I think I have to break up with my girlfriend.
Been together nearly two years, I still love her and ditto on her end.
But I don't think it's going to work out.
I'm too fucking stingy with my time. I enjoy when we're together, but when we're together we're not DOING anything. Even when I'm fucking around on here I'm doing a million other things at once. I feel like I'm her only outlet for a good time the way she treats me. And my own life outside of her and my house has been drying up since we started dating. I haven't cooked myself a meal MONTHS because I feel too time constrained to waste the precious minutes. And while it's true to an extent, I know a big part of it is my own perception and the way my head works.
Having said that, I do believe she's too dependent on me. When we're not at together she's usually at home watching reruns of a show I introduced her to. She doesn't hang out with friends unless she's dragged out by them. I feel like I act as her emotional crutch. My showing up is an event. I'm explaining myself poorly. Basically I feel like I've been made responsible for her mood. And that stresses me out. Which makes the time I spend with her seem an even greater part of my week than it is. But she really does deserve to see her boyfriend more than we see each other.
And we've talked about this, but any time one of us gives an inch, the other takes a mile. And then we both fall into our anger habits where I get snappy and iritable or she gets quiet and withdrawn. And the one causes the other in a giant feedback loop.
The worst part is that I know we can keep going. But she needs someone less selfish with their time and more affectionate. And I need someone more independent and willing to butt heads when we disagree so that I don't have to feel bad for arguing with them.
IDK, I need some perspective.