Need some advice, ParentGaf, and I'd rather ask in here than make a new thread.
So, we moved to a new state about 6-7 months ago. Our 9-year old daughter, Mia, has adapted quite well. She's made several friends and of these I'd call four "really good friends." We are really happy with how well she has adjusted to living here. She spends a ton of her free time with these friends; she's a very social kid.
One of these kids, let's call her K, is a bit older than Mia or her other friends, two grades up from her so probably about 11. She was the second neighborhood friend Mia made after we moved here, but the first who started coming over regularly. My wife and I picked up on a bunch of clues that she doesn't really have a lot of other friends, if any, pretty quickly. She bikes all the way from the other side of our large neighborhood to come hang out with Mia, and she does this almost every day (Mia can't reciprocate because K's house is way, way outside of her approved range). She started doing this almost immediately when they became friends and hasn't really reduced the number of visits at all. There are other kids in the neighborhood who are K's age but K doesn't seem to hang out with any of them. As Mia started making other friends in the neighborhood it became clear that none of them are fond of K for reasons unknown. Finally, K is often socially awkward with other kids, including Mia - she plays too rough with them sometimes, insists on games and activities nobody else is interested in, and says and does a variety of things they don't appreciate.
I have spoken to K's mother on the phone a few times and met her once (I had to initiate all of this). She doesn't seem to care where K is or what she is up to at any time, and we had to set our own rules for how late K is allowed to stay over, even on weekends, or she would be at our house pretty much all the time. K is always very eager for the chance to chat with my wife and I; she seems starved for parental attention and she is more comfortable and at ease interacting with us than with our daughter and her peers.
As Mia's other friends have started to spend more time over here, I have noticed a pattern - if K doesn't arrive before them, they always urge her not to answer the door when K shows up. They always seem to play and get along together relatively well once they are all together, though. Mia has always resisted this attitude, answered the door for K, and invited her to come in and join the group.
Until yesterday, that is. K showed up after the rest of the usual crowd, and suddenly Mia was a part of this sentiment that they should all pretend they aren't here and refuse to answer the door. K persisted, and one of the other kids went out to talk to her briefly before K finally left. I didn't eavesdrop, but I got the distinct impression that what was said wasn't very nice.
Later that evening I asked Mia about this, and she told me that she and K had a big fight at school and she didn't want to talk about it. I didn't press that particular line of inquiry, but I did ask her if there's anything we could do to resolve this situation, or if she thought she was going to work things out with K. She said she wasn't sure but probably not. She resisted all further attempts by my wife and I to glean any further details on the situation, and we have always respected her privacy in her relationships, so we dropped it.
This is a tough one for us. My wife was in a situation like this when she was around Mia's age, only she was not a part of the "in" group - she was the one who was ostracized, so she knows what that experience is like. And I know what it is like to move to a new state, to immediately be befriended by the one kid in the neighborhood who doesn't really get along with anybody else, and then to slowly discover why that is and eventually want out of that relationship. We are trying to keep our personal experiences from clouding our judgment but it's tough.
We had a big discussion about this this morning after Mia left for school and eventually agreed that while we had to respect Mia's boundaries - we cannot choose her friends for her - we are not okay with her orchestrating a group shunning another kid. But on the other hand! We already knew these other kids do not like K and do not want to play with her, so we aren't sure if Mia is really leading this effort or if she has just become a part of an issue that existed in this neighborhood long before we moved in.
What the heck do we do here, ParentGaf? K is a sweet kid and we don't want to see her hurt. I'm sure that she will try to come over again soon, if not today, and I'm not sure how I should handle it. Argh, I hate that this has happened right as summer is about to get under way, too (June 15 here). Any advice?
. The good news is once you hear the heartbeat once its significantly more likely it will be a healthy pregnancy. Trust me once things get going and you realize everything you need to do to get ready January will be here before you know it.
