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NFL Off-Season |OT2| My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy Draft

W

WedgeX

Banned
snesfreak said:
Let's talk about my game.
I need ideas cause I'm too lazy to think of things right now.
Click to expand...

There should be at least one boss per division!

Harbaugh should be in there with a devastating handshake of anger attack.

Or Corran, the gif master, should be featured.

Matt Millen needs to be an enemy.
 
F

Fox318

Member
Slo said:
Lots of dudes like jerking to cartoon unicorns, I guess. :(
Click to expand...

fx5Ax.gif
 
B

BannedEpisode

Member
snesfreak said:
Let's talk about my game.
I need ideas cause I'm too lazy to think of things right now.
Click to expand...



-A shop owner named Joshua that sells "Thin one-onepieced-bread sandwiches with ground meat and veggies" They recover HP but cause a slow effect.

-Cam Newton is a charismatic bandit/thief turned knight of a once downtrodden realm.

-Recurring gag where a bishop dedicated to the town's patron saint listens in on your teammate's conversations and tells on you.

-Christian Ponder is a urchin you encounter a couple times that makes "ponder" puns.

-At one point you can choose between a couple new squad members but you need to wait your turn and pay them a large chunk of coin.

-An early boss is a giant with a mullet that captures and hogties a love interest. She decides to stay with him after the attempted rescue attempt.

-The largest city in the country is faced with a succession battle between the incumbent heir to the throne and a new found biological son that was raised in a far away monastery.
 
F

Futurevoid

Member
Parcells mentioned WR Cody Pearcy as a "sleeper" in the draft. Interestingly enough, ESPN showed a clip of his pro-day and one of the NYG scouts Joe Collins was on hand conducting the drills. Check out the reaction after the drill at 3:46 and on (Garfolo posted this on twitter).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQIkjE3rAWI

I think he likes what he sees. One to look out for for the Giants as the rounds progress.
 
N

Ninja Scooter

Member
Emmit Smith's Mock Draft is in:


Indianapolis Colts: Andrew Luck, QB, Stanford
Andrew Luck is almost a lock to go first No. 1 overall to the Indianapolis Colt. See what I wrote in the last sentence? I use the word Luck and lock together. When you use two synonym together like that, it call a metaphize.

The big question about Andrew Luck is if he have enough luck to play in the National Conference of Football. There is three kind of luck. Good luck, bad luck and OK luck. People who has good luck has good thing happen to themself, people who has bad luck sometime have bad thing happen to themself, and people who has OK luck has OK thing happen to themself. Andrew Luck last name just happen to be luck which mean he have one of either three type of luck.

But how do one know what kind of Luck that Andrew luck have? By usin'a luck machine, of course. You can buy a luck machine at Wall Mart for $19.995. If you go to the Wall Mart store, tell them Emmitt sended you, and he may give you a dismount.


St. Louis Rams: Justin Blackman, WR, Oklahoma State
TRADE! I like to purpose a trade in my mark draft. Tryin' to predict trade in the mark draft almost unpossible because it is so predictable, but I was talkin' to someone in the Ram organization who say he want to move up, so that is where my idea for trade come from.

Sam Branford need someone to throw the doggone football to. The Ram trade for Brandon Floyd last year, but he sign with the New Patriot in free agent. The Ram himselves sign Steve Smith from the Carolina Panther in free agent, but he very old in the mouth, so the Ram need a young receiver like Justin Blackman.

Blackman the best receiving in the 2012 mark draft, no doubt about. Some people tryin' to say that Marcus Floyd from Notor Dame the best wideout, but believe me when I say that I watch both player play in the month of 2011, and Blackman the better receiving by a long spot.

Minnesota Vikings: Matt Kalil, OT, USC
When the Viking draft Christian Pondish last year, I swear I stand up and scream at the TV, "What Christian Pondish suppose to do, make lemon out of lemonade!?" I'm sorry, I get very emotionfull about these thing.

Pondish do not have anything to work for. Adrian Peterson got injure, Percy Harving always have grain headache and the offensive lines do not know how to block. They do not even understand that differents between a football block and an Eggo block!

That is why the Viking need to draft Matt Kalil, tackle from the University of South Carolina, more commonly knowned as UFC. Kalil can protect Pondish blind side so he do not get hit in the backside every doggone play. Some homophobe like to get hit in the backside, but for heterophobe, it is not very pleasurable!

Cleveland Browns: Trent Richards, RB, Alabama
There's big debation about whether the Brown need to take a runnin' back like Trent Richards or a quarterback like Ryan Tannehole. This may surprise you, but I belief that runnin' back position more important position than quarterback position.

The runnin' back who have power, might and strong can make the offense work real good. To use a metaphize, the runnin' back like the engine in a car, and the quarterback like the rare-view mirror. You can't drive without engine, but you can drive without rare-view mirror although that probably increasin' your chance of gettin' into accident. I try removin' my rare-view mirror one time and a stop sign almost hit me. It was then when I say to myselves, "Emmitt, the engine very important, but the rare-view mirror also important too as well!"

But I digest. The Brown probably gonna take their chance with Richards, who run real storng and real power at Alabama State University.



Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Trent Richards, RB, Alabama
I read on the Walter Foot Web sight that Trent Richards have a chance to go to the Brown or the Tampa. That is why I'm gonna mark Richards to both the Brown and the Tampa. This mean that one of my doggone pick will be correct. That, my friend, is what you call hugging your bet.

The Tampa already have a runnin' back name Garrett Blount. He have one of the best runs I ever seened from a runnin' back when he run over 20 Packer on one play. But he and the coachin' staff do not see ear to ear. He have the power and the strong, but he do not have the smart and the wise. He do not know how to pick up the blitz or catch passes out of the field.

Besides, Richards a good pick because you can never have enough good runnin' back. Some team can even have five or six good runnin' back, and that only increasin' their chance of winnin', and winnin' the only way to get into the doggone playoff unless you send a cash bride to Roger Goodman.

Washington Redskins: Robert Griffith, QB, Baylor
Robert Griffith, more commonly known as RGLLL Junior, make very sense for the Redskin at No. 6 overalls. The Redskin need a quarterback, and they are very lucky that RGLLL Junior fall to them this far. We do not even has to buy a luck machine to read how much luck the Redskin have.

My brother, who also name Emmitt Smith, ask me a question, "What do the four L in RGLLL Junior stand for?" That is a very good question, I couldn't have ask that better myselves.

We know that LL stand for Little League, which a sick man like Sanduskie like. But Little League is for basketball, and RGLLL Junior do not play basketball. So, RGLLL, in my estimitize, stand for Real Good Large League Leader. I do not know what the fourth L in RGLLL Junior stand for, I think about it for three week straight, but it befuzzle me.

Jacksonville Jaguars: Ryan Tannehole, QB, Texas A&M
I read the celebration mark draft on Walter Foot that Blade Gabbert say that he play in the Hunger Game a long time ago. Gabbert say he hide under the rock and kill the last Tribute with poop. Throwin' poop in the National Football of Conferences is against the rule, so the Jaguar need a new quarterback.

Mike Maycock on NFL Network say that Ryan Tannehole a franchise quarterback, but he very raw like Chinese sushi. I hate sushi, but that's aside the point. The point is... uhh... I forget.

Let me discuss the Hunger Game. I watch the movie Hunger Game in the movie theater with my son, Emmitt Smith V. The movie about a girl who have hunger, and then she play a game and then she do not have hunger anymore. I highly recommend Hunger Game to anybody who like movie. The story very confusin' for me, but I have fun watchin' the movie with my son.

Miami Dolphins: Marcus Floyd, WR, Notor Dame
This pick real easy like takin' baby from a candy. The Dolphin trade Brandon Marshall to Chicago because his wive stab him with a McDonald bag. With Marshall gone, the Dolphin need a new receiver for Matt Moore or David Garage to throw to.

I do not understand this trade one bit. Marshall one of the best receiving in the National League of Conferences. Just because his crazy wive take a McDonald bag and stab him in the neck with it do not mean that he should be trade to the Big Apple. Has the Dolphin ever heard of couples therapy or divorcement? Maybe Marshall can hire someone to even kidnap his evil wive so she go away and never come back ever again.

Marcus Floyd a good receiver from Notor Dame State, but he have a problem with alcohol. This is not a big surprise if you familiar with Notor Dame State. The mascot of the Notor Dame State is a drunk Irish guy. He do not have alcohols in his hand, but he clearly Irish because of the leaf clover, and Irish people always drinkin', so because Marcus Floyd is Irish, he always drinkin' too. It's just the nature of the best.



Carolina Panthers: Maurice Clayborn, CB, LSU
I do not like to put defensive player in the top 10 of my mark drafts, but I was tolded that if Maurice Clayborn fall to the Panther, he will not hesitate to take him. So that is why I put defensive player in the top 10. Trust me, it is a very tough pillow to swallow.

Why do I hate defensive player? Because as my good friend Michael Irving always say, "point wins championships." Can Clayborn put point on the scoreboard? Maybe if commissioner Roger Goldman change the rule and allow defensive player to score point, I will start marking more defensive player in the top 10. They are lucky I even mark defensive player at all in the entire mark draft!

Buffalo Bills: Riley Rough, OT, Iowa
I think we can all agree that the Bill need to add a block for Ryan Fitzgerald, who got knock around one too three many time last year. The Bill offensive line was in shingles, so I do not know how Chang Gailey help his team score any point. He do it all with smoke and fires.

Riley Rough perhaps the solution on Fitzgerald's backside. Some people are complainin' that Rough have small arm, but they measure at 33 inches, which equal five feet tall. I don't know about you, but if somebody have arm that are five feet tall, he do not have short arm in my booklet!

Kansas City Chiefs: Dontarious Pole, RB, Memphis
The Chief need a runnin' back real bad. They have JaMarcus Charles, but he comin' off a real bad knee surgery. They sign Peyton Hill in free agent, but he said he dreamin' of becomin' a member of the CIS. CIS a show on TV, so if Hill want to become an actress, that is fine by me, but it also mean that he is no longer in position to play in the National Conference of Leagues.

Dontarious Pole play defense at Memphis State University, but he have the ability to play runnin' back in the conference. He weigh 350 pounds, which is close to two ton. Do you know how difficultness it is to tackle a runnin' back who weigh close to two ton? Defenders will be wakin' up the next day with back hurt, stomach hurt and leg hurt. And worst of all, mind hurt from all the nightmare of tacklin' Dontarious Pole.

Seattle Seahawks: Ryan Tannehole, QB, Texas A&M
It is a real shame that Marshawn Lynch do not have a real quarterback to work with. I have so much admire and respect for Lynch for how strong and power he run the ball. On the football field, he like a serial killer - a guy who kill cereal.

Lynch need a better quarterback than Tarvis Jackson to give him the football. The Seahawk sign Matt Fling in free agent, but he only a backup. Ryan Tannehole need to be draft if he do not get draft by the Brown, the Chief, the Jaguar, the Dolphin and the Eagle. Tannehole have very athleticism, and he would fit right in with Lynch in the Pacific Northeast.



Arizona Cardinals: Lamar Miller, RB, Miami
I do not understand for the lives of me why Peyton Manning do not sign with the Cardinal. Who quarterback in his right minds would not want to throw the doggone football to Larry Fitzpatrick, who is not only one of the best receiving in the league, he also one of the best receiving in the division.

Manning must have been scared of the runnin' backs the Cardinal have. Bernie Wells always spend time on the disable list. Ricky William just spendin' time there himselves last year. The Cardinal need a real runnin' back who can stay health not just for the whole season, but for one game!

Lamar Miller a very interestin' runnin' back from Miami State University, which commonly called the M, which stand for Miami State University.

Dallas Cowboys: Emmitt Smith IV, RB, Florida
I am very displease with the Cowboy! Why do they not draft my son to play for themself? Someone teach me how to do copy-paste in the computer. It took me 10 hour to learn, but I has finally mastersized it. I will copy-paste what I write in my 2011 mark draft:

The Cowboy have not had a great runnin' back since they got rid of your truthfulness. They try to give the job to Troy Hambone, but he failed. Then Julian Jone. He fail. Then Mario Barber. He fail. Then Felix Jone. He fail. LeShard Choice even have a chance, but he do not have much of a chance but if he did have a chance he would have suffered the same deminds.

Load and behole, Emmitt Smith IV Jr., the fruit of my loom.

I keep tryin' to get my son, Emmitt Smith IV the Fourth into the mark draftin', but no team ever take him. My son now 10 or maybe 12 year old, so he got a bright future behind himselves.

Philadelphia Eagles: Candle Wright, WR, Baylor
The Eagle havin' some issues at receiving. DeJuan Jackson do not pay attention to Vince Young when he talkin' to him on the bench against the Seahawk last month. Jeremy Mason OK, but the Eagle need a big-time receiving for the guy who kill and rape dog.

Candle Wright is a hot prospect, and not only because his name Candle. He very graceful on the football field. As a wise man once say, he float like a bee, he sting like a leopard.

Candle Wright very fast and very big, and he just what the Philadelphia quarterback need right now because he have his work cut out for him with scissors.

New York Jets: Jake Locker, QB, Washington
Shawn Green appear not to be a great runnin' back. But how do we know he do not have greatfulness inside himselves, but he restricted by Mark Santiago? Do Mark Santiago make Shawn Green bad runnin' back, or do Shawn Green make Mark Santiago a bad quarterback?

I been thinkin' about this question for a couple of month, and it completely debacled my minds. It like the famous question, what come first, the chicken or the steak? That is what scientist like to call a parallelodox or maybe parallelogram.

Jake Locker draft last year by the Titan, but he do not play so he go back in the mark draft. Maybe Locker can help us solve this famous riddle.
Click to expand...
 
S

snesfreak

Banned
So in my game, buckethead starts out in his cave :)jnc) and heads south.
Where he meets eznark at his water park.
eznark being a racist, is pissed off at all the minorities in his water park and rants about it not even noticing bucket is there.
Finally bucket gets his attention and tells him about Pats GAF's plans, they then go to eznark's "house" (really a double wide but I don't have the tileset for it) where they chat for a while.
Buckethead tells him he'll help with his problem if he joins up with him.
He agrees., then they decide to go find the Scat Lover, FMT.
Some story text is shown and they head out.


Ninja Scooter said:
Emmit Smith's Mock Draft is in:
Click to expand...
:jnc
 
C

cuevas. PhD.

Member
snesfreak said:
So in my game, buckethead starts out in his cave :)jnc) and heads south.
Where he meets eznark at his water park.
eznark being a racist, is pissed off at all the minorities in his water park and rants about it not even noticing bucket is there.
Finally bucket gets his attention and tells him about Pats GAF's plans, they then go to eznark's "house" (really a double wide but I don't have the tileset for it) where they chat for a while.
Buckethead tells him he'll help with his problem if he joins up with him.
He agrees., then they decide to go find the Scat Lover, FMT.
Some story text is shown and they head out.



:jnc
Click to expand...

Naturally I'm the final boss right?
 
E

eznark

Banned
How long did this take last year? This is about as uninterested in a draft as I have ever been. The downside of having a fantastic team I guess.
 
S

squicken

Member
Striker said:
Rumor: http://bleacherreport.com/articles/...-replace-steven-jackson-with-trent-richardson

The author projects he is being replaced by Trent Richardson.
Click to expand...

1. He has no trade value at $7m/yr, let alone if he wants an extension

2. They won't cut him this year as the Rams aren't in any cap trouble and all FAs are gone

3. But they will next year, so it could be a ploy to get some guarantees beyond this year

4. Richardson will be gone by #6, and the Rams won't trade up. They actually flew all their coaches and Bradford out to watch Blackmon and Floyd run private workouts this past weekend

With their horrible swings and misses at WR FA, I get the feeling that's the way they go. Whichever guy is left. Unless someone falls b/c Tanny gets drafted high, or they trade down. But the Fletcher Cox stuff I think just isn't happening
 
Y

yankeehater

Member
It's to bad there isnt really anyone out there that they could sign to really help the team. It is funny how much salary cap stuff can change in just a year, last year when the Eagles made all those signings people were freaking out about their cap being fucked this year.
 
T

TheLegendary

Member
Cleveland Browns: Trent Richards, RB, Alabama
...


Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Trent Richards, RB, Alabama
I read on the Walter Foot Web sight that Trent Richards have a chance to go to the Brown or the Tampa. That is why I'm gonna mark Richards to both the Brown and the Tampa. This mean that one of my doggone pick will be correct. That, my friend, is what you call hugging your bet.
Click to expand...

:jnc
 
E

eznark

Banned
yankeehater said:
It's to bad there isnt really anyone out there that they could sign to really help the team. It is funny how much salary cap stuff can change in just a year, last year when the Eagles made all those signings people were freaking out about their cap being fucked this year.
Click to expand...

Cap space only ever matters when a good team is trying to keep a star. People who handwring over cap space are generally just reporters who have nothing else to write about that day. It's negligibly easy for teams to jettison pay roll.
 
J

jakncoke

Banned
Pittsburgh Steelers: Mark Ingram, RB, South Carolina
My son, Emmitt Smith VI the Fourth show me how to print somethin' out on the computer. I press a key on the mice, and suddenly paper start comin' out from the other machine. Like I say before, I am challenge with toxicology, so I do not know how all these work, but it is amazin' what kind of whirl we live in!

But I digest. I print out a big board from a Web sight because I forgot the rest of the player in the mark draft, and I see the name "M.Ingram." What surprise! I thought Mark Ingram mark drafted last year to the Saint, but perhaps because Gregg William got into trouble, Mark Ingram have to go back into the mark draft. Luckily for the Steeler, whom just losted Rashan Mendenhalls to an injury, they get to rape the rewards. Like the wise man say, you rape what you snow.
Click to expand...

lol
 
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