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Tinder is destroying men’s self-esteem (New York Post)

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My self confidence shot up using Tinder, but then again I'm 6'2" and built. And I don't really have an issue doing things the old fashion way.... But I just swipe right on everything, and then screen my matches thereafter. I probably get 10-20 legitimate matches a day, and strike conversations with about half of those. I pull a good 8-10 phone numbers a week, and probably go out with about half of those. I actually just went to the Pirates/Giants game on both Monday and Tuesday with girls I met on Tinder.

It's been a positive experience for me. I'm not going out of my way to look for a relationship, but would be totally down if someone catches me off guard. But I've hooked up quite a bit, met some chill ass girls that are becoming good friends, gone on multiple dates with the same person, etc. I just really got into it early last month, and I've probably spent a good 80% of my free time going out with girls I've met on Tinder.

ah, the life of a college-educated 6'2' lightskin
 

Fugu

Member
I'm 5'7". My girlfriend is pretty awesome -- not to mention attractive -- and I've learned a long time ago not to care about the whims of shallow people.

i'd actually like to make a thread on this subject in the near future, but why is being shallow inherently a bad thing?

if a woman get's hundreds of messages a day, is it not prudent to apply a filter of some sort?
It's an incredibly poor filter if you're at all interested in personality or, you know, anything besides looking at them.

If you bought a gas mask that only filtered out red-colored gases you'd still be open to a whole lot of poison. This is the same thing: Having a filter should not be considered the same as having a good filter.
 

Beefy

Member
Luckly all my family are tall. I am just glad I am not as tall as my cousin who is 6ft10. He buys a cheap brand of trainers, yet they still cost £200 +.
 

Firest0rm

Member
I'm 5'8 and 30. Prior to Tinder and Bumble, I never once thought about my height and the notion that I was short. After using Tinder and Bumble, I've noticed it definitely has had a negative impact on me. I've become more conscious of my height in relation to others now. Needless to say, I'm off all the apps now. Like others said, it's better to meet someone in real-life.

I was also on OKC and I can say I had more success on that. Met many girls, and had a relationship out of it too. But even there, it's really time-consuming and can be demoralizing. The thing that made OKC better was the fact that I could share more about myself and provided more depth to the people I connected with.
 

harSon

Banned
ah, the life of a college-educated 6'2' lightskin

I'll be saving women in Tyler Perry films in no time.

But real talk, being a social worker that works with at risk youth makes Tinder easy mode. So does having a picture showing me having lost 161 pounds.
 

entremet

Member
I'll be saving women in Tyler Perry films in no time.

But real talk, being a social worker that works with at risk youth makes Tinder easy mode. So does having a picture showing me having lost 161 pounds.

Weight loss shows self discipline and ambition (you're not settling). Those are attractive qualities.
 

-COOLIO-

The Everyman
I'm 5'7". My girlfriend is pretty awesome -- not to mention attractive -- and I've learned a long time ago not to care about the whims of shallow people.


It's an incredibly poor filter if you're at all interested in personality or, you know, anything besides looking at them.

If you bought a gas mask that only filtered out red-colored gases you'd still be open to a whole lot of poison. This is the same thing: Having a filter should not be considered the same as having a good filter.

But, like i was saying before, there's a ton of short guys with great personalities and a ton of tall guys with great personalities.

When you get dozens of messages a day, you have to apply filter after filter to whittle down the potential suitors. I don't think there's anything wrong with those tier 1 filters being height, facial attractiveness, wealth etc. Eventually, you'll filter based on personality traits when you get to the in person dates, but you still have to filter a potential 500 guys a week to get down to maybe 3 (if you're ambitious) dates for the week.
 

Ether_Snake

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Weight loss shows self discipline and ambition (you're not settling). Those are attractive qualities.

On the other hand if you're skinny girls think you have mental issues/are anorexic. Unless you're tall in which case you might just be "lanky".
 

Valhelm

contribute something
That's strange. To me, Tinder's had the opposite effect. It hasn't really done much for my dating life (in a year, I've landed four dates out of about a hundred matches, none of which led to anything) but has made me feel a lot more attractive or capable. I'm bad with girls. I get nervous when speaking to someone I'm into, and never know what to say on the fly. I'm also not as social as I'd like to be, so I don't have many opportunities to meet women my age. Even when I do begin to like someone, I'm usually not brave enough to make a move.

But on Tinder, there's no pressure. I usually get one or two matches whenever I use it, which is usually the only reinforcement I get of my own sexual worth. Tinder also lets me practice speaking to women, even if it's through a digital wall. I probably spend too much time swiping, but I really think it's helped me develop social skills and be more confident in the dating world.

I'm also 6'1. This isn't in my profile, and it's not readily apparent from any pictures.
 

Peterthumpa

Member
I probably get 10-20 legitimate matches a day, and strike conversations with about half of those. I pull a good 8-10 phone numbers a week, and probably go out with about half of those. I actually just went to the Pirates/Giants game on both Monday and Tuesday with girls I met on Tinder.

Holy shit, that's commitment. I'd start mixing up names and stories after a while.
 

Kieli

Member
My solace is that women tend to age less gracefully than men.

We are like fine wine & cheese, the longer we live, the more powerful we become. Live long enough, and we become arch-magus.
 

Az987

all good things
Honestly I kinda envy you if you can get excited by the roller coaster. It just leaves me drained and other aspects of my life suffer for it.

I mean, it sucks to put in time only to have someone drop off the planet with no reasoning but I just move on, honestly, and I'm never just talking to one woman on dating sites.

I used to dwell on it but now I just hop right back on the horse. It doesn't take me that long to get my foot in the door though so it might be a different story if it did.
 

harSon

Banned
Holy shit, that's commitment. I'd start mixing up names and stories after a while.

I read through tinder and text messages I have with that person before going out, otherwise yeah - I'd probably start mixing shit up lmao. I actually had to exaggerate the length of a vacation I was going on so I could keep people engaged, cause they kept hitting me up to go out. So I said my 4 day vacation two weeks ago was actually two weeks long just to buy myself some time...

Gotta build some muscle, breh.

Yeah, my weight loss transformation was a complete 180
 

efyu_lemonardo

May I have a cookie?
No, but that's the only time I see it being used. But not uncommonly thin, though. Mostly model thin.
Modeling standards is a whole 'nother can of worms. That business is disgusting. I once heard someone joke that it's that way because the most prominent fashion designers idea of beauty is twelve year old boys...
 

nicoga3000

Saint Nic
Meeting my wife in high school was probably the best thing for me. The dating scene is so toxic. I'm a relatively attractive guy, but I'm not muscular and I'm only 5'-10". Women on these online dating apps and sites sound like the worst.
 

Acorn

Member
Dating in general is stacked in favor of women. Just the way it is, for every women there are like 5 dudes pursuing them.

Its a numbers game you gotta not worry about catching L's here and there.
 

zoukka

Member
Meeting my wife in high school was probably the best thing for me. The dating scene is so toxic. I'm a relatively attractive guy, but I'm not muscular and I'm only 5'-10". Women on these online dating apps and sites sound like the worst.

They're normal people but in tinder you look for hot guys/girls first. All the rest is a nice bonus.
 

entremet

Member
Dating in general is stacked in favor of women. Just the way it is, for every women there are like 5 dudes pursuing them.

Its a numbers game you gotta not worry about catching L's here and there.

People keep saying this but it's only because of the generational bias here--20/30s.

Dating gets harder for women as they age and getting long term commitment versus dates/hookups are different things with the former being harder.
 

harSon

Banned
Meeting my wife in high school was probably the best thing for me. The dating scene is so toxic. I'm a relatively attractive guy, but I'm not muscular and I'm only 5'-10". Women on these online dating apps and sites sound like the worst.

Honestly, anyone who says that either hasn't used the app or is just lashing out for a lack of success. Depending on your area, there's a TON of people using these types of services. There's a wide variety of different type of people, and it's honestly no different than what you'd find meeting people the old fashion way. You're going to get shallow people, which is no different than society outside of the application. But there's a lot of great people on there as well.
 

Peterthumpa

Member
Dating in general is stacked in favor of women. Just the way it is, for every women there are like 5 dudes pursuing them.

Its a numbers game you gotta not worry about catching L's here and there.

Nah, not always. Back when I was living in Brazil, Belo Horizonte definitely had a favorable women to men ratio. Not sure if 5:1 but not far from that.
 

efyu_lemonardo

May I have a cookie?
I mean, it sucks to put in time only to have someone drop off the planet with no reasoning but I just move on, honestly, and I'm never just talking to one woman on dating sites.

I used to dwell on it but now I just hop right back on the horse. It doesn't take me that long to get my foot in the door though so it might be a different story if it did.
Mostly the time/money wasted is the bigger issue for me, but occasionally I'll hit it off with a girl I really like (for me, having both occur at once is pretty rare), I'll get highly emotionally invested and it ends up going south, those are the times I feel drained and it can take me a week or two to get back in the game.
 

Acorn

Member
People keep saying this but it's only because of the generational bias here--20/30s.

Dating gets harder for women as they age and getting long term commitment versus dates/hookups are different things with the former being harder.
For sure age won't help but I don't think it'll help dudes either unless they stay in their own range.
 

Darryl

Banned
Honestly, I've rejected women for equally if not more shallow reasons than height. And I'm sure guys in this thread bitchimg have turmed down women for purely vane reasons too. If height is the only shit that men get filtered for consider ourselves lucky. Female beauty standards are infinitely worse. It's Tinder, the entire premise is shallow. Let's not act like ot isn't.

And 5'9" is not short. 5'6" is on the shorter side. 5'4" is short. Your height homestly is not the end all be all. I know lots of lonely tall people if it makes yall feel better. I'm 6'5", I havent meta girl who actually weighed height heavily in person.

male beauty standards are actually very horrific and real. Hollywood has stereotyped every man with a bad hairline (which is most men) as being an evil or bad character archetype. those guys don't stand a fucking chance on Tinder.
 

Az987

all good things
Meeting my wife in high school was probably the best thing for me. The dating scene is so toxic. I'm a relatively attractive guy, but I'm not muscular and I'm only 5'-10". Women on these online dating apps and sites sound like the worst.

But you can't have a shirtless mirror pics because that's gross!

So you have to be at the beach or a pool lol.

It's all one big giant chess game.
 

Beefy

Member
The worst thing on Tinder is all the filters woman/ gay guys use. When you actual meet them they look totally different.
 

Ether_Snake

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Do people immediately think "eating disorder" whenever a woman is just uncommonly thin?

In general womene see being skinny as something thar is difficult to achieve or maintain, so a skinny guy appears to be trying to be skinny.
 
Truth is a girl can't tell if you're 6'1 or 5'11. 5'5 or 5'8 etc if you also wear a big heel. It's easy to skew an inch or 2. All they see is a number online
 
I went on a tinder date, and she asked why another guy had told her, "At least you're not a robot." So I opened up my tinder, swiped a few times and showed her. First match was a bot, and I showed her the automated replies, how they react, and she all of a sudden felt so bad. She didn't realize how hard it was for a guy, because she had like 50+ matches and multiple conversations going. Even if a lot of them were guys asking DTF. Whereas, I showed her my conversations, my lack of replies, and her heart just sank.

Tinder is weird. And weirder if you're average or below.
 

sora87

Member
902fd78774971dfaf23ce0008bb11c7a.jpg

Might order a pair or 3
 

Eidan

Member
I still haven't touched online dating in any form. I just go out and talk to women I meet out in the wild.

I'm 5'11".
 
male beauty standards are actually very horrific and real. Hollywood has stereotyped every man with a bad hairline (which is most men) as being an evil or bad character archetype. those guys don't stand a fucking chance on Tinder.

Most men dont stand a chance on tinder because it a 10:1 ratio of guys to girls. Not because they are archetyped as hollywood villains. Come on.

And male beauty standards are literally nothing compared to women where their worth in society is intrinsically tied into their looks. Guys beauty standards is like have nice hair, be decently tall maybe be fit. You think that compares to women?

I don't even think male beauty standards are crazy. It's basically go to the gym.
 

harSon

Banned
I actually matched with some girl about a week ago, who after a bit of messaging, ended up apologizing and unmatching with me because she doesn't go out with anyone shorter than her. I'm 6'2" and she's 6'6" haha.... I was like you better camp outside of Staples center and set your radius to 1 mile.
 

nicoga3000

Saint Nic
Honestly, anyone who says that either hasn't used the app or is just lashing out for a lack of success. Depending on your area, there's a TON of people using these types of services. There's a wide variety of different type of people, and it's honestly no different than what you'd find meeting people the old fashion way. You're going to get shallow people, which is no different than society outside of the application. But there's a lot of great people on there as well.

Of course I haven't used the app...I've been with my wife for over 10 years. Online dating wasn't nearly what it has turned into today. I'm going entirely off of anecdotal evidence.

And of course you can argue that there are good people out there on these apps - the problem is that they're drowned out by the huge number of NOT good people using the same services.
 
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