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The Black Culture Thread |OT3| Lighten Up

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D

DominoKid

Member
It is amazing how the whole world seems to revolve around some people. I wish I could post something on Facebook so self-centered as "hey i'm in town this weekend, if you want to hang out, come to my house and pick me up" and actually have that shit get blown up.

My mom was like "well you should invite your friends over for a cookout or something." invite them for what? so they can not show up? fuck outta here. it's pretty clear they don't fuck w/ me anymore so why bother trying.
 
F

FyreWulff

Member
This isn't threadworthy and I can't really throw it anywhere else, but anyone ever have one of those 'i don't want to fucking drive anymore' nights?

Just got back from driving through Iowa via 1-29. It was like a haunted house I didn't want to sign up for. Sudden 60->45mph drops. Hard slaloms out of nowhere. One of the offramps just suddenly ended, with 4 red signs across it your only indication about half a block down it (it didn't even look like you'd be able to stop in time to not hit them if you went to go down it and didn't know it was closed already). Lanes marked 70mph and it's a ramp that changes you from 1-29 to I-80 with like, a foot clearance between jersey barriers on both sides.

Add terrible lighting at night and barely reflective lane markings and a vehicle I suddenly learned gets skittish at high speeds and I just had that feeling when I parked the vehicle that you know, I think I'm fine never driving again. Iowa's fuckin' playing for keeps. I was going to catch up on all my threads but it's like fuck, I think I'm going to go hug the non-moving ground for a bit.
 
Z

Zeus Molecules

illegal immigrants are stealing our air
DominoKid said:
It is amazing how the whole world seems to revolve around some people. I wish I could post something on Facebook so self-centered as "hey i'm in town this weekend, if you want to hang out, come to my house and pick me up" and actually have that shit get blown up.

My mom was like "well you should invite your friends over for a cookout or something." invite them for what? so they can not show up? fuck outta here. it's pretty clear they don't fuck w/ me anymore so why bother trying.
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Sorry to hear that bro if it makes you feel better in general as people get older they rarely hang out a lot. Between relationships, kids, school, jobs (or lack of it) all my friends meet mostly on birthdays and drinking holidays and only to go to a club/bar.

Hanging out for the sake of hanging out gets phased out as people age..... unless like you said your somebody who society says is important enough that people forego their responsibilities to make time to hangout with you.
 
D

DominoKid

Member
Zeus Molecules said:
Sorry to hear that bro if it makes you feel better in general as people get older they rarely hang out a lot. Between relationships, kids, school, jobs (or lack of it) all my friends meet mostly on birthdays and drinking holidays and only to go to a club/bar.

Hanging out for the sake of hanging out gets phased out as people age..... unless like you said your somebody who society says is important enough that people forego their responsibilities to make time to hangout with you.
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I just don't have a good hold on this post-grad thing at all. I wouldn't say I'm depressed about it. But I'm definitely vexed. There's that nagging voice in the back of my head saying you have nothing going on in your life right now. Even if it isn't completely true, that's how I feel. I guess it makes sense that other people would be too busy w/ their lives to want to do anything w/ me, because apparently I'm not important enough to make time for, but I really never thought it would turn out like this.

I'd think you could make time for folks you've been tight with for 8-12 years (more in some cases) of your life. I know I would but maybe I'm just too understanding and accommodating.

And I could go visit my school friends wherever they are, or go to visit family but those trips do more damage to my bank account than it can really handle. Plus that only just pushes the problem out of my mind for a few days, if at all. It doesn't solve anything.
 
Z

Zeus Molecules

illegal immigrants are stealing our air
DominoKid said:
I just don't have a good hold on this post-grad thing at all. I wouldn't say I'm depressed about it. But I'm definitely vexed. There's that nagging voice in the back of my head saying you have nothing going on in your life right now. Even if it isn't completely true, that's how I feel. I guess it makes sense that other people would be too busy w/ their lives to want to do anything w/ me, because apparently I'm not important enough to make time for, but I really never thought it would turn out like this.

I'd think you could make time for folks you've been tight with for 8-12 years (more in some cases) of your life. I know I would but maybe I'm just too understanding and accommodating.

And I could go visit my school wherever they are, or go to visit family but those trips do more damage to my bank account than it can really handle. Plus that only just pushes the problem out of my mind for a few days, if at all. It doesn't solve anything.
Click to expand...

Yeah post grad is a bitch. My friends and I called the first 3 years detox cause easing into post college isn't easy. All those responsibilities pop up and even when your free schedules don't match with the people you know.

However I feel your angst. The best thing might be to try to catch a movie and brunch with a friend or two at a time maybe some drinks afterwards. Day time events are good (summer basically). On top of that concerts can always get a few heads to show up & be cool. I've observed that Large get togethers arent likely going to happen often unless its a celebration over something.

The secret is you got to plan events that make it worth peoples effort......

Eventually you might end up like me and probably realize its not worth it and start finding stuff you like and just doing it without them. Like the older I get the more I realize its an introvert's world. I talk to my friends a couple times a month on the phone and we text but hanging out like college is near impossible.

As for your life take this time to prioritize what you want from it. I went for the quick fix myself and only made my life more frustrating cause it made my life worse. The cliche is true, life is a marathon. Instead I should of figured out a sense of where I was and where I wanted to go and then go after it. I did a few years ago and I am content now just being dolo (though i do go on this forum to damn much)....
 
S

Slayven

Member
FyreWulff said:
This isn't threadworthy and I can't really throw it anywhere else, but anyone ever have one of those 'i don't want to fucking drive anymore' nights?

Just got back from driving through Iowa via 1-29. It was like a haunted house I didn't want to sign up for. Sudden 60->45mph drops. Hard slaloms out of nowhere. One of the offramps just suddenly ended, with 4 red signs across it your only indication about half a block down it (it didn't even look like you'd be able to stop in time to not hit them if you went to go down it and didn't know it was closed already). Lanes marked 70mph and it's a ramp that changes you from 1-29 to I-80 with like, a foot clearance between jersey barriers on both sides.

Add terrible lighting at night and barely reflective lane markings and a vehicle I suddenly learned gets skittish at high speeds and I just had that feeling when I parked the vehicle that you know, I think I'm fine never driving again. Iowa's fuckin' playing for keeps. I was going to catch up on all my threads but it's like fuck, I think I'm going to go hug the non-moving ground for a bit.
Click to expand...

Glad you are all right dog. BCT doesn't need a Ricky.
 
Z

Zoramon089

Banned
It's a story that could only accurately be told by Nollywood
enhanced-buzz-11716-1370019417-15.jpg
 
K

Kaizer

Banned
DominoKid said:
I just don't have a good hold on this post-grad thing at all. I wouldn't say I'm depressed about it. But I'm definitely vexed. There's that nagging voice in the back of my head saying you have nothing going on in your life right now. Even if it isn't completely true, that's how I feel. I guess it makes sense that other people would be too busy w/ their lives to want to do anything w/ me, because apparently I'm not important enough to make time for, but I really never thought it would turn out like this.

I'd think you could make time for folks you've been tight with for 8-12 years (more in some cases) of your life. I know I would but maybe I'm just too understanding and accommodating.

And I could go visit my school friends wherever they are, or go to visit family but those trips do more damage to my bank account than it can really handle. Plus that only just pushes the problem out of my mind for a few days, if at all. It doesn't solve anything.
Click to expand...

I feel ya on this one. I've had friends I've known since like 2nd grade that I just completely lost contact with once high school ended. On one hand, I know part of it is my fault for not making more of an en effort to contact them, but I hit up their Facebook pages, I sent the texts. What do I get? Nadda. Most of my good friends are still in-state, but we go to different Universities and no one rarely ever leaves their "nest" anymore.

In my case, it particularly sorta sucks since I suck at making new friends. It doesn't help my family was too broke for me to live on campus so I basically commute 3-4 times a week, stay for a few hours then bounce. When I joined a music business program last Fall, I started coming out of my shell more and started getting cool with some folks, but I never know how to get past the acquaintance phase and into the hangout/invite to parties phase. A part of me feels like I'll never be able to meet someone that I'll have the same sorta connection that I had with old friends that was built up over a decade. Life could be worse, but it could still be better than this.
 
G

Gorillaz

Member
DominoKid said:
I just don't have a good hold on this post-grad thing at all. I wouldn't say I'm depressed about it. But I'm definitely vexed. There's that nagging voice in the back of my head saying you have nothing going on in your life right now. Even if it isn't completely true, that's how I feel. I guess it makes sense that other people would be too busy w/ their lives to want to do anything w/ me, because apparently I'm not important enough to make time for, but I really never thought it would turn out like this.

I'd think you could make time for folks you've been tight with for 8-12 years (more in some cases) of your life. I know I would but maybe I'm just too understanding and accommodating.

And I could go visit my school friends wherever they are, or go to visit family but those trips do more damage to my bank account than it can really handle. Plus that only just pushes the problem out of my mind for a few days, if at all. It doesn't solve anything.
Click to expand...

I can kind of relate sine I graduate in a few months, surprises how much I don't talk to people from high school anymore (but that was bound to happen since we all went our own separate ways) and hell even some I've known since freshman year in college have started to go there own way.

Also agreeing with ZM, maybe to take the ease off start looking what you want to do down the road job wise
 
D

DominoKid

Member
In today's Soul Wince News...

Post-racial Howard?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=oBTJ4aF1qhI <- the video is hilariously bad though.

Jamilah Lemieux is a bit troubled by a music video shot on the campus of her beloved alma mater...but do current students feel the same way?

Jillian Parker is a recent graduate of my alma mater, Howard University. She is also a singer who just released the video for her song, "Mr. Football, (YT: Jillian Parker - Mr.Football) " a Taylor Swift-esque ballad about...you guessed it, a football player. The lyrics are SNL-skit worthy ("He runs back to me/runs back to me, runs back to me..." Get it? Because he plays football, hi-YO!). Parker's voice is not my personal cup of tea and it's safe to say we won't speak of her as part of Howard's Donny Hathaway/Roberta Flack musical continuum. That's not a crime so much as it's a sign of the times and the current American musical landscape. 90's babies, I cram to understand you.

However, the video (and the sheer existence) of "Mr. Football" shook me up in a major way and I know I'm stepping into the lion's den by saying so...

The video is shot entirely on Howard's campus and shows the singer kicking it with her HU lacrosse teammates and crossing paths with the football team. She connects with a particularly tall, dark and fine member of the team and we watch them frolic around the school...until she shows up at his dorm room and another girl answers the door. He pleads his case (See? He runs back to her), but she leaves him out in the cold.

Jillian Parker is White. Her on-screen boo, like the vast majority of Howard students/alumni, is Black.

And I am bothered by this video. Bothered.

Someone has already stopped reading at this point and decided that they are justifiably angry at my discomfort. Because for a lot of people, if the reaction to mixed couples is on the other side of "It's great!" or "Live and let live," then you're a bigot. Alas, it's not that simple. My personal feelings about interracial dating are complicated. Which isn't so uncommon, nor should it be surprising—race is complicated. And the history of romantic/sexual relations between Black and White people is certainly complicated. Do I instantly roll my eyes when I see a White woman and a Black man holding hands? No. But do I feel uncomfortable watching Parker and this big, dark Black guy walking around Howard's campus through camera angles that were clearly intended to 'artistically' juxtapose the difference in their colors.

I won't pretend that had this video taken place on Georgetown's campus, it wouldn't have had triggered any sort of reaction in me. I just would have likely dismissed it rather quickly. But Howard is hallowed ground—for me and for a lot of Black people. Our school is known as “The Mecca,” short for “The Mecca for Black intellectuals.” I think of all HBCUs in that way. Safe havens. Not the place where White girls go to find desirable men.

In a world where Black girls are often made to feel less desirable, my alma mater is a space in which sisters are the norm. At Howard, the majority of the handsome straight boys on campus are checking for us. At Howard, we are the standard of beauty. Black moms send their boys there hoping they'll bring home nice young sisters after their own heart. You don't hear "All the athletes here like White girls" at Howard like you do at certain PWIs. That's still significant, that's still special. That's still necessary...right?

That's not to say that White students are or should be unwelcome at HBCUs. They have always been there and they always will be. And many of them leave having had an eye-opening lesson on the true impact of racism and race relations from those who have suffered the most as a result. The White Howard students/graduates I have encountered over the years seem to value what they came to understand about Black life during their time in college and as members of the lifelong HU network. For that reason, I'd wager that most of them would not have made a video like "Mr. Football." And that includes those of them who have dated or married Black people. It just seems that someone who spent a good deal of time at Howard would understand how that imagery would read to a lot of people. In fact, I can't help but to wonder if that was the point: to be provocative and spark controversy. Or to make a statement about some sort of 'new' Howard culture. The director was a Black guy, which surprises me NOT AT ALL. Sigh.

If I mention having complex feelings about interracial dating, someone will accuse me of "reverse racism" (because members of an oppressed minority and the privileged majority are all 'even stevens'?), or bring up my support of LGBT rights (sexual orientation isn't a choice) or remind me that President Obama is biracial (because we'd never have a Black president otherwise, apparently; also, because you have to tie President Obama to everything). The world is not black and white, no pun intended. And for me, this is a subject that has a lot of shades of gray. As I said here yesterday, I thought the Cheerios commercial was cute! But I'm not ready for a 'post-racial' Howard University and I never will be.

I'm just not going to pretend that the idea of White women as trophies or 'better' than Black women doesn't exist among some of our men. I'm not going to act like Black women are not often represented in the media as unattractive and inherently problematic. I'm unable to forget centuries of 'big Black buck' propaganda or the words of certain White women whose interest in Black men is centered around a fetish for just that. I refuse to act as if the number of professional athletes who date and marry non-Black women is some sort of grand coincidence. And because this video brought all of those thoughts to mind, I'm not going to dismiss the Black history of my alma mater and just view this video as college kids doing college kid stuff: releasing a wack music video shot on campus. I didn't put myself in mountains of student loan debt for this! This is not my Howard, not on any level.

But is this Howard today?

The video dropped on May 30th, a few weeks after the student body went home for the summer. Though social media keeps folks connected long after classes have ended, it's hard to gauge what the on-campus reaction to "Mr. Football" would be without kids sitting in the dorms talking about it. I came to Howard in 2002 and I am certain that this would have been fodder for some heated debates on The Yard, in the student newspaper and in some of our classrooms—the sort of debates that made our college experience so valuable. But I'm not so sure that these '90s babies—folk only a few years my junior— have much historical context about race and racism. In the era of absurd talk of 'post-racial America' that is set to the backdrop of ever-present racial disparities in hiring, housing, imprisonment and, of course, education, it seems like many young people feel that color just isn't a big deal. Cause, hey, we have a mixed-race president! NO EXCUSES, amirite? Can we wait to get post-racial until we're post racism?

I’d hope that the current students of my beloved alma mater would stop short of putting me in some ‘radical racist’ box for feeling as I do about this video—I’d want anyone who’s been Black in America to stop short of that, even if they don’t agree. However, I just really need this new generation of our young adults to understand why I feel as I do. A White graduate filming a music video on Howard's campus is hardly the biggest problem facing HBCU students or alumni, but image and representation matter. Culture matters. I would want for the next Jillian Parker who steps on that historic campus to leave understanding why such a video would stir up problematic feelings and not to write that off as some sort of hating. And, more important, I would want the "Mr. Footballs" of Howard University to decline the offer to participate in such a video.

Jamilah Lemieux is the News and Lifestyle Editor for EBONY.com.
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K

Kaizer

Banned
I think she's making a big deal about a lotta nothing, just like she said: some college kids making some cheesy (downright TERRIBLE) music video.
 
B

Boss Riovane

Member
So good afternoon BCT im back at it again.

Riovane Vs Nature

Anyway Don't you hate it when a wasp flies in a confined space that you happen to be in and you are trying not to lose site of it but you are trying to find the perfect opportunity to either kill or let him go. But you take your eyes away and he fucking disappears and you are constantly looking over your shoulder why you type and work looking for his ass.
 
B

Boss Riovane

Member
You ever had that day where you just wanna say fuck it? I almost walked out on my job today. I mean its strange. I had that moment when I realized what people think of me. You know that epiphany you have when every god damn thing is just clear. And its like time slowed to a crawl and inside I was screaming at the top of my lungs but I stood there and not a word came out. I felt as if every synapse in my brain fired off as one. Every nerve ending expanded and rippled every muscle tensed and tightened and I just wanted to bellow out words of hate and resentment. But alas nothing came out. My stomach ached and my eyes watered with every passing second an acrid feeling rushed through my throat and my release my sweet sweet release was in site all I had to do was beckon and yell. But nothing came out.

I ask again BCT have you ever experienced anything like the above. Have the words just never came out?
 
K

Kreed

Member
DominoKid said:
In today's Soul Wince News...

Post-racial Howard?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=oBTJ4aF1qhI <- the video is hilariously bad though.
Click to expand...

Black women bloggers with opinions like the one in this article really need to stop throwing all their ethnic grievances on every black man that dates someone non black/non black woman who dates a black man (if only to help stop the stereotype that all black women have an issue with black men dating non black women). Especially when it involves going at a white woman attending a historically black college.

Not everybody who dates outside of their ethnic group thinks negatively about black women or thinks more highly of women in other ethnic groups, they are just dating another person that happens to have a lower melanin count. Instead, these types of rants should be saved for real problems, like media portrayals of black women and "black beauty" in and out of black community.
 
P

PartTimeWarrior

Banned
Last night me and my 2 coworkers were in the front of the store talking when this lady walks in. We greet the customers so coworker #1 is like "Hi welcome to blahblahblah" and she just stops, looks at him for a good 2 seconds, puts her nose to the air and goes on about her business. He looks back at us and he has this look of disgust and disrespect on his face. So we laugh at it no big deal.

2 minutes later she walks up to my counter and says she's gonna report us to corporate because she thinks we were talking shit about her. She swore on her life we insulted her. I guess when you're that stuck up to not even acknowledge a welcome you think people will talk bad about you
 
M

Mrs. Manky

Banned
Kreed said:
Black women bloggers with opinions like the one in this article really need to stop throwing all their ethnic grievances on every black man that dates someone non black/non black woman who dates a black man (if only to help stop the stereotype that all black women have an issue with black men dating non black women). Especially when it involves going at a white woman attending a historically black college.

Not everybody who dates outside of their ethnic group thinks negatively about black women or thinks more highly of women in other ethnic groups, they are just dating another person that happens to have a lower melanin count. Instead, these types of rants should be saved for real problems, like media portrayals of black women and "black beauty" in and out of black community.
Click to expand...

But you can see how BWBs see interracial relationships (black men/white women in particular) to be the result of media and community portrayals of black women and black beauty. Hell, based on imagery and concepts that go way back to the psychological wound inflicted on us all by slavery. I'd say that many modern black men don't care about the melanin count of their girlfriends, wives, or jump offs, but when you see that black women are at the bottom of dating sites like OK Cupid (right next to Asian males), you can understand why BWBs might be a tad sensitive.

I admit to a little anxiety when I first started dating Sea Manky. Nothing like getting dagger stares from whites and blacks while holding hands with a white man in the St. Louis of the late 80s to early 90s. But when I realized that I wasn't a sell out, I was just a woman in love with a man, things got a little easier.
 
D

DominoKid

Member
Howard doesn't have a golf team? That surprises me.

Kreed said:
Black women bloggers with opinions like the one in this article really need to stop throwing all their ethnic grievances on every black man that dates someone non black/non black woman who dates a black man (if only to help stop the stereotype that all black women have an issue with black men dating non black women). Especially when it involves going at a white woman attending a historically black college.

Not everybody who dates outside of their ethnic group thinks negatively about black women or thinks more highly of women in other ethnic groups, they are just dating another person that happens to have a lower melanin count. Instead, these types of rants should be saved for real problems, like media portrayals of black women and "black beauty" in and out of black community.
Click to expand...

black women bloggers project their damage with regards to interracial relations w/ such ease and quickness that it astounds me. my mom passed the article along to me like "look at some point black women are just gonna have to get over themselves and their issues and live with it. because all this negativity about it isn't helping their (our) cause." even she's sick of that shit.
 
M

Mrs. Manky

Banned
PartTimeWarrior said:
Last night me and my 2 coworkers were in the front of the store talking when this lady walks in. We greet the customers so coworker #1 is like "Hi welcome to blahblahblah" and she just stops, looks at him for a good 2 seconds, puts her nose to the air and goes on about her business. He looks back at us and he has this look of disgust and disrespect on his face. So we laugh at it no big deal.

2 minutes later she walks up to my counter and says she's gonna report us to corporate because she thinks we were talking shit about her. She swore on her life we insulted her. I guess when you're that stuck up to not even acknowledge a welcome you think people will talk bad about you
Click to expand...

It was your dehumanizing stares, probably.
 
K

Kreed

Member
Mrs. Manky said:
But you can see how BWBs see interracial relationships (black men/white women in particular) to be the result of media and community portrayals of black women and black beauty. Hell, based on imagery and concepts that go way back to the psychological wound inflicted on us all by slavery. I'd say that many modern black men don't care about the melanin count of their girlfriends, wives, or jump offs, but when you see that black women are at the bottom of dating sites like OK Cupid (right next to Asian males), you can understand why BWBs might be a tad sensitive.

I admit to a little anxiety when I first started dating Sea Manky. Nothing like getting dagger stares from whites and blacks while holding hands with a white man in the St. Louis of the late 80s to early 90s. But when I realized that I wasn't a sell out, I was just a woman in love with a man, things got a little easier.
Click to expand...

For those who don't remember the Okcupid article.

I understand the sensitivity of the writer of this article, Jill Scott and others, but I don't think anyone benefits from these women attacking/directing these opinions at the people in these relationships vs promoting "black is beautiful" and changing the "Western standard" of beauty.
 
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