Good Lord, I would have thought these kids had grown up by now! You hear how TR and Jayrome going off on each other, it's like "whaaaahhh whaaahhh!". Fuck.
First off, TR don't owe me SHIT. I don't feel like I've been wronged or got a raw deal out of NIN, I motherfucking SCORED being in that band.
As did we all, as did we all........
It's been five years since I'm out, so, okay, you guys want the straight dope, here it is. (deep breath)
To Jay-rome...
Jay-rome, bro, dude...... You're a great drummer. That's cool. You might have made a really interesting record (ain't heard it yet), which is even cooler.
But, hello, ummm...... how well do you know TR, anyway? Does any of this surprise you, bro? Do you remember how it went down when various other people left the band? Weren't you there the day I left, when TR found a few things of mine still in the studio, and threw them in the freaking dumpster while I'm standing right there by my car? IN THE DUMPSTER? And all I did was shake my head and say to myself, "dude has got some issues...."
Remember, this was after I cowrote, remixed, and programmed way more shit than you ever did. Remember, I also made the live tapes? I also did the remixes on FDTS. I also programmed shit on TDS and The Fragile. I also brought Starfuckers, Inc. to the table, remember? That ain't no motherfucking bassline, fool, that's my QuasiMidi Rave-O-Lution 309 beatbox! AND those vocal fx dawg.
My reaction: "Whatever, dude. I'm out. Later for you and your harshness."
You didn't see how he fucking shut Chris Vrenna down. Goddamn motherfucking PodBoy had been with TR since the ramen-noodle years, running down to CompUSA every week to buy TR more video games, sitting there reading from the cheats book while TR played Doom for hours, never giving Pod a chance to play, and fucking sitting in the driver's seat in the studio for more than ten years. At the end of that decade, while TR is buying a fucking man$ion, he was paying Pod like $60k. All Pod wanted was a little piece of the action to go along with his salary. Like a fucking nickel off the net dollar on swag. Like maybe a point on the record. No fucking way, TR and Malm told Pod that he was now 'surplus to requirements' and put his ass in the wind. After TEN FUCKING YEARS! Pod is the one who should bitch, not you. Pod is the one that should have been singin', "We built this city on rock 'n roll, and all I got was this lousy T-shirt!".
So you wonder why he didn't call you in the hospital? Fuck, dude... TR needs to watch out for TR and the rest of you can take a flying fuck at a rolling donut, and you're just now figuring this out? You thought that since you two were best butt-buddies for a while, that you guys were gonna be bros in later years?
You're lucky they didn't pull your luggage off the bus and drop it at the hospital!
Dude, everyone who's ever been in NIN or worked for (there is no WITH) Trent has been butt-buddy at some point. We all rode shotgun in his green porsche while he talked the big talk, and we all believed it, some for longer than others.
The only reason I ever moved to NOLA was because TR told me, straight up, that he wanted me and danny to write the tracks for a Tapeworm album, on which I would get a production credit.
This was in 1995. NINETEEN NINETY FUCKING FIVE, DUDE!
Remember, I was just starting to write the first Rob Zombie album, when TR conned me into moving to NOLA on the basis of Tapeworm. I was living in 7200 square feet in Nichols Canyon, with the protools rigs of doom. My game was ALREADY TIGHT nucca.
I took a pretty major pay cut to join NIN, and the only reason was because of the fantasy Tapeworm bonus. We knew it was never going to happen years before you showed up. It became a big joke for me and Danny (but not a very funny one). Robin never believed that shit for a second, he was out of there right after the tour ended.
So, after all this, you get to say, "I used to be in nine inch nails." Isn't that enough for you? That ought to be worth something, yeah? Work that shit, homey, but don't you ever try to hold TR to his word on fantasy shit like Tapeworm or "I'll produce your record..."
He's the guy that invites you over for a bbq and gets all sullen when you take two hamburgers instead of one, but don't let it get to you. Eat both of 'em! Fuckit!
But here's the moral of this harsh story:
The important part now is to not become like him.
Shake it off, man. Deep breath. You fucking carry that bitterness for TR with you thru life, man, you will poison yourself from the inside. TR always claiming he's dark, he got a black soul, saying shit like "you know me, I hate EVERYONE!"
Ooooohhh ain't he tuff. SuperTuff. SuperDuperTuff. He so motherfuckin dark he make you look light by comparison, nucca.
Well, what if all that shit he claimin' is actually TRUE? What if he really IS that hateful person that he describes in all them dark lyrics? If he IS that guy, then he needs his head examined or removed ASAP. Man, forget that shit as soon as you can. People get what they deserve in the end, man, they reap what they sow. They get the kind of freinds they deserve.
Remember how record labels would call Nothing Records or Conservative Management looking to get me to do a remix, and Malm would make sure I never got the message? I found out about all that shit when I got back to LA, how all these fools be like, "Where you been? We been leaving messages at Nothing Records for like two years! They wouldn't give us your number, or the number at the studio in NOLA, so WTF is up with that?" And I'm like, "John MotherFucking Malm is what's up with that."
So yeah, I got fired out of there on zero notice. TR put my sorry ass in the wind too.
And I don't look back.
Would I do it all over again? Yeah, but I would have been right behind Robin on the way back to LA instead of waiting four more years for shit that wasn't ever gonna happen. That last tour we did was a joke, and you know it. Fucking TR forgetting lyrics onstage, Robin taking a swing at TR in Australia, shit I was ready to walk off stage and take a cab to the airport that one time in Japan when he just lying on stage drunk off his ass mumbling instead of singing.
Now he all on 'roid rage, he could snap me like a twig, but back then was a different story. Remember that Japanese chick with the missing teeth when we went to the temples in Kyoto? Fuck.
How many people can you name who would honestly say that they think TR has been a real friend across the years? Some of his high school buddies that come out on tour, or Clint, maybe, but that's cause they never really "worked" together. I saw Clint coming out of the dressing room at the Bowl smiling, so they obviously all good, but I wasn't even allowed to say hi to TR. I got the blockade from security! Hahahahah LoLLerskates *HUGZ* ROFL ain't that some shit?
All's I wanted to say was, "congrats on the new album, new tour, and new YOU! TR, you look TIGHT and your game is seriously ON, man, and I am psyched for you. You obviously conquered some heavy shit, and you gotta feel good, yeah?" Not like I'm gonna complain about shit from five years ago backstage, right?
Hey also, didn't I hear TR talking some shit about how he 12-stepped his way back to planet earth? Well, I ain't never 12-stepped myself, but I got a couple close friends who did, and the one thing they all said was part of the process was to go back and apologize or make amends with all who were hurt by your actions while you were under the influence of whatever you're 12-stepping out of.
Did TR ever drop one motherfucking dime? PodBoy never got that call. I know you didn't get that call.... I didn't need one, since I played his ass right back as he was playing mine, but PodBoy got the short end of the long stick. Well, maybe he only made it through 11 out of the 12 steps....... but I don't know nothing about 12 steps. (oh yeah, I am clean, but it only took one step.)
(BTW: You're better off not being in a band that plays medleys...)
Now, before y'all go thinking I feel all "wronged" by TR, I don't. I am absolutely fine with him. I sussed the deal soon enough, and it WAS a cushy situation, so I let it ride for a while, and I hung around while I got my act together to re-enter LA. Soon as I felt like he was short-changin' me, I said, "Shit, I gotta get me a night job!" Had to finish the demos for the Helmet album while still on TR's payroll, ya unnerstand? So I managed to extract value from the transaction, even if it wasn't the value I thought going in. So we cool, I know he threw my shit in the dumpster cause I was writing Helmet and remixing Zombie on his dime, but shit, man, the way I deal is to say, "don't be motherfucking remixing Zombie on my dime bitch!" right to a sucker's face instead of throwing they shit in the dumpster, run back in the studio, and change the locks.
So TR, I know you gonna see this, and hate on me, and it's cool. I know you gonna whip out the pics of me and Lifto and the carrot, or video of my "initiation" backstage in Long Island, or some other embarrassing shit. Bring it, I don't give a fuck. I got no probs with you dude and you can diss me all you want. I'm happy for ya man, you making it work big time. Plus, you're mr. artistic integrity guy, and I do cheesy horror movies, so who the fuck am I?
So you got it all over me, yeah. I ain't on your level, and I ain't never gonna BE on your level.
And all was right and as it should be in the world.....
And I am OUT. Later.
