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Tinder is destroying men’s self-esteem (New York Post)

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Water is wet.

I'd confidently wager that average to below average looking females get an order of magnitude more matches than most men, even the very attractive ones.

I remember years ago, speaking to a girl on Tinder. She was not very good looking, and not in good shape. Back when they had Tinder stories. She posted one that said she just cleared out 2000 matches.
 

mdubs

Banned
The ass is overrated. Always has been.

A pretty friendly face is huge even if you have a small chest or not a bodacious butt.

r5HX192.png
 

Lord Panda

The Sea is Always Right
Oh, they're not dating material. Not bad to go clubbing with though, lol.



She thought potatoes were animals. She tried cutting a raw potato with a butter knife and when she couldn't, said "I can't cut it. Do potatoes have bones?"

Some folks should be banned from procreating.
 

Shambala

Member
lol I'm 5'5 and have no issues finding a girl friend without those dating apps. Seems to me that there are very shallow people on those websites. Self confidence is what those guys need
 
'Murica home of the entitled superficial.

FUCK YEAH

To be clear, I think superficiality is generally self destructive and that most people have unrealistic and inaccurate standards for other people. But it's also difficult to change what you like. If you want to live your life on hard mode and set preposterous expectations for your relationships, then you should be able to do so!


Huh, your right. Yours returns
female
Yeah. Most of my avatars are either that or beauty like Leeness's gets.
 

Shredderi

Member
Being superficial is something everyone's entitled to.

Of course, that is not being questioned here. This is merely acknowledging (and lamenting) what most people already know at this point. The world is generally more brutal to those who aren't above average attractive regardless of gender, and at this point in time where online dating is a major thing and the way these things go (more men than women using these apps, thus giving women more choice) it's a tad more brutal to men at the moment (in dating space. In many other ways men have it easier still).
 
Threads like these make me think dating in the modern context is like playing russian roulette with your emotional well-being.

Then I wonder if it's always been that way.
 
Of course, that is not being questioned here. This is merely acknowledging (and lamenting) what most people already know at this point. The world is generally more brutal to those who aren't above average attractive regardless of gender, and at this point in time where online dating is a major thing and the way these things go (more men than women using these apps, thus giving women more choice) it's a tad more brutal to men at the moment (in dating space. In many other ways men have it easier still).

I think it's only more brutal to men in the sense that women have already been dealing with it our whole lives. Obviously I'm biased there though.


Um. How would you know?

Reverse image googling pictures of yourself, repeatedly, to see which word google comes up with, seems to be quite a few steps ahead of vanity googling your name
I've been told frequently and often double check when reminded.
 

Figboy79

Aftershock LA
Some women dig short guys. I'm super short, and I've dated women that were taller than me, and women that were shorter than me (mostly taller, since most of the <5'0 women only want guys that are 6' and above. It broke my heart the day my 4'3" crush was like, "I only want a guy who's 6'5"!").

Anyway, to all my fellow short dudes, go out and find a tall lady who likes short guys. Or a short lady who likes short guys. They're out there! My wife is about an inch taller than me, but she wears flats, so we're usually about the same height, or I'm a little taller than her when I'm wearing my tennis shoes, which give me a little over an extra inch of height. I used to be super insecure about how tall I was, but I got over it sometime in my early twenties.
 
I was at the docs today and they had me on record at 5'9.5 instead of 5'10.5. This was after I read the thread so I made sure we corrected it, cuz apparently this shit ruins lives

But I'll still delude myself and round up to 5'11
 

Shredderi

Member
I think it's only more brutal to men in the sense that women have already been dealing with it our whole lives. Obviously I'm biased there though.

That too, but in today's online dating landscape women have more criterias for men which are practically impossible to work on for men. This is where the hopelesness many men talk of come from. It seems "hopeless" because these criterias are often things they can't change. About here people usually mention how too men largely prefer thin women but even those people are slowly starting to see the fallacy in that comparison and not as many use that anymore. I mean the reasons for all the above is super logical and I for one am not looking for answers to any of this. It is what it is and like you said everyone is allowed to like what they like and I don't even want to change that since I want to be allowed to like what I like as well.

People actually say that a lot? Nothing like implying stalker-like behaviour when trying to hit on a girl. No wonder gaffers are struggling with Internet dating

You know, she didn't actually mention that it was specifically gaffers who mention things about her avatars :D I mean it could be that she doesn't frequent other forums but...
 

harSon

Banned
Men definitely have nothing to complain about when it comes to anything online related. My friends have shown me some of the stuff they put up with on Tinder, and I guarantee it's significantly worst than anything a typical dude has to deal with. Straight up sexual/vulgar stuff, dick pics, proposed sugar daddies, mood swings once sexual advances are turned down, etc. And that's before they even get to the point of meeting up with someone, and that's a whole can of worms in itself.
 

Sunster

Member
I was at the docs today and they had me on record at 5'9.5 instead of 5'10.5. This was after I read the thread so I made sure we corrected it, cuz apparently this shit ruins lives

But I'll still delude myself and round up to 5'11

It really doesn't, this quickly became a venting frustrations thread. Don't take it too seriously.
 

Shredderi

Member
Men definitely have nothing to complain about when it comes to anything online related. My friends have shown me some of the stuff they put up with on Tinder, and I guarantee it's significantly worst than anything a typical dude has to deal with. Straight up sexual/vulgar stuff, dick pics, proposed sugar daddies, mood swings once sexual advances are turned down, etc. And that's before they even get to the point of meeting up with someone, and that's a whole can of worms in itself.

Don't you think that both women and men have valid things to complain about it? Their problems are of different natures but they both have their problems nevertheless.

It really doesn't, this quickly became a venting frustrations thread. Don't take it too seriously.

This. I mean obviously I'm guilty of venting and I apologize. Tends to happen sometime when you bottle up all your frustrations in real life because you don't want to be perceived as a "whining bitch" and then someone starts a dialogue about stuff online xD

Talking about this more observantly, OP is right that it will be interesting to see how these things change and evolve as time goes on.
 
Is this the thing MRA guys whine about?

Don't you think that both women and men have valid things to complain about it? Their problems are of different natures but they both have their problems nevertheless.

Most men seem to whine about a woman not responding to them when they write "hi". Not a valid complaint really.
 
Men definitely have nothing to complain about when it comes to anything online related. My friends have shown me some of the stuff they put up with on Tinder, and I guarantee it's significantly worst than anything a typical dude has to deal with. Straight up sexual/vulgar stuff, dick pics, proposed sugar daddies, mood swings once sexual advances are turned down, etc. And that's before they even get to the point of meeting up with someone, and that's a whole can of worms in itself.
This shit is exactly what I was talking about before. If you have a good woman friend who uses these sites, ask them to see their inbox. An eye opener for me.
 

gatti-man

Member
While something similar has happened to me, it's better to expect nothing at all to happen than to think or hope someone will want to talk with you again.

Again, unhealthy thinking. This is why folks need to be selective over what men to listen to about advice on dating.

I never said to pine in the dark waiting. I said to be relaxed and live your life but that things may change in the future. They often do. Idk if my thinking is unhealthy or yours is. So many rigid standards when nothing is rigid in life.

Enjoy your boring rules to approaching women.
 
It's really not Tinder that's destroying men's self-esteem, it's the patriarchy.

Or rather, the need to be accepted being twisted into "the need to conform to gender roles and stereotypes."

Does the same for women, too, for that matter.

Someone should probably get around to fixing that...
 
Do women really appreciate this on first dates?


We'll it's not like you dive into your emotional trauma five minutes after meeting them, it should be a gradual buildup to those more intimate thoughts. That said, I'm not even talking about deeply held vulnerabilities necessarily. I'm saying there's a world of difference between telling someone you've been a Lakers fan your whole life and telling someone you've liked the Lakers ever since your dad took you to a game when you were 5 years old and to this day it's one of the best memories you have with him.

The first option is a meaningless piece of data that does nothing to build a bond between you and the other person outside of "hey, we like the same sports team", the second option says something about who you are and how you felt at a given time. It is a bigger, more personal offering to the other person and those are the kinds of things that build real connections.
 

Zerokku

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?
I won't tell you that actor or singer x is balding too with lower height and look at his success with women blablala. That's a bullshit argument.

That attitude is the only thing that is really fucked and that attitude is holding you down massively. With guys the worst thing blocking them is their own attitude - which also reflects on the outside. It's mostly a lack of self-respect and love, though few will admit it.

You gotta learn to respect yourself as every healthy (eating good, sleeping well) and good thing (sports, going outside, meeting people) you do is a sign of self respect.

From that basis on everything else is easier. Especially girls.

I am seriously warning you to work on this starting NOW and not a few years down the line or just from time to time casually.

Nah really that was intended to be more self-deprecating humor more than anything haha. I know I'm going bald and embracing it as much as I can, rocking a low buzz for now and more than happy to shave it all off sooner or later.

And yeah, definitely aware of taking care of myself and working on me. Thats the other thing I'm working on this year besides paying off debt is taking care of myself and making sure I'm in a better place. So far socially thats at least true. Maybe went out with friends a dozen times last year at max? Meanwhile every friday (and most saturdays) for the past few months has been spent hanging out with friends/hitting up bars/etc.
 
It's really not Tinder that's destroying men's self-esteem, it's the patriarchy.

Or rather, the need to be accepted being twisted into "the need to conform to gender roles and stereotypes."

Does the same for women, too, for that matter.

Someone should probably get around to fixing that...

Good luck getting men to change that.
 
We'll it's not like you dive into your emotional trauma five minutes after meeting them, it should be a gradual buildup to those more intimate thoughts. That said, I'm not even talking about deeply held vulnerabilities necessarily. I'm saying there's a world of difference between telling someone you've been a Lakers fan your whole life and telling someone you've liked the Lakers ever since your dad took you to a game when you were 5 years old and to this day it's one of the best memories you have with him.

The first option is a meaningless piece of data that does nothing to build a bond between you and the other person outside of "hey, we like the same sports team", the second option says something about who you are and how you felt at a given time. It is a bigger, more personal offering to the other person and those are the kinds of things that build real connections.
I've been in a few internet LDRs and I gotta say this person is entirely correct. That's really what got me my closest bonds to people and even applying that method of conversation now to people I've known for years has made them go from maybe passing acquaintances to close friends and its usually how I decide whether I can get close to someone or not and once you're in its a lot easier to create something real.
 
That too, but in today's online dating landscape women have more criterias for men which are practically impossible to work on for men. This is where the hopelesness many men talk of come from. It seems "hopeless" because these criterias are often things they can't change. About here people usually mention how too men largely prefer thin women but even those people are slowly starting to see the fallacy in that comparison and not as many use that anymore. I mean the reasons for all the above is super logical and I for one am not looking for answers to any of this. It is what it is and like you said everyone is allowed to like what they like and I don't even want to change that since I want to be allowed to like what I like as well.



You know, she didn't actually mention that it was specifically gaffers who mention things about her avatars :D I mean it could be that she doesn't frequent other forums but...
But it's so much more than just weight. You can't change your height or whether you have an hourglass figure or not. You can't change your face, breasts or ass without invasive and often imperfect cosmetic surgery. Plus many women are already on an intense daily regimen to change their appearance and look their best, yet the plain and ugly of us get passed over in droves and told we're not good enough, that we don't match the movie posters and magazine covers.

I personally am extremely lucky in that regard. I've lived my whole life with people telling me they like how I look. But that's not a luxury most people have, and it's disingenuous to complain about others being superficial if you belong to the majority of us who contribute to the problem of giving most of our attention to hot/tall people.
 
I'll take boobs. Ass is last place. Sorry GAF.

I'm sure one of you will bring up that "boobs are fake asses" manga pic. Don't care.
Any woman can have a set of titty's. It takes a special woman to have a well toned and defined ass with a matching pair of legs. I don't care if the woman is flat chested if her ass and legs are on fucking point then I'm all in dat shit.
 

Koodo

Banned
Rejection on dating apps is definitely harsh and an eye opener when you first start, but it's hard to ask for sympathy when everyone is playing the same game. After some time playing the field, you get used to the flow of being rejected and rejecting others. Most of the time no harm is meant &#8211; excluding the racist bowel movements who list racial traits as a "preference."

And no, men don't have it worse than women &#8212; an argument that's MRA as fuck for anyone saying it.
 
Any woman can have a set of titty's. It takes a special woman to have a well toned and defined ass with a matching pair of legs. I don't care if the woman is flat chested if her ass and legs are on fucking point then I'm all in dat shit.

Dont most men feel this way? I got over boobs in high school .
 

Shredderi

Member
But it's so much more than just weight. You can't change your height or whether you have an hourglass figure or not. You can't change your face, breasts or ass without invasive and often imperfect cosmetic surgery. Plus many women are already on an intense daily regimen to change their appearance and look their best, yet the plain and ugly of us get passed over in droves and told we're not good enough, that we don't match the movie posters and magazine covers.

Those are all true but they all apply to men as well. I do maintain that in my opinion compared to men, women who do online dating have more"hard criterias" than men do regarding looks because they get so much more attention than men do so they need to filter out date candidates more. And I must emphasize that I'm talking about online dating. Most of my female friends are pretty good looking, but there are few who are even by their own admission below average looking. They don't have a particularly cute or beautiful faces and they are about 80lbs overweight. These girls pull so much men with Tinder that it's not even funny. Most of my male friends who are on the same "level" as those girls have never gotten a date out of Tinder xD

I personally am extremely lucky in that regard. I've lived my whole life with people telling me they like how I look. But that's not a luxury most people have, and it's disingenuous to complain about others being superficial if you belong to the majority of us who contribute to the problem of giving most of our attention to hot/tall people.

Like many others, I've lived my whole life being berated and put down because of how I look. Mostly by men, not women. I've never dated anyone so no hot or ugly person have "enjoyed" my attention :)

And no, men don't have it worse than women — an argument that's MRA as fuck for anyone saying it.

Well, it's hardly MRA as fuck to say that in a select few things like online dating women have a little easier time to get attention than men do because of some very simple logistical reasons.
 
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