this is weird, my cousin is jacking off with my netbook

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EnderWiggles said:
img-thing
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hahah...i'm losing it! man, this thread!

edit: oh wow, and that was before I saw Sunhi's post!
 
GODDAMN AMAZING THREAD!

First the mother thread, and now a sister thread. Brilliant. My first year of NeoGAF is going swell with plenty of laughs and confused expressions to be had.
 
There is a 100% probability that every computer chair has hosted someone's underwear clad butt while they were jacking it. Think on that the next time you use someone's PC.
 
I'm not sure what the best part of the thread is, the sister story, the gifs, the porn detectives or the jerking off on weed chorus
 
I used to do things like that.
Couldn't let me use a computer unsupervised, else they'd come back and find my history cluttered with huge black booty, big black booty, big butt crackdown, megabooty monsters.
This was way back in 1998, when the only good searches were hotbot, lycos and yahoo.
I didn't care/no shame to be had.
Even before that though, if i even sat next to a female with a big butt, i'd gradually inch my hand under their butts, and then rub my knuckles back and forth verrrrrrry slooooooowwwwwly.
Most either scooted further down if space allowed, one took my hand out and slapped my face(sorry Aunt Jeowel) and the rest took my hand, placed it in my lap, and held it there, while giving me the evil eye and cutting towards my parents.
This all happened before i was six, and stopped once i had my first real kiss session(age 6).
I'm better now, but still have a fascination with female booty.
I was dreaming about screwing stallions before slang copped the lingo.
Still love the smell of a freshly scrubbed female backside.
Its like a good stink, like chocolate and spoiled milk mixed together.
 
edit your PC's HOSTS file to point their preferred porn sites to locally hosted pages on custom, rubber-tipped drum sticks. i'll help design them!
 
Preachsuh said:
I used to do things like that.
Couldn't let me use a computer unsupervised, else they'd come back and find my history cluttered with huge black booty, big black booty, big butt crackdown, megabooty monsters.
This was way back in 1998, when the only good searches were hotbot, lycos and yahoo.
I didn't care/no shame to be had.
Even before that though, if i even sat next to a female with a big butt, i'd gradually inch my hand under their butts, and then rub my knuckles back and forth verrrrrrry slooooooowwwwwly.
Most either scooted further down if space allowed, one took my hand out and slapped my face(sorry Aunt Jeowel) and the rest took my hand, placed it in my lap, and held it there, while giving me the evil eye and cutting towards my parents.
This all happened before i was six, and stopped once i had my first real kiss session(age 6).
I'm better now, but still have a fascination with female booty.
I was dreaming about screwing stallions before slang copped the lingo.
Still love the smell of a freshly scrubbed female backside.
Its like a good stink, like chocolate and spoiled milk mixed together.
Click to expand...
The free verse form of this poem allows for deeper thought when reminiscing over times past.
 
OP did you type this thread on your touch screen smart phone, while riding on a unicycle going down a steep hill, with melting ice cream in one hand?

Whatever, people jack off, why don't you recommend him a cheap 150-$200 laptop or something, help him buy his own (first) computer, give him his own space and time and let him go nuts. Problem solved no?

I wouldn't want people jerking off using my shit either.


Note: clear your history and log off GAF before you hand him your netbook again, otherwise it'll be kinda embarrassing for him, if he reads this thread.
 
I would not like them here or there.
I would not like them anywhere.
I do like green eyes and dick.
I do like them with a drumstick. Sam I Am.
 
Johnny Cage In The Shower said:
OP did you type this thread on your touch screen smart phone, while riding on a unicycle going down a steep hill, with melting ice cream in one hand?

Whatever, people jack off, why don't you recommend him a cheap 150-$200 laptop or something, help him buy his own (first) computer, give him his own space and time and let him go nuts. Problem solved no?

I wouldn't want people jerking off using my shit either.


Note: clear your history and log off GAF before you hand him your netbook again, otherwise it'll be kinda embarrassing for him, if he reads this thread.
Click to expand...

There's a site for that
 
Preachsuh said:
I used to do things like that.
Couldn't let me use a computer unsupervised, else they'd come back and find my history cluttered with huge black booty, big black booty, big butt crackdown, megabooty monsters.
This was way back in 1998, when the only good searches were hotbot, lycos and yahoo.
I didn't care/no shame to be had.
Even before that though, if i even sat next to a female with a big butt, i'd gradually inch my hand under their butts, and then rub my knuckles back and forth verrrrrrry slooooooowwwwwly.
Most either scooted further down if space allowed, one took my hand out and slapped my face(sorry Aunt Jeowel) and the rest took my hand, placed it in my lap, and held it there, while giving me the evil eye and cutting towards my parents.
This all happened before i was six, and stopped once i had my first real kiss session(age 6).
I'm better now, but still have a fascination with female booty.
I was dreaming about screwing stallions before slang copped the lingo.
Still love the smell of a freshly scrubbed female backside.
Its like a good stink, like chocolate and spoiled milk mixed together.
Click to expand...

This thread is the gift that keeps on giving.
 
For those of you just joining us...
cURLrmC.jpg


Our thread began when our OP, mysticwhip, enlightened NeoGAF to the precarious predicament he found himself in, after lending his netbook to his friend and discovering that his friend had been using that netbook for masturbatory purposes.

However, that matter was quickly forgotten when user Mordeccai gave his own experiences.

Mordeccai said:
I know this feel.

I took my laptop home this winter and allowed my two sisters to use it. They're both younger than me, I'm only an undergrad, so I was confident there would be no issues.

Well, a few days pass and everythings going well. I decided to scroll through my history to find this video here on GAF the day prior, so I begin to scroll down when I notice a number of weird google searches. Cutest boys, hottest celebs, stuff like this. I know for a fact I didn't type in those searches, but whatever.

But then, a search catches my eye.

iUy7wSBjCWR7F.gif


"hot boys green eyes big dick"

All of a sudden, I did not know what to do with my hands. I wanted nothing further to do with the keyboard and I cleaned the hell out of it.

Family shouldn't be using your laptop to jack it, man.
Click to expand...

This problem was further compounded when it was discovered that Mordeccai himself had green eyes, thus leading to incestuous connotations. But Mordeccai didn't stop there.

Mordeccai said:
The only thing the webcam on the laptop has recorded on it is my grandma. It is nonsexual.

One of them fucked with my Rock Band drumsticks two years ago. Literally speaking. After the third time I bought a new pair of sticks to play with because for some reason they kept disappearing, I found a pair in the trash. The wood on one end of the sticks was a markedly different color and shade than the other stick, but I played it off to them being out in the rain because who the hell would think?

Later that week my dad tells me that he knows where the sticks went, the found them under my sisters bed and he threw them away.

I didn't see any porn websites after the search the trail ended there. I just had no idea how to fill in the gaps of what happened afterward, as she had access to the laptop the whole night I was sleeping.
Click to expand...

A great run for any NeoGAF madness, but Mordeccai topped it all off by providing a picture of the sister in question.

Mordeccai said:
This is an image of me giving her a thumbs up for ruining my stuff I am the one in the blue

edit:
3dVfN.jpg
Click to expand...
Click to expand...

Then of course, gifs and jokes, and all sorts of general debauchery followed.

Will Mordeccai continue this trainwreck? Will the thread be locked? Will anyone ever play Rock Band again? Let's find out.
 
Lionel, you should really wait for the top of pages in the hundreds....now this is just in the middle for many.
 
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