So here's a fun story actually. I've met Todd Howard of Bethesda. I actually used to see him somewhat frequently as it is my job to restock the vending machines at their Maryland studio. For some reason I was the only one allowed restocked those machines, as according to Todd I was the only one who could put the items in an arrangement that he liked (which is odd considering that I literally just put them in the same order as everyone who came before me, it's not like we have much of a choice in its arrangement). Anyway, one day I was running late for work and in my hurry I put on a pair of N7 novelty socks. Later that day as I was stocking the highest bit of the soda vending machine, I felt a damp breath on the back of my neck. When I turned around Todd Howard himself was standing only a couple of inches away from me. Before I had time to question him he asked "Mass Effect socks huh? Do you like space games?" His breath smelled like a concoction of garlic, coffee, and breath mints.
"Ye-yes Mr. Howard sir", I replied back.
"While come with me, I'll show you a game we've been working on that I think you'll like".
I followed him to his office. Upon entering it, I noticed that the walls were completely covered with pictures of Skyrim box art for a variety of different systems, most of which were ones that it had never been released on. After a few moments of messing with his computer, a large grin spread across Todd's face. He beckoned me over to his computer and told me that I could do anything I wanted. My mind instantly thought that he had pulled up the much rumored Starfield, but when I got to his computer screen all I saw was an image of Todd sitting in a chair, staring seductively at whoever took that picture, with both of his hands on his crouch. He began laughing manically, and out of fear I ran away from him and out of that building. Once I was outside, I noticed a somewhat large box with a parachute slowly drifting down in my direction. Once it landed I saw that written on the very top in all caps was a message saying that the box was for me. When I opened it up I saw that there was a Nintendo Switch with a custom decal of Todd Howard's eyes, and surrounding this switch was every single version of Skyrim that has been released. I looked up, and saw Todd in his office window, with a large rock in his hands. He simply smiled at me and dropped the rock, hitting me right in the head and giving me a severe concussion along with many other head injuries.
I've been in the hospital for the last two weeks on account of that day, unsure as to whether or not I'll have that job to return to when I get out. Earlier today Pete Hines visited me, and gave me a Fallout themed check for $111,111 in order to pay for all of my hospital bills and any complications that may arise. He apologized for what Todd did, saying that "Our special little boy just shows his affection in strange ways. All of us at Bethesda have been trying to teach him how to properly socially interact, but progress has been slow". Before he left, he gave me the same box that had been airdropped to me on that fateful day, saying that Todd wanted me to have it. Once he left I decided to open the box. It had all the same things in it as when I first opened it, but with one addition: sitting on the very top was a cutout of Todd's face, staring into my soul and begging me to get lost in his enchanting, beautiful eyes.
