Yup. I got out of a 7~ year relationship nearly a year ago and i'm roughly ready to get back into the dating scene (my ex already has). These threads are killing me. I consider myself a 4, but with some maintenance and good dress i might pass for a 6. I'm 31, 5'9, a little overweight, but have a good job. I'm terrified to get into online dating. I don't think i'll touch tinder with a 10 foot pole.
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Tinder is destroying mens self-esteem (New York Post)
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Yup. I got out of a 7~ year relationship nearly a year ago and i'm roughly ready to get back into the dating scene (my ex already has). These threads are killing me. I consider myself a 4, but with some maintenance and good dress i might pass for a 6. I'm 31, 5'9, a little overweight, but have a good job. I'm terrified to get into online dating. I don't think i'll touch tinder with a 10 foot pole.
efyu_lemonardo
May I have a cookie?
Ok so I went back and reread the beginning of our conversation and I think I understand where we have misunderstood each other.
This part I completely agree with and I wasn't clear enough that it wasn't what I was objecting to. It's also strongly supported by the data, as you brought up.
This is the part I disagreed with. If the okc data is to be believed, male beauty standards are out of whack and also women aren't as affected by this when choosing a match (thank god for that or our species would be done for
). My initial understanding of the situation was that no matter what the reason, women must be very unhappy currently with the attractiveness of the average man. According to the data they clearly have an expectation of him to look much better than he currently does. Men on the other hand are aware that they are competing for a small subset of the female population and although this behavior is shameful and degrading to the remaining women it isn't based on a false expectation of beauty but rather on a desire to compete. That was the point of origin of my initial reply.Now, thinking about it further there are more ways to interprate this huge disparity besides "women have unrealistic expectations". For example another valid interpretation is "women hold men to the same standard of beauty that society has (unfairly) held women", in which case it would be reasonably accurate to say that most men are below average. That may be what's going on but we'd need additional data to say so.
Yeah, I can't vouch for how online dating is in NC, but I'd imagine the South in general is a whole different ball game with respect to interracial stuff lmao. The only other place I've had extensive Tinder experience is Southern California, and it was basically the same experience that I had in the Bay Area.
It's only short on the Internet, where social issues are highly exaggerated.
In reality, step outside of your house and you'll see plenty of people that height or shorter with relationships.
Seriously the "woe is me" stuff is really off base.
I'm a tall guy and Tinder did nothing to raise my self-esteem. It lowered it at one point but I got past that.
My self-esteem rose when folks started randomly telling me I look good or strong. Also it helps to see my body change with me hitting the gym.
Granted, you don't have to work out to find some sort of positivity in yourself. I just went with the gym because it was the easiest thing.
My self-esteem rose when folks started randomly telling me I look good or strong. Also it helps to see my body change with me hitting the gym.
Granted, you don't have to work out to find some sort of positivity in yourself. I just went with the gym because it was the easiest thing.
Gotdatmoney
Member
I feel for em. And Asan guys. Sucks since I personally have really diverse friends so I fimd it hard to see how people are so 1 sided in race for dating.
Lan Dong Mik
And why would I want them?
I think you ain't gettin the love because you put that you're into Star Wars and Videogames on your profile. Most chicks ain't in to that shit. But hey you're honest and that's a good thing but idk i would think not having that on there would work in your favor man. Also maybe a better profle pic, you can't really see your face. Not trying to be a know it all douchebag or anything so I hope you don't take my comment the wrong way.
TickleMeElbow
Member
Apparently black women and Asian men have the worst time on online dating sites.
Bots typically have 1-3 pictures. They often have a more 'professional look' to the photos. They rarely have a bio, and if they do - it's super simple or doesn't make much sense. If they have anything to do with New York and you're not in New York (either living in New York, student at NYU, etc.) then they're probably a bot.
Sectorseven
Member
I hope you didn't get laid off today.
JadedWriter
Member
Funny thing is you'd be in the wrong if you sent them a message calling them a racist piece of shit. I mean yeah I'd like to, can't say I ever have though.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Ok so I went back and reread the beginning of our conversation and I think I understand where we have misunderstood each other.
This part I completely agree with and I wasn't clear enough that it wasn't what I was objecting to. It's also strongly supported by the data, as you brought up.
This is the part I disagreed with. If the okc data is to be believed, male beauty standards are out of whack and also women aren't as affected by this when choosing a match (thank god for that or our species would be done for
Now, thinking about it further there are more ways to interprate this huge disparity besides "women have unrealistic expectations". For example another valid interpretation is "women hold men to the same standard of beauty that society has (unfairly) held women", in which case it would be reasonably accurate to say that most men are below average. That may be what's going on but we'd need additional data to say so.
I underplayed male beauty standards in the sense that I was implying men face little pressure. That was incorrect. I really should be saying that to a point with guys you are expected to work on other things besides looks. For women its more looks focused. But grooming and fitness are becoming increasingly important for men. This is true.
So we mostly do agree.
Nah you're cool. I debate about putting my interests on profiles or not because dates and shit get boring as hell with folks I don't mesh with. Not to say we talk about nerdy stuff the whole time, but we at least acknowledge that we have interests outside your atypical stuff so therefore we kinda have that understanding, you know?
However, I personally cannot stand talking about nerd shit with people who I meet online to date off the bat so I'll remove them to see what happens.
I'll be honest and say I don't care at all lol
True Savior
Member
The height thing never happened to me. Nor it was ever brought up (and you can't really know how tall I am in my profile pics). Most girls probably bring this up cause you are being boring, unfunny or have shit photos and they mistakenly swiped.
Tinder is amazing. To get laid, to meet people, to meet natives, whatever. Don't badmouth it cause you don't have matches. If that happens, change your photos.
Off course Tinder can fuck up your self esteem. It's sort of the harsh truth mixed with the "theres an hotter guy out there". Yeah, there's a bunch of girls I would love to match but I usually don't. Tough shit.
Tinder is amazing. To get laid, to meet people, to meet natives, whatever. Don't badmouth it cause you don't have matches. If that happens, change your photos.
Off course Tinder can fuck up your self esteem. It's sort of the harsh truth mixed with the "theres an hotter guy out there". Yeah, there's a bunch of girls I would love to match but I usually don't. Tough shit.
5'8'' living in NYC, when I take the subway I'm taller than the majority of people, guys or girls. Lifting aids good posture, and people actually notice and form impressions around your posture and musculature.
It's not worth obsessing over things you can't control, whether it be race or height or whatever. I used to be very overweight and had a horrific complexion (being South Asian doesn't help with that), now I'm heading off to college and I have visible abs and jawline and much clearer skin.
Becoming the prettiest, fittest and smartest possible version of your self will iron out the insecurities, which is a given, but take it from a guy who's contemplated suicide because of his physical appearance. Some people just aren't worth your time.
It's not worth obsessing over things you can't control, whether it be race or height or whatever. I used to be very overweight and had a horrific complexion (being South Asian doesn't help with that), now I'm heading off to college and I have visible abs and jawline and much clearer skin.
Becoming the prettiest, fittest and smartest possible version of your self will iron out the insecurities, which is a given, but take it from a guy who's contemplated suicide because of his physical appearance. Some people just aren't worth your time.
It's never happened to me, but I think I would be tempted to just unmatch if someone asked me about my height, ESPECIALLY the first thing. If height is their lithmus test, exaggerated obsession with height is mine.
In a way, they're doing you a favor by displaying their racism for all to see.
The only real filter I ever publicly displayed was 'no anti-vaxxers'
I think the height bias is stupid, but being friends with tall girls, they get some real shitty comments thrown their way if they date a shorter man. I know a woman who married a guy who is 1 inch taller than her. When they were planning their wedding she got reminders, some gentle and some extremely stern, from her side of the family, his side of the family, his friends, and the people helping her select a dress about her shoes. She ended up wearing flats because everyone in the world seemed to be obsessed with making sure she wasn't taller than him on their wedding day. I've known a taller-than-average girl who basically threw out half her shoes just to keep people from making comments about her being an amazon and asking her boyfriend about how the snu-snu is.
Everyone gotta stop caring so much about how tall someone is.
Everyone gotta stop caring so much about how tall someone is.
Captainbojanglesiii
Banned
My self-esteem is low enough, thank you.
In all seriousness though, I'm so terrified of running into someone I know on Tinder that I'll never use it.
5'10 or so. Don't think it really kills my chances more than any other reason.
In all seriousness though, I'm so terrified of running into someone I know on Tinder that I'll never use it.
5'10 or so. Don't think it really kills my chances more than any other reason.
Lan Dong Mik
And why would I want them?
yep i feel ya for sure lol! I can't even imagine being on a date with someone who literally has nothing in common with me or has any of the same interests. has to be awkward af.
I've never used one of these sites but the subject always interests me. I met my wife who I've been married too for 14 years now in an old ass KoRn DOS chat room back in like 1998. We joke around with each and consider ourselves like the pioneers of the internet dating age haha.
efyu_lemonardo
May I have a cookie?
LookAtMeGo
Member
Ive had numerous tinder convos that stat with "how tall are you?"
Absolutely this. If you have anything about religion, you get the left swipe.
Roufianos
Member
Height is a factor for some women but you can't consider it the sole reason for not getting matches.
I'm 5ft10 and have it in my bio, I've been on Tinder since late last year and have over 300 matches.
My friend who's a 6ft4 giant has got under 20 in the same time.
Only once has a girl stopped talking to me after discovering my height. Before I even had it in my bio, I even managed to get girl's numbers without them even asking about my height.
No matter how short you are, there's always going to be girls smaller than you.
The problem with Tinder is that there's too many guys and that they all act too desperate.
Even unattractive / average girls can match with most men that they swipe right on. The power is too far skewed towards women.
It's not representative of real life so I wouldn't let it affect your self-esteem. In a bar, I wouldn't even look twice at some of the girls who've ignored me on there.
I'm 5ft10 and have it in my bio, I've been on Tinder since late last year and have over 300 matches.
My friend who's a 6ft4 giant has got under 20 in the same time.
Only once has a girl stopped talking to me after discovering my height. Before I even had it in my bio, I even managed to get girl's numbers without them even asking about my height.
No matter how short you are, there's always going to be girls smaller than you.
The problem with Tinder is that there's too many guys and that they all act too desperate.
Even unattractive / average girls can match with most men that they swipe right on. The power is too far skewed towards women.
It's not representative of real life so I wouldn't let it affect your self-esteem. In a bar, I wouldn't even look twice at some of the girls who've ignored me on there.
TickleMeElbow
Member
ViewtifulJC
Banned
I just put 6'3'' in the bio, just to get that out the way.
(I'm like 6'2 and a half but close enough)
What if you're a Kpop status Asian guy?
tearsofash
Member
I don't care if other people want to be shallow. They will probably end up gravitating towards emotionally abusive people and eventually learn their lesson by the time they hit 40. I'll just be over here working on something meaningful.
That said, I am a 6'3" transwoman who is a little overweight. I got hardly any matches when I lived in Nashville, but now in Seattle I get at least a few new people to talk to each week.
I really need to work on getting a picture of me by someone else though. I've known about that trick for years, but I've never trusted anyone to take a decent photo of me.
That said, I am a 6'3" transwoman who is a little overweight. I got hardly any matches when I lived in Nashville, but now in Seattle I get at least a few new people to talk to each week.
I really need to work on getting a picture of me by someone else though. I've known about that trick for years, but I've never trusted anyone to take a decent photo of me.
hydrophilic attack
Member
So I went out with a cute girl last Saturday. She said she's Christian, has experienced contact with God, and spends most of her Sunday in church.
Still haven't decided whether I should ask her out for a second date
I have a couple of female friends that have really strong preferences for Asian guys. Just saying.
Sunster
Member
I mean....
You'd probably get murdered if you tried dating someone.
TAJ
Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.
Yikes. That's terrifying.
LookAtMeGo
Member
Lmao
I guess I could skip that by putting my height in there. I'm 6' so I just make the tall cut I think. I usually get "thats tall enough."
Still barely meet anyone off Tinder. Get a good amount of matches but the convos are never any good. Im not a witty person.
My first date with this religious girl I met was fine in the beginning, but I should've realized everything was wrong when we got dinner. I started eating and she said grace. It was awkward as fuck considering I got so used to not waiting for people to say grace outside of small, country towns or in churches.
kavanf1
Member
If that all came out on a first date, I'd run a mile.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Sha shabba ranks
you know your ain't shit ass is 5'5"
This is probably the part that would make me hesitant more than anything lol. Other stuff doesn't feel like such a big deal
LookAtMeGo
Member
I just had a good chuckle at that avatar. I hope that is in your tinder profile.
I'm somewhere between 182 and 182 cm I forget exactly but I'm definitely a little bit shy of 6 feet. So, I can't really relate to experiences you guys have had with women rejecting you for height, but I will say that if anyone tries to bring you down for your height or any other silly reason they weren't worth dating anyway.
I will also say that a lot of women in online dating act very entitled, and my theory is that they are this way because if they are in any way attractive they get tons of attention from men on a daily basis, both in person and online. I can hardly blame them for acting like a princess if they are regularly treated like one by strangers daily.
Them's the breaks though...if you're a woman in her twenties then you sit on the throne of the online dating world.
(not me)
I will also say that a lot of women in online dating act very entitled, and my theory is that they are this way because if they are in any way attractive they get tons of attention from men on a daily basis, both in person and online. I can hardly blame them for acting like a princess if they are regularly treated like one by strangers daily.
Them's the breaks though...if you're a woman in her twenties then you sit on the throne of the online dating world.
Eh, as someone who uses Tinder and admitely swipes right to everyone without even reading profiles I'm ok with it. It's better that ladies are more selective because I've had good experiences with the few that have matched with me.
It does suck a bit that sometimes you feel no one likes you
It does suck a bit that sometimes you feel no one likes you
Fallout-NL
Member
Sound fucking advice. Bail on that girl.
Haint
Member
That's the point, everyone does it. The issue is those who try to flub 50lbs or 6". Short of coming with a tape measure or scale, no one's going to notice 10lbs or an inch and a half.
hydrophilic attack
Member
At least if they have a subjective experience, they have some kind of reason for believing, you know? In contrast to most religious people. Also, one of the most respected left-wing journalists in my country has said he has had some contact with God in his life. And he's probably the person in media I respect the most, and he's a remarkably decent dude.
But I hear you. It's a bit scary
LookAtMeGo
Member
I get told that I look like a meathead or that I look like a mean person or am intimidating. Which is unfortunate because I'm a big softy. I should put that I cried during The Notebook in my profile.
efyu_lemonardo
May I have a cookie?
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