This line seems off to me...
Thoughts?
Definitely add a comma after "Wang Long." Then you can remove the comma after "stronger," though it works both ways.
Elly: "It's likely that the nature of Wang Long, discerned between happiness and unhappiness, made envy stronger and the curse popular."
It's hard to suggest anything beyond that without knowing the context or why it feels off. Is "unhappiness" meant to mean sadness or just the lack of happiness with nothing else to replace it?
The problem with that change is that it turns the translation into a sentence fragment, since there aren't any helper verbs. You'd have to get rid of "that," too.Change "made" to "making", perhaps? Seems more natural when I read it that way. Mind you, that's out of context.
EDIT: Whoops, forgot to update the thread, and now I've embarrassed myself at the top of the page.