I'll take this occasion to say something. I'm not fishing for attention or anything, so if you're not interested in all of that, feel free to ignore this post. I always believed when you do something bad publicly, you should always excuse yourself publicly. That's why I'm posting that here.
I'm not a bad person, never have been, but sometime, you take the wrong way and do stuff that hurt people.
I did and I feel bad about it. When I exposed the people on that discord, I did hurt some of them and I know from some sources that many felt bad, spent some days in dark because of it.
Sure, the thread I created is now at 300k views, I received support from many people here and outside, it tainted Resetera's reputation still to this day... but I don't understand how some people over Resetera or internet in general can be unhinged, hateful, engage in disgusting behavior towards others and not feel bad about it. That's certainly not my case, I can't hurt people in any ways and not feel bad about it afterwards. Call me dumb or naive, but that's who am I.
For example,
Eolz
was banned from Resetera and I heard it took a toll on him. Sure, he acted very stupidly and did himself, but still, the guy spent his life on Resetera and all of a sudden, he was banned from the community he loved. I never liked him that much, but I still feel for him.
It's all virtual... up until real feelings are involved. It must have been shitty for him, it must have been shitty for Kano and the others too.
Let's be really clear here : the people on that discord can be very hurtful and hateful. I've grown to despise them, especially when I realized that the moderation from Resetera was covering their asses. I hate injustice, I can't help it and their overall behavior threw me off the wall. I was also in a bad spot IRL (my SO was sick, I was mad at life), which is the reason I suscribed to Resetera in the first place (go figure).
I'm doing better now and I took some steps back. None of this is like me at all.
Despite the narrative Resetera's staff tried to build, I never framed stuff out of context, I didn't lie about what I exposed from that discord... but I do regret hurting those people in the process. I should have been more mature in the way I worded stuff, I shouldn't have acted like I was on a personal crusade against them. I should have raised awareness on the problem more peacefully and maybe try to speak about it with them before going public about it... stuff like that. Just like I said, I should have been more mature about the problem instead of acting on rage, which nobody should ever do, even when one think it's justified.
So to make a long story short, if those people from that discord ever read that message : I present you my excuses if I ever hurt you in any way and I also present my excuse for not speaking about it with you all first. I did scheme against you, I was dishonest with my motives and I probably did hurt you way worse than I intended. That's not who I am. I was also a culprit of building an internet persona that doesn't look like me.
I'm a lucky person IRL and while I can't put myself in your shoes, I understand why you engage in some behaviors sometimes. Some of you have it hard in life, it was my role to act better and be the adult in the room, instead of going full rage on you all. It was bad, it was stupid and I deeply regret hurting you. I know it will be hard to forgive, but despite all our problems, I'll be glad if you consider it a little. Hate is never the way.
I still think Resetera is a highly toxic place and a shitty webforum, and I still don't like Excelsiefshit though.
