I thought this was a good writeup and got me thinking.
http://www.aintitcoolnews.com/node/43679
Oh. My. God.
You need to click the link, and watch those trailers. #1 looks soooooo bad it's unbelievable. So does The Room. Oh my god, The Room. I really need to see some of these.
Holy fucking shit, my jaw was on the floor looking at both The Room and After Last Season.
What're your worst movies of the decade?
(Try to be original, at least a bit. No SWI-III, SM3, Matrix Sequels etc)
http://www.aintitcoolnews.com/node/43679
AICN said:After much deliberation, sifting through old reviews and compiling a list of the hundreds and hundreds of painful hours Ive spent over the last decade seeing the very worst Hollywood had to offer, this is what boiled down to the bottom most 10 and one Honorable mention.
Honorable Mention: THE ROOM. Unlike every other film on this list, THE ROOM only opened in Los Angeles, nowhere else; but in truth, Tommy Wiseaus brutally awkward film may go on to outlast them all in terms of infamy. Now a cult film in LA, going so far as having been an April Fools Day prank played on unsuspecting Adult Swim viewers, this is slowly gaining on some of the worst movies in history as worthy to be among them. While the writer/director/star/producer/executive producer Wiseau currently continues to claim that his film was intentionally bad and meant to be funny, no one is buying that not even his cast who claim otherwise. Easily the most well known self-distributed failure in modern history, this is a film so bad that neglecting it would preclude this from being a complete list, but also failed to convince actual theaters that this was somehow an actual movie. Its not. Although it is also not the worst thing on this list. But its close.
10) ALONE IN THE DARK. It wouldnt be a Worst of the Decade list without an Uwe Boll movie. The man who was hailed for most of the decade as the reigning king of all things awful, only to embrace the title and turned our interaction with him as some sort of wrestling spectacle. Interviews with him felt more like they were being conducted by Mean Gene Okerlund and that Uwe couldnt wait until Wrestlemania in order to kick the snot out of AICNs own Quint. HOUSE OF THE DEAD was awful, but this film took everything awful about HOUSE OF THE DEAD and made it three times as boring. Easily the worst theatrically released video game adaptation of the decade, this unrepentantly terrible movie squeaks in mostly due to the reputation and track record of Boll himself. Im certain some of you may find worse movies than this one, but its hard to find more notorious directors.
9) BATTLEFIELD EARTH. HAHAHAHA! PUNY RATBRAIN! HAHAHAHAHAHA! Few of this top ten are actually big, epic sized, expensive attempts at blockbusters. Chalk it up to studio oversight or the glory of expensive spectacle, but pound for pound these cheaper, leaner films tend to take the cake in terms of sheer, unwatchable awfulness. Except this one. Of all of this decades big expensive misfires, this is the absolute worst and most painful. Devoid of logic and beset with some of the very worst performances youve ever seen out of very talented people (Im looking at you Forest Whitaker), even the spectacle of its tremendous special effects couldnt keep people from wanting to gouge their eyes out with spoons rather witness another implausible frame. Truly the very worst big budget film of the decade.
8) DUMB AND DUMBERER: WHEN HARRY MET LLOYD. The only merciful thing about this film is that its plot was so unintelligible that it has become impossible to remember what it was actually about. What I do remember is how much I hated myself for even watching it all the way through and enduring its amazingly juvenile attempts to present even younger, more immature versions of the Farrelly Brother originals. I wish I could say that this was the worst sequel of the decade, but its not even close.
7) TIPTOES. Oh. Dear. God. When Matthew Bright sent his directors cut of this to Harry to show at Butt-Numb-A-Thon, it was to earn Harrys support in saving his vision of his film: a raunchy, comic drama that promised to be the greatest dwarfsploitation film ever made. Harry, madly in love with Brights brilliant FREEWAY, showed it sight unseen, completely unaware of what he was about to do to us. It was brutal. On the surface it looked awesome. The film starred Matthew McConaughey and Kate Beckinsdale (back when those names on a film still meant something) as romantic leads opposite a digitally miniaturized Gary Oldman as McConaugheys midget brother. But instead of exploitation, the film was a mess, a brain numbing drama about a normal sized man from a family of the vertically challenged, desperately afraid of having a child and passing on the genes to another generation. Just when the miserable movie seems to be ending, it moves into a terribly cloying and painful fourth act about having a kid, who does get the genes, and watching what it does to the marriage of McC and Mrs. Len Wiseman.
The crowd turned. What at first was polite suffering became the only movie ever openly, and allowably, heckled in the 11 year, 100+ movie history of Butt-Numb-A-Thon. Offensive and unfunny, even the sight of David Allen Grier plowing Bridget the Midget on a table at a party cannot bleach away the stain of this film from the backside of my eyeballs. I recently saw that this was available on Netflix Streaming, and was tempted to see if I could sit through it a third time (I watched the final theatrical edit on DVD just to see if the producers managed to save the film from Brights temporary insanity. They couldnt.)
When the going gets rough, its only the size of your heart that counts.
6) BRATZ. Jon Voight was at one time one of our greatest living actors. Then came the 2000s. The first of two appearances on the Bottom 10 list, he adds a certain level of class and importance to a really shitty movie. When people ask me what my own personal favorite review out of all the ones Ive written is, I tell them this one . Its not uncommon that kids films are pretty terrible, but it is uncommon to be this nonsensical, this kind of indeliberately racist (The Asian girl is the smart one, the white blond the ditzy, klutzy one, the Hispanic girl the singer who has mariachis inexplicably hanging around in her kitchen, the black girl the cheerleader and knife expert...wait I think I made that last part up but ONLY the last part), and this obsessively consumptive. When people look at the world and talk about all the terrible messages we send to little girls, they are talking about everything this movie has to say. Sure, they try to pull it out of a tailspin by claiming that these girls are just being themselves - a group of girls that defies categorization, and share one thing in common, their passion for fashion but it is a foul lie, trying to sell the same old Teen Beat crap to little girls and put a new label on it.
It is also 110 of the most unwatchable minutes set to film this decade. Just try to find a reason that Voight wears a terrible prosthetic nose throughout this drek - other than trying to disguise himself from audiences - I dare you.
5) DADDY DAY CAMP. If you ever wanted to take every last ounce of childhood nostalgia you have for actor Fred The Wonder Years Savage and watch it shit out the hemorrhoid-plagued, bloody ass end of his career - then lock up any firearms you have, empty your house of sharp objects and watch his theatrical directorial debut. The sequel to the relatively unwatchable but not particularly loathsome hit DADDY DAY CARE, this is the movie Eddie Murphy turned down flat. He reportedly said something akin to I aint working with goddamned kids again and so they found the next best thing: Cuba Gooding Jr.
This miserable excuse for a film takes every camp movie cliché youve ever seen, sucks the very joy and life out of each one of them, then lazily drops them in-between instances of exploding outhouse shitters and wild-eyed, goofy reaction shots from Cuba and his c-list cast. Completely unwatchable by anyone over the age of 8, the only thing that keeps me from wanting to punch Savage in the face is a daydream I have about him sitting at home unshaven, with a whiskey bottle in one hand and the remote in the other, rewinding and fast forwarding through the end of his directorial career.
4) MEET THE SPARTANS. This isnt a movie. It is a 60 minute series of rejected MAD TV skits with a 10 minute long slow crawl credit sequence to pad it out to feature length. The jokes were terrible, the timing awful and occasionally the sequences went on minutes longer than even the semi-retarded audience this film was aiming for could find it funny. When the movie starts running long, it actually just ends by having the villain (Xerxes from 300 played by the fat guy from Borat GET IT?) turning into a transformer, tripping over his own cord then falling and crushing all of the movies characters. The movies greatest failing, however - if one can even dream of there being just one is that all of their material was months, if not over a year old. No one cared about LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE or how gay 300 was or about serving anyone anything let alone caring who got served to begin with, and the whole thing felt tired and weak, despite being released so close to all of these things.
3) DISASTER MOVIE. Highlighting the complete ineptitude of Seltzer/Friedberg, these two titans of comedic cinema - still licking their wounds after being critically brutalized for MEET THE SPARTANS - attempted to show us critics what for. If we called their jokes tired, they would get fresher jokes; jokes about movies still in the theaters. But since these were movies they werent able to watch beforehand, they had to try to write jokes about movies they had not seen, leading to a film loaded with REFERENCES to other movies. If their films had lacked any understanding of the films they were mocking to begin with, they outdid themselves with their inability to understand movies they had not seen. The effect was stunning. Simply stunning.
At the time of release I could not decide between which was worse, this or SPARTANS. Upon reflection I feel that this is. At least with SPARTANS they were trying to parody something. With DISASTER MOVIE they were simply spending the money that they had convinced the studios to give them. Fortunately that gravy train appears to be over.
2) SUPERBABIES: BABY GENIUS 2. Oh. Holy. Shit. Have you SEEN This? No. Have you ACTUALLY SEEN THIS? Fuck me, man. Fuck me. I know were supposed to revere Bob Clark because most of us werent old enough to revile the Porkys movies like the critics of the time did, or because he made what is widely considered to be the first American slasher film BLACK CHRISTMAS, or because he had the brass balls to make an anti-war horror movie in the midst of Vietnam (DEATHDREAM); but fuck, man. This is one of the worst pieces of shit I have ever seen. And this is only the SECOND of a 2 part shit sandwich.
Oh yes. Jon Voight is back in the list as a mad doctor who needs to be stopped by a brood of talking babies gifted with terrible super powers. It is a film so tainted and miserable that it shaves years off of your life after simply watching it, and if the Buddhists are right, will mean Voight, Scott Baio and everyone else associated with this film will come back in the next life as extras in a German Shizer video to learn how to make something infinitely more entertaining than this.
1) AFTER LAST SEASON. As I wrote in my worst of 09, this movie simply defies reason. It should not exist. Not on film and certainly not in theaters. But it did. At least until theater owners were instructed to burn all the remaining film prints rather than incurring the expense of shipping it back. This film is unwatchable and pound for pound the very worst thing you have ever seen that wasnt directed by a 13 year old on Youtube and thats being generous.
Oh. My. God.
You need to click the link, and watch those trailers. #1 looks soooooo bad it's unbelievable. So does The Room. Oh my god, The Room. I really need to see some of these.
Holy fucking shit, my jaw was on the floor looking at both The Room and After Last Season.
What're your worst movies of the decade?
(Try to be original, at least a bit. No SWI-III, SM3, Matrix Sequels etc)
