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NeoGAF Anonymous Confessions 2014 - Confessember Be Upon Us - Under New Management

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F

Fireblend

Banned
J. Bravo said:
I thought I sent in a confession guess it didn't go through. I'll resend it later.

In the meantime, here's a tame one.

edit: actually, you know what, i'm sure some people have seen this already, but i'm reconsidering publicly posting it. i may or may not send it to NTGYK, but uncensored, and let him decide if it breaks the rules.
Click to expand...

I read that. You sick fuck, you and your sister need some serious help.

:p
 
J

J. Bravo

Member
Fireblend said:
I read that. You sick fuck, you and your sister need some serious help.

:p
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McPoyles.jpg
 
N

NotTheGuyYouKill

Member
Male in my early mid-20s here, not the most exciting story, but need to get this off my chest.
Had an on and off feeling that I might be bi ever since I was 13, but I like females more so
I always assumed it was a phase. Upon entering college, I joined an LGBT/Ally club for about a year, but showed up less often till I eventually stopped due to school work and getting a GF (who I'm still with), at which point I just figured I was straight.

Fast forward to a few months ago, and I've stumbled upon a gay porn gif on tumblr that was probably the hottest thing I've seen in a while. I watched crossdressing porn/hentai, but never actually seen gay porn until recently (which I now know I like more than straight porn). I
basically learned that I have a thing for lean soccer/swimmer bodies and androgynous types rather than muscular football types.

A month ago I get hit on by an openly gay cashier at the mall, I found him attractive myself so it left me flustered. At this point I'm pretty certain that I am bi, but I still sometimes feel doubt due to how long it took me to figure it out and I've never actually done anything with a dude before, plus I still have a female preference. I want to tell my GF (who I'm 99% sure wont react negatively) but I'm basically to afraid of my own doubts.
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Yeah, you're probably (maybe?) bi or bicurious? Hey, if your GF won't react negatively, why not tell her and be open about it.

You could swing that into an MFM...
 
N

NotTheGuyYouKill

Member
I eat a bunch of odd stuff.

Biggest example is plastic and paper. When ripping sheets from a notebook, I always eat the scrap left. Bottle caps gets chewed for a while then spit into the trash. The tiny plastic things that come with clothes are always great, as I can take my time and bite off portions. I can eat just about any paper.

It goes on to more stuff. I used to put coins in my mouth (would always wash them afterwards, don't worry). Same with marbles, but that stopped when I fell asleep with one in my mouth as a kid and woke up wanting to punch myself in the face real hard. I normally roll over in my sleep, and in that one night I stayed in the exact same damn position. I still chew staples sometimes. Same with the little metal things on soda cans. The things on pens for putting them in front shirt pockets I often bite. Speaking of pens, I often chew the grips, especially when the pen breaks. Used to eat erasers too, pieces of them, but stopped. Used to put pebbles in my mouth.Mechanical pencil graphite is actually ingested a whole bunch. The arm bands people wear are a favorite of mine too. Pen springs I enjoy chewing too (which once led to a funny situation where they got tangled in my braces). Sometimes it's just random stuff too, not necessarily mentioned here. I sometimes do it with types of cloth, say if a thread is sticking out I'll bight it off or with string. Chewing paper clips are a thing, as are putting random stuff like die in my mouth. I sometimes start biting my fingernails, and biting them into section and swallowing, but then I'll be half way through, realize how nasty that is, and immediately spit out everything into a sink. Rubber in general is pretty big for me.

To be honest, I'm not entirely sure why I do this. I typically do it when there's no snacks int he house or something, and I just want to eat something. A lot of times, when I'm done with a bottle of water, I'l chew the cap, same with soda cans, I staple something and a spare staple comes out, the notebook stuff. I often like the texture too it too, and it feels nice. Metallic things are really cool, and paper just sort of melts into your mouth.

Tbh, this is a really habitual things for me to do, and I often catch myself doing this without thinking.
Click to expand...

How on earth are you not damaging your teeth or getting disgusting shit in your body this way?
 
N

NotTheGuyYouKill

Member
I occasionally get thoughts about stabbing people. These are not fantasies or urges; I get no joy or peverse pleasure from experiencing them. I feel cold and numb with slight curiousity when experiencing them. I am not a violent person; the thought of violence usually makes me sick. I get shaken by just being yelled at. I get these thoughts when handling knives, or just looking at random people on public transport, how easily a knife would slip into their flesh. The worse instance of these thoughts was when I was staying over at a friends house, and was washing the dishes. I found myself drifting into the image of what it would be like to stab one of them, how long would it take for them to restrain me, what their faces filled with shock looked like. These are people I care very deeply about, love and immensely enjoy their company. It was a very enjoyable night.
Sorry if this confession is too tame by Neogaf standards.
Click to expand...

For some reason, I don't think is too uncommon. But if it causes you distress or you get some sick thrill out of it, maybe see a doctor.
 
K

KidJr

Member
NotTheGuyYouKill said:
How on earth are you not damaging your teeth or getting disgusting shit in your body this way?
Click to expand...

Tbh to this confessor I used to the same thing as when I was younger (but still old enough for it to be weird, early teens or so). I used to eat sponge, that was my favorite fucking wierd even thinking about it even typing it. Like man my family would go to someones house and they would have sponge, I'd eat like the corner and just keep going back for more. I used to like to lick the stone on the walls, carpet edges, it varied how much I'd eat depending on my age I think. I remember one time I licked a stone wall (not like a random stone wall like the stone behind your wall paper) but my tongue got so sore I couldnt eat anything. I tried to eat a pen lid (whole) almost choked and died so I thought Id stick to softer matierials. Stopped when I was like 12/13 though, just grew out of it.

My cousin used to eat slugs, now that was fucking disgusting lol, my Nan used to get soo mad when we came back from playing in the garden hahaha. Shit seems funny as hell now.

Typing this maybe I should have done this anonymously
 
F

Fireblend

Banned
I sometimes chew on stuff, like pen caps... I used to have a real problem with earbuds cause I'd bite the cables sometimes... but nothing as extreme as the metal caps on soda cans or paper clips... wouldn't you stab yourself very easily?
 
A

AlexMeloche

Member
Chewing on pen caps, straws or nails are pretty common. Eating paper scraps... not so much. (Well I hope so!) Also putting marbles and pebbles in your mouth?!

Try chewing on ice cubes or something. Maybe it would help?
 
Q

Qasiel

Member
Allez Phill said:
This sounds like a bit of OCD.
Click to expand...

I watched this documentary recently about people with OCD, and there were a couple of sufferers who often had thoughts about suicide; jumping off cliffs etc. and this could easily be something similar to those thoughts.

It's strange because I often get those thoughts too, but apart from constantly feeling the need to make lists I wouldn't think I'd suffer from OCD at all.
 
A

Allez Phill

Banned
Qasiel said:
I watched this documentary recently about people with OCD, and there were a couple of sufferers who often had thoughts about suicide; jumping off cliffs etc. and this could easily be something similar to those thoughts.

It's strange because I often get those thoughts too, but apart from constantly feeling the need to make lists I wouldn't think I'd suffer from OCD at all.
Click to expand...

I have OCD, and similar thoughts (not those stabbing thoughts).

The confessor needs medication.
 
X

Xe4

Banned
NotTheGuyYouKill said:
How on earth are you not damaging your teeth or getting disgusting shit in your body this way?
Click to expand...

Public confession here, I do that too. All the time. If im not chewing on gum its mouse cords, or headphones, bottle caps, pens, the soda can tabs, the wrapping around soda bottles, plastic or my lip/tongue, etc. I usually find myself doing it without even meaning to.

It doesn't bother me either. I don't usually do it around people, and its not neurotic. I just really like chewing on stuff. It doesn't really mess up my teeth either.

Anyways I'm not ashamed, and neither should the confessor be. I've done weirder shit and compared to some shit people sent in, that's awfully tame.
 
D

dani_dc

Member
Qasiel said:
I watched this documentary recently about people with OCD, and there were a couple of sufferers who often had thoughts about suicide; jumping off cliffs etc. and this could easily be something similar to those thoughts.

It's strange because I often get those thoughts too, but apart from constantly feeling the need to make lists I wouldn't think I'd suffer from OCD at all.
Click to expand...

Intrusive thoughts are actually very normal in human beings, just that most don't dwell on them too much. OCD people tend to get more consumed by those and often create rituals to curb the effects the intrusive thoughts have on their mind.
 
Daffy Duck

Daffy Duck

Member
Screw anonymity, I must confess my love for Jill Wagner.

WX8j4t0.jpg


Ever since my kids started to watch Wipeout USA I have had a crush on her. We series link it and I wont allow them to put it on until I home and not doing anything so I can see her every day, we've currently got 8 episodes recorded.

lDBOAeE.gif
 
F

Figboy79

Aftershock LA
IronRinn said:
No, godspeed to you. It's a doozy.
Click to expand...

What a fucking asshole. Holy shit. I'd love to punch that guy in the face over and over again. Is that confession on my part?

Anyway, this thread has been something so far. I haven't even gotten past page 5 yet, though. I just had to comment on this one. Man, it made me really mad. Ruining someone's life because you're a selfish prick and a coward. I'd like to doozy my foot up his ass with a steel toed boot...
 
F

Figboy79

Aftershock LA
Fiction said:
The money thing is super fucked up. If you can't trust your wife that much you don't need to be married in the first place. What's she going to do, suddenly want to spend it all on hookers and blow? Come clean, call it your surprise nest egg. Or break up.
Click to expand...

I agree. Me and my wife handle the finances together. She's currently unemployed, but she's also waaaay more responsible with money than I am. Well, I'm much better now, than I was a year ago. I can't imagine hiding money from her, though. I make enough these days to start putting away a nest egg, but she's in charge of that. I trust her more than I can trust anyone not me these days. I just can't wrap my head around a marriage where you don't trust your spouse in nearly all matters, especially things that affect you both, like finances. Me and my wife have been together 10 years, and through ups and downs we've trusted one another.
 
N

NotTheGuyYouKill

Member
Well, I'm not really sure where to start. I guess I'll give some background info. I started having sex at a young age - twelve to be specific. At the time I was a bit pressured into it, but eventually I found myself having more and more sex with more and more people. I'm not sure I'd qualify it as a sex addiction, I just really did and do enjoy it.

Anyways, I had some relationships here and there, but rarely did they last for very long. Now and then though something more serious would come along. My first truly long relationship came about with this wonderful girl I met and hit it off with. We got along great and we ended up dating for four years. The thing is, part way through our relationship circumstances came about that caused us to have to do a bit of a distance thing. We saw each other some still, but not even on a weekly basis. This sort of got me started on cheating. I'm not going to use the distance as validation for what I did, but it is what led me down the path. The thing is though - I never got caught. I had a few close calls, but I always managed to talk my way out of it and she always believed me. I'm also fairly intelligent, so with each mistake I learned one more thing to be careful about. After four years we eventually broke up. It was mutual, though still tough. I knew it was best as did she, but it was like losing a best friend.

As I mentioned before, I got very good at cheating and hiding it. I would look for girls I didn't know from cities a bit further out. I'd use semi-false pretenses by pretending I was someone else. Not in appearance mind you, but certainly in name and life story. I would always say I didn't use much social media because "it causes drama" or "it's a waste of time" to explain why they couldn't find me on most of them. At most, the closest they'd get to the real me is my actual phone number. Otherwise it was fake name, fake life, etc. I would keep my fake life fairly closely related to my actual one so it would seem real, keeping a lot of the bigger details accurate but changing names, locations, and othe rmiscellaneous and unimportant information. Some people out there know me as James, Jordan, Logan, Cal, Kyle, etc. At times it would get complicated, but if I ever made a mistake, a girl got too pushy, etc. I was able to easily cut ties as they didn't know any real information about me.

Now, after the break up I spent a bit of time just enjoying single life, but about half a year later I found another great connection. Me and her were like fireworks. I fell hard and fast for her when we started dating. I'd say our relationship escalated a lot faster than most, but it worked for us. It still does. We've now been together for about four years. We're engaged and I love her, I truly do.

The issue is I never completely stopped cheating.. I've cut out a lot of it, in fact I don't actively seek out new girls really. But, and this is a big one, one girl in particular has lingered. In fact, we first got together before I'd ever met my fiance. We've "been together" longer, but she still went through the same series of lies all the others did too. It's strange, I feel like she's one of my best friends - she's the closest to knowing the real me of any girl I cheated with before. Still, I don't love her in the way I love my fiance. She does not know the true me, name or anything. I've managed to string her along in my precarious situation with just enough convincing lies to keep things going though. We don't meet up often, but when we do we go at it with reckless abandon still. When we aren't together we'll sneak in phone calls. My fiance will be gone for awhile and I might spend six hours on the phone with this other girl about our days, lives, anything that comes to mind. We'll have phone sex too, video chat sex, share videos or pictures of ourselves going at it, etc. But we also enjoy just having normal conversations, sending normal pictures, talking or video chatting for hours, anything we can manage. We do this stuff all the time, yet through it all I know I love my fiance. I know my fiance is the only girl that has ever made me as happy as I am now.

...but I can't bring myself to stop. Many times I've told myself I would. I'd set deadlines and broke them. I've threatened to "break up" with her and she'll talk me into staying. It's crazy, because though I don't love her like I love my fiance, I care for her still. She's one of my best friends even though it's built on lies. I know her life inside and out, and though she might not know my name or my true life, I feel like she knows me. She knows how I think and feel. When something's wrong she can tell. When I have a bad day she's glad to listen. It hurts to think about losing her. It hurts even more to think about losing my fiance. My fiance is always here for me. Even on my worst days she's here for me. We live together, we go out on dates all the time, we plan our wedding, we watch movies and tv shows. I can't wait to marry her.

It's just..I've never been caught. So, I guess, I haven't HAD to lose either..

I'm a terrible person, I know. It's not at the level of some of the crazy shit I've read in here, but it's my life. It eats me up sometimes not telling anyone. Not even my absolute closest friend knows. It's such a huge part of my life and nobody knows. I'm not sure what I'm looking for in typing this. Probably nothing. I know everyone will say I'm horrible. I tell myself that all the time. I guess I'm just glad to have gotten it off my chest.

TLDR; I have a fiance and a girlfriend of more than four years each. I love my fiance, but I also care for my girlfriend. I am a terrible person.
Click to expand...

You might be terrible, but at least you have something of a conscience about it.

Look, bud... eventually, this will blow up in your face and everything will collapse. You and I both know you can't keep it going forever. And you already know what you have to do, you just can't do it.

I believe that you love your fiancee, but you don't cut this out, you will lose her. If this isn't an open relationship at the outset and you're sneaking around on her like this, you're not worthy of her. You have to cut one of them loose. Truth will eventually come out.
 
N

NotTheGuyYouKill

Member
Not really a confession, but a weird experience I had over 20 years ago.

A friend of mine and I applied for jobs at the local amusement park. He got a job and I didn't. The catch was I had a car and he didn't. So I agreed to drive him up to orientation and see if they needed anyone else while there. Orientation was going to take 4 hours. So I decided to call up a female friend I knew who lived in the area. This was back in the day, so there were no cell phones, and you had to go to pay phones. So I drove around the area looking for pay phones for a good while. I went to every gas station, store, etc. and only phone an entire row of phones at one location. I did not want to go to this location, at all. But I had no choice.

So I parked near the row of phones, got my courage up and got out. Between me and the phones were about 15 hookers. You had all races, shapes and levels of attractiveness represented. I was getting an endless chorus of, "Do you want a date?, Are you looking for a good time?, What are you looking for?". I declined and pushed forward to the pay phones which had a fair amount of women there too. I get to the pay phone, decline a few more offers and pick up the phone and put in the quarter. One particularly pretty woman walks up to me asking if I wanted a date. She insisted and started rubbing my manhood to change my mind. By this point the phone was ringing and I did not need my friend to answer the phone with a hooker in the background begging for a "date", so I hung up the phone. I explained to the young lady that I was just there to use the phone, and that was it. I couldn't find any other phones so I had to come there.

She said I was lying and just wanted to be around some hookers, all the while rubbing me up and down. She suggests that I give her a ride in my car as it was hot outside and she wanted to sit in some AC. At this point I am totally flustered and agree to it. Part of me was fascinated by the events and part of me was scared that the cops would drive by, see her rubbing on me and give me a trip to jail. So we get in the car, and she suggests we start driving. I start driving around. She thanks me for letting me in the car because she was tired of standing and it was hot. I am just speechless wondering how in the hell my life got to this point. She asks me some questions, how old I was, what I did for a living, etc. At the time I had just graduated from high school and she thought that was the cutest thing. I relaxed and just started making small talk with her and enjoyed the company.

She then asks can we pick up her friend that was walking on the side of the road. I did so, then a few more minutes I picked up another one. So I had 3 hookers in my car, driving around. They all were nice, happy to be in AC and off their feet. We then went through the Taco Bell drive through. They workers at the window got a kick out of seeing me with 3 girls in the car. I heard, "Man, he must be rich! He got 3 of them!!!!". We parked somewhere and ate, talked, etc. It was time for me to pick up my friend, so I dropped them off. They thanked me and said I was really sweet. They were shocked I didn't ask for some "services" in exchange for the ride but enjoyed it. The first one gave me $100, gave me a hug and was back to the grind.

I never told my friend what happened. I just was in a daze and trying to process what had just went down. Three hookers in my car for a couple of hours, just chilling. It was crazy, in a cool way. Fast forward about 3 weeks later and I see the first girl on the news. She was arrested as being part of the "Rolex Bandits". A crew of girls who would have "dates" with clients and steal everything. They specialized in rich guys so that is how they got that nickname. Most victims were to ashamed to come to police, but once one did it looked like they had been at it for years. Maybe they planned on doing the same to me, but noticed I had no money. Who knows.
Click to expand...

Wait.

The hooker paid you?

I think that makes you a pimp.

tumblr_m5sokuyXGA1qagfd5o1_500.png
 
X

Xpike

Unconfirmed Member
NotTheGuyYouKill said:
You might be terrible, but at least you have something of a conscience about it.

Look, bud... eventually, this will blow up in your face and everything will collapse. You and I both know you can't keep it going forever. And you already know what you have to do, you just can't do it.

I believe that you love your fiancee, but you don't cut this out, you will lose her. If this isn't an open relationship at the outset and you're sneaking around on her like this, you're not worthy of her. You have to cut one of them loose. Truth will eventually come out.
Click to expand...
At least he feels bad, that's something, but c'mon dude, cut the other girl out, show your fiancee this post, and beg her to take you back.
 
N

NotTheGuyYouKill

Member
About a year ago I met a girl online. It's stupid as I don't normally get attached to anyone online, but she's beautiful. And not in a 10/10 supermodel kind of way. Taking a step back I know she's not perfect, but that doesn't matter. Her personality is just... amazing. It has left a void in my real life relationships because I can't talk to others like I can talk to her.

I can't stop feeling like this. The problem is that she already has an online boyfriend who lives in the UK (we're both American, though don't live in the same state) and considers me a friend.

For a year I've been hung up on this girl I've never met online and it's making me anxious and depressed. I've tried to break contact but I keep running back a few days later.

I don't know what to do. One time I dropped into a Skype conversation with her and her boyfriend, when he made a joke about having sex with her. And it broke my heart and I just left and stayed in bed all day.

Real life relationships haven't effected me like this before. I shouldn't feel this way. I know I should stop contacting her but I can't. I feel like this whole thing is going to blow up and that makes me even more anxious.
Click to expand...

If she has a boyfriend (online or not) and doesn't feel the same way about you and you never told her how you feel, it ain't happening. Stop torturing yourself and cut communication. All you're doing is hurting yourself dreaming after something that will never happen.
 
R

RoninChaos

Member
Nealand Liquor said:
Maybe. Maybe not.
When I was 17, my friends mom slept with her boyfriend. Watching just how deeply it hurt my friend and how she carried it with her, her entire life was/is heartbreaking. How someone could do that to their own child is beyond me.

To this day I can't say how happy I feel when I hear the Mom has yet once again tried to reach out and again beg for forgiveness, only to be totally ignored by her daughter and her two sons. She begs to meet & be apart of her grandchildren's lives but everyone acts as if she is dead. Feels good to know she is all alone and threw her entire family away for 17 yr old dick that took her money then dumped her old ass long ago.
Click to expand...

Yeah, strange shit happens. Years ago I had a friend and his mom ended up fucking his best friend. Got pregnant and gave the dude a brother. People are weird and stupid when it comes to pussy.
 
S

SnakeEyes

Banned
NotTheGuyYouKill said:
Ask and ye shall receive



Why the fuck do you lie about graphic design? If I had your job, I'd be bragging to every fucking guy I met and helping them out.

Stop the lies and the madness.
Click to expand...
Are you sure that this didn't come STRAIGHT OUT of one of the more recent episodes of Person of Interest? :)
 
N

NotTheGuyYouKill

Member
I have an utter facination and fetish for cum. When my ex-boyfriend and I were going out I would BEG for him to cum inside me even though I wasn't on birth control and did not want to procreate. I was obsessed with the sensation of him pulsing inside me and the wetness as it would leak out later on. There were a few times where I would wrap my legs around him and try to hold him insideright as he was about to pull out. Some weird animalistic part of me is brought on by when my man has an orgasm. I watch cumshot porn almost exclusively, I give head because I love the sensation of my man exploding down my throat. If he pulls out and cums on my belly or ass I feel waves of disappointment. I could go on but I don't want to gross anyone out.
Click to expand...

Too late.
 
N

NotTheGuyYouKill

Member
A reply from the Knifer:

@Cuphead I don't have any other OCD symptoms, however I do have general anxiety. Both are anxiety disorders and sometiems related. I'm trying to get medication/help for it. Main thing I find weird about the thoughts is the cold/numbness associated with it, which also dampens/removes any other feelings or thoughts at the time.
Click to expand...
 
N

NotTheGuyYouKill

Member
So, I thought I had nothing to confess, and then the drought of topics and a topic in the thread made me realize that I do have something to confess. It's not too great, but it may be entertaining, and in celebration of Confessember, here's one for you, GAF.

I used to be that kid that would eat wired stuff for no reason. As a toddler, I would sit in the sandbox eating sand while other kids were playing. Later in my life (around Kindergarten) I would eat bugs and rocks and stuff. It wasn't really for a bet; some times I was just curious and other times I wanted to prove to kids that it wasn't as gross as it seemed. My older brother was similar, but he usually did it for money. I guess it was just the household we were raised in.

Anyways, skip forward to the fourth grade. I was messing around in the back yard with of one of my friends house. The topic of eating gross stuff was brought up. I said I could eat anything and this was followed of course by my friend saying "prove it".

We were around a horse corral, and I noticed that there was some horse droppings around. I picked a semi-large dry one, and preceded to eat it. It didn't taste half bad either. Not good obviously, but dried poop wasn't disgusting like some would have thought it would have been. Both my friend and his Sister thought that was the most disgusting shit ever (pun intended), but I wasn't really seeing it.

I'm older now, and the knowledge of how unsanitary and dangerous that was has come to me. But that's that.

Thanks for listening!
Click to expand...

ohmrjpp.gif
 
P

perfectchaos007

Member
I have an utter facination and fetish for cum. When my ex-boyfriend and I were going out I would BEG for him to cum inside me even though I wasn't on birth control and did not want to procreate. I was obsessed with the sensation of him pulsing inside me and the wetness as it would leak out later on. There were a few times where I would wrap my legs around him and try to hold him insideright as he was about to pull out. Some weird animalistic part of me is brought on by when my man has an orgasm. I watch cumshot porn almost exclusively, I give head because I love the sensation of my man exploding down my throat. If he pulls out and cums on my belly or ass I feel waves of disappointment. I could go on but I don't want to gross anyone out.
Click to expand...

Birth control is a lot cheaper than the morning after pill ( and has a higher rate of success ). As long as you and your partner are tested clean, and you're on some sort of bc + spermacide...do what you want with your partner's ejac.
 
B

Blood Diamonds

Banned
NotTheGuyYouKill said:
I have an utter facination and fetish for cum. When my ex-boyfriend and I were going out I would BEG for him to cum inside me even though I wasn't on birth control and did not want to procreate. I was obsessed with the sensation of him pulsing inside me and the wetness as it would leak out later on. There were a few times where I would wrap my legs around him and try to hold him insideright as he was about to pull out. Some weird animalistic part of me is brought on by when my man has an orgasm. I watch cumshot porn almost exclusively, I give head because I love the sensation of my man exploding down my throat. If he pulls out and cums on my belly or ass I feel waves of disappointment. I could go on but I don't want to gross anyone out.
Click to expand...
tumblr_mzpzapSSyu1qzwh14o3_250.gif
 
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