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Tinder is destroying men’s self-esteem (New York Post)

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Rejection on dating apps is definitely harsh and an eye opener when you first start, but it's hard to ask for sympathy when everyone is playing the same game. After some time playing the field, you get used to the flow of being rejected and rejecting others. Most of the time no harm is meant – excluding the racist bowel movements who list racial traits as a "preference."

And no, men don't have it worse than women — an argument that's MRA as fuck for anyone saying it.

Everything is relative.
 

Jawmuncher

Member
Right now i'm just considering my Tinder Failure are due to my terrible pics and bio.
Yeah that has to be it, that'll help my self esteem.
 

sk3

Banned
I found it pretty funny but sad how many girls < 5'2" that would require >6'6" matches. You need a minimum 12" differential between yourself and your man? Who the fuck cares?
 

norm9

Member
I found it pretty funny but sad how many girls < 5'2" that would require >6'6" matches. You need a minimum 12" differential between yourself and your man? Who the fuck cares?

Manlets can't protect women like tall guys can.
 

Prologue

Member
i tried tinder for like a week just to see what the fuss was about. I had 12 or so matches,I',m sure some were bots though. I did indicate I was 5'7, and that I was a dental student :p. First picture was me in a suit too.
 

hateradio

The Most Dangerous Yes Man
Right now i'm just considering my Tinder Failure are due to my terrible pics and bio.
Yeah that has to be it, that'll help my self esteem.
Let me guess, Dinocrisis cosplay?

Pictures at the natural history museum with the dino bones?

Protesting outside of Capcom HQ?


:p
 

Unbounded

Member
The thing a lot of people seem to be glossing over here is how online dating as another race besides white adds another -2/-2 token to your current stats on top of the negative height modifier.
 
The thing a lot of people seem to be glossing over here is how online dating as another race besides white adds another -2/-2 token to your current stats on top of the negative height modifier.
Um.I'm actually pretty sure I touched on that 3 pages ago. Online dating while being short and black can go fuck itself especially since I like women outside my race as well.
 
The thing a lot of people seem to be glossing over here is how online dating as another race besides white adds another -2/-2 token to your current stats on top of the negative height modifier.

Um.I'm actually pretty sure I touched on that 3 pages ago. Online dating while being short and black can go fuck itself especially since I like women outside my race as well.

I hear playing ball or becoming a rapper fixes that. LOL
 

Kritz

Banned
the highs and lows of online dating apps are pretty crazy, but at least you kind of gain perspective of, "oh shit, this is what it's like to be objectified."

I've always wondered if the height thing is an Americanism - I'm 5'7 and I've not met anyone who has ever given a shit. Granted, I'm also morbidly obese, so I guess if people see through that, they're not giving a shit that I'm under 2m tall.
 
Online dating is hard for anyone looking to find a serious relationship, period.

I disagree. Online dating is merely a platform for strangers to meet, no different than meeting strangers on the street, through a friend, at a club, bar, social event, etc...
 

Bleepey

Member
Love how this is the first post and nobody has challenged this statement's veracity. Just as women start having increased chances of miscarriage and birth defects when getting pregnant at 35 or older, men's sperm quality starts to degrade around the age of 40, which can cause a host of similar health issues both for the mother and the baby due to genetic mutation. While men may be fertile for life, there definitely is an optimal range for reproductive health, and it is only 5 years more than women get. If you're over 40, please get your guys checked out before you knock someone up.

Just one article, using a search engine will turn up a ton more.

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-l...nant/expert-answers/paternal-age/faq-20057873

To stay slightly on topic, partner and I are pretty similar in height, but glad I didn't have to use online services to find them. My only experiences with that are secondhand and they've been a huge bust. Reading the messages sent by males to females and reading bot messages is depressing, and I've been out of the game for nearly 20 years.

At 90 I can knock up a woman and have a healthy child. A woman will be lucky to be fertile past say 45.
 

TheSeks

Blinded by the luminous glory that is David Bowie's physical manifestation.
I'm 5'6", and already going bald at 26. I'm basically fucked for online dating.

Eh, depends on what you look like more than anything. I doubt most women would care about the balding.

And most women probably don't care about height, it's just the superficial Tinder-looks that make them balk. I think once most women see a man in-the-real-world, they wouldn't care about the height so much.
 
I disagree. Online dating is merely a platform for strangers to meet, no different than meeting strangers on the street, through a friend, at a club, bar, social event, etc...

True, I'm just saying that it's hard to find a life partner in general, offline dating too, it definitely takes effort and isn't easy.
 

GamerSoul

Member
It's kinda like how I immediately move on to the next profile when I notice a woman is taller than me. hah. 5'8" here black guy here. I know it sucks at times but everyone has a preference, and you can only do so much with a few selfies and a half-hearted bio summary. It doesn't mean you're any better or worse of a person.... maybe just not as photogenic.
 
Rejection on dating apps is definitely harsh and an eye opener when you first start, but it's hard to ask for sympathy when everyone is playing the same game. After some time playing the field, you get used to the flow of being rejected and rejecting others. Most of the time no harm is meant &#8211; excluding the racist bowel movements who list racial traits as a "preference."

And no, men don't have it worse than women &#8212; an argument that's MRA as fuck for anyone saying it.

When you see the glee with which those people trash shorter guys in those tweets, it is obviously meant with harm as well. It is no one's place to police others about their preferences, just keep them to yourself is all.
 

Leeness

Member
But it's so much more than just weight. You can't change your height or whether you have an hourglass figure or not. You can't change your face, breasts or ass without invasive and often imperfect cosmetic surgery. Plus many women are already on an intense daily regimen to change their appearance and look their best, yet the plain and ugly of us get passed over in droves and told we're not good enough, that we don't match the movie posters and magazine covers.

Yep...

According to this thread and gaf, boob men apparently still exist. My ex had big ones, I would've honestly preferred if she was flat or at most a b cup with a nice ass.

I get put down for this a decent amount... Men like to tell me "those are fake lol".

I get put down for most things, but I dunno, it upsets me when guys tell me I'm fake. :/
 

Tuturu Jones

Neo Member
I didn't give a shit about my height until the internet. The internet was a mistake. Atleast I live in a country with really short women.
 

Switch Back 9

a lot of my threads involve me fucking up somehow. Perhaps I'm a moron?
As someone who has never dated online and has a pretty successful track record of doing it the old-fashioned way, this thread is both enlightening and makes me feel grateful I never had to go through it. Sounds just awful, depressing, detached and brutal for self esteem.
 
Do women really appreciate this on first dates?

I don't think you should be spilling your insecurities like Woody Allen, but I think that Mark Manson's definition of vulnerable is good for a first date. Basically being honest with yourself and your date. Don't try to act macho, but don't try to act like you aren't into them sexually, either. I think that being honest about your feelings is the way to go - why would you want to go into a relationship as someone other than yourself?

We had someone in Dating-Age who went on a few dates without any romantic moves. He was perfectly nice and friendly on the dates, but that's not gonna get you anywhere. If her were honest with himself, he would have made it clear he had romantic intentions from his words and actions. If she's not into it, fine. They wouldn't date again after the first one. But at least he wouldn't be wasting his time.

There's a guy in there who is going full on friend mode on a girl, "giving her time" and acting nice. That's not gonna get him anywhere, because he's not being honest with himself.
 

Trojita

Rapid Response Threadmaker
But it's so much more than just weight. You can't change your height or whether you have an hourglass figure or not. You can't change your face, breasts or ass without invasive and often imperfect cosmetic surgery. Plus many women are already on an intense daily regimen to change their appearance and look their best, yet the plain and ugly of us get passed over in droves and told we're not good enough, that we don't match the movie posters and magazine covers.

I personally am extremely lucky in that regard. I've lived my whole life with people telling me they like how I look. But that's not a luxury most people have, and it's disingenuous to complain about others being superficial if you belong to the majority of us who contribute to the problem of giving most of our attention to hot/tall people.
It's refreshing that you are self aware of the problems other people have even if you yourself don't have those same problems.
 
I don't think you should be spilling your insecurities like Woody Allen, but I think that Mark Manson's definition of vulnerable is good for a first date. Basically being honest with yourself and your date. Don't try to act macho, but don't try to act like you aren't into them sexually, either. I think that being honest about your feelings is the way to go - why would you want to go into a relationship as someone other than yourself?

We had someone in Dating-Age who went on a few dates without any romantic moves. He was perfectly nice and friendly on the dates, but that's not gonna get you anywhere. If her were honest with himself, he would have made it clear he had romantic intentions from his words and actions. If she's not into it, fine. They wouldn't date again after the first one. But at least he wouldn't be wasting his time.

There's a guy in there who is going full on friend mode on a girl, "giving her time" and acting nice. That's not gonna get him anywhere, because he's not being honest with himself.

It's pretty simple. It's about flirting, maintaining sexual tension, and being cognizant and aggressive enough to recognize an opening to making the first move.
 
When you see the glee with which those people trash shorter guys in those tweets, it is obviously meant with harm as well. It is no one's place to police others about their preferences, just keep them to yourself is all.

You really taking random tweets seriously bruh? I think in the entirety of my life I have met one girl who made a comment to the effect of "what do you call guys under 6ft? Friends" and it was probably the most silly thing I've ever actively heard in person. Like, yeah there are people that tweet bile. But honestly, most of those people I have met that are superficial to that extent are lonely as fuck. Aint no one trying to date you with your shitty personality brah.

I don't get this whole idea of going on twitter, cutting some comments and then using it as proof of a trend. If you can show me a word wide "fuck short guys" trend I may take this as a serious internet phenomena. Right now it's basically "yeah you're better off taller but meh"
 
I don't give a fuck. I'm not dating a man shorter than me. You don't like it, you deal with it. Find a woman way shorter than you then or make yourself interesting enough that I want to date you. I'm 5'4 and my rule to not date any man shorter than that, which isn't common to begin with. If you're 5'8, whatever. As long as you're taller than me. Aesthetically, I prefer a man between 5'8 to 6'2. For me, there's a thing such as being too tall.

My thing is why do a lot of men think they can get a girl just by being a man? Like I'm obligated to be interested in you just because you're a man. Better step the fuck up to the plate. If you're being rejected for your height, look for girls that are shorter than you or become interesting enough where your height isn't a turn off. I'm not saying you have to be Prince or anything, but jeez.

My main question is: what the fuck do you have to offer? I hope I have something to offer to you as well. I hope I'm interesting enough for you to want to know me more. So why would I not have the same expectation out of a man I date?

Thank goodness I don't have to worry about any of this and I'm happily taken.
 
I don't think you should be spilling your insecurities like Woody Allen, but I think that Mark Manson's definition of vulnerable is good for a first date. Basically being honest with yourself and your date. Don't try to act macho, but don't try to act like you aren't into them sexually, either. I think that being honest about your feelings is the way to go - why would you want to go into a relationship as someone other than yourself?

We had someone in Dating-Age who went on a few dates without any romantic moves. He was perfectly nice and friendly on the dates, but that's not gonna get you anywhere. If her were honest with himself, he would have made it clear he had romantic intentions from his words and actions. If she's not into it, fine. They wouldn't date again after the first one. But at least he wouldn't be wasting his time.

There's a guy in there who is going full on friend mode on a girl, "giving her time" and acting nice. That's not gonna get him anywhere, because he's not being honest with himself.


I think this is good advice. That said, there are degrees of nuance. I've definitely seen some people go too far in the honesty direction where they try to coerce the other person into hooking up with them almost immediately upon meeting them. People want to feel appreciated as a human being, not as a commodity, so even if your first instinct upon seeing someone is "Wow I wanna sleep with that person" you shouldn't necessarily go all in on that impulse until you've actually provided a decent argument as to why you're worth sleeping with. Just showing up and being willing isn't terribly persuasive.


So yes, be honest with your intentions but, to be concise, don't be a creep. And if hooking up is your only intention and you're creeping people out with how single-minded you are about it, maybe you should step away from dating and work on yourself for a while.

All great advice in the post I quoted, I just think it would be easy for someone who's a little socially inept to interpret it as "ok, so I should just tell them I want sex from the jump".
 

Morrigan Stark

Arrogant Smirk
It's refreshing that you are self aware of the problems other people have even if you yourself don't have those same problems.
It's called empathy, really. I've pretty much never been catcalled, or sexually harassed or assaulted, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna go on about how "it almost never happens, women who claim it happens all the time are lying/exaggerating/blowing it out of proportions/etc.", I mean that thought would never cross my mind.
 

Afrocious

Member
Naw bruh. Get Tinder premium. Swipe right on everything. Get the chrome extension that auto swipes right on everything. Be selective after the fact. I've met some dope ass people that piqued my interest during our chats, that I probably would have swiped left on if I was being selective.

what the hell

harson i know you get on some bs but you got me confused if this is a ruse or not
 

eot

Banned
But it's so much more than just weight. You can't change your height or whether you have an hourglass figure or not. You can't change your face, breasts or ass without invasive and often imperfect cosmetic surgery. Plus many women are already on an intense daily regimen to change their appearance and look their best, yet the plain and ugly of us get passed over in droves and told we're not good enough, that we don't match the movie posters and magazine covers.

I'm not going to deny that women face absurd beauty standards, but I don't think you can say that people who are plain looking get passed over. Maybe you can't sit around and wait for your dream guy to approach you, but below average looking people get into relationships all the time. If you're having trouble then maybe you're not trying hard enough, or there's some other aspect of yourself that you could work on. I say that as someone plain looking who doesn't get into relationships and I know it's my own fault.
 

daemonic

Banned
I don't give a fuck. I'm not dating a man shorter than me. You don't like it, you deal with it. Find a woman way shorter than you then or make yourself interesting enough that I want to date you. I'm 5'4 and my rule to not date any man shorter than that, which isn't common to begin with. If you're 5'8, whatever. As long as you're taller than me. Aesthetically, I prefer a man between 5'8 to 6'2. For me, there's a thing such as being too tall.

My thing is why do a lot of men think they can get a girl just by being a man? Like I'm obligated to be interested in you just because you're a man. Better step the fuck up to the plate. If you're being rejected for your height, look for girls that are shorter than you or become interesting enough where your height isn't a turn off. I'm not saying you have to be Prince or anything, but jeez.

My main question is: what the fuck do you have to offer? I hope I have something to offer to you as well. I hope I'm interesting enough for you to want to know me more. So why would I not have the same expectation out of a man I date?

Thank goodness I don't have to worry about any of this and I'm happily taken.

My thing is why do women dismiss a guy based on a height statistic before even talking to him? How can the guy possibly "step the fuck up" if a woman won't even engage him in conversation? The worst part is that if I lied about my height by an inch or so online no one would even notice. People are far too obsessed with metrics online, and that's the whole point of this thread. Men and women are superficial, it goes both ways.
 
I think this is good advice. That said, there are degrees of nuance. I've definitely seen some people go too far in the honesty direction where they try to coerce the other person into hooking up with them almost immediately upon meeting them. People want to feel appreciated as a human being, not as a commodity, so even if your first instinct upon seeing someone is "Wow I wanna sleep with that person" you shouldn't necessarily go all in on that impulse until you've actually provided a decent argument as to why you're worth sleeping with. Just showing up and being willing isn't terribly persuasive.


So yes, be honest with your intentions but, to be concise, don't be a creep. And if hooking up is your only intention and you're creeping people out with how single-minded you are about it, maybe you should step away from dating and work on yourself for a while.

All great advice in the post I quoted, I just think it would be easy for someone who's a little socially inept to interpret it as "ok, so I should just tell them I want sex from the jump".

Oh yeah. Never be creepy. The problem is that lots of guys with no experience think that acting flirtatious or being physical is inherently creepy, and keep things at nice guy level. Huge mistake. Hence the honesty part.

It's pretty simple. It's about flirting, maintaining sexual tension, and being cognizant and aggressive enough to recognize an opening to making the first move.

Yeah, but there's more to it than that - the non physical stuff. You need to have the right, honest attitude and not be afraid of yourself and your vulnerability. Own that shit.
 

XenodudeX

Junior Member
I don't give a fuck. I'm not dating a man shorter than me. You don't like it, you deal with it. Find a woman way shorter than you then or make yourself interesting enough that I want to date you. I'm 5'4 and my rule to not date any man shorter than that, which isn't common to begin with. If you're 5'8, whatever. As long as you're taller than me. Aesthetically, I prefer a man between 5'8 to 6'2. For me, there's a thing such as being too tall.

My thing is why do a lot of men think they can get a girl just by being a man? Like I'm obligated to be interested in you just because you're a man. Better step the fuck up to the plate. If you're being rejected for your height, look for girls that are shorter than you or become interesting enough where your height isn't a turn off. I'm not saying you have to be Prince or anything, but jeez.

My main question is: what the fuck do you have to offer? I hope I have something to offer to you as well. I hope I'm interesting enough for you to want to know me more. So why would I not have the same expectation out of a man I date?

Thank goodness I don't have to worry about any of this and I'm happily taken.

A lot? How do you know this?
 
I don't give a fuck. I'm not dating a man shorter than me. You don't like it, you deal with it. Find a woman way shorter than you then or make yourself interesting enough that I want to date you. I'm 5'4 and my rule to not date any man shorter than that, which isn't common to begin with. If you're 5'8, whatever. As long as you're taller than me. Aesthetically, I prefer a man between 5'8 to 6'2. For me, there's a thing such as being too tall.

My thing is why do a lot of men think they can get a girl just by being a man? Like I'm obligated to be interested in you just because you're a man. Better step the fuck up to the plate. If you're being rejected for your height, look for girls that are shorter than you or become interesting enough where your height isn't a turn off. I'm not saying you have to be Prince or anything, but jeez.

My main question is: what the fuck do you have to offer? I hope I have something to offer to you as well. I hope I'm interesting enough for you to want to know me more. So why would I not have the same expectation out of a man I date?

Thank goodness I don't have to worry about any of this and I'm happily taken.

Cindi snapped. LOL
 

harSon

Banned
what the hell

harson i know you get on some bs but you got me confused if this is a ruse or not

I'm being 100% honest. It depends what you're trying to get out of Tinder. For me, I'm just trying to meet cool people and if things go past that, then I'm 100% down. If that's your goal, it's all about numbers. And the best way to get numbers is to maximize your matches by swiping right on everyone, and beyond that - removing the swipe limit. I pretty much do my filtering after I've actually chatted with the person. Like I said, if I went purely on pictures and profiles - I would have missed out on some dope ass people. So I tend to keep an open mind until after I've actually had a chance to have a conversation with someone.
 
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