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Tinder is destroying men’s self-esteem (New York Post)

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S

Snowman Prophet of Doom

Member
Men have lower relative value in the marketplace of dating and sex. If a real-world application of this fact affects your self-esteem, what you had in the first place was not true self-esteem, but ignorance.
 
A

Afrocious

Member
lightskintwin said:
Agreed. Because like you, I know plenty of guys 5'9 smashing mo' than smash bros...

Ok, I'll see myself out.
Click to expand...

lol please do

If it helps folks, there's been times where I felt shorter dudes get luckier.

Gotdatmoney said:
What is overcompensating though?
Click to expand...

I see it more in the gym. Short dudes beasting at the weights yet getting fat as hell at the same time and shouting at everything that moves.

This is anecdotal but I know more short dudes who are wild as hell as opposed to being chill. Also I know more belligerent dudes who are the tiniest folks.
 
N

NoblesseOblige

Banned
Bleepey said:
I knew a girl who wouldn't trade places with a guy on a dating site if you paid her because when she created a dating profile for a male friend, she had to send a shit tonne of messages to get any sort of female attention. Meanwhile on hers she just waited and filtered messages
Click to expand...

Good for you. I would still prefer to be a man in this world. With the amount of benefits it grants a person being less desired on a shallow dating app is a trade-off I'd be willing to make.
 
N

neurosyphilis

Definitely not an STD, as I'm a pure.
JadedWriter said:
5'9 and he thinks he's got it bad? I'm 5'6, just put me in the fucking ground already.
Click to expand...

You think that's bad ? I'm 5'4-5'5, and I also look 16 instead of 20. I'm kind of ver the whole height thing. Look at Prince guy was only 5'2, yet was still a sex icon.

-d0hv
 
L

Llyranor

Member
TAJ said:
I laughed at that chat screenshot, but that's way too savage a response for comments that mild. She's not even ruling out short dudes.
Click to expand...
"I don't usually date black guys but I'll make an exception for you"

"I'll still go on a date with even though I usually prefer thin girls"
 
G

gatti-man

Member
brianjones said:
are you a bartender?
Click to expand...

Restaurant GM. You can meet women anywhere. I dated my bank teller once. Literally called up the bank, asked for her and asked her out. She kindof sputtered then said yes and we dated for 6 months. It's about being friendly, being yourself and not just jumping all over people. I'm telling you be your natural self and trust that the person that's right for you will say yes and the ones that aren't will say no that "no" isn't a reflection of your inner worth. Get past that.
 
P

Pusherman

Member
If a female friend asked you if she could ever get a boyfriend despite her small breasts what would you say? You'd probably tell her that in reality men aren't all that picky about breast size and that it was insane to think a small chested girl couldn't ever get a date. You'd probably say that even though big breasts and famous busty women are often celebrated and objectified that doesn't mean that guys all hate or dislike small chested women. Hell, you could point out quite a few flat chested celebrities and porn stars. None of what you'd tell her would be a lie. You wouldn't be coddling her, you'd be telling the truth. So why do so many short men have such a hard time believing people when those people say roughly the same thing about height preferences among women. You could easily find similar tweets by women that wouldn't date black guys or asian guys or atheist guys or muslims or muscular guys or fat guys etc. Does that many any of the aforementioned have an especially hard time dating? Of course not. Some women prefer tall men and online dating, especially tinder, is all about tailoring dating around your own preferences. That sucks but it doesn't make online dating impossible and it still leaves other avenues for dating too. In short, if you can't get a date it probably isn't because of your height.
 
L

lightskintwin

Banned
Snowman Prophet of Doom said:
Men have lower relative value in the marketplace of dating and sex. If a real-world application of this fact affects your self-esteem, what you had in the first place was not true self-esteem, but ignorance.
Click to expand...

On average i'd agree, however if you're a man in the percentage of physical desirability by women, cool personality, and good income than those dynamics radically shift the other way.
 
A

Afrocious

Member
gatti-man said:
Restaurant GM. You can meet women anywhere. I dated my bank teller once. Literally called up the bank, asked for her and asked her out. She kindof sputtered then said yes and we dated for 6 months. It's about being friendly, being yourself and not just jumping all over people. I'm telling you be your natural self and trust that the person that's right for you will say yes and the ones that aren't will say no that "no" isn't a reflection of your inner worth. Get past that.
Click to expand...

While the point should be followed in this post, please don't do the bolded, other GAFfers.

My PSA for the day.
 
B

brianjones

Member
gatti-man said:
Restaurant GM. You can meet women anywhere. I dated my bank teller once. Literally called up the bank, asked for her and asked her out. She kindof sputtered then said yes and we dated for 6 months. It's about being friendly, being yourself and not just jumping all over people. I'm telling you be your natural self and trust that the person that's right for you will say yes and the ones that aren't will say no that "no" isn't a reflection of your inner worth. Get past that.
Click to expand...

I guess my problem is I don't handle rejection well and don't have positive experiences like that to draw from

I still wake up sweating at 2 am thinking about the time I asked a girl out who worked at the natural cafe 4 years ago
 
G

gatti-man

Member
Pusherman said:
If a female friend asked you if she could ever get a boyfriend despite her small breasts what would you say? You'd probably tell her that in reality men aren't all that picky about breast size and that it was insane to think a small chested girl couldn't ever get a date. You'd probably say that even though big breasts and famous busty women are often celebrated and objectified that doesn't mean that guys all hate or dislike small chested women. Hell, you could point out quite a few flat chested celebrities and porn stars. None of what you'd tell her would be a lie. You wouldn't be coddling her, you'd be telling the truth. So why do so many short men have such a hard time believing people when those people say roughly the same thing about height preferences among women. You could easily find similar tweets by women that wouldn't date black guys or asian guys or atheist guys or muslims or muscular guys or fat guys etc. Does that many any of the aforementioned have an especially hard time dating? Of course not. Some women prefer tall men and online dating, especially tinder, is all about tailoring dating around your own preferences. That sucks but it doesn't make online dating impossible and it still leaves other avenues for dating too. In short, if you can't get a date it probably isn't because of your height.
Click to expand...

Online dating is 100% superficial. I really don't like it. It reduces you to whatever you type. Usually money, height, and education. People are more than that.

My friend who is a fat, 5'8" funny guy smashes all the time and now at 40 is married to a beautiful 26 yr old. Why? He's babe Ruth. He swings at everything he likes and when you do that you're bound to hit something and he did and does. He's just himself and didn't let rejection get to him. Watching him work made me realize men tend to project their own superficial ness back onto themselves and pick themselves apart when women are just looking for a fun friendly man they can be attracted to.

Afrocious said:
While the point should be followed in this post, please don't do the bolded, other GAFfers.

My PSA for the day.
Click to expand...

I didn't cold call her lol. She had been my teller for 6 months while I was in a relationship then I got single and she mentioned she's transferring banks so I kindof had to. Anyways it worked out! Can't win if you don't try which is my whole point.
 
L

LookAtMeGo

Member
You never call someone at work to ask them out. Unless you know for a FACT that they are desperately obsessed with you. Or you know them pretty well already.

"Hey. Im that guy that was in there that looking at those jeans in the back of the store. Hahaha anyways, I'd like to take you out sometime"
 
A

Afrocious

Member
LookAtMeGo said:
You never call someone at work to ask them out. Unless you know for a FACT that they are desperately obsessed with you. Or you know them pretty well already.

"Hey. Im that guy that was in there that looking at those jeans in the back of the store. Hahaha anyways, I'd like to take you out sometime"
Click to expand...

Exactly.

Shitty advice like that is a reason why men can be so fucked up with low self-esteem. Men are told to do stupid shit and get upset why it didn't work.
 
G

God Dayumm

Banned
LookAtMeGo said:
You never call someone at work to ask them out. Unless you know for a FACT that they are desperately obsessed with you. Or you know them pretty well already.

"Hey. Im that guy that was in there that looking at those jeans in the back of the store. Hahaha anyways, I'd like to take you out sometime"
Click to expand...

The one thing worse than rejection is looking like a creep and making women uncomfortable
 
J

johnny_park

Member
I'm 5'5. Went on a shit ton of dates thanks to tinder. I had a lot of fun using that app and I met my current gf of 2 years from there. Thanks Tinder!!!
 
G

gatti-man

Member
brianjones said:
I guess my problem is I don't handle rejection well and don't have positive experiences like that to draw from

I still wake up sweating at 2 am thinking about the time I asked a girl out who worked at the natural cafe 4 years ago
Click to expand...

I 100% used to be like that but then I realized a woman saying no isn't rejection. If you handle no the right way no could just mean not right now. For example. Dated a girl named Mayra. Things didn't go right and she ended it. We stayed friends and I didn't freak out or call her a bunch I just let it go and stayed casual friends. 2 years later we really dated and hit it off. People can change their mind if you let them.

Imagine no being not right now and blow it off like you asked if they had spare change or something. A thousand women could tell you yes or no and at the end of the day you are still you.

LookAtMeGo said:
You never call someone at work to ask them out. Unless you know for a FACT that they are desperately obsessed with you. Or you know them pretty well already.

"Hey. Im that guy that was in there that looking at those jeans in the back of the store. Hahaha anyways, I'd like to take you out sometime"
Click to expand...

We were on a first name basis but like I said. I'm glad I did because the answer was yes.

And why the heck not? I've been asked out at my work and I used to ask girls out sometimes in college when I would wait tables. Real connections happen day to day not on the internet IMO. Internet provides the possibility of making a connection. That's a chance of a chance.
 
L

lightskintwin

Banned
LookAtMeGo said:
You never call someone at work to ask them out. Unless you know for a FACT that they are desperately obsessed with you. Or you know them pretty well already.

"Hey. Im that guy that was in there that looking at those jeans in the back of the store. Hahaha anyways, I'd like to take you out sometime"
Click to expand...

They don't need to be obsessed, but some guys do have the ability to know when a woman is feeling them, or at the very least recognize when a woman is reciprocating their flirting to be confident to ask them out. There aren't any hard rules to it.
 
A

Afrocious

Member
gatti-man said:
I 100% used to be like that but then I realized a woman saying no isn't rejection. If you handle no the right way no could just mean not right now. For example. Dated a girl named Mayra. Things didn't go right and she ended it. We stayed friends and I didn't freak out or call her a bunch I just let it go and stayed casual friends. 2 years later we really dated and hit it off. People can change their mind if you let them.
Click to expand...

While something similar has happened to me, it's better to expect nothing at all to happen than to think or hope someone will want to talk with you again.

Again, unhealthy thinking. This is why folks need to be selective over what men to listen to about advice on dating.
 
L

LookAtMeGo

Member
Then why not ask them out in person? Calling them at work just seems half assed. But yeah, if you know them well enough, thats a big difference
 
B

BuggyDClown

Member
Huh weird. I never saw anything like this, but yeah you've got to be at least moderately Attractive and you'll be fine 👍

I'd say tinder is busted though, Bumble has higher quality of women using it. Although after its new update it may be ruined.

Also 6'1"?? I never see that unless the women are really tall. Most women who have a height preference (Id say maybe 1/5) say 5"10' or taller not 6"1'. 5"10 is average height in the US so it's not unreasonable, and this is only a subset of women.

I mean to be fair I'm not interested in dating someone under say 5"1'

Main thing is Tinder can be dope, don't swipe right on everyone, and be more selective
 
P

Purple Cheeto

Member
Living in LA the number of girls who have told me they'd go out with me if I was taller is definitely a non zero number. Even girls shorter or the same height won't because they like wearing heels and this makes it a deal breaker.

I did the math once, the number of straight, single, over 20 and under 40 guys in Los Angeles county who are 6' or taller is pretty low.

I'm not mad about it though. My last girlfriend was 3 inches taller than me so I know it is something that can happen.
 
M

mdubs

Banned
The Omega Man said:
This is the only size chart that really matters, instead height dating apps should add a "country of origin" option.

http://www.averageheight.co/average-penis-size-by-country
Click to expand...
zdFLTJa.jpg
 
A

Afrocious

Member
HenryGale said:
Huh weird. I never saw anything like this, but yeah you've got to be at least moderately Attractive and you'll be fine 👍

I'd say tinder is busted though, Bumble has higher quality of women using it. Although after its new update it may be ruined.

Also 6'1"?? I never see that unless the women are really tall. Most women who have a height preference (Id say maybe 1/5) say 5"10' or taller not 6"1'. 5"10 is average height in the US so it's not unreasonable, and this is only a subset of women.

I mean to be fair I'm not interested in dating someone under say 5"1'

Main thing is Tinder can be dope, don't swipe right on everyone, and be more selective
Click to expand...

Absolute truth.
 
G

Gotdatmoney

Member
Afrocious said:
I see it more in the gym. Short dudes beasting at the weights yet getting fat as hell at the same time and shouting at everything that moves.

This is anecdotal but I know more short dudes who are wild as hell as opposed to being chill. Also I know more belligerent dudes who are the tiniest folks.
Click to expand...

I feel like short guys overcompensating at the gym is basically a meme. They are more noticeable because they are short. But I dont really see a distinction between regular height gym douche and short gym douche. They are equally as annoying.

I honestly think you are only noticing it becauae their height emphasizes their actions more. Becausse society expects short people to do other thongs to stand out. But that doesnt necessarily mean they are.
 
A

ameratsu

Member
OrangeGrayBlue said:
Right. I've come across a lot of guys who think that they prove their intelligence to a woman (and even to other guys) by ranting about something they're super knowledgeable about without any consideration for whether or not it's actually going to be interesting to another person. Being "intelligent" in dating terms just means not being an idiot who's never had a lucid thought. And I think a lot of guys miss that point.

All these personality traits are overanalyzed. The bottom line is to be fun, interesting, and have a good time. No one wants to spend time with a person who feels like a chore. If someone's experience with you is fun and enjoyable they'll want to spend more time with you. I think it would serve guys (and women, too) well to remember that you don't need to worry about seeming impressive as much as you need to focus on making sure the person you're with is enjoying themselves. That's the classic mistake made by guys who ramble about their boring job at a law firm as if having a good-paying job is a substitute for a personality. If you're a naturally boring person whose idea of a conversation is to ask someone a litany of questions about themselves until you've exhausted their life story, it may be worth reading some self-help articles on carrying conversation. Just because you can keep someone talking, or keep talking yourself, doesn't mean a good conversation is happening. That's lost on a lot of guys too.

The point of a conversation isn't just to ask questions and exchange opinions, it's to share your feelings and vulnerabilities too, which you would think a lot of guys are incapable of at times. Every guy who carries a conversation with a girl by asking her where she's from, followed by where she went to school, followed by where she lives now, followed by what she does for a living is doing it completely wrong. It's not a damn job interview, it's supposed to be fun, and your attempts at keeping her talking are a poor mask for the fact that you're either insecure about your own life and would rather not discuss it or are paralyzed by the idea of sharing with a near-stranger the things that inspire you, scare you, motivate you, etc. A conversation isn't a data transfer of facts or even opinions, but ideally of feelings and vulnerabilities.


Also, I'm not targeting you specifically, to be clear. Just kind of throwing suggestions out in general.
Click to expand...

Underrated post. Guilty of some of this myself.
 
W

Warm Machine

Member
Transhuman said:
It's almost as if men aren't used to being treated like pieces of meat or something.

Super strange.
Click to expand...

Uh. I don't really know what to say about this other than how you ever been out of the house? Superficiality and objectification has always cut both ways. I'd argue more so now that ever. From personal experience I've noticed a huge swing in the way people have dealt with me when I was chubby to when I was lean. Have you never heard a woman describe her boyfriend of the moment as a boy toy?
 
S

Secret Character

Member
I used an online dating site years ago and it was some of the most soul destroying experiences I can think of.

I'm not good looking and I'm 5'6". In the two years of using the site, I got a whole one date. I have significantly better luck just meeting people face to face.
 
S

Sho_Nuff82

Member
Afrocious said:
Ya'll make me think me being in the bay area would have my Tinder app lit with match notifications
Click to expand...

Whenever I'm in SF I get way, way more attention on tinder than I do in Boston. Better looking on average as well. I even dated a girl I met out there for a few months long distance (she's 5'10").

Combination of being a unicorn (black guy in STEM) and unusually tall for the city.
 
R

RK9039

Member
I'm 5'7 and the projector at work needed to be turned on, my female co-worker turned it on even though I was closest. I was literally underneath it, like that scene from Toy Story when Woody and Buzz are stuck with all those green aliens beneath the claw.

How can projectors be real if our eyes aren't real.
 
A

Afrocious

Member
Sho_Nuff82 said:
Whenever I'm in SF I get way, way more attention on tinder than I do in Boston. Better looking on average as well. I even dated a girl I met out there for a few months long distance (she's 5'10").

Combination of being a unicorn (black guy in STEM) and unusually tall for the city.
Click to expand...

wtf

shit dude I'm a 6'2" gym going black software engineer

goddamn i gotta see the west coast
 
F

FStop7

Banned
Host Samurai said:
Truth is a girl can't tell if you're 6'1 or 5'11. 5'5 or 5'8 etc if you also wear a big heel. It's easy to skew an inch or 2. All they see is a number online
Click to expand...

Ultima_5 said:
This. Just lie. As long as you're taller than them they'll be happy. People can't guess someone's height if they're off by 2" or whatever.

I take this as guys on tinder are bad at looking at a problem and coming up with a solution.

I'm fat and hair but I had no probs getting dates via the Internet. You gotta figure out how to play to your strengths
Click to expand...

If you're looking to date someone don't start things off by lying, FFS. What the hell?
 
J

jmdajr

Member
Pusherman said:
If a female friend asked you if she could ever get a boyfriend despite her small breasts what would you say? You'd probably tell her that in reality men aren't all that picky about breast size and that it was insane to think a small chested girl couldn't ever get a date. You'd probably say that even though big breasts and famous busty women are often celebrated and objectified that doesn't mean that guys all hate or dislike small chested women. Hell, you could point out quite a few flat chested celebrities and porn stars. None of what you'd tell her would be a lie. You wouldn't be coddling her, you'd be telling the truth. So why do so many short men have such a hard time believing people when those people say roughly the same thing about height preferences among women. You could easily find similar tweets by women that wouldn't date black guys or asian guys or atheist guys or muslims or muscular guys or fat guys etc. Does that many any of the aforementioned have an especially hard time dating? Of course not. Some women prefer tall men and online dating, especially tinder, is all about tailoring dating around your own preferences. That sucks but it doesn't make online dating impossible and it still leaves other avenues for dating too. In short, if you can't get a date it probably isn't because of your height.
Click to expand...

Dude. It's all about butts now!
 
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