I haven't experienced it either, in any of the places I've been. I've seen a couple "no girly guys" but never anyone saying "No blacks" or anything
Anyway, this made me laugh (some NSFW language)
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Anyway, this made me laugh (some NSFW language)
still trying to find the post where they said "all gay men are ____"
at best, they said "it's common among gay men"
Yep, stuff like racism, sexism, a defult of poor relationships with our fathers? I don't know it. The closest would body body image stuff; which seems about as common in Gay men as in, uh, straight women.
Via Purifico
Banned
It's a problem we have period rather you feel it might be generalizing or not is besides the point. The whole deflecting of it gives me "not all men" vibes.
I mean sure everyone isn't like that but it's prevalent enough where various people are saying the same thing.
I mean sure everyone isn't like that but it's prevalent enough where various people are saying the same thing.
i'm just not sure that it's big enough of an issue for gay men specifically to start painting a community like that. it's alright though, i said what i had to say. it was more about the tone of it, which is ironic for me, i know.
your posts are always so lame lol. passing straight isn't exactly the best privilege. i'm still proud of my identity and having taken the time to accept myself, and it sucks to just be considered 'normal' or whatever.
CornBurrito
Member
You are the only one using the word all. One guy used "most" in frustration. Who gives a fuck. Bitching about his word choice to avoid talking about a legit issue.
tiebreaker
Member
Me me me *raise hand
I'm not out of the closet yet, and I think I would prefer it to stay that way, at least until I can stand on my two feet. And yet, often I felt the urge to reveal my secret to everyone I know. So, sometimes when I hang out with some friends, I drop subtle hints, so they won't be too surprised when I finally tell them.
Even though I'm still in the closet, I am actually kinda in a relationship atm. Friends with benefits kind of relationship. so there is that. As when he is not available, my closest friend would do me just fine.
CornBurrito
Member
Generalizing is bad. Except humans. They suck
No it isn't. Doctors generalize when diagnosing an illness based on symptoms. Sociologists generalize when talking about social groups. Linguists generalize when talking about language. You generalize when you call a certain set of small rounded fruit "apples".
Is this really a thing? I don't think being annoyed at someone saying "most gay men are unfaithful jerks" is the same as pretending there are no issues.
If it's 9/10 you still can't say "all" or everyone.
I was not referring to a post, I was just expressing my disdain for hasty generalizations. Likewise, you don't have to use the word "all" in your sentence to make a generalization. It's semantics.
videogamer
Banned
Any advice appreciated:
Met a girl at work and spoke with her a few times over the past month. We both seemed to have good conversations, but no obvious flirting. She was transferred to another site.
Last week, after the transfer, she came to my site to do extra work. We chatted for a bit, and I was thinking about asking her out. She did look like she needed to head out, so I didn't ask. She accidentally broke an old cheap picture frame, and I was about to throw it out until the older staff wanted to keep it because of sentimental reasons (it's absolutely incongruous with the rest of the room).
I'm amused by the old staff would work so hard to keep the portrait. Is that be something I can email her with and maybe lead to me asking her out?
Thanks!
Met a girl at work and spoke with her a few times over the past month. We both seemed to have good conversations, but no obvious flirting. She was transferred to another site.
Last week, after the transfer, she came to my site to do extra work. We chatted for a bit, and I was thinking about asking her out. She did look like she needed to head out, so I didn't ask. She accidentally broke an old cheap picture frame, and I was about to throw it out until the older staff wanted to keep it because of sentimental reasons (it's absolutely incongruous with the rest of the room).
I'm amused by the old staff would work so hard to keep the portrait. Is that be something I can email her with and maybe lead to me asking her out?
Thanks!
edit: idk it's gettin weird in here i'm not about that
this should be a chill place
here have some chill: kiasmos - bent
this should be a chill place
here have some chill: kiasmos - bent
I'm not talking about those things though
Via Purifico
Banned
It is, many times I have seen conversations on the gay community that started off better than that have the same result.
Talk about racism?: Don't generalize, heteros exhibit that behavior too.
Talk about the bigotry towards the trans community?: Don't generalize, some of us support them.
Mostly anything negative that is brought up is met with defense. It's not true all the time but it happens more than it should.
Henchmen21
Banned
Bitching about who or what? What guy? Look, I only skimmed through the last pages and didn't pay attention to who said what. I only read something about if gays are more promiscuous or not. I then said to myself, oh let me post something on hasty generalizations of which I have a strong disdain of.
You call that bitching? Okay, I guess that's one way to put it.
Why is the guy who made this holding his arms weird tho
He looks better in pics where his face isn't intentionally washed out imo
Hmm, love that length of stubble, and he has pretty eyes.Why is the guy who made this holding his arms weird tho
He looks better in pics where his face isn't intentionally washed out imo
Wow really? I'd say he looks 20/early 20's in the first pic and late 20's in the second.
D
Deleted member 465307
Unconfirmed Member
Hmm...it sounds like you could phrase it in such a way that you could send an email. It depends on how big of a deal the broken frame was to her. If it was quickly dismissed, then your email is going to seem socially odd and/or obviously motivated by something else. That said, if you're interested in this person, just go ahead and try to ask her out! You could lead with the frame thing if you can find a humorous way of presenting it and then ask her out. Or you could just contact her regardless. If you're unsure of whether she was feeling what you were, well...you could wait for her to return to your site again, send the email about the frame and see if she gives a response that suggests "Yeah, I want to keep this conversation going!", or you could just ask her. Personally, if you want a date much more than want anything else with her (friendship/acquaintanceship), I suggest just being direct, since I think people actually appreciate that (I know I do). But it sounds like you have the ability to test the waters more if you'd like. Good luck!
kitchenmotors
Banned
Henchmen21
Banned
Yup, I'm mid 30's and that guy looks younger than me. Also I just trimmed mine and looks like his in the second pic (found more grey hairs though :,( )
Don't get the reference.
kitchenmotors
Banned
Well I missed some stuff. Going to drop a gif and hang around.
Pre-order Twenty One Pilots - Blurryface, out on iTunes May 19th.
Support best new act 2014-15
kitchenmotors
Banned
Support best new act 2014-15
Best New Act? Gurl, this ain't MTV where Best New Act has been around for 5 years.
<+)O Robido O(+>
Member
They don't even believe that.
Sis you better prepare for the slayage of Blurryface.
Henchmen21
Banned
Sis you better prepare for the slayage of Blurryface.
That gif looks so familiar. I'm almost sure it's an old 80s tv show.
Henchmen21
Banned
Only the most iconic teen soap ever, Fifteen.
Never heard of it
Really? I thought he looked older in the first pic.
kitchenmotors
Banned
The truth is these issues affect all of us as a culture of gays. By trying to deflect the issue as a generalization, its distancing yourself from the problem. Oh I'm not racist, oh I'm not sexist, oh I'm not ________. Our culture is all of those things so in all likelihood, we unintentionally perpetuate those negative ideas.
Gays notice heteronormativity all the time and its so easy to call out if you're gay because it's visible to you. If you're a white gay, you probably don't notice the racism so prevalent in the culture ("I have a sassy black woman inside of me!"). If you're a gay guy, you don't notice the sexism towards women in the community.
Our lived experiences are something we all should listen to. Dismissing them as bs evidence because it might "generalize" the community is bogus. There's a huge difference of a gay person noticing a problem in their community and calling focus to it than a non-lgbtqia+ individual. Honestly, start generalizing (within the community, not outside of it) if it gets people talking.
CornBurrito
Member
Statistically gays are more promiscuous though aren't they?
D
Deleted member 465307
Unconfirmed Member
Regarding the discussion about racism and other problems within the gay community, it seems a lot of the responses (and discussion) are focused on the "gay" (i.e., same-sex male relations) community and is mostly coming from male-identified people (correct me if I'm wrong about the genders of the posters, I'm still learning). Just out of curiosity, since I know there are people here who are part of other communities and who are female-identified, if any of you all see this post: would you characterize same-sex female relations and/or genderqueer relations as having similar problems to the same degree (in reality or notoriety)?
If anyone wants to comment about heterosexual relations, you're welcome to as well, though I think I have a better sense of how that works and I believe someone commented above about it.
If anyone wants to comment about heterosexual relations, you're welcome to as well, though I think I have a better sense of how that works and I believe someone commented above about it.
Via Purifico
Banned
This is exactly on point.
I too feel that instead of being the defense force that shows a blemish on our not so perfect social way of life how about we talk about it?
I mean it doesn't hurt to actually talk about these things and try to make them better.
But people will always see things that doesn't directly affect them less worthy than the issues that do.
I would say as promiscuous as heterosexual males. Yet, this is mere speculation on my part.
I'm also under the impression that because the LGBTQIA+ community is small compared to heterosexuals, outliers and extreme cases are more likely to shock people and easier for people to generalize. You don't necessarily see the same thing happening or the same conversation for heterosexual males, at least not to the same degree.
And I'm not saying that because heterosexuals also do it, then it's okay for gays too. All I'm saying is that promiscuity is not exclusive to gay males. Even though it might appear that gays are more promiscuous, I'm willing to challenge that judgement.
BadMediaKarma
Banned
<+)O Robido O(+>
Member
Via Purifico
Banned
Anyone else tried the swipe thing with mobile phones it never works out for me.
Automated words just feels off for me.
Automated words just feels off for me.
Crikey, this thread sure took a turn and I'm sorry to bring it up again since y'all seem to have moved on to posting gifs from TV shows I've never heard of.
I was trying to find a study (because this thread is in some dire need of actual statistics) that showed the difference between the imagined infidelity of heterosexual couples versus male-male couples and female-female couples and the actual infidelity rate (albeit self reported). It wasn't perfect (mostly due to sample size) but it made for some really fun reading, apparently people think that lesbians aren't unfaithful (they are, but less than everyone else), gay men unsurprisingly were perceived as total sluts (they kind of were, but not statistically significantly more than heteros) and surprisingly (to some) straight women cheat too.
But unfortunately that endeavour came to a halt since there is a limit to how many blatantly homophobic (e.g. family research council) websites I can stand seeing in my search results before I feel like punching a wall. Combining that with having to dig through bullshit evolutionary psychology papers for their references to find that they too are bullshit evolutionary psychology which wasn't much fun either so I kind of gave up.
The fine folks at the Kinsey institute only had statistics on heterosexual monogamous couples:
Unfortunately for the reasons stated above (and then some), finding anything resembling reliable statistics for the LGBT community proved impossible but most studies I read seemed to agree that cheating was more common among gay men and less common among gay women and also that the infidelity rates among all types of couples is decreasing. The reason I don't provide even ballpark figures is that that the infidelity rate among e.g. gay men varied between 29% to figures over 100% (well technically "seven times that of heterosexual men"). I know I probably should link the "study" (fucking bullshit evolutionary psychology...) from which that last gem came from but I don't want to encourage people to find bad science.
So where as I think it is fair to state there is an issue with infidelity among gay men, I don't think it is fair to say that it is somehow exponentially worse in our community.
Now it is a bit too late over here (and my insomnia can only sustain my trawling through the web for oh so long), so if someone else wants to tackle the very real problems with racism, sexism, transphobia and biphobia within the LGBT community, feel free to do so.
I was trying to find a study (because this thread is in some dire need of actual statistics) that showed the difference between the imagined infidelity of heterosexual couples versus male-male couples and female-female couples and the actual infidelity rate (albeit self reported). It wasn't perfect (mostly due to sample size) but it made for some really fun reading, apparently people think that lesbians aren't unfaithful (they are, but less than everyone else), gay men unsurprisingly were perceived as total sluts (they kind of were, but not statistically significantly more than heteros) and surprisingly (to some) straight women cheat too.
But unfortunately that endeavour came to a halt since there is a limit to how many blatantly homophobic (e.g. family research council) websites I can stand seeing in my search results before I feel like punching a wall. Combining that with having to dig through bullshit evolutionary psychology papers for their references to find that they too are bullshit evolutionary psychology which wasn't much fun either so I kind of gave up.
The fine folks at the Kinsey institute only had statistics on heterosexual monogamous couples:
I should note that the percentage difference between women and men is deemed not significant in the study, so don't get hung up on the exact numbers.
Unfortunately for the reasons stated above (and then some), finding anything resembling reliable statistics for the LGBT community proved impossible but most studies I read seemed to agree that cheating was more common among gay men and less common among gay women and also that the infidelity rates among all types of couples is decreasing. The reason I don't provide even ballpark figures is that that the infidelity rate among e.g. gay men varied between 29% to figures over 100% (well technically "seven times that of heterosexual men"). I know I probably should link the "study" (fucking bullshit evolutionary psychology...) from which that last gem came from but I don't want to encourage people to find bad science.
So where as I think it is fair to state there is an issue with infidelity among gay men, I don't think it is fair to say that it is somehow exponentially worse in our community.
Now it is a bit too late over here (and my insomnia can only sustain my trawling through the web for oh so long), so if someone else wants to tackle the very real problems with racism, sexism, transphobia and biphobia within the LGBT community, feel free to do so.
videogamer
Banned
Awesome feedback!
Unfortunately she's not coming back to my site. She came back that one time after her transfer out because she wanted to wrap up a project.
Good point on it sounding potentially awkward. It was the end of the day, and she stopped by to say that she had broken the frame. I actually don't know how big a deal it was for her back because I quickly volunteered to deal with it. Then again, she looked like she wanted to head out.
Maybe I can just phrase it like an FYI since I told her I would throw it away but the senior staff are planning on fixing it up in good humor. Then see if she wants to keep the conversation going like you said.
Via Purifico
Banned
It's not too late and this is a good contribution and it gives insight. I think since it's just males it becomes more magnified.
About the isms in our community I think we should take them more seriously.
We need to practice what we preach when it comes to equality.
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