I'm quite sorry for the delay.
Obviously I haven't actually killed myself yet so I am quite sorry for (probably) worrying you, and certainly for leaving after a rather depressing note without having given some possibility of a resolution.
Regardless, a rundown of the situation is pretty much as follows:
Me:
I'm eighteen. I'm gay. I'm currently in secondary school and (was) planning to go to university to study Mathematics next year. I'm diagnosed with Asperger's (once while extremely young, my parents shred the initial diagnosis, and once again after being referred by my secondary school that a diagnosis be sought). Can be somewhat arrogant, nihilistic, abhor both parents (I'm sure, given my age, my abhorrent hatred of him will be seen merely as teen angst [regardless of it being continuous from a very young age] and potentially a rather irrational hatred; there are, after all, no major events such as a brutal beating or a violent rape to lead to this, it's merely as a result of his toxic personality and the cumulative effect of many minor incidents), have a very good memory (not to brag, but my memory is quite excellent which serves as a rather significantly to my detriment regarding a relationship with them), have repeatedly made my discontent with their personalities clear (at five years old, eight, eleven, thirteen, fifteen, eighteen [now]) while acknowledging, and respecting, the financial backing they provide. I've a rather cold personality.
Father:
Forty-five, and a lecturer (Accounting). He's an extremely arrogant individual, incapable of being wrong or admitting mistakes, homophobic, manipulative, lacking any apparent ability to trust another, jumps to conclusions and unwilling to hear anything to the contrary, almost bipolar in his reactions to events, without any form of humour, an alcoholic, prone to outbursts of constant screaming, has a rather dominant personality, extremely condescending, and extremely gossipy with no respect for privacy (anything said to him or my mother is common knowledge by the evening). When confronted about certain negative aspects, the reply given was that he was "a parent, not a friend".
With that brief summary out of the way, prior to five/six months ago, I rarely communicated with any friends outside of school, or the internet, as I never wished to mix that (positive) aspect of my life with the extremely negative, and toxic home environment of constant belittling, shouting, manipulating and arguing. Which I decided to do after my mother and father 'interrogated' a friend I brought home from school, involved their selves in all activities, and making him no longer wish to involve himself with me as a result; having had previous experiences involving them such as their tainting my love of swimming for many years, where my father always demanded to accompany me, always ended up shouting at me or telling me I was shit at it, and leaving me returning home feeling like a diarrhoea-turd, I decided to learn from the experience to ensure there's no corrosive tangling. Unsurprisingly, one gets quite lonely sticking stringently to a routine of isolation while outside school to prevent a collision and it ended up being too unbearable at the time to handle. As a result, I began inviting my friends to my house, or going to theirs, while my parents were away on a night out so I would at least have some semblance of company and normalcy, From time to time we would occasionally have a few drinks, as legally aged teenagers do, yet my parents (despite me being legally old enough) would have strongly opposed this relatively normal situation (despite my father's alcoholism) and, as a result, I hid the bottles in a locked drawer under my bed (disposal was an issue though, so the empty bottles were being kept until my parents go abroad for the entire summer). At the same time, I began to become aware of/accept my sexual orientation, and had entered into a somewhat casual relationship with somebody in my school (while I am quite out with my orientation amongst friends, he was/is not, so there never was a possibility of his name being revealed), and we had become sexually active.
Last Friday, after returning home from school, it was quite clear that somebody had been plundering through my underwear drawer (foolishly I had kept condoms there, thinking nobody would have such a disregard for privacy that they would go rooting through somebody's underwear) as all of the condoms were cushioned on top of the underwear, which, obviously, is not where they had been prior to me leaving. Nevertheless, I ignored it. My parents went out for a meal on Saturday night (I guess my issue is that I'm not paranoid enough to see that it was planned as a way to 'trap' me) and friends came over (somebody brought with them a bottle of Smirnoff). Yesterday, after returning from school, I was ambushed in my room by my father, demanding explanations and wildly throwing accusations that I was an 'alcoholic'. I, obviously, denied such an absurd notion at which point he said "Oh yeah? Then why do you have those empty bottle of vodkas and the half drank bottle of Smirnoff (it wasn't half gone, just to point out) under your bed?". I obviously replied with a bewildered "What?" completely unaware as to how he could know about them, considering it was locked in a very secure area with a digital lock, the code of which consisted of 12 characters. He pulled open the drawer, opened the container with the code, and there is, absolutely no way, he could have guessed it, it was a random string of numbers generated on Excel not noted anywhere so I'm still completely unaware as to what he did to locate it, and asked when I bought it. Wishing him to know as little as possible, and knowing he wouldn't believe it anyway as he wouldn't have asked if he didn't know, I (foolishly) stated it was two months ago, at which point he said "Oh, really? Because it wasn't there when I went through this on Friday while looking for an important document I thought I misplaced" (bullshit as I'd bought, and set up, the container myself years prior to store receipts for everything and any electronics while travelling abroad so there was absolutely no reason he'd go looking there, or through my underwear). Demanding answers, he asked me "how many drinks do you think that is?", stating I was drinking every night, that I always came downstairs in a "dark mood" and clearly I was drinking every night (which is nonsense, and I don't go downstairs in a dark mood, I go downstairs after waking up fatigued, and exhausted, half-asleep) calling me a "childish piece of shit", with "no manners" or "positive aspects", and one who was "corrupting siblings" through reminding me that they were 'minors' and stating that if they misbehaved it would clearly be my fault from now on, ignoring my comment that they've been around alcohol their entire lives through him and considering "we" (big mistake) kept to my room and made no noise it was never an issue, stating they'd begun picking up my many terrible traits (he scoffed at my comment that perhaps if I had so many bad traits, and now they were getting so many bad traits, the common factor isn't me, but him as a parents, and his inadequacy to impart positive ones).
Having made the mistake of saying "we" he questioned who the "we" was. I, continuously, resisted at all points. While I understand this is not a way an unreasonable comment, it, combined with his gossiping, is not something I would ever indulge, lest I hear about it from every individual who even remotely knows him and further destroy any tiny confidence or trust I may have, unbeknownst to myself, had in him. I replied, vaguely, "my friends obviously" at which point he stated it was unreasonable to have friends over, that if there was anybody in his house who he did not know he would "murder them", stating that if I speak to anybody who he did not know (I'm breaking this completely sane request right now coincidentally) that I could live in their house, or on the street, and it didn't make a difference to him, while also commenting that I should remember who I would need funds off of for university (which I again noted I'm well aware of, and respectful towards his financial provision, just nothing else), who is 'in complete control' yet only "concerned for your well-being".
He then turned towards the condoms and lubrication. He began by stating that, for years, he's been concerned I had a 'dark side' through the media I consume ("The Wire", "Arrested Development", "Mad Men", "The Sopranos", "Treme", "Breaking Bad", "Hannibal" as examples of TV shows, and "The Last of Us", "Rayman Origins", "Metal Gear Solid", "Mass Effect", "Demon's Souls" as examples of games) by focusing on the subject matter (and ignoring his own media consumption, the television shows in particular being focused on all shows he watched as well) and ignoring the quality or critical acclaim, and that this was his justification, asking who it was with (I would very much rather die than betray him), first stating a prostitute (indirectly calling me pathetic) to which I lashed out in reply, and later randomly calling out names, He ultimately stopped at "And are they a woman, or a man?" (I replied, to this and everything except the prostitute comment, that "I will never tell you") which he continued to labour on, asking me if I was getting "fucked like a bitch", if I was a "fucking faggot", a "cocksucker", or a "shit-stuffer", and if that's what the lube was for (it was clear that he already had convinced himself of the answer and the question was merely a pleasantry). Finally, after this, he stated that I should pack my things as I was on the verge of being kicked out, and told me to beg to him to stay (which I didn't, which enraged him more) before leaving the room. After five minutes he returned that he wouldn't be telling my mother, but that I will be telling him both my mock examination results (which, despite getting the highest in my year of two-hundred and fifty students in Maths, Applied Maths, Physics and English, he will take these poorly, because the results of those subjects were all 78% [having been corrected guillotine-style by the outsourced correctors in spite of the marking scheme] and I can certainly look forward to being called an 'alcoholic whore of a failure" whenever they're posted home) and Leaving Certificate results, despite it having been mentioned over two years ago, and agreed upon, that they are "something private which shouldn't be shared for praise or scorn" (this point of contention is not one I'll yield to).
Ultimately, it's quite clear that he's merely looking for an excuse to my mother (who is homophobic,, yet too concerned for her appearance to kick me out) in order to throw me out onto the street, won't be providing a cent of financial aid towards university as he had repeatedly stated he would be doing (which I wouldn't care for as college application fees, accommodation, and materials are expensive, if it wasn't being done out of a homophobic and distrusting, despite never having done anything 'out of line' other than this my one gigantic failing of wishing to have a non-toxic relationship in my life, spite), and is once again trying to strangle any modicum of happiness which I somehow managed to obtain. It would admittedly be easier to kill myself right now, particularly since I have both thoroughly wiped my laptop and phone, save for a single Word document in a locked folder (because no doubt they will pillage my laptop should I die for any clues as to why I could possibly have done it) which I planned to email to friends while hanging to try and relieve some form of confusion, and had removed all traces of myself online, than continue to dwell in their joy of my misery, but unfortunately, as of right now, I'm too much of a coward to tie my carefully balanced fate to a suitably miserable end. I can recognise that they'll wail crocodile tears to flood the earth and curse their inability to save me from the damaging effects of social media, alcoholism, and media with a dark subject matter, and the extreme hurt it will impose not only upon my old child minder and grandmother (the two living individuals I care about most), but also the one who I'm in a relationship with, and my other friends, yet it's negligible to the completely unfulfilled imprisonment that is my current existence, and soon, the complete abandonment which I will face.
Sorry for it being so large. I am aware I probably don't come off particularly well, I can understand my failings in the situation, and recognise where certain queries may be rational. Frankly, I don't care; there is no reasoning anyway, he isn't an individual driven by a logical assessment of possibilities. It doesn't help to get it off my chest, talking doesn't particularly help, I had felt a compelling sense of obligation to try and provide some irrational sense of catharsis to NeoGAF last night before hanging myself today however this, unfortunately, is clearly not going to happen, in the present time at least (maybe if I'm alone for a considerable period at some point, or can buy some inert gases to lull me away I'll carry though but right now isn't the case). Regardless, thank you anyway, and once again I must commend you, and everyone else, who regularly partakes in, and assists those in need, in the thread and chat.
I don't think you're prone to processing it the same way as me, but what I mean is I know it's not an easy thing.
