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LGBTQIA+ :)OT6(: Were taking over -- first the alphabet, then the world!
- Thread starter Kevyt
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Hey guys I know I don't post a lot but could do with some advice.
Basically I've known this guy for about 6 years now.
We went to university together, were in the majority of classes together and also helped him in finally coming out.
I've been heavily crushing on him and spend so much time with him to the point where some of my other friends believed something was going on, believing he was my boyfriend and at times I never corrected them on this.
He is a really close friend and have only ever had a handful of nights together.
I feel like I have been hoping something will just happen for the last 4/5 years and because of that I haven't even considered looking at anyone else.
He decides he wants to be close when he wants to, asking me out for dinner, holding hands/kisses, acting like best friends.
It was recently my birthday and he was there, but afterwards my friends told me I looked like I had a really deep convo with him and then stormed off looking emotional.
I cannot remember this and neither can he or so he claims so I don't know what was said but I feel it was basically "Do you love me?" with a point blank response of "No".
What do I do? Is it best I kinda cut back my expectations and look elsewhere?
The only thing is I now feel that because I spent over 5 years pining for someone else, I don't know how to even strike up a convo with someone else. I just feel awkward and shut down.
I honestly don't know what to do as I do feel a close connection with him and it is impossible to cut him out of my life as he is now part of my group of friends after university.
Any advice would be welcome as at this point I feel desperate, I am 24 now and have not had one single proper relationship.
Basically I've known this guy for about 6 years now.
We went to university together, were in the majority of classes together and also helped him in finally coming out.
I've been heavily crushing on him and spend so much time with him to the point where some of my other friends believed something was going on, believing he was my boyfriend and at times I never corrected them on this.
He is a really close friend and have only ever had a handful of nights together.
I feel like I have been hoping something will just happen for the last 4/5 years and because of that I haven't even considered looking at anyone else.
He decides he wants to be close when he wants to, asking me out for dinner, holding hands/kisses, acting like best friends.
It was recently my birthday and he was there, but afterwards my friends told me I looked like I had a really deep convo with him and then stormed off looking emotional.
I cannot remember this and neither can he or so he claims so I don't know what was said but I feel it was basically "Do you love me?" with a point blank response of "No".
What do I do? Is it best I kinda cut back my expectations and look elsewhere?
The only thing is I now feel that because I spent over 5 years pining for someone else, I don't know how to even strike up a convo with someone else. I just feel awkward and shut down.
I honestly don't know what to do as I do feel a close connection with him and it is impossible to cut him out of my life as he is now part of my group of friends after university.
Any advice would be welcome as at this point I feel desperate, I am 24 now and have not had one single proper relationship.
Only gonna comment on the last part because I'm sure other people can cover the other stuff more thoroughly, but 24 is young as hell. Don't give your age any thought, there's a lot of time for you to have serious relationships and it's not totally unusual to not have much/any experience with them when you're young. And if someone's gonna judge you for that, they aren't the kind of person you want to be hanging out with anyways.
Elitist1945
Member
Greetings from -44C Canada
I'm leaving the house to buy wine for SNL40 tonight, that's about it.
Yup. Ottawa here. THANKS CANADA.
umop_3pisdn
Member
Greetings from -44C Canada
I'm leaving the house to buy wine for SNL40 tonight, that's about it.
That gif is amazing. "Fuck it I'm out!"
Hight/Low of -4/-16 here. Prairie wasteland has at least something going for it at the moment.
Celsius?Greetings from -44C Canada
I'm leaving the house to buy wine for SNL40 tonight, that's about it.
You are living in an ice hell, basically.
umop_3pisdn
Member
Celsius?
You are living in an ice hell, basically.
-40-something Celsius is kind of a routine thing in the winter in a lot Canada. You just view the world with contempt and get on with your life. Oh and pray that your car starts even with the block heater plugged in.
I don't think I ever posted in here before, so lemme introduce myself.
Your gender? - Male
Your sexual orientation? - Heterosexual.
Where Are You From? - Nebraska
Where Do You Live? - South FL
How Old Are you? - 19 but turning 20 fairly soon
Favorite Type of Music? - I don't have a favorite really, I'll listen to anything that isn't classical or country.
Profession or Career interest? - Pre-medical studies I guess? I'm really unsure about my future career path.
Favorite video game(s)? - GTA, Mario, THPS, Elder Scrolls, Pokemon. Used to be shit like WoW but I quit. Here's my 6th gen game list for an idea. http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=149381402&postcount=205
What are your hobbies (other than gaming)? - Talking shit about other music artists, playing basketball, listen to music, word search, watch Reality Tv for humor. Hobbies have always been the hardest for me to talk about.
Your gender? - Male
Your sexual orientation? - Heterosexual.
Where Are You From? - Nebraska
Where Do You Live? - South FL
How Old Are you? - 19 but turning 20 fairly soon
Favorite Type of Music? - I don't have a favorite really, I'll listen to anything that isn't classical or country.
Profession or Career interest? - Pre-medical studies I guess? I'm really unsure about my future career path.
Favorite video game(s)? - GTA, Mario, THPS, Elder Scrolls, Pokemon. Used to be shit like WoW but I quit. Here's my 6th gen game list for an idea. http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=149381402&postcount=205
What are your hobbies (other than gaming)? - Talking shit about other music artists, playing basketball, listen to music, word search, watch Reality Tv for humor. Hobbies have always been the hardest for me to talk about.
JonathanNemo
Member
Yeah, I mean you have time to look for other people and friends, and there's still so much more out there in the world at large.
Like, there are maaaany things that I would love to just shake my 24 year old self by the shoulders and shout at them about, but one of them is without a doubt spending too much time holding onto past relationships. Largely out of a fear that this is as good as it gets, or it's "perfect", or that I'm trying to prove something to myself and my peers. When, there really is so much more out there and it comes down to making the time to see that.
Rejection's tough, and hard to accept. One idea would be to find some groups that fall within your common interests (meetup.com maybe?), pick up a hobby or something that you'd like, and make some small talk. See who or what might be out there to spend time with you.
I was effing dorky and awkward as hell when I was 24 or 25. That's still ridonculously young, you've got plenty of time to try new things.
No need to do that. Unless you think there's a bad relationship there, just try to focus your time on other areas and build up more relationships so that you don't feel that you must spend so much time on THIS one.
And things do change with time. But you need to do some growing up too, sir!
As has been said before, 24 is stupid young. You don't need a proper relationship, honestly you don't need one ever. But one might serve you well in life, and just trying to figure out where you might fit on this big blue ball doesn't hurt.
Take it easy, that's all.
terrisus
Member
I'm naturally extremely warm - I'm perfect to cuddle with at any temperature :3
umop_3pisdn
Member
Well, the homeless population tends to take a hit. If that read like a joke it wasn't really meant as one, shit is sad. But if you have a house with heating you manage.
TheAbsolution
Member
Have any of y'all ever met someone that made you REALLY wish you could be attracted to them? For context, I went out last night to one of my favorite gay haunts and ended up spotting a guy I thought was cute. I ended up talking with him/hitting on him but it turns out he is straight (lol). Apparently he was there with his girlfriend, his girlfriend's sister, and two other girls who were all really nice, so I ended up spending the rest of the night drinking with them. As it happens, I ended up really hitting it off with the girlfriend's sister. She and I have a similar sense of humor, like a lot of the same kinds of music, and are both into working out etc. Also, frankly, she is super pretty and had an amazing ass. I am, however, still totally gay.
I ended up getting her number and I am pretty sure I made a new friend which is always nice. However, the encounter left me thinking about how I haven't connected with a guy like that in forever. I am pretty sure if I were to ask her out she would say yes. It left me really wishing I could be attracted to women.
As I'm sure a lot of you know, dating while queer is a total bitch. There are like 17 of us out there (citation needed). When you start adding in any kind of standards you may have, the list of possible dudes/ettes to date gets shorter and shorter. I am pushing 30 and the only one of my little group of friends still single. I am also really busy with not a lot of time to devote to dating. The glaring singleness has been getting me down a lot lately.
I don't know if this will sound arrogant or not, as I don't really intend it to be, but I have a lot to offer. I have my life (generally) in order. Typically in these situations the advice would be to focus on improving yourself, which I am all about, but really there is nothing too out of order in my life. Why is finding a man so hard, god damn. (I needed to vent, thank you XOXOXO.)
I ended up getting her number and I am pretty sure I made a new friend which is always nice. However, the encounter left me thinking about how I haven't connected with a guy like that in forever. I am pretty sure if I were to ask her out she would say yes. It left me really wishing I could be attracted to women.
As I'm sure a lot of you know, dating while queer is a total bitch. There are like 17 of us out there (citation needed). When you start adding in any kind of standards you may have, the list of possible dudes/ettes to date gets shorter and shorter. I am pushing 30 and the only one of my little group of friends still single. I am also really busy with not a lot of time to devote to dating. The glaring singleness has been getting me down a lot lately.
I don't know if this will sound arrogant or not, as I don't really intend it to be, but I have a lot to offer. I have my life (generally) in order. Typically in these situations the advice would be to focus on improving yourself, which I am all about, but really there is nothing too out of order in my life. Why is finding a man so hard, god damn. (I needed to vent, thank you XOXOXO.)
Thanks for the advice! I know it's still early days but I think in my head it's just equalled a waste of 5 years or so where I could have been with other people.
Yeah, I mean you have time to look for other people and friends, and there's still so much more out there in the world at large.
Like, there are maaaany things that I would love to just shake my 24 year old self by the shoulders and shout at them about, but one of them is without a doubt spending too much time holding onto past relationships. Largely out of a fear that this is as good as it gets, or it's "perfect", or that I'm trying to prove something to myself and my peers. When, there really is so much more out there and it comes down to making the time to see that.
Rejection's tough, and hard to accept. One idea would be to find some groups that fall within your common interests (meetup.com maybe?), pick up a hobby or something that you'd like, and make some small talk. See who or what might be out there to spend time with you.
I was effing dorky and awkward as hell when I was 24 or 25. That's still ridonculously young, you've got plenty of time to try new things.
No need to do that. Unless you think there's a bad relationship there, just try to focus your time on other areas and build up more relationships so that you don't feel that you must spend so much time on THIS one.
And things do change with time. But you need to do some growing up too, sir!
As has been said before, 24 is stupid young. You don't need a proper relationship, honestly you don't need one ever. But one might serve you well in life, and just trying to figure out where you might fit on this big blue ball doesn't hurt.
Take it easy, that's all.
Thanks man, I think I will try and branch out and find hobbies and new groups of people to meet. I had never heard of meetup.com but it appears there isn't many groups in my area. Heh maybe I'll start one.
And yeah I suppose I need to do some growing up as well.
My main issue is I don't have a lot of lgbt friends and the ones I do rarely seem to actually want to go to gay friendly places and I don't fancy going to places on my own
. Thanks for the advice!I'm not moving anywhere, I just have two GAFs now
That site is not really gaming focused, and despite that last sad event, I think GAF is still my favorite forum.Toronto/GTA? I am staying indoor too.
An hour east on the lakeshore. My house is basically swiss cheese with how bad the windows draft, woof.
What? D:
Last year it was -20°C max (min?) here in winter and it was cold; waiting for bus for more that 5 minutes was a torture (however, I live near the sea, so that adds a really chilling wind to already freezing temperature). I really can't imagine doing anything outside when it's -40°C.
I'm not moving anywhere, I just have two GAFs now
Ah, thanks.
Blood Diamonds
Banned
can anyone explain why there's only 2 weeks of february left
That's odd. I have a gay friend who gets more butt than I do and I'm in a relationship. Do you live in a small town? Are there other places that gay dudes congregate that you haven't checked out?
My aforementioned friend (35) just got divorced and he hit the ground running. Like multiple dates a week. There is hope, my friend. I'm positive if you keep at it you'll find the perfect guy.
February is the best month and the shortest too.
So kind of a random non sequiter but are any of you guys worried that your ideas will become outdated as you age? I've just got images of like myself as a 70 year old having to explain to my Grandkids that "I don't see a problem with expecting artificial intelligences to google things for me, that's what they're for. There was a lovely robot girl on my phone and she was great, couldn't do enough for you; but I don't think we shoud let computers run for office."
And they'll be all "OMG Grandad you can't call them that they're 'people of code' and it's offensive to say they're not real."
Just thinking that as a current minority it'll be interesting to see if there's a future where I'm privileged and don't realise. I guess what I'm asking is are equal rights and stuff something you guys think you care about significantly outside the LGBT realm; or is it something that you think about as a result of being LGBT?
And they'll be all "OMG Grandad you can't call them that they're 'people of code' and it's offensive to say they're not real."
Just thinking that as a current minority it'll be interesting to see if there's a future where I'm privileged and don't realise. I guess what I'm asking is are equal rights and stuff something you guys think you care about significantly outside the LGBT realm; or is it something that you think about as a result of being LGBT?
No, I'm not high I'm just kinda bored
Orniletter
Banned
-40°C, Oh my.
It's very very rare that we get double digit minus temperatures here.
I can't even imagine how -40 would feel on bare skin.
It's very very rare that we get double digit minus temperatures here.
I can't even imagine how -40 would feel on bare skin.
Exposed skin can get frostbitten in a few minutes, it's brutal stuff.
No, actually I live in Las Vegas. Also, not sure if I'm interpreting what you said correctly, but it's not so much sex. That is actually pretty easy to get if you are even trying a little bit. I just have trouble finding someone who wants to keep it exclusive. I'm getting tired of the chase.
That being said, I may be handicapping myself by excluding online dating. I don't photograph well and would much rather meet people face to face. I have actually had people tell me shit along the lines of, "wow, you look way better in person than your photos." Like, what? Bitch, thanks I guess (although it's funny in retrospect).
I actually saw some pretty neat pictures of what that kind of weather can do to hair.
What happens if it snaps DDDD:? (sorry for dubs.)
terrisus
Member
What happens if quadruple Ds snap? >.>
Hahaha no way do they say that shit.
I did misinterpret. I think online dating may be the way to go if you're looking to settle down because you can lay out expectations/goals/intentions, so people that aren't interested in something long-term and committed don't get the wrong idea. I look gross in photos as well, but I'd go for it if I were you.
terrisus
Member
Worked for me.
I think it's better not to think about that and just go with the wind. World around us evolves like crazy - especially when it comes to technology and social stuff. Just think about the world 40 years ago - things we take for granted nowadays just weren't there. Internet, PCs? Bah, you wish. Sites many of us use daily: Google was founded 17 years ago, Wikipedia - about 14, Facebook - 11 and Youtube just 10 years ago.
Even when it comes to LGBT stuff - homosexuality was still considered an illness just 25 years ago and practicing it was considered illegal in many countries (including some states of America and Germany).
So... we should be prepared to expect unexpected and try our best to not become old men shouting at clouds
And about the bolded, yes, I think belonging to oppressed minority and (in my case) being bullied for my stuttering when I was a kid made me care about equal rights and well being of others.
OK, so Canada is off of my list of potential countries I would like to move to. :|
Yep, considering you spent 40 hours per week there (if that's a standard full-time job), about 1/3 of your day, a job that makes you feel miserable is really a bad thing.
My I ask what exactly makes you feel awful?
TheAbsolution
Member
Henchmen21
Banned
Greetings from -44C Canada
I'm leaving the house to buy wine for SNL40 tonight, that's about it.
Meanwhile here in Utah it's practically spring weather.
Orniletter
Banned
Thats...rough...wow !
Heh, my friends and I had to wait like 20 minutes in front of the lecture hall (because our prof was unusually late) the other day and everyone kept complaining how cold it was.
It was like -5 C . Haha.
What? No, no , it shouldn't make you feel like that. Why did you cry?
It's mostly the fact that our manager is so very irresponsible and we get the brunt of the customers' ire when when things don't look so perfect in our department,there's also nothing we can do about it since the main store manager does not care either and if we even try to speak up about it he'd do things to get back at us like mess with our schedules, on top of that, the guy I work with is being taken to another store and we make such a good team, we carry the dept. so well despite our department manager's incompetence and he's leaving, he was the only reason I was still there, needless to say, I've been really anxious these past few weeks, retail really is hell, please don't ever work retail if you can help it.
What job for you have and whats the problem with it?
I'm sorry it's that bad.
I work at a grocery store, I'd rather not say the name of it but is a popular chain store, see above for what's happening, and thank you so much, I appreciate you guys' concern <33
What? No, no , it shouldn't make you feel like that. Why did you cry?
Because that place is awful, it destroys whatever little self-confidence I have ;A;, I need to leave it and I've decided that March is the month I'll do it.
Hours Left
Member
I see we're talking about Canadian winters. I've dealt with them my whole life so I'm usually not bothered much, but lately I've just felt totally over them. It's not even that cold today where I am (-5) but we got so much snow yesterday it makes me want to go into hibernation. (I practically did too, I slept for almost 12 hours. O_O)
Before this week it was a pretty tame winter too. ;_;
Before this week it was a pretty tame winter too. ;_;
AlexMeloche
Member
This winter has been so shitty uggh. 0C one day, -35C the day after.
It's -30C since last week and we still have another week of this weather. I don't mind it generally but this year... can't stand it anymore really.
It's -30C since last week and we still have another week of this weather. I don't mind it generally but this year... can't stand it anymore really.
Maybe it's because my car doesn't have a working heater.
This prompts me to ask something I've been curious about:
Do you guys in general get the feeling sometimes that you're attracted too specifically and to way too few people compared to what's available? Or do you consider yourself rather universally flexible as long as there's a penis on it?
Because I certainly do feel like there are a few guys that just blow my mind and then there's the rest to which I would describe my levels of attraction as pretty much asexual. Sure there's the whole thing about too high standards being common within the community and stuff, but it doesn't mean that my bar for objective attractiveness is too high per se, since truly objective attractiveness doesn't exist and I see enough others who don't see the same as I do in those I am attracted to at all (esp this thread frequently shows how vaastly different the preferences and types are). But still I feel... too specific I guess.
[not taking into account that crushes can also develop in the unexpected places and to ppl who would normally not catch my eyes at first, of course. But like I get many messages in response to my profile and within the undeniably superficial framework of online dating, I'm just shocked to find that it's too rare for me to find my (superficial) interests peaked at all.
Also, it often seems in the media as though the majority of straight guys would have sex with anything with boobs on it. Although to be fair, media says the same about gays. So, is it true for you personally? Can the presence of a dick be able to provide enough base attraction for you to consider sex with someone or do you feel as specific and hopelessly unflexible as I?
-and yeah I know that my utter lack of experience with anything gay and gay people in real life doesn't help and that more exposure and stuff might broaden my horizons. But right now the last thing I can risk is ending up with someone I'm not really attracted to because if I wanted sexually unsatisfying relations I could have just stayed with my ex girlfriend and/or girls in general.
Sometimes the only thing keeping me from thinking I'm asexual is the odd super cute guy (to my eyes cute I mean) in a sea of nothingness.
So, to answer your question, yes I do wish I was attracted to people I'm not attracted to / to more people in general.
I didn't realise it was still illegal in Germany that recently. It was a while before that here I think. I guess trying is all we can do, huh? And yeah see I reckon being queerish makes me care more about others; but I think if I wasn't there's a chance I'd be the kind of straight white guy who just didn't care or see why other people's problems were important and that seems a shame. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, given me stuff to think about.I think it's better not to think about that and just go with the wind. World around us evolves like crazy - especially when it comes to technology and social stuff. Just think about the world 40 years ago - things we take for granted nowadays just weren't there. Internet, PCs? Bah, you wish. Sites many of us use daily: Google was founded 17 years ago, Wikipedia - about 14, Facebook - 11 and Youtube just 10 years ago.
Even when it comes to LGBT stuff - homosexuality was still considered an illness just 25 years ago and practicing it was considered illegal in many countries (including some states of America and Germany).
So... we should be prepared to expect unexpected and try our best to not become old men shouting at clouds
And about the bolded, yes, I think belonging to oppressed minority and (in my case) being bullied for my stuttering when I was a kid made me care about equal rights and well being of others.
To answer this better I need clarification: do you mean 'attraction' in a purely physical sense; or are we talking emotionally too? Either way it doesn't seem too unusual to not be attracted to everyone; and to have specific things you prefer.
Orniletter
Banned
I hope everything turns out alright for you. It's definitely the right thing to switch gears when your work has such a negative effect on you and there is no chance of improvements.
I'm talking solely physical. I was in love with my girl so hard for so long that romantically I know for a fact that I'm very broadly compatible and definitely biromantic.
It's physical compatibility that I'm struggling with. But every guy I DO find interesting physically lets me know for a fact that I'm not asexual by a long shot.
DOWN
Banned
Greetings from 72F degree FL. Had my first weights session today, feel exhausted, right on.
I hope everyone's Saturday is going well
http://i.imgur.com/Ao3XOVEl.jpg[/IG]
Cutie and I went to the museum. I love this view :D[/QUOTE]
[quote="Grizzo, post: 152121539"]
Here's a selfie I took via PhotoBooth yesterday. I look puzzled because I just got out from the hairdresser and was wondering if my haircut was too short.[/QUOTE]
[quote="ZombiePlatypus, post: 152126405"]
I'll try and put up more later. Anyway, hope everyone's having a nice VD day. Single or otherwise![/QUOTE]
[quote="Sai-kun, post: 152184209"]Perfect way to spend a Valentine's day evening :)[/QUOTE]
Excellent faces and excellent to see them.
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
Sure! Shoot me that pm :3
I'm doing good, thanks! How r u bb
Cool, another straight! Welcome!
I'm hella flexible brah
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