TheAbsolution
Member
This TBH. But I'm not like gonna shun them or anything.
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LGBThread |OT4| We're (still) Here! We're (still) Queer!
- Thread starter RatskyWatsky
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Great taste, you are allowed to be my friend
TheAbsolution
Member
This also.
I just don't want someone who is on all of the time. I don't know, maybe that's a little harsh.
Nerdy is good. Also, we all know the average nerdy guy looks like this.
Blackstarhat
Member
yeah nerds are sexy
Why that?
Oh jeez.
I had to stop myself from writing something extremely lewd.
It's one of my absolute favorite buttons.
CornBurrito
Member
So he can be with you obviously.
I have a bf already tho
Aarglefarg
Member
MisterGrey3000
Member
same here. I'm a (somewhat closeted) effeminate guy, and I love feminine men just as much as I love masculine men. I understand having a preference, but I'm not cool with treating other guys like crap because they don't fit some bullshit heteronormative ideal.
Also, It would be really nice to get some non-villainous effeminate queer male characters in Film/Animation/TV/etc. who are actually treated like people rather than full blown magical queers, walking punchlines, or trickster drag queens/crossdressers that only exist to make straight male characters uncomfortable.
All the time.
Femininity in men always seems to give some people the heebie jeebies thanks to our patriarchal society's disrespectful attitudes towards women and anything associated with them.
It doesn't help that some men in the queer community feel that effeminate boys and their gender expression contribute to our discrimination by non-LGBT people.
It also doesn't help that our culture (gay culture) worships the stereotypical hetero/cisnormative idea of what a "real" man is "supposed" to look/act like (Tough attitude, muscles, Adonis belts, "V" shaped bodies, etc.)
Yeah guys,there are plenty of uber-feminine women running around but they're not obnoxious people because they just happen to have feminine qualities.
Masculine guys can be be very flamboyant without having any feminine qualities at all (I've met more than my fair share of them)
femininity and flamboyance are not mutually exclusive terms; I think it's kind of ignorant to think them of them as such, despite what you may have experienced.
Red The Hunter
Member
I don't mind flamboyant guys, but I think there is a point where being overly flamboyant can come off as a bit annoying or obnoxious.
I wouldn't use these, but at the same time it's basically stating what you're into, which IMO is not really shunning if it's not accompanied by insults.
The thing is that those phrases imply that the guy would write them off immediately. People are shallow. A lot of the time they don't use those phrases to mean "I prefer masculine men" so much as "Don't message me if you aren't".
There's an undercurrent of disdain to it as far as I see.
MisterGrey3000
Member
Well, you're coming at those terms from a place of privilege (as far as I can tell) just like white guys who say that it's ok to say "I don't like black women; I find them unattractive" because the person is just "stating their preference".
Seeing sentiments like that on a mainstream dating app/service, forum, or social media post is very hurtful to the people that it's targeting.
I know that I often feel like crap when I see that stuff online.
Exactly.
That, and it's just general negativity.
Talk about the stuff you do like! Leading off with this laundry list of things your don't like just makes you seem like a negative, crabby, and full-of-yourself kind of person.
Well, again, I don't use those statements and I can see why they'd be considered offensive. Now, it might not be the same, but I honestly don't feel offended when guys state "no skinny guys", for instance. It's a good filter, I don't waste my time approaching that person (if I had the intention).
This is my approach. I agree that a profile that consists of what you DON'T like is not very inviting.
If people say "masculine only" or god forbid "whites only" they'd probably come off just as bad if not worse. Also it doesn't sounds so bad when you say "no skinny guys" because I don't imagine that's a very common thing. Skinny guys kinda have it better than fat guys. I agree that it is kinda convenient to filter out those guys that are always excluding people. Like I don't even have to waste my time on him sort of thing, but when you're constantly seeing all these guys excluding you, I imagine it hurts a bit.
How about this: How about you just don't put that unattractive shit in your profile, and if someone messages you that you aren't attracted to, you just handle it the old-fashioned way and not responds to their messages? Or tell them you're not interested? Both options will save you from looking like a total tool.
26 miles? O.O
The farthest I could go were 22 km and after that my left leg hurt for a day or two.
Well, I don't need science as proof that there are lots of people out there who think that effeminate behaviour in boys and men is linked to homosexuality, I was taught that by my own relatives and by almost any guy and girl in my school back then.
Here you are called a "Tunte" which is probably best translated to "queer", "fairy" or even worse for showing any feminine mannerisms at all. It's already too much if you just care more than usually deemed normal about your appearance in terms of hygiene.
Maybe we can break that stupid cliche down in time.
Maybe in only a couple of millennia. :/
MisterGrey3000
Member
It's definitely not the same.
"skinny"/non-muscular men don't have to deal with the same kinds of historical prejudices that effeminate men or fat men have to deal with on a regular basis.
"No skinnies!" should have just as much effect on "skinny" people as cracker has on white people; none.
Newp
Yikes. Wrong, sorry.
MisterGrey3000
Member
Care to explain?
umop_3pisdn
Member
Agreed. In terms of body composition, public perception has normalized women being skinnier than the 'normal/healthy' range, and normalized men being bigger than the 'normal/healthy' range, so it's a fairly gendered thing. Not that it's the same as being effeminate or obese, but most skinny boys growing up would say it's not utterly insignificant or anything either.
It's funny how often skinny is coded as weak/frail. I don't know how many times I've heard "I'd break you!" growing up (no, you wouldn't), it does get tiresome.
Being exclusionary is never a good thing. Being excluded is never a good feeling.
Historical privilege or lack thereof isn't a good rationalization nor excuse for such attitudes. There's a reason "Wow, you're skin and bones. Eat a cheeseburger!" isn't taken as a compliment like people seem to think. "I have it better off" doesn't just brush away any emotions you may feel (despite how people bring up third world countries every time you're lamenting your own problems).
Sure, being insulted for my weight is low down on the "offense taken" totem pole for me, but that's because I'm predisposed to be more sensitive to other things.
MisterGrey3000
Member
Us skinnies have feelings too
Of course you do.
However, I find it hard to believe that anybody thinks that skinny men face the same amount of historical prejudices as effeminate men and portly men.
umop_3pisdn
Member
That's not what anyone's responding to so much as the 'white' comparison, in fact my post addressed that.
Maybe not within the last century, but a gut was a sign of wealth and social status for a very long, long time. Times have changed, and the stigmatizing of weight now is not absolved by the fact that it was once a desirable trait in both males and females. Similarly, that thinness is no longer indicative of low socio-economic standing (at least in First World countries) doesn't mean people have free reign to judge others for it.
Body shaming is a negative regardless of cultural context. That's what I think Sai was getting at.
No, but constantly being told "You're skinny, eat something" is really fuckin annoying
MisterGrey3000
Member
I'm pretty sure I never implied that it was ok to body shame skinny boys (don't know where you guys got that from)
I understand that skinny boys are all individuals with their own emotional baggage and experiences.
However, my post was basically addressing the fact that most skinny peeps don't run into as much trouble as effeminate men and portly men (or effeminate portly men for that matter) do on a regular basis.
Skinny/thin people are like the white/straight/cis people of weight classes; a good chunk of skinny/thin people don't give a hoot about being ragged on because they're generally in positions of power (Just like white/straight/cis people)
Edit: Again, that doesn't mean that they should be discriminated against.
I understand that skinny boys are all individuals with their own emotional baggage and experiences.
However, my post was basically addressing the fact that most skinny peeps don't run into as much trouble as effeminate men and portly men (or effeminate portly men for that matter) do on a regular basis.
Skinny/thin people are like the white/straight/cis people of weight classes; a good chunk of skinny/thin people don't give a hoot about being ragged on because they're generally in positions of power (Just like white/straight/cis people)
Edit: Again, that doesn't mean that they should be discriminated against.
MisterGrey3000
Member
lol
Are skinny people even qualified to compete in the Oppression Olympics?
You've actually gotta face some real discrimination before you can start arguing about who has it worse.
:/
Really. Is this going to be a weekly occurrence now?
I suppose the best way to deal with oppression is to convince everyone that they're not quite as oppressed as you are. Guess it's better than oppressing others yourself.
This, on the other hand. Buzz off.
umop_3pisdn
Member
I'm guessing you weren't a really skinny kid growing up.
MisterGrey3000
Member
But skinny/thin guys aren't "oppressed" in any real way! Being skinny/thin is incredibly normal in our society; it's nothing like being fat or effeminate and they've got a much better chance of being seen as desirable in their respective communities.
I'm serious when I say that skinny/thin guys can't play in the Oppression Olympics unless they're representing some sort of non-skinny/thin team
Edit:
I often fluctuated in size, but I'm actually the kind of person who's height and build does a good job of hiding their chubbiness.
hehehehehehehe
grrrl don't lie.
Bel Marduk
Banned
Oh, come on now. Historically, excessive weight was seen as a sign of wealth and status.. Of course, that's no longer the case... but conventional mores tell us that its perfectly acceptable to discuss a skinny person's weight whereas its completely taboo to discuss a fat person's.
If you are in the US, UK or Mexico and you're overweight, you'd be part of the majority.
MisterGrey3000
Member
Of course! Fat people are often made fun of and devalued for their weight unlike skinny/thin people who essentially have what is considered to be a normal and healthy body shape; even if "overweight" people happen to be prevalent in the west.
umop_3pisdn
Member
A simple yes or no would have sufficed, it was obviously rhetorical.
Body image issues for men are more likely to center around musculature for reasons that should be fairly culturally obvious; and skinniness is often interpreted as weakness or fragility which factors in significantly into the broader problems boys and men face in terms of how they're socialized, for reasons that are also fairly culturally obvious. Some impressionable people are susceptible to picking these things up and internalizing them. You're so strangely insistent that this is all completely trivial, I don't get what permissions you're giving yourself to speak for other people's experiences.
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