As long as there is equal give and take what the tasks are isn't important. My gf cooks better than me by default since I can't, but there are other chores that she finds really tedious that don't bother me.
That's how I feel. If someone finds a chore less tedious they should be doing that chore. I mean I will dice stuff up and help with seasoning but when it comes to the cooking process my bfs have been more inclined to do it, which is cool. I still make sandwiches they like. Where you get in trouble is if someone feels slighted in the relationship because the other person isn't pulling their weight and neither party talks openly and maturely about it.
I'm a pretty good cook, better than most women I've met, it just bores me. So one of the things I look for in a woman is that she enjoys (and is good at) cooking. And even if she isnt, she can at least learn.
I look at it like, and this is just an example, I don't like cutting grass, but unless I pay somebody I'll have to do it myself because I've never met a woman that likes cutting grass. And even if she did I'd feel like a chump if I let her do it. I'm traditional like that though. That's just how I was raised.
It's not in my nature to just bite an L for the sake of peace. I've gotten in so many arguments w/ my aunt because she's the same way.
I'm a pretty good cook, better than most women I've met, it just bores me. So one of the things I look for in a woman is that she enjoys (and is good at) cooking. And even if she isnt, she can at least learn.
I look at it like, and this is just an example, I don't like cutting grass, but unless I pay somebody I'll have to do it myself because I've never met a woman that likes cutting grass. And even if she did I'd feel like a chump if I let her do it. I'm traditional like that though. That's just how I was raised.
Alright so we celebrate my grandma's birthday on Labor Day...because nobody knows exactly what day her birthday is. All we know is its sometime in the 1st week of September lol.
So we had the big family dinner thing today since I'm going back to school tomorrow. While we were setting the table up I said some offhand shit to my mom about fixing my plate, which wasn't a problem between us cause thats just how we talk to each other. My aunt snaps at me talking about "don't TELL a woman to fix you a plate. if she wanted to do it she would've already done it." I'm kinda standing in the kitchen like O_O and everybody kept it moving.
I ended up getting stuck in the kitchen w/ all the women after dinner since I didn't want to watch golf (1st mistake) w/ all the husbands and old men. So since I'm pretty much the baby of the family, and I have the most interesting stories the women wanted me to stay in the kitchen and tell them what's been going on in my life*. I'm in there w/ my grandma (1st gen), aunt & mom & all their friends (2nd gen) and my cousin & some of her friends. (3rd gen). Outnumbered as fuck. So everything is cool, going smooth, until my aunt brings that shit up again talking about "and what's this i hear about you expecting a woman to fix you a plate."
I guess my mom had passed on the word in one of their little chicken sessions about a discussion we'd had where she said she understood how I felt about it, but that she aint fixing a plate for no man because she didn't want to build that expectation.
In retrospect I should've just owned it and took the L right there, but I pushed it and told her that if you expect me to cut grass, fix shit and do manly shit etc, the least thing you could do is the womanly duties. Of course it popped off after that and I was getting barked on by about half the women in the room. It didn't help that I called my aunt out on all the times I'd seen my uncle come in the kitchen asking "where's my plate" and her happily obliging him just to point out her hypocrisy. Then they started arguing w/ each other about gender roles and what not and I'm sitting there thinking that I didn't even mean for it to get that deep.
Somewhere in the course of this my grandma leans over and whispers "Now baby, listen close to this, and pay attention to who saying what and who has a man." and then gave me one of them all-knowing old woman looks. I had to run out the room to keep from busting out laughing because it generally did break down just like she said it would.
Now I tell yall this not to justify my views on gender roles and all that. And I'm not trying to say that upholding gender roles leads to successful relationships. But I just thought it was interesting how the whole thing broke down. One of my earliest memories of my parents being married is being at my grandma's house for Sunday dinner and my grandma telling my mom to fix my dad a plate. And my dad was like "Don't even worry about it, she doesn't do that." Now my mom fixed him the plate, but I knew she wasn't happy about it. That never really sat well with me. So I always felt like there's some shit that I just expect a woman to do for me.
And it's a topic that comes up a lot with the black women I've hung out with (just being involved w/ them or seeing them be involved w/ other people). Just in general it seems like black women arent as willing to take care of their man in the conventional way. I suspect its because generally their fathers werent around so they never saw that sort of care growing up. But I could also be way off base. I've never had that problem w/ women of other races though (Especially hispanic women).
From now on I'm just gonna go watch golf. Even though I hate it.
*The main question is when I'm gonna bring a girl around to meet the fam. But I can barely stand that shit myself. I really wouldn't want to subject a woman to my family/friends cause that 2nd gen are some sharks for the most part.
feel free to rip me for my archaic views as you see fit though.
@DominoKid gotta use the smile/nod combo more. It's super effective!
@Devolution I would cook a 5 course meal over mowing the lawn. I remember what that was like as a kid... As soon as my dad determined that I was old enough, I had to do it and it was the worst thing ever!
@Slayven they got it down to a science. I still remember when my uncle (father's side) came to pick me up with his new (2nd, younger model, etc... ) wife and my great grandma (mother's side) said to him "I never knew that you had a daughter that old!! "
@Devolution I would cook a 5 course meal over mowing the lawn. I remember what that was like as a kid... As soon as my dad determined that I was old enough, I had to do it and it was the worst thing ever! "
Yeah I think for some people it's just growing up with some stuff and being more attune to something different. I don't mind yard work or being outside much since it's a break from being such a house potato.
@Slayven they got it down to a science. I still remember when my uncle (father's side) came to pick me up with his new (2nd, younger model, etc... ) wife and my great grandma (mother's side) said to him "I never knew that you had a daughter that old!! "
In retrospect I should've just owned it and took the L right there, but I pushed it and told her that if you expect me to cut grass, fix shit and do manly shit etc, the least thing you could do is the womanly duties.
It is, but the alternative is usually that I leave and I get summoned back to the table which is always worse. Because by then they've had time to plot what they want to ask me.
I've seen it happen to my cousin although I know I'll never have it as bad as the time he came back from school with his white chick. He told me ahead of time but when they walked in the door and I saw my fam's reactions all I heard in my head was this. That convo just got ugly cause some of the older women in my family circle are straight up anti-interracial and proud of it.
Just in general it seems like black women arent as willing to take care of their man in the conventional way. I suspect its because generally their fathers werent around so they never saw that sort of care growing up. But I could also be way off base. I've never had that problem w/ women of other races though (Especially hispanic women).
man thats why my grandma is probably my best friend ever.
i would be at her house most days after school and i spent most weekends at her house when i was growing up. she semi-raised me basically.
and she would ramble...and ramble...and ramble until the end of time. and nobody else would listen because they weren't trying to hear all of that. but i took it all in cause it made sense.
when she goes...i dont even know if i want to be at the funeral tbh. i just see that turning into a really bitter situation in my fam.
she's the only grandparent i've ever known because the rest all died before i was born.
so when she had her stroke and we had to put her in a home (i was 16 at the time, 21 now) i was pretty much inconsolable. everybody else just kinda took it in stride like it wasnt a big deal or at least they didn't show it.
if it were up to me i would've never put her in a home, but neither my mom or aunt wanted to step up for her even though they both had the means to. and that really made me look at them differently.
i know it kills her whenever we leave after a visit, because it kills me too. she always tries to stall for time, or do something to get me to stay for just a few more minutes. and if im visiting by myself, i'll stay as long as she wants me to because i don't want her to forget me. but for some reason the rest of my fam is always in a hurry to get on with whatever they have planned.
and its funny because now that my mom is alone, she's always on some "don't put me in a home" shit. my grandma shouldnt be in a home either.
man thats why my grandma is probably my best friend ever.
i would be at her house most days after school and i spent most weekends at her house when i was growing up. she semi-raised me basically.
and she would ramble...and ramble...and ramble until the end of time. and nobody else would listen because they weren't trying to hear all of that. but i took it all in cause it made sense.
when she goes...i dont even know if i want to be at the funeral tbh. i just see that turning into a really bitter situation in my fam.
she's the only grandparent i've ever known because the rest all died before i was born.
so when she had her stroke and we had to put her in a home (i was 16 at the time, 21 now) i was pretty much inconsolable. everybody else just kinda took it in stride like it wasnt a big deal or at least they didn't show it.
if it were up to me i would've never put her in a home, but neither my mom or aunt wanted to step up for her even though they both had the means to. and that really made me look at them differently.
i know it kills her whenever we leave after a visit, because it kills me too. she always tries to stall for time, or do something to get me to stay for just a few more minutes. and if im visiting by myself, i'll stay as long as she wants me to because i don't want her to forget me. but for some reason the rest of my fam is always in a hurry to get on with whatever they have planned.
and its funny because now that my mom is alone, she's always on some "don't put me in a home" shit. my grandma shouldnt be in a home either.
Fuck homes. I'm never gonna put my parents in one, and I'll off myself before I ever get submitted to one. I've heard so many abuse stories, it just seems like a place where people treat you like shit and you're just expected to do nothing until you die.
Me and the fam are in a car, driving back to B-more from NC after attending my grandmother's funeral. Fuck cancer. My grandma is the third family member I lost to it (my maternal grandfather being the first back in 06, my father following him in 07). One of the highlights of coming down here as a kid was seeing my grandma's face light up whenever she saw me and my sister. If anything good has come of this, it's made me really serious about taking care of myself and making the most out of my life.
And I would never let my mom end up in a home. Me and my sisters would have to be struggling in the worst way before I even considered it, and I know they feel the same way.
On a lighter note, the struggle was real down here. Had some of the worst chicken I've had in a while at the repass. Then I tried to heat up some leftovers at my aunt's, and....oh my brothers and sisters....smh is all I can say.
Brick - Dazz is the classic everyone knows(even if they don't know they know), and their other stuff, probably only if you are a fan or an aficionado, or from the era. They made it medium, I'd say. Not huge, like a Parliament, or even big like Slave or Ohio Players.
Now of course this is another one that is the jam that shows we all secretly know Brick - Ain't Gonna Hurt Nobody
And oh man that funeral fried chicken can either be on point, or another tragedy, depending on who's cooking. Who told you that you could make fried chicken in an oven? Who told you that yellow chicken oil was a garnishing sauce?
edit:
I feel like it's an unsaid thing from my parents to me, to not put them in a home or to find some take care of them. Or at least to not let them end up alone. That's what kills you, I think. The hidden depression, because life isn't always grandkids and family visits, and at some point you end up outliving most of your friends.
I sometimes feel like a fuckin old man. I be going to these college parties and just can't jam to this new shit and one 18 year old girl asked me if I liked dubstep and I was like "WTF is dubstep; some new dance or some shit?"
I sometimes feel like a fuckin old man. I be going to these college parties and just can't jam to this new shit and one 18 year old girl asked me if I liked dubstep and I was like "WTF is dubstep; some new dance or some shit?"
Just asking, but how old are you guys who still have living grandparents? Both of my grandmothers died a few years back and really that entire generation of my family is a tangled web. It's only been within the last 10 years that I've actually even gotten a peek at how confusing some of it is.
I only ever actually knew one of my grandfathers who, as it turns out is my father's stepfather and my grandmother's fifth husband, but whatever. They tell me not to worry about it so I won't. The fact that my dad has six siblings alone makes things hard enough to keep track of. I never met my mom's father and no one ever talked about him.
Actually, my great grandmother (mother's side) lived long enough for me to know her. After she and my grandmother on that side died though I think it's actually been my mom more than anyone else who's taken up that mantle in the family, being the one dropping that knowledge. I find it weird because she's the youngest of three daughters (only having a younger brother). Maybe it's because she's the only one who has ever lived outside of the hometown. Maybe it's because the next generation (after mine) is starting to emerge with her first grandkids and some of my 1st cousins starting to have kids.
I sometimes feel like a fuckin old man. I be going to these college parties and just can't jam to this new shit and one 18 year old girl asked me if I liked dubstep and I was like "WTF is dubstep; some new dance or some shit?"
I sometimes feel like a fuckin old man. I be going to these college parties and just can't jam to this new shit and one 18 year old girl asked me if I liked dubstep and I was like "WTF is dubstep; some new dance or some shit?"
man thats why my grandma is probably my best friend ever.
i would be at her house most days after school and i spent most weekends at her house when i was growing up. she semi-raised me basically.
and she would ramble...and ramble...and ramble until the end of time. and nobody else would listen because they weren't trying to hear all of that. but i took it all in cause it made sense.
when she goes...i dont even know if i want to be at the funeral tbh. i just see that turning into a really bitter situation in my fam.
she's the only grandparent i've ever known because the rest all died before i was born.
so when she had her stroke and we had to put her in a home (i was 16 at the time, 21 now) i was pretty much inconsolable. everybody else just kinda took it in stride like it wasnt a big deal or at least they didn't show it.
if it were up to me i would've never put her in a home, but neither my mom or aunt wanted to step up for her even though they both had the means to. and that really made me look at them differently.
i know it kills her whenever we leave after a visit, because it kills me too. she always tries to stall for time, or do something to get me to stay for just a few more minutes. and if im visiting by myself, i'll stay as long as she wants me to because i don't want her to forget me. but for some reason the rest of my fam is always in a hurry to get on with whatever they have planned.
and its funny because now that my mom is alone, she's always on some "don't put me in a home" shit. my grandma shouldnt be in a home either.
You sound like a very good grandson and I totally understand where you're coming from about selfish family. I've never understood how some people could have such low patience for the man/woman that raised them. Yeah, you've heard the story 1000 times but what's a 1001 to give your Mom some company? Some people man.
DominoKid said:
? for the guys
how likely do you think it is that you'll marry a black woman...like if you had to put a percentage on it?
I sometimes feel like a fuckin old man. I be going to these college parties and just can't jam to this new shit and one 18 year old girl asked me if I liked dubstep and I was like "WTF is dubstep; some new dance or some shit?"
Get use to listening to dub and electronica songs...some of them are catchy in club scenes and some are just weak...but learn to start liking it..trust me lol
