the basis of age, zeal, or being an internet forum poster (no way, what the hell are you, then?), I'm relishing Instigator's patronizing contributions to the thread. Oh you quaint, quaint homos, get a job and stop making waves, don't you want careers with people who despise you and make you personally uncomfortable? If "be a doormat" isn't in the job description, you can set the terms of extraneous conversation or even retort (within reason, I don't think we've got a hot foot advocacy movement going here). It's in the material interest of no one for you to forget that you're a vertebrate.
"Don't talk about this with me".
"I think that's nonsense for reasons x, y, and z".
"*merciless satire*"
"*shakes head and sighs*"
"Don't talk about this with me".
"I think that's nonsense for reasons x, y, and z".
"*merciless satire*"
"*shakes head and sighs*"
i really think you are getting yourself in a mess you better get out of as soon as possible.
it might be all fun and giggles at the beginning, but trust me your friends trying to hook you up with girls is not that fun, also because you'll have to come up with a laundry list of excuses every time you turn down the offer.
if they are really your friends they deserve the truth
So gay guys can't find girls/women attractive? Well, that's interesting. :lol
Just say that you're an awkward nerd, introvert and afraid of meeting new people. Works every time.
Really? Because I'm French and I'm surprised.
Also, I'm not young, I'm working and I'm out at work. There is NO WAY I'm ever going back into the closet. I don't sashay down the hallway but I sure as hell won't stay in the closet so as to not "create a toxic work environment".
Like Bo said, I will not be miserable at work and suffer homophobic and ignorant comment just so I can get by. There's no need to be aggressive and attack people, but I will definitely say something if someone says stupid thing such as the ratio men/women is off so there are lots of gays or something about pushing the homosexual agenda.
Being a doormat and limiting oneself so as to not inconvenience others is something that you shed as you get mature and more comfortable as a gay person.
So gay guys can't find girls/women attractive? Well, that's interesting. :lol
Just say that you're an awkward nerd, introvert and afraid of meeting new people. Works every time.
Instigator
Banned
Well, relish this.
From the limited info we have, the guy is partially in the closet as far as his office concerned. I don't think changing that by taking a stand over fucking Glee is worth it. Militant GAF sees things in B&W so obviously, the guy has to show a spine at all times otherwise he's a doormat.
Apparently, he knows and likes the guy who made the surprising remark, but as far as we know, it's just been one time and not with the knowledge of the OP's sexual orientation (so it's not personal), I advised caution and to investigate things further. But GAF once again feels differently. Every moment could be a Rosa Park moment so the guy ought to storm into his boss' office and give the proper piece of his mind.
I stand by all of this and I think it's far more rational, cool-headed and useful considering what we know than the bombastic advice advocated by militant GAF (yourself included), disguised as hyperboles or not.
Disagree? Go ahead. Don't like me? Take it to PM's if you have to. Neither? Then keep enjoying the "show".
VICTORsaurio
Member
Had a dream last night involving my crush. I don't remember all the details, it was kind of crazy but I remember we kissed. And I was so happy (that we kissed).
I guess I can't really say anything because in that situation I would have done the same, but I really think that is the perfect moment to let your boss know you are gay, regardless of whether you like Glee or not (I definitely would have added "I also can't stand Glee").
Of course my own issues don't help, I'm terrible when having to deal with new people or groups of people, but telling my friends have been extremely educational for them, same thing with my family, the more people are at least aware the better, you don't need to mention it every day or introduce yourself as "gay" to everyone, but that ocasion was the perfect moment, being gay is not really something private, actively hiding it does more harm than good, for all parties involved.
Of course my own issues don't help, I'm terrible when having to deal with new people or groups of people, but telling my friends have been extremely educational for them, same thing with my family, the more people are at least aware the better, you don't need to mention it every day or introduce yourself as "gay" to everyone, but that ocasion was the perfect moment, being gay is not really something private, actively hiding it does more harm than good, for all parties involved.
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