Hours Left
Member
We don't know. He had a lot of blood on his mouth this morning.oh nowhat's wrong?
-
Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.
LGBThread |OT4| We're (still) Here! We're (still) Queer!
- Thread starter RatskyWatsky
- Start date
- Status
dragonlife
Member
I better say something relevant for this thread.
Ok so yesterday I was having a long conversation with one of my best male friends (if not the best). He was telling me that he had a crush on one of our friends who is in a relationship and that was the reason he got close to her lately. I mentioned that I had a crush on someone too but refused to say the name. He insisted so I decided to come out to him since 1) he is the best person at keeping secrets, 2) he is the most intelligent guy I know IRL and 3) he is very progressive
I gave a long introduction about how I was atracted to this person but it was imposible for me because there were some limitations and that it wasn't my fault that I fell in love with this person because it kind of just happened.
Then I came out to him and he said that it was wrong, that it was unacceptable, it shouldn't be like that and then we had an awkward silence. Seeing that he wasn't accepting, I tried desperately to get in the closet again by laughing at him and saying that it was a joke and then explained that I was attracted to a girl who already has a boyfriend and we kept talking about it. I thought that I was convincing because everything went normal.
Today in the morning he was fine with me, but then he started talking to another friend of us (not his crush) and left me for her, which he never does. Then he didn't say goodbye when we got out of our class. I think I lost my friend.
I'll never come out to anyone in this place, this is the second time I tried doing it with one of my friends and both showed rejection after it and had to lie and say it wasn't true. I'm tired of dealing with people who say they are my friend but then get mad at me for what I am instead of helping me. They'll never understand that I have it more difficult than them, and as long as I am here I'll remain lonely while they make something with their lives outside of professional development, and they are better than me at it so far.
I'm unhappy and I don't know what to do. I'm desperate and hopeless, I need people around me to help me with this but they give me their backs or make things impossible for me. I really don't have anyone to trust, I'm sick of everyone and that makes me wish I was dead. The only thing in this world that gives me some sort of satisfaction is videogames, yes, my life suks so hard that I find stupid consoles to be the only thing I like about life. And worse yet, everything I try to do goes wrong and never will reach my goals. My life is ruined.
/End of stupid post
Ok so yesterday I was having a long conversation with one of my best male friends (if not the best). He was telling me that he had a crush on one of our friends who is in a relationship and that was the reason he got close to her lately. I mentioned that I had a crush on someone too but refused to say the name. He insisted so I decided to come out to him since 1) he is the best person at keeping secrets, 2) he is the most intelligent guy I know IRL and 3) he is very progressive
I gave a long introduction about how I was atracted to this person but it was imposible for me because there were some limitations and that it wasn't my fault that I fell in love with this person because it kind of just happened.
Then I came out to him and he said that it was wrong, that it was unacceptable, it shouldn't be like that and then we had an awkward silence. Seeing that he wasn't accepting, I tried desperately to get in the closet again by laughing at him and saying that it was a joke and then explained that I was attracted to a girl who already has a boyfriend and we kept talking about it. I thought that I was convincing because everything went normal.
Today in the morning he was fine with me, but then he started talking to another friend of us (not his crush) and left me for her, which he never does. Then he didn't say goodbye when we got out of our class. I think I lost my friend.
I'll never come out to anyone in this place, this is the second time I tried doing it with one of my friends and both showed rejection after it and had to lie and say it wasn't true. I'm tired of dealing with people who say they are my friend but then get mad at me for what I am instead of helping me. They'll never understand that I have it more difficult than them, and as long as I am here I'll remain lonely while they make something with their lives outside of professional development, and they are better than me at it so far.
I'm unhappy and I don't know what to do. I'm desperate and hopeless, I need people around me to help me with this but they give me their backs or make things impossible for me. I really don't have anyone to trust, I'm sick of everyone and that makes me wish I was dead. The only thing in this world that gives me some sort of satisfaction is videogames, yes, my life suks so hard that I find stupid consoles to be the only thing I like about life. And worse yet, everything I try to do goes wrong and never will reach my goals. My life is ruined.
/End of stupid post
I'm very sorry to hear that daripad, it's probably impossible to judge how someone will react to you coming out unless they've already made their views known, and even then, I've heard of people backtracking when it turns out someone close to them is gay.
I have also turned away from real life to video games, and the internet, many years ago, for reasons of my own. It's not too bad here. For one, you can be more selective of who you befriend. You're always missing that physical closeness but you get used to that in time. I don't think it's particularly healthy to live like a digital hermit, but it's better than being disappointed and rejected time and time again.
I have also turned away from real life to video games, and the internet, many years ago, for reasons of my own. It's not too bad here. For one, you can be more selective of who you befriend. You're always missing that physical closeness but you get used to that in time. I don't think it's particularly healthy to live like a digital hermit, but it's better than being disappointed and rejected time and time again.
FunkeeFresh
Member
nvm, I'll stop overthinking it and just go with the flow
CornBurrito
Member
Wow that's awful daripad.
At the very least people in general -are- becoming more accepting of homosexuality. Not much of a consolation, but these days I feel like you're more likely to bump into someone who is ok with homosexuality than someone who isn't.
At the very least people in general -are- becoming more accepting of homosexuality. Not much of a consolation, but these days I feel like you're more likely to bump into someone who is ok with homosexuality than someone who isn't.
I'm sad that I'm not in the top 10 yet, I'm making more of an effort to post here but anyways, one day I will make it.
@Daripad, that is pretty awful, but honestly, if he's not accepting of who you are and the fact you're gay makes him not want to be your friend anymore you don't need him in your life, he's not worth it, you can find accepting people somewhere else who aren't homophobic, keep your chin up.
@Daripad, that is pretty awful, but honestly, if he's not accepting of who you are and the fact you're gay makes him not want to be your friend anymore you don't need him in your life, he's not worth it, you can find accepting people somewhere else who aren't homophobic, keep your chin up.
FunkeeFresh
Member
Sorry to hear about your friends, daripad. It must be difficult to lose confidence in yourself and around your friends. The whole process of coming out is something that shouldn't have to exist, but that's just the world we're in.
I hope this doesn't come across as insensitive, because I'm sure you are very close with your friends, but this process can show you who your real friends are and who'll support you through thick and thin. They've shown their true colours to you, and it's up to you whether you can still entrust them.
I feel the worst you could do is not to take anything from this experience. In some ways, you are not the only person who "comes out" when you share your sexuality with others. Be strong, you can get through this
I hope this doesn't come across as insensitive, because I'm sure you are very close with your friends, but this process can show you who your real friends are and who'll support you through thick and thin. They've shown their true colours to you, and it's up to you whether you can still entrust them.
I feel the worst you could do is not to take anything from this experience. In some ways, you are not the only person who "comes out" when you share your sexuality with others. Be strong, you can get through this
I'm still bitter that the two friends I was sure would react positively turned out to be against homosexuality. I have more friends to count on, but after these two experiences I don't think they will handle it well.
My situation with my family is worse. My sister did accept me, but it was only because she is a lesbian more than she loves me. My father is a die hard homophobic, imagine if we both came out to him. My mother died 5 years ago but she wasn't okay with it either. The majority of my extended family is against, so again, I've got no one to support me.
I don't have any motivation to continue with my life, everyone seems to love me as long as I don't do anything against their ideals.
My situation with my family is worse. My sister did accept me, but it was only because she is a lesbian more than she loves me. My father is a die hard homophobic, imagine if we both came out to him. My mother died 5 years ago but she wasn't okay with it either. The majority of my extended family is against, so again, I've got no one to support me.
I don't have any motivation to continue with my life, everyone seems to love me as long as I don't do anything against their ideals.
That's what all people do. If they don't share your ideals and don't want to cooperate with you, there's no actual benefit to trying to please them. You're never going to be happy as long as you clamor for their approval. You have to aggressively seek out the people that would support you in good and ill, and you've gotta try the best you can to pursue the means to do so. As I've mentioned to Youngblade, you need to seek independence, because the situation you're in now isn't going to approve unless you break out of it of your own will..
It is a difficult road, one that I myself struggle to imagine at times, but if you're willing to push yourself as far as you can, I think you can traverse it.
What I'm asking is probably daunting at first glance, but that's just the bigger picture. Think about what you can do now: Can you drive? Do you work? Have you looked for local/online support groups?
Any of those 3 things is a good place to start and help you get on your way. After that it's about setting new (realistic, mind you) goals for yourself and working towards them.
I unfortunately can't speak for how you're feeling, (and while you probably already figured this, you may want to seek psychological help, which you could ask your father about under the pretense of depression) but remember one thing before you do anything brash:
Death is no second chance for happiness.
I'm really sorry, daripad. Eventually you'll find friends who fully accept you. It can be an overwhelming feel losing a friend, but it's no cliché to say he wasn't deserving of your friendship. Be patient and strong, you'll figure things out. Also, there's nothing wrong with finding joy in hobbies and stuff you enjoy - that's kind of the whole point, we do things we love to have a good time.
We can feel singled out when this happens to us, but it also happens to straight people for other reasons. Basically, some people are indeed very closed minded about people having different beliefs, that is life. It's really your job now to build your own happiness and well being, you need to realize that those are things that shouldn't depend on anyone else but you. Cheer up!
We can feel singled out when this happens to us, but it also happens to straight people for other reasons. Basically, some people are indeed very closed minded about people having different beliefs, that is life. It's really your job now to build your own happiness and well being, you need to realize that those are things that shouldn't depend on anyone else but you. Cheer up!
Blood Diamonds
Banned
Daripad, I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through, but you shouldn't let it get to you so much. I know these people were your friends, but friends come and go. You're bound to meet a lot more people and you'll meet many who accept you.
Personally, I'm working on becoming more independent (both financially and emotionally) I'm going to Summer School starting June 3rd to get ahead in my credits, my grades are shit and I think it won't help but it feels good to try and do something about school. I think you should do the same, becoming more independent is an important step to become happy with your life. I've learned a lot from the past two years, most importantly that Family isn't everything and that your happiness should only depend on you and no one else.
Personally, I'm working on becoming more independent (both financially and emotionally) I'm going to Summer School starting June 3rd to get ahead in my credits, my grades are shit and I think it won't help but it feels good to try and do something about school. I think you should do the same, becoming more independent is an important step to become happy with your life. I've learned a lot from the past two years, most importantly that Family isn't everything and that your happiness should only depend on you and no one else.
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
soz that that dude was a coq daripad maybe he'll come around but if he doesn't don't sweat it you'll find a better friend down the line
Would you say that posts are proportional to boyfriend-ness?
Well, the local military base has terminated my dad's position. We're going to have to move again soon.
Fuck.
Not really. Half the people on that list have boyfriends or have sex regularly. Daripad, Rm88, Haly and I are the ones that come to mind that have neither.(As far as I know.)
Fuck.
Not really. Half the people on that list have boyfriends or have sex regularly. Daripad, Rm88, Haly and I are the ones that come to mind that have neither.(As far as I know.)
michaeltraps
Member
Sorry about the move :-(
... I'm not on that list and have neither of those things.
I guess I need to post more
Masquerader
Member
Oh, yes. Besides, they'd only get asked questions about it constantly.
Pics, thirst, deets, etc.
Masquerader
Member
Yup. Just another day at the fuck office~
Thanks.
I'll live. I only have 1 friend here that I never get to see. I'm just tired of going through the whole ordeal over and over again, especially with the parents' highly volatile marriage.
The amount of surprisingly attractive men I've seen checking me out on okcupid lately is making me bitter though.
Dos that mean I get a facefull of Steve Carrell?
ArchedThunder
Banned
Sucks about the move, Cal.
You have an okcupid account? Is that a common thing on LGBT GAF?
You have an okcupid account? Is that a common thing on LGBT GAF?
ArchedThunder
Banned
I've always stayed away from sites like okcupid, they kinda scare me.
Dead Prince
Banned
i only used grindr to see how many gays there were in my area. and want to see some shock factor and notice someone i may have known in school that were on there.
Masquerader
Member
Eh, I simply don't use those types of sites. At all.
Answering like a million questions on OKCupid was like the best part of using it.
I do. OKC is usually nothing by way of results, which sucks because I like the site and would rather be dating than just hooking up.
Matches never respond on damn Tinder, Grindr I never notice when I get messaged so nothing there, and
A4A is where it's at to get some D. I feel like I whore. Roflmao.
Stay safe everyone!
ArchedThunder
Banned
Masquerader
Member
Yesh~ This is the best aspect of the whole business~
The One Who Knocks
Member
Very sorry to hear what has happened but I would hope you don't despair too much as you appar to be doing (but that's easier said than done). What I would advise is not to read too much into the behaviour today, as it's possible that it was merely a normal occurence being coloured by the very cruel reaction he had to your opening up. If not, and it is a result of that, it's possible that he is still trying to 'come to terms' with your most recent revelation and that things may return to normal, possibly with him having an acceptance of who you are, or with some willingness to research (given that he is allegedly intelligent) further and accept you.
If, on the other hand, he has indeed rejected you, you obviously have my condolences but I would try to view it as as a way to filter out those who truly care about you; that is if they're willing to let a fundamental aspect of your being, even if it probably won't even affect them, being cause for the end of your relationship with them, then perhaps it can be viewed as an opportunity to seek more constructive relationships, to find individuals (difficult though it may be) who will accept, and embrace, who you are. Of course, this is easier said than done, and certain interests you hold may seem to reinforce the problem, but certainly trying, even if in vain, is better than nothing.
What amenities exist in your local? Could you seek additional friends in a local gym? Join a club of some sport? Engage in volunteer work? While I may not post in this thread as much as many posters do, you've always struck me as quite a pleasant individual so I cannot imagine that everybody will sap your 'motivation to continue with [your] life', even if that may be how it seems at the moment. You've many excellent qualities, and while it can be true that people will stop loving you once you clash with their ideals (personally, I don't actually mind this too often, as I like it bringing up lots of topics of conversations, but there are many, many others who want their friends to conform to their belief systems), it can help, as mentioned, filter down to those who truly care about you, and friends are not a one time deal, you can, and will, certainly make new friends who won't shun you for who you are even if it seems bleak at the moment.
*rings her bike chimes and peels in with a notepad and pen*
"Offuckice"
*rings her chimes again and peels out*
Masquerader
Member
I would hug you right now if I could. Hang in there, daripad.
Masquerader
Member
Aww, i'm sorry to hear of that, dearest Daripad... I can relate to that... But, at the very least, I found new friends, I guess. And that was when I believed that my life was ruined, too. But trust me, it ain't ruined yet. That presumably comes later. Relax, my man. Things DO get better in time. Keep an eye out for when it happens~! And do take care~
So I go into Publix (Florida grocery chain) to speak with a hiring manager about a job there.
He isn't there the first time. "He won't be here until 2." Fine.
I go home and head back in at 2:30. ":He's on break. You might be able to catch him at 3-3:30 though."
I can't
Thanks. Provided my dad isn't offered a horrible set of choices for the next move I think I'll be fine.
I have an account. I haven't really messaged any guys yet though (and won't until the move actually goes through.) As long as you can reliably shrug off rejection and exercise due caution I imagine it's not too bad.
He isn't there the first time. "He won't be here until 2." Fine.
I go home and head back in at 2:30. ":He's on break. You might be able to catch him at 3-3:30 though."
I can't
Thanks. Provided my dad isn't offered a horrible set of choices for the next move I think I'll be fine.
I have an account. I haven't really messaged any guys yet though (and won't until the move actually goes through.) As long as you can reliably shrug off rejection and exercise due caution I imagine it's not too bad.
Hours Left, is your cat better now?
It's not a stupid post at all, who wouldn't feel miserable after such reaction? Especially if he's such a good person like you say he is. However, if he reacted like that, he's not exactly a progressive person, then.
I can promise you this, that most people you come out to won't be like that, unless you live in a conservative town. I mean, I live in a country which is
mostly
If your friend doesn't come around like mine did, you'll find other friends soon, the ones who'll actually appreciate you regardless of your sexuality. Until then, just try to persevere, even if it's really hard, and whenever you feel bad, you can write here, there will always be someone to hear you out.
Poltergust
Member
I actually managed to find myself a date through OKCupid within days of coming back to Miami. It went really well (we parted ways with a kiss initiated from him) and we're seeing each other again tomorrow.
Exactly! You can write me via PM or you can just write here in this thread. You will be heard and, as far as I and everyone else can, we will provide you with tips or anything else helpful. Youpre no alone!
Also @Hours Left: I hope your cat is well. Loveliest creatures on this planet, possibly even the whole universe. Whatever deity there is, I hope it protects the cat.
aw daripad I'm sorry it turned out that way.
My experience with homophobia is that it comes out of ignorance more than malice. I'm not saying at all that what you did is wrong, but when coming out you mention you have a crush straight people freak out, and dumbly enough they start to think you have a crush on them. Try to address the issue again, and If they don't talk with you anymore is their loss. Are any support groups in your city/town? at all? if not, I would seriously consider moving to a bigger city. I know you are still studying which makes it even harder, but you own your life and owe no one any apologies. You deserve to be happy and look for that happiness wherever it may be.
CornBurrito
Member
I don't have those things either. You DTF?
BlueBadger
Banned
Dafuq is this sorcery ;___;. I've only been a member since February LOL. I need to figure my life out tbh.
Masquerader
Member
You think you're surprised~? I've got 156 posts. That's a lot seeing as i've been here for a month or so. I wonder if i'd somehow be on track to dwarfing your record~! I'd do the math, but my head aches today~
DTF is the only acronym I know.
(Literally, I don't know what those other acronyms are!)
Masquerader
Member
Guys, thanks a lot. I'm speechless.
I just want to say that everyday I try to live and not let people see how bad I really feel. I'll go on with my life and try my best to do whatever I want. And sorry for my posts, I just make them because I feel better when I do. I hope I'm not annoying for any of you.
I just want to say that everyday I try to live and not let people see how bad I really feel. I'll go on with my life and try my best to do whatever I want. And sorry for my posts, I just make them because I feel better when I do. I hope I'm not annoying for any of you.
You DTF nao.
You don't need to feel anxious about it. I'm sure everyone here has been in your shoes at some point or another, so we all know that feel.
You don't need to feel anxious about it. I'm sure everyone here has been in your shoes at some point or another, so we all know that feel.
- Status