Sorry if this is too sensitive. Can someone tell me what depression feels like? is it the feeling when a family member/friend dies but for longer periods?
In my case the depression is deeply rooted in losing my mum to breast cancer and we were very close. After she died I kind of went numb and just played videogames for a few months and blocked everything out. About 2 - 3 years later I thought I was doing ok when I started slowly breaking down - constantly crying in my room, I didn't want to look at anyone or anything, I was a zombie at work and barely surviving. I'd lie in my room and felt worthless, the best way to describe it in my experience was barely hanging on, like I was being sucked into a deep big fuckin black hole and hanging on by my fingertips whilst being slowly dragged in. Like at anytime I was close to losing my sanity and completely losing it (a wee bit dramatic but that's how it felt)
Eventually I ended up taking 6 months off work and very slowly started dealing with all that pent up grief that I had obviously not dealt with. I took counselling and slowly dealt with my demons/feelings better. I do truly feel like I've grieved for my mother.
However and this is the part I fucking despise, the depression doesn't go away or at least fully go away. I still suffer from it sometimes, not in a 'I feel like I could kill myself' kind of way but you get points where you don't want to deal with the world. You just want to shut yourself away and hide in a cupboard. I tend to go to the seaside and spend time their or even beside a local river as that tends to calm me I find.
This is mild depression as well, at least that's what I told it was. I felt/feel like dealing with this shit at times is difficult enough and it's fucking MILD. I feel sorry for anyone suffering from any kind of depression, it's honestly really hard to understand unless you ever experience it yourself, but it's fucking horrible and it wants to drag you down with it. I honestly couldn't comprehend what folks on GAF/elsewhere who deal with major/severe/clinical depression feel at times.
