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Tinder is destroying mens self-esteem (New York Post)
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Peterthumpa
Member
lol
FallingEdge
Member
lol her choices are extremely limited
Gotdatmoney
Member
I don't really understand what you are getting at. You think because women on dating apps (of which they have the pure ability to filter) are harder on what is their "average" male beauty standards are higher? Cause if that's your actual take I find that insane to believe.
God Dayumm
Banned
You have no opposing data, though. Standards are generally the same for everyone: don't be fat, don't be too old, don't be bald, don't be too ugly, and so on. But height is one thing men overlook and women emphasize, education is another, and there may be a couple others.
Schweinehund
Member
I used Tinder once and swiped right on 90% of the options. No matches, but that was just after one attempt. Consider myself average and the pictures I took were pretty plain/not stand outish, so I'm not really surprised. Tinder is extremely based on looks and a lot on presentation as well. There's simple things you can do to increase your chances, but really I think traditional dating is still the best option.
Okcupid I've had much better luck but still want to keep going to the gym for awhile before I start committing. Just wanted to browse the area and see what expectations are.
Okcupid I've had much better luck but still want to keep going to the gym for awhile before I start committing. Just wanted to browse the area and see what expectations are.
A guy in his 30's can do pretty well with girls in their 20's, whereas the opposite is usually not true, or not as prevalent, anyway. Compared to their 20's counterpart, they are usually more mature, more experienced, more established, have a stable profession/house/car. I think the scales reverse once you hit 30-35.
Gotdatmoney
Member
What he provided isn't proof. It's graph literally open to intrtpretation. Because my interpretation of that graph boils down to "women have more choices on dating apps thetefore they are harder. Yet it ultimately doesn't really affect their responses. Men have a normal distribution of beauty but do not actually follow it when they decide who to pursue".
How could you interpret that as male standards being higher? It literally says that guys really only want to talk to you if you are top tier. Women basically dont care what you look like.
Hell, even mpre basic than that it is saying "an average looking girl is not good enough".
efyu_lemonardo
May I have a cookie?
It certainly seems to be a legitimate interpretation of the data presented. Certainly there are other interpretations that are equally possible. If you look at how men rate women as well as who they message you'll see that while the ratings seem relatively fair the messages skew hugely towards the more attractive. Had the graph for women been more like this you could say that indeed these women are filtering based on the fact that they are in higher demand. But that's not what the data shows.
quackamole
Member
Guys in their 30s can definite get girls in the mid to late 20s. At 30 the guy is simply more mature and financially secure, things women look for.
ViewtifulJC
Banned
Lookin for a, baller, shot caller, 20 inch blades, on the impala
Quite possible.
God Dayumm
Banned
The graph clearly shows that men are rated way lower in looks and that women mostly message the 20th percentile of them. It may be difficult to see in the graphs, but the conclusion from the source is clear: "Females of OkCupid, we site founders say to you: ouch! Paradoxically, it seems it’s women, not men, who have unrealistic standards for the “average” member of the opposite sex."
This. Just lie. As long as you're taller than them they'll be happy. People can't guess someone's height if they're off by 2" or whatever.
I take this as guys on tinder are bad at looking at a problem and coming up with a solution.
I'm fat and hair but I had no probs getting dates via the Internet. You gotta figure out how to play to your strengths
I use Tinder and I get way more matches with girls in the 5-8 years younger range than my own age. I'm 33. It's a pretty hard rule from my experience. I've been using it for about 3 years and the age range was 22-27 where I got the most matches when I first started.
JadedWriter
Member
They're not great. You start looking at people really differently when you read "no black guys" in all caps enough times.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Eh that data is not saying what you think. It's saying that what womem considerimg attractive is not the sole determination of who they message. It's literally saying that they prioritize looks way less than how they actually view them. And that in turn means that an average looking dude or evem below average does not have to do much physically to solicit attention.
The guys graph is saying that evem though men view looks based on a normal distribution (makes sense) they are only interested in pursuimg the most attractive females. It's implying being of average beauty is not good enough to be pursued. It is literally showing that guy message purely on looks where as women dont.
So how is that men having higher standards? That interpretation is literally flawed. It completely validates the idea that looks are not a big issue for guys in dating but its huge for women.
God Dayumm
Banned
I have never read literally this, but I have found a lot of "only white guys"
Demoskinos
Member
I think that pretty well goes both ways especially since men are usually way more visual than women when it comes to attraction.
I'm 2 inches taller than you but otherwise sounds about the same. I have never had any issues with feeling judged on the dates and drinks and all the other stuff. I have been asked a few times how tall I am before we meet but that is about the extent of it. I have had some awkward encounters but those were more of me ending up feeling bad for the girl bring maybe a bit antisocial where anxiety showed.
Overall, I love Tinder. Lots of fun if you don't take it too seriously. And I don't mean 'OMG so much sex!'. I mean going on first dates is a lot of fun. Meeting people for the first time and having convos even if you don't connect. My current hair stylist I met on Tinder and my real estate agent. Had a few dates that didn't work out but kept them as friends.
tkscz
Member
Surprised by the lack of my type of women on Tinder. I stopped using it after about a month. Most women were bots, others did reject my height but were ok because my physique made up for it (I shit you not I'd see that). I can't be angry with them because I usually swiped left if they weren't fat.
SpaceHorror
Member
Tinder is mostly destroying my ability to believe fucking dating apps can find a solution to bring down the number of bots and scams.
Gotdatmoney
Member
If that is a cumulative distribution graph (which it looks like) you are not readong it correctly. I can't really debate with you if you are reading the graph differently because that graph is implying that men do not receive the bulk of the messages from women.
Tinyder
Herbspiceguy
Member
If you don't meet any of the "hard requirements" (good looks, good height, good income) online dating in general for men is one of the most depressing things in this age.
Lights and Waves
Member
Men are so fragile.
...aren't those just like, general life requirements (good looks and good income)? It's not THAT hard to look good. There are tons of resources that help men dress better (youtube channels, magazines).
...aren't those just like, general life requirements (good looks and good income)? It's not THAT hard to look good. There are tons of resources that help men dress better (youtube channels, magazines).
Where are these bots and scams? I have maybe ran into a handful that aren't completely obvious.
Even though I'm white I don't message women that have that shit in their profile.
I also avoid women who have pictures of themselves shooting guns in their profiles.
women beauty standards are basically go to the gym too. I think your point of view is extremely outdated and to me seems like a relic of 90s news scare hysteria. a man's value is becoming increasingly tied to things like his appearance as income disparity is increasing. I don't think guys have it as easy as you say, and bald men definitely have a difficult and sometimes impossible chance of succeeding on tinder regardless of whether they go to the gym.
DudeWithNoName
Member
Basically.
Many of these women, if waiting for the perfect 6'2" ripped man, will be waiting a long time. As these ladies get older, their chances of landing this rare guy decrease. To the point they either need to bring the requirements bact to Earth, or risk being alone forever. Not to mention, many of these women are assuming these guys would even be interested in them in the first place. Which may not be the case.
My advice to younger women: Take a step back and set realistic expectations. Otherwise you may miss out on some great guys who find a woman who realized what you didn't. I know a few women who to this day (in their 30s and 40s) still think Fabio is gonna come kicking in their door tomorrow. Passing up normal dudes all day long.
As another poster stated already...thank fuck I'm already married.
efyu_lemonardo
May I have a cookie?
The men's data is hugely problematic for sure, and the blog covers this, as did the post I was quoting, which is why I didn't go into it again.
But to boil it down basically: "men know what women look like but message the most beautiful ones because men are awful, whereas women literally don't know what men look like."
As far as making a connection between how the women perceive male attractiveness and why they choose to message the people they do, that's not something the article (or myself) can explain without further studies. For all we know it could be that their initial view is so skewed they have no choice but to "settle for less" in their mind, I don't know.
How About No
Member
Ahahaha wow what a go-getter
SpaceHorror
Member
Maybe it's area specific but I get them all the time, man.
Last time I had tinder I ran into the same scam 5 times. "Hey I just broke up with my boyfriend and want to fuck. Here is my address." Every single time some lonely road in the middle of no where.
Yeah, I'm in my upper 20s (27) and I get everything from 18 to 34. Fairly evenly, but probably weighted in favor of 25-28 or so. It's a pretty good age to be at for Tinder. You're still in your 20s, but you're at an age where you're somewhat mature and established - which are qualities that are desirable across the board.
JadedWriter
Member
You have obviously never been on POF unless the women outside of NYC and NJ behave differently on there.
So it's not just me that avoids that? Good to know.
Blackquill
Member
what's the deal with having no pictures with friends ?
Gotdatmoney
Member
Eh I never said guys have tinder on easy mode. I said what it takes for a guy to solicit attention is not nearly as looks dependent as women. And its true. It isnt.
Looks play a much stronger role in the societal value of a woman then for men. I am defining beauty standards as a function of societal worth for reference. I'm not playing he say she say on looks. Men factually place more value on how women look than vice versa when it comes to dating.
ViewtifulJC
Banned
You dont have photos with friends, people think you're some weido, unsocialable, unlikable. Why message you? Probably some nutcase, I'm not meeting this guy.
tkscz
Member
I never understood why say things like this. People have emotions, and when they feel like they are failing, or constantly do fail, they become sad, self conscious, and feel broken. That's natural for human beings.
Usually, the average guy avoids tall girls.
Basically, culturally, it's undesirable for straight couples to have the man be shorter than the woman.
Which is bollocks, i wanna date a really tall girl.
Even ignoring the fact that women suffer for a similar problem when rejected for being too tall, take into account that more often than not when a PERSON takes online looking for dating they already have low self steem, how hard is to think that this shit would hit hard someone with low self steem?
But god forbid men from having feelings, but also fuck them for not having them, amirite?
Hickbilly Deluxe
Banned
Online dating in general for men can be hell with how shallow people can be. Add in men that have been habitually turned down for any number of reasons and men who have had their self esteem destroyed via bad relationships and you have a recipe for disaster.
Blackquill
Member
I... I don't have appropriate words to express how stupid this is but whatever, that's dating apps
Gotdatmoney
Member
Well my main point was male standards in terms of soliciting attention are not nearly as high and vice versa. I'm not saying that the woman graph is normal. I'm saying the idea that guys have to do more looks wise to attract women is untrue. The way men view womem is largely looks dominant. Accirding to that data it is not the case with women. Maybe ots financial, maybe its fear of beimg lonely. Ots largely irrelevant. What we know is its not looks clearly.
Basically I'm saying I don't get how you came to that conclusion based on that data. It's saying the oppositie of what you seemed to be implying.
As long as it's someone taking a picture of you, and your profile doesn't consist of nothing but selfies and bathroom mirror shots - you're fine. I personally don't have any images of me with friends, since I tend to not like to post pictures of other people publicly without their permission.
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