crazy_about_denise
Member
Women are not good at making signs. Leave that up to a metalworker or something.
Times you have read into sexual/romantic advances incorrectly
- Thread starter FallingEdge
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katsubento
Member
If it makes you feel better (it won't), I blew off the opportunity to get close with a model (and a gaming geek on top of that). I was split up with my wife, but no divorce papers were signed; so I was afraid of complicating things.
I'm back with my wife, and I've seen this girl around on occasion; it brings me back. I can say however, I have zero regrets.
Stop kicking yourself, and certainly stop living in the past, duder.
I always knew that I was quite shitty reading people, then latter I discovered that I had a brain condition that unabled me to do it so. I can precieve well enough, but my brain cannot put into relation these varied imputs. Say, I can tell if a person is wearing black pants and a red t-shirt, but I would be hard pressed to define this as casual or formal attire. Or I can know that a girl is smiling at me, but I cannot quess whetever she is happy, amused or ironic about it. When people talk about "non-verbal language" it strikes me as if shuddenly everyone is able to read auras and keep talking about them as if they would be the most common thing ever.
As you can imagine, flirting for me is a riot. Extreme emotional Russian roulette, full of epic fails and funny histories. My only chance was to beat myself with failure until I developed a thick skin, which I did. I still fail miserably, but it hurts much less. I still thinking that courtship rituals are horseshit, and I don't understand why the hell people should dance around about what it could be a much more clean, efficient, less messy process: do you want to date / have sex / whatever? Good. State it then. You don't want to date? Too bad, state it clearly and I will move on. No need for shitty drama and retarded games of "guess what is in my mind". Fuck that shit. We humans make something simple into something needlessly complex, unnecessary and painful.
As you can imagine, flirting for me is a riot. Extreme emotional Russian roulette, full of epic fails and funny histories. My only chance was to beat myself with failure until I developed a thick skin, which I did. I still fail miserably, but it hurts much less. I still thinking that courtship rituals are horseshit, and I don't understand why the hell people should dance around about what it could be a much more clean, efficient, less messy process: do you want to date / have sex / whatever? Good. State it then. You don't want to date? Too bad, state it clearly and I will move on. No need for shitty drama and retarded games of "guess what is in my mind". Fuck that shit. We humans make something simple into something needlessly complex, unnecessary and painful.
Haha, it actually somehow proved my point. It´s not normal to strip naked at random people´s houses. The fact that he turned my response into an attack against homosexuals shows just that.
There must be a lot of rocket scientists out there then. Really guys it's not that hard. You're not going to be branded as a rapist for making a move. People are calling out those who didn't stop when they were told "no."
Hypereides
Member
I'm not so bad with this, what I'm terrible at is when I get obvious sexual advances and I have some idiotic response.
Girl in cab ride after drinking: "I wanna hang out at your place."
Me: "It's a mess. There are beer cans on the floor."
Her: "I don't care."
Me: "Nah it's really messy, seriously."
Sex avoided.
Girl walking home from a party: "I don't wanna go home, my roommate is scary."
Me: "Oh, what are you gonna do?"
Her: "I wanna stay somewhere else tonight."
Me: "Oh, well, good luck. See ya again sometime I hope."
Avoided once more. Come to think of it, both times the girls were who I would consider "way out of my league," so I probably just would never have assumed that they were actually interested.
Girl in cab ride after drinking: "I wanna hang out at your place."
Me: "It's a mess. There are beer cans on the floor."
Her: "I don't care."
Me: "Nah it's really messy, seriously."
Sex avoided.
Girl walking home from a party: "I don't wanna go home, my roommate is scary."
Me: "Oh, what are you gonna do?"
Her: "I wanna stay somewhere else tonight."
Me: "Oh, well, good luck. See ya again sometime I hope."
Avoided once more. Come to think of it, both times the girls were who I would consider "way out of my league," so I probably just would never have assumed that they were actually interested.
Does it work the other way around? Can you get an advanced degree if you interpret a woman's "no" correctly?
Yep. This is a good explanation. I feel the exact same way.
CarpeDeezNutz
Member
Hahaha! I'm sorry to laugh but that shit is gold! I had something similar in high school, this girl who was beautiful as hell was actually into me as well but I did not pick up on it. I think it's for the same reason as your one liners, just did not think she was interested in me in that way.
There was this one girl I had a huge crush on a little over a year ago. I was sixteen at the time and really didn't know shit about relationships (probably still don't but I do have a girlfriend now whom I love), so I don't really regret having made my past mistakes - live and learn, right?
So I was talking to this girl about advice my friend had given (he was mostly joking, of course); "if a girl wants to bring you somewhere, pay attention to how she does it. Does she grab your hand, or your wrist? If it's the wrist, you're done."
I mostly said it to introduce the concept (and we did joke about it a bit), and see what she'd do. The next day, she tries to bring me to the classroom to eat lunch, and grabs my hand. We walk over there hand in hand. Later that day on the phone, she tells me she "friend-zoned" somebody by grabbing his wrist. Huh.
Later on we were just sitting there and end up holding our hands together (the Tarzan thing) and close our fingers on each others. Somebody jokes about us being a couple, but she doesn't react.
Later I told her I liked her, and she freaked the fuck out, ignores me outright, blocks me everywhere online, says she finds me creepy, and avoids me at all costs.
To this day I don't have a clue what the fuck that was all about.
So I was talking to this girl about advice my friend had given (he was mostly joking, of course); "if a girl wants to bring you somewhere, pay attention to how she does it. Does she grab your hand, or your wrist? If it's the wrist, you're done."
I mostly said it to introduce the concept (and we did joke about it a bit), and see what she'd do. The next day, she tries to bring me to the classroom to eat lunch, and grabs my hand. We walk over there hand in hand. Later that day on the phone, she tells me she "friend-zoned" somebody by grabbing his wrist. Huh.
Later on we were just sitting there and end up holding our hands together (the Tarzan thing) and close our fingers on each others. Somebody jokes about us being a couple, but she doesn't react.
Later I told her I liked her, and she freaked the fuck out, ignores me outright, blocks me everywhere online, says she finds me creepy, and avoids me at all costs.
To this day I don't have a clue what the fuck that was all about.
SkepticalPanda
Member
Jesus Christ. Remind me to never publicly give my opinion again. I wasn't trying to say that the same rule applies to men and women about staying over at your house. I was simply trying to imply that just because a women asks to stay over that doesn't mean she wants to sleep with you. Maybe I just have a warped perception of reality because I haven't been in one of these instances before but you guys could be less dickish about it.
Well, it can't be more expensive than college, can it?You can, but you still have to pay the fee if you want accreditation. No such thing as a free lunch for us men.
wow dude that's actually really swee-
damn son
If that's how she reacted to something like that then you should probably be glad it didn't go any further.
Hey bro, this is just a reminder: never publicly give your opinion again.
C'mon son. You painted everybody with a broad brush ("all of the guys"), and didn't expect to annoy some people? Generalisations are bad.
CarpeDeezNutz
Member
Either this girl is really immature or you are leaving something crucial out of the story because that is an outright over the top reaction.
No, he left in the most important part that explains everything: he was 16.
I think there is some confusion here.
We are all assuming there is some mixed signals, however they are misinterpreted. So girl comes over and takes off her clothes. Guy takes this as "I think i'm gonna get lucky." When the guy makes the move, girl rejects him, says it was not her intention.
We're not saying you should assume she wanted to sleep with you, but if you misinterpret what she does, it's not a big deal. I don't place any blame on the person for thinking they are getting lucky. Clearly he read the sexual advance wrong, now they move on.
I got over it a few months later and we became close again a while after that. I asked her about it and she gave me no explanation and just said she was PMS'ing.
It was going smoothly up until I told her, I just chose a really bad time to do it. She was upset about something (this was where she pulled the PMS card) and I was trying to comfort her over Skype. I heard crashing in the background, and I was worried. Told her I liked her a lot and wanted to help her with her problems.
Cue ignoring and Dissy feeling like a douche.
I'm just glad nothing came of it. I like to think the failures led me to my current girlfriend. I talked to one girl because of that failure and the second girl reminded me of someone I'd lost touch with. Now that third girl is my girlfriend, and I've learned a lot. No complaints.
Haha, I'm just glad to finally be fucking done with high school.
Did you really have no idea or were you just too afraid to make the move, thinking you were just thinking too into things?
I can say that I have tricked myself into thinking that a girl is just being nice and wasn't really into me.
In high school a girl I had a crush on told me I should go to one of her volleyball games, I was like YES!!!! At the same time I was like naw she wouldn't like me and I never went to any volleyball games. I remember seeing her waiting for a ride home after her volleyball game, I had just gotten done with football practice and was waiting for a ride too. We were about 40 yards apart. I just stood there kind of not paying attention, I waved, but I was completely afraid to go talk. I can only say I must have looked as awkward as those hoverhands guys, just standing there like a dope. I was a moron for purposefully ignoring a girl I liked, who very well could have liked me, out of fear.
CarpeDeezNutz
Member
Ahh yeah man you dodged a bullet right there and I see it the same way. Every relationship up until I find the girl I end up being with is going to fail in some way.
Touché
deejay8595
my posts are "MEH"
It doesn't.... You have much to learn. So when a girl says " I don't feel comfortable" or " We're moving to fast" when you try and make a move sexually, but offers to sleep over your place with their shirt and pants off it's totally fine with you?
PLEASEEEE!!!!!!
What you have to do is call them out on that BS. Stand your ground because once you let them do that it's cuddle buddy zone for you...
SkepticalPanda
Member
I'm sorry.
That means you're already in the friendzone so what's the point of interacting with them at that point?
KINGofCRA5H
Member
Haha...I know man. She was just so pretty.
I'm sorry. I feel a lot better about myself now.
Haha...I know man. She was just so pretty.
Haha oh god man that sucks .. Sorry bro, but you'll regret this for the rest of your life.
No he won't. In a few years he'll forget all about it. That's like treating high school like it will last forever and then you go to college and that doesn't last because you end up in the real world and that is full of regrets that you eventually forget.
JaseMath
Member
It's been 7 or 8 years...still haven't forgot. Realistically I probably won't, mostly because it's my "one that got away" moment. C'est la vie and all that.
efyu_lemonardo
May I have a cookie?
I'm probably going to get a lot of shit for this, but why couldn't she just tell him that?
say the date was going well, then turned poor, or find a more polite way of saying it, or just say she changed her mind..
you could say that should have been obvious, but the thing is it was intended as an innuendo when she said it. that doesn't mean she can't change her mind afterwards, but telling him he got the wrong idea isn't completely honest. he got the right idea at that moment, but may have missed other signs later in the evening.
If this had happened to me when I was in my teens I might have been a bit frustrated too.
^ if you keep thinking like that no girl will ever live up to this girl that got away, because you've built this up this person in your mind and that girl in your mind doesn't actually exist.
One date, she doesn't owe him an explanation at the end. Again it was a much more innocent innuendo as compared to the many other things she might have said about candles. To I would have read that as you might see my room not as you are going to see my room. Hell, maybe it was just a one time thing and home boy didn't take her to the bone zone that night and she changed her mind. That is a thing, women wanting to have unattached sex.
One date, she doesn't owe him an explanation at the end. Again it was a much more innocent innuendo as compared to the many other things she might have said about candles. To I would have read that as you might see my room not as you are going to see my room. Hell, maybe it was just a one time thing and home boy didn't take her to the bone zone that night and she changed her mind. That is a thing, women wanting to have unattached sex.
efyu_lemonardo
May I have a cookie?
Maybe I should have phrased my question differently, or maybe this is a cultural thing, but they basically went on a date, where it sounds like both had a decent enough time, and then he asked her out on a second date. Nothing unusual here.
It's not about "owing him an explanation", she could have just said "no thank you" when he asked her out again, why was it necessary to make him feel like he misread the situation?
The reason I find this interesting is it reminds me of other misunderstandings between boys and girls, where the boy ends up more frustrated at the inconsistency than the rejection, and I think this has to do with differences in how men and women communicate.
He says ask her out 'officially'. Again purpose what he was misunderstanding was that this was a one time situation. Everything about that says one time bone zone access.
Himynameischris
Member
I've missed out on a threesome....(2 girls, me) TWICE! I don't really remember the details all too well since this was over 10 years ago but yeah twice....
I don't really remember the details all too well since this was over 10 years ago but yeah twice.... efyu_lemonardo
May I have a cookie?
maybe to you, but certainly not to a lot of 19 year old guys, and the idea that there is no other way to interpret it is problematic.
sometimes I think understanding these seemingly insignificant misunderstandings could help shed light on the much more harmful and dangerous ones that happen too often between men and women.
edit: to be clear, he didn't misinterpret it as guaranteed sex, but interpreted it correctly as a (momentary) sign of interest, and by asking her out acted completely according to accepted social norms, but was then basically led to believe he'd done something slightly inappropriate. Believe me, I'm not nitpicking here for the sake of it, but because I think this may be an interesting test case for other interactions.
Women? As friends? Why would I want that?
None of my posts in this thread have been completely genuine.
On a more serious note, I have never assumed a guy's into me sexually or romantically. Unless it's stated at least five times with neon lights. My self esteem is too low for me to ever read into things like that.
Mammoth Jones
Member
My ex. We'd be kissing. Rubbing. Touching. Grinding. She'd whisper "I want you" but as soon as my fingers went south she's clamp those thighs up. I tried again. All was well. Then I went further and she shook her head and said "No".
Now, when a girl says "No". My hands go to my sides. My junk gets immediately soft. I sit up and don't initiate contact. Cause I'd heard too many stories and I'm not that type of dude to force nothing on no one.
Then she gets mad that I don't try again and explains how she has a certain....fantasy that she wants me to fulfill.
She wasn't my GF long after that....
Now, when a girl says "No". My hands go to my sides. My junk gets immediately soft. I sit up and don't initiate contact. Cause I'd heard too many stories and I'm not that type of dude to force nothing on no one.
Then she gets mad that I don't try again and explains how she has a certain....fantasy that she wants me to fulfill.
She wasn't my GF long after that....
F0rneus
Tears in the rain
Haha...I know man. She was just so pretty.
You turned this girl down? Bro, you need to call the nearest man center. They'll cut that card in half for you. Holy hell hahahaha. Congrats on the fail, hahaha.
flamingotripod
Member
No, thats like saying you will forget about your past girlfriends, which as much as you want to, you wont. If someone means alot to you, you will remember them for the rest of your life.
efyu_lemonardo
May I have a cookie?
PanicFreak
Member
In freshman year of college, there was this really gorgeous Puerto Rican girl down the hall that I had a huge crush on. Her name is Lindsey.
At the time, I was banging this other chick named Ashley.
Somehow, I stumbled into Lindsey's room drunk and she let me in. Things were progressing nicely and I had taken her shirt off. Then her pants. She was there in her little underwear, tight body and big breasts. She pulled me closer to her and I called her Ashley.
She said, "what did you call me?" I tried to play it off but it wasn't going to work. She kicked me out of her room.
As I was leaving, she pulled me close and gave me one of the most passionate kisses I had ever received just so that I knew what I was missing out on.
She tasted like coconuts.
I've crashed and burned but never so spectacularly.
At the time, I was banging this other chick named Ashley.
Somehow, I stumbled into Lindsey's room drunk and she let me in. Things were progressing nicely and I had taken her shirt off. Then her pants. She was there in her little underwear, tight body and big breasts. She pulled me closer to her and I called her Ashley.
She said, "what did you call me?" I tried to play it off but it wasn't going to work. She kicked me out of her room.
As I was leaving, she pulled me close and gave me one of the most passionate kisses I had ever received just so that I knew what I was missing out on.
She tasted like coconuts.
I've crashed and burned but never so spectacularly.
JeTmAn81
Member
Haha...I know man. She was just so pretty.
http://www.365portraits.com/index.php?date=0921
http://fashionista.com/2012/01/street-style-gayle-loves-a-red-lip/
If you're going to post pictures of models, it's more believable to go with candids, perhaps even shots that have you in them as well. It is the internet, you know.
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