Support NeoGAF

[EatinOlives]

It's important to note that above all, online dating isn't for literally everyone. Yes, that runs counter to what every single online dating site wants to say, but it's the truth. They sell the idea that anyone at any time can find someone as long as the dating pool is large enough, and while that might sound correct on paper that's far from the case in practice. Not only is the man-to-woman ratio completely different from real life, the behaviors that people practice in online dating sites are completely different from their behavior in real-life situations. People don't walk around with a spreadsheet of stats stapled to their forehead for everyone else to analyze before waving them away to tell them "move along". That's simply not how people communicate. The way that sites are built and operate, people are essentially encouraged to be as shallow as possible, and I'm not just talking about apps/sites that are actively built to be hook-up sites like Tinder.

The result is somewhat predictable. The whole "don't go on these sites unless you're a 10" is obviously an exaggeration, but there's a ring of truth to it. If you're white, tall, and good looking great, you're gonna find someone, knock your brains out. If you're not all three (at the same time) you'll lose a big chunk of the potential dating pool. Below 5ft 10? Black? Asian? Not strikingly attractive? The pool drops fast, with a much higher proportion than what would happen in real life.

As one of the so-called "short guys", I've accepted online dating isn't built for me, and I think others in these "not white, tall, great looking" groups need to also accept and move on. Again, it's not the "intuitive" realization since dating websites have always advertised how "easy" it is to find someone based on the convenience and large dating pool, but in practice that's simply not the case. It doesn't make sense when the minute you start your app you instantly start "filtering out" people. That alone should set off alarms in heads that there's gonna be populations that will be largely ignored.

being rejected because you're not white is some shit though

let me tell you

People have the weirdest hangups while online dating. I've been told I was "not white" despite being paler than many American-born folks with European lineage. Online dating is one of the few places left where blatant racism and discrimination are OK and defended.

 

[lightskintwin]

It's the first message I get.

"Fake"
"How much did you pay for those"
"How big are they"
"Those look ridiculous"

Wow, that just sounds rude and insulting. Like there's not even a hint of humor or cleverness to it.

being rejected because you're not white is some shit though

let me tell you

Go on. I'd love to hear it. Do you mean online or IRL?

 

[BrutishMrFish]

Meaning that's how good they look, that they can't be real.

That sounds like the kind of logic Donald Trump uses to reassure himself when people talk about his tan and his hair.

"They say it's all too good to be true, believe me!"

 

[GamerSoul]

It's destroyed mine. Almost every woman on Tinder is beautiful, and I get almost zero matches. If I do, it's almost always bots.

Bro, hang in there. Tinder is not the "end all be all" of compatible matches. There's more out there.

..This is why we're here.

:3

 

[Rur0ni]

It's hard out there. The OKC stats are enlightening if you aren't already familiar. Consider yourself enlightened. Just accept that women in their 20's have a lot more options than a man when it comes to dating and sex. They are in their prime. Entitlement is a thing, and they can (and should) exercise it.

No one is obligated to give a damn about whether you're getting fucked or not. Doesn't mean it doesn't suck right now, it is what it is. Taking care of everything else outside of what you can't change (like height), your day in the sun will come later and last longer. Improve yourself and what you bring to the table.

 

[Leeness]

Wow, that just sounds rude and insulting. Like there's not even a hint of humor or cleverness to it

Yeh. Men mostly put me down, as I've said.

 

[Kazaam]

Going by what I've read here I'm quite short and personally never had a problem. Then again, I'm not really part of this online dating thing so maybe that's that. I'm probably lucky I've never been in a situation where online dating seemed necessary. Tried tinder only once when I was in location with a shoot, but that was mostly out of curiosity. Got a couple of dates, but I don't remember having to specify height setting up tinder. Maybe things have changed now with the app? It was quite some time ago

For instance, If I'm out with my twin brother, and there's a girl with big breasts; I've looked down at her breasts and jokingly said, "I see we ain't the only twins up in here". It's tacky as hell. I know it. The way I deliver it is said in such a silly way, that most girls laugh, and it immediately breaks the ice

Maybe we have extremely different social environments, but I honestly can't see any version of this playing out without being creepy.

 

[Obliterator]

I can believe it. I thank God how lucky I am to have found a beautiful woman who actually liked me enough to to marry me in regular life because I've seen this first hand. One of my coworkers I used to work with had no luck on Online dating sites and man it just crushed him.

 

[Cindi Mayweather]

But being funny is hard!

Even then, men always say things like "Jay Z would never be getting laid if he weren't rich." "Women will take any man as long she thinks he loves her."

Usually the common sentiment is that looks matter less to women, not more.

 

[Portugeezer]

First I've heard of it. Don't men usually opine how women have lower standards and will go for an average guy as long as he's funny?

Lots of "women will go for a fat guy but a guy won't go for a fat girl" talk even on these very boards.

You'd have to be some ugly beast for a man to not be down to fuck.

 

[Prophet Steve]

The arbitrary restrictions that some people have, both women and men, are annoying a decent amount. I have my preferences but can't think of any hard restriction I have aside from (maybe) gender. Age, height, weight, race all matters little to me.

It just irks me when people state what they are searching for, a specific age, height, race or whatever. Which happens with both men or women (although I think stating a specific height or age is a lot more socially acceptable than say... cup size or weight). It partly annoys me because it seems such a little difference to me or because many people wouldn't even notice the difference themselves if someone was a bit shorter/younger than what they want.

Now encouraging people to improve themselves is great and all, but with those hard restrictions you can't compensate for them in other ways. You just need to put in extra effort to attract the smaller group of people that don't have those restrictions.

People have the right to select a partner however the hell they want, but I think many really need to evaluate on what they should filter out. Both genders are filtering out a lot of their dating pool and some groups end up in a depressing situation. It is easy to say that because the other gender is doing it, it is fine, but those are just blanket statements. Not all men have hard restriction and neither do all women. If you disapprove of the practice it doesn't make it right when both parties do it.

 

[Subpar Spatula]

You'd have to be some ugly beast for a man to not be down to fuck.

Men will sleep with anything. Most men probably aren't OK being seen around with a woman they find to be under their personal 7/10.

 

[FallingEdge]

You go to the gym every day to lift weights and have an amazing body. Someone comes up to you and asks you if you do steroids.

You work hard to get a Dodge Challenger. Someone asks if you stole it.

Same shit imo, except you don't really work to get boobs, it's mostly just genetics. I have a C cup and I weigh 150 pounds. Dudes who ask if my breasts are fake are not complimenting me and make me want to break their arm.

I get what are you trying to say but I love it when I get the steroid comment. My physique has reached a point where people don't think you can achieve it naturally so they assume drugs have been taken. A lot of is ignorance but it still feels fantastic regardless.

 

[tanooki27]

For moderately slim guys with high cheekbones, it's a fucking coup

 

[perfectchaos007]

I actually met a guy who was sub 5'4" today and he was married. It gave me hope until I found out he was gay. short gay guys have it easier than short straight guys...

Spoiler

unless you want to be a power top

 

[Cindi Mayweather]

You'd have to be some ugly beast for a man to not be down to fuck.

Who said anything about fucking?

 

[M0nochromatic]

If it's something you can't change why not own it? People are going to reject you. Just own it and find someone who works for you.

That's what everyone already does in one way or another. It's just that, for those with bad luck in genetic appearances, dating can take a very harsh toll when their entire being is dismissed repeatedly because their shoulders are narrow or their breasts are small.

 

[TAJ]

It's the first message I get.

"Fake"
"How much did you pay for those"
"How big are they"
"Those look ridiculous"

Sounds like pickup artist types trying to neg you. The good news is that they're probably into you. The bad news is that they're total shitstains.

 

[dralla]

As someone who has done a lot of online dating, I definitely remember the beginning being rough on the ego. As time went on and I learned more about how online dating works I learned not to take things personal and move on when I need to. The most disheartening thing that happens with online dating is the majority of people not being able to hold conversations. It becomes fucking exhausting trying to carry conversations with people who reply to messages in like four words or don't ask questions or keep the conversation flowing.

Tinder has become absolutely terrible with all the bots though. I'd suggest using other apps.

 

[God Dayumm]

You really taking random tweets seriously bruh? I think in the entirety of my life I have met one girl who made a comment to the effect of "what do you call guys under 6ft? Friends" and it was probably the most silly thing I've ever actively heard in person. Like, yeah there are people that tweet bile. But honestly, most of those people I have met that are superficial to that extent are lonely as fuck. Aint no one trying to date you with your shitty personality brah.

I don't get this whole idea of going on twitter, cutting some comments and then using it as proof of a trend. If you can show me a word wide "fuck short guys" trend I may take this as a serious internet phenomena. Right now it's basically "yeah you're better off taller but meh"

It is not only twitter. I have been asked on online date sites what is my height, as the very point of conversation. Either you like what you see or don't, I have a full body picture, no need to go around asking questions with the purpose of demeaning people

 

[lightskintwin]

Yeh. Men mostly put me down, as I've said.

Are they attempting to try to holla at you though? If they are, what a weird opener.

Maybe we have extremely different social environments, but I honestly can't see any version of this playing out without being creepy.

I don't know, where do you socialize? I live in a big metropolitan city, and go to most hot spots and social events located there as well as travel to other big cities with the same success.

 

[Stallion Dan]

Said it before but people are shallow, even the ones who say they aren't turn shallow when they start dating online.

You meet someone in a club or pub, you don't ask their age and tell them to F-off if they one year too old for your preference, if they aren't the perfect height or not got your preferred standard of looks you don't either. They're people, you chat to them and get to know them and you don't care about that shallow BS.

None of this happens online, it's ticking boxes and that is doomed to failure or settling for a "You'll do".


If you're a guy with trouble getting matches just lie, make yourself taller and younger and whatever else you think you need to. If you get to actually meet up most people when faced with an actual person will turn off their shallow tickboxes and look past it aside from in extreme cases. Don't feel bad about it either, plenty of women lie on their profiles too, pictures, ages, kids(!), whatever. Should make it a law that at least one profile picture has a newspaper in it so you can date when it was taken.

Also, just swipe right on everyone, get as many matches as you can and filter from the chats you have. Don't filter on the pics or you're doomed.

 

[Warm Machine]

IMO if you're a short guy just own it. It really shouldn't be too much of a problem for you to get pussy.

First part, yes. Second part, no. Pussy doesn't fall into the lap of men. They have to work for it. Charming a woman's pants off isn't easy. The dating rules, availability, and personality compatibility still play into it.

The irony is the more a guy has experience with women the easier it becomes to date. A lot of guys out there have next to no dating experience. My life was a desert for years.

The male experience from a woman's point of view always seems easy, just like we imagine if you are a woman you could hit any bar and get laid that night. It isn't as straightforward as we think is fair. That doesn't mean men should get special treatment of have women interested in them by default, it just means men are people who might simply not have the social tools to create sexual relationships.

 

[Makai]

I gotta ask what is up with people putting something mean or exclusionary as their status. Usually makes me swipe left.

 

[Soi-Fong]

Moral of the story: don't be short.

What's short? I'm 5'9 and I'm considered short... *_*

 

[perfectchaos007]

As someone who has done a lot of online dating, I definitely remember the beginning being rough on the ego. As time went on and I learned more about how online dating works I learned not to take things personal and move on when I need to.

Tinder has become absolutely terrible with all the bots though. I'd suggest using other apps.

They're pretty easy to spot. One of them that matched with me made first contact by saying "What are you doing tomorrow?" and it said she was 200 miles away. So I didn't respond because that was an obvious bot.

 

[Forerunner]

What's short? I'm 5'9 and I'm considered short... *_*

5'9 isn't short. I'd say you're short if your less than 5'5.

 

[Leeness]

Men will sleep with anything. Most men probably aren't OK being seen around with a woman they find to be under their personal 7/10.

The only guy I dated briefly wouldn't go out in public with me and wouldn't tell his friends who I was/didn't want me to meet anyone

Sounds like pickup artist types trying to neg you. The good news is that they're probably into you. The bad news is that they're total shitstains.

Are they attempting to try to holla at you though? If they are, what a weird opener.

?

 

[nitewulf]

Men will sleep with anything.

no.

 

[BladeoftheImmortal]

My self-esteem gets broken enough IRL dating.

 

[lightskintwin]

Men will sleep with anything. Most men probably aren't OK being seen around with a woman they find to be under their personal 7/10.

I disagree. I believe this is a huge myth.

?

Meaning are they seriously trying to get to know you? If so, what a horrible way to start.

no.

Agreed.

 

[Afrocious]

Not to sound like I'm on some high ground, and perhaps I shouldn't do this, but I don't sleep with just any woman. I tried it and it just depressed me.

 

[Mass Effect]

What's short? I'm 5'9 and I'm considered short... *_*

You're also the smallest Captain, but at least you're the fastest.

Spoiler

Seriously though, since when has 5'9'' been short? That's how tall I am and I've never had it been an issue.

being rejected because you're not white is some shit though

let me tell you

Yeah I can attest to this. It's some old bullshit.

 

[HokieHavok]

Online dating is so damn fascinating. There's gotta be more at play for the Tinder dude in the NYP article. Maybe his pictures don't do him justice, or maybe he wrote a boring bio, or maybe he's chasing girls out of his league.

The height thing works both ways too. I'm 5'9 and don't date women taller than me. It's nothing personal, it's just my preference. And, likewise, if a woman judges me because I'm on the shorter side, more power to her.

 

[perfectchaos007]

5'9 isn't short. I'd say you're short if your less than 5'5.

Yeah with 5'10" being average, I would say 5'5" to 5'9" is just "shorter than average".

Under than 5'5'" you are "short"
Under 4'10" you can get disability for dwarfism

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Men will sleep with anything. Most men probably aren't OK being seen around with a woman they find to be under their personal 7/10.

Lol this sounds like the words of a bitter person.

 

[Leeness]

Meaning are they seriously trying to get to know you? If so, what a horrible way to start.

I don't know. I assume they just want to put me down.

 

[Sianos]

I personally like the "Fuck Yes or No" perspective on dating.

Why waste your time on superficial people? Judging by what you've seen, they're probably shallow fools with nothing really to offer besides pretenses. If someone won't even talk to you because of your height, weight, or race, that sort of blandly boorish personality most likely extends to their whole being. Go after genuine people who are interested in you and interesting themselves, even if it means adjusting your own superficial standards.

The other half is to develop yourself so you have something interesting to offer. Live your life with your eyes open, take it all in and make it a part of you. Put work into learning to eloquently express yourself and it will pay back dividends. Not just for the sake of getting you dates, but for your own enjoyment and celebration of life.

 

[Stallion Dan]

5'9 isn't short. I'd say you're short if your less than 5'5.

But really, meeting people person to person it isn't an issue. Never bothered me

Spoiler

except when I go shopping and some stores have really high top shelves.

 

[lightskintwin]

Not to sound like I'm on some high ground, and perhaps I shouldn't do this, but I don't sleep with just any woman. I tried it and it just depressed me.

Exactly, I used to joke if I slept with every woman that wanted to, I'd be depleted of natural fluids. LOL

Although I've never slept with a woman that I didn't desire. And the one time it did occur I swear I was taken advantage of when I was drunk.

 

[jroc74]

5'9 isn't even short.

Tell that to some women I met at work or thru friends. Or even my ex.

But I am taller than my ex...yet she thinks I'm short.

And most group pics I took over the years I was put on the back row...,.thats where they usually put the taller ppl.

I agree tho 5'9 isnt that short.

 

[ViewtifulJC]

I don't know. I assume they just want to put me down.

I have never heard this euphemism for sex before lol

 

[lightskintwin]

I have never heard this euphemism for sex before lol

I think she means actual put downs.

 

[Damerman]

man fuck tender... that shit doesn't even work half the time. i prefer meeting/being rejected by women IRL.

 

[Prophet Steve]

I have never heard this euphemism for sex before lol

It isn't?

 

[Cindi Mayweather]

First part, yes. Second part, no. Pussy doesn't fall into the lap of men. They have to work for it. Charming a woman's pants off isn't easy. The dating rules, availability, and personality compatibility still play into it.

The irony is the more a guy has experience with women the easier it becomes to date. A lot of guys out there have next to no dating experience. My life was a desert for years.

The male experience from a woman's point of view always seems easy, just like we imagine if you are a woman you could hit any bar and get laid that night. It isn't as straightforward as we think is fair. That doesn't mean men should get special treatment of have women interested in them by default, it just means men are people who might simply not have the social tools to create sexual relationships.

I didn't say it was easy or fall in your lap.

Nor did I say you wouldn't have to work for it. On the contrary. I said stop worrying about things you can't change and work on things you can, like personality, hobbies, whatever. Being short is hardly the sole litmus test for not getting laid, and if you think it is, it's a large reason why you're not getting laid.

Also it's not like a woman can get dick without work too. I work out 6 days a week. Being in shape is great, being seen as attractive is great too. I use wax to pull hair out of my body once a month. If you're short - or even tall - and want to be seen as attractive, you're going to have to put in work whether you're a man or a woman. If you don't put the amount of work a woman puts into herself to be seen as attractive, either through your personality, interests, or body, why would expect to win anyone over?

The main point of my post was that things like "women don't like short men" sound like excuses and you should put that time and effort spent trying to make yourself more attractive to the other sex. Because please know that a lot of women you think are hot are putting as much into themselves.

Why expect anything less?

 

[Warm Machine]

I didn't say it was easy or fall in your lap.

Nor did I say you wouldn't have to work for it. On the contrary. I said stop worrying about things you can't change and work on things you can, like personality, hobbies, whatever. Being short is hardly the sole litmus test for not getting laid, and if you think it is, it's a large reason why you're not getting laid.

Also it's not like a woman can get dick without work too. I work out 6 days a week. Being in shape is great, being seen as attractive is great too. I use wax to pull hair out of my body once a month. If you're short - or even tall - and want to be seen as attractive, you're going to have to put in work whether you're a man or a woman. If you don't put the amount of work a woman puts into herself to be seen as attractive, either through your personality, interests, or body, why would expect to win anyone over?

The main point of my post was that things like "women don't like short men" sound like excuses and you should put that time and effort spent trying to make yourself more attractive to the other sex. Because please know that a lot of women you think are hot are putting as much into themselves.

Why expect anything less?

Thanks for the clarification. I agree with you.

 

[killertofu]

Are abnormally taller women inclined to the same "I'll only date guys taller than me" mentality?

I've always wanted to date someone taller than me. Closest I got was a volleyball player my freshman year...but she was the same height (6'1)

 

[AppleBlade]

You have to play the ratios. Put yourself in situations where there are more girls than guys.

Forget Tinder. Take dancing classes, do study abroad, get involved in church, be part of organizations that are over 50% girls.

As for the guys that you hang out with if you're short don't hang out with a bunch of tall dudes. I learned this the hard way because my best friends in high school were the basketball team despite me being 5'6''. When I'd go to a party with them I'd get no attention from the ladies. When I hung out with my shorter or nerdier friends I'd get a lot more attention.

As for being short there has been some evidence that it definitely hurts you with short term hook-ups but has less of an impact on long term mates.

I know that growing up all of the girls that expressed interest in me where the modest, serious ones that were looking for a relationship (I married one of them). My best friend on the other hand (who was over 6'0 tall) would definitely get more girls that wanted flings. It's all evolutionary biology. They don't even realize it but when women pursue short-term flings they are looking for good genes (unfortunately being tall is part of that).


If you're short you need to stop obsessing over it and work on the things you can control:

1. Your clothes. Try to be the best dressed man in the room.

2. hygiene and grooming. Always have your hands and feet in good shape and make sure you never have bad breath. Get regular haircuts.

3. Career and money. Financial status does matter. The higher up the ladder you go the higher your rating (yes women and men subconsciously rate each other). Read books related to your career and be proactive. Even if you just work retail and have no intention of finding some other career., be proactive there and try and earn more responsibilities.

When it comes to things like your house/apartment and your car don't be irresponsible but don't be cheap either. Women are trying to judge whether you will provide for them. If you live in some run down apartment and drive some run down car it will hurt you.


4. Mental well-being. Sleep 8 hours a day, mediate/pray to keep your mind straight. If you have any mental illnesses (depression) get help!

5. Physical fitness. Do not be overweight and do at least some exercise. I was obese but I lost 60 lbs on weight watchers. Consider that if you are having issues on your own. Try a fitness class (they usually have more women so they can also present a place where you can meet women). Do not try to be super buff it's a waste of time when you could be working on the things I listed above.

6. SLEEP 8 Hours a day!! I already mentioned this in number 4 but it is so important I need to mention it again. A good sleeping schedule will boost your testorone, keep you alert and more productive, help you be sharper and wittier, get you better results with any exercises you do. it's also one of the easiest things to do on this list. Get your room darker, try to stick to a schedule, don't use devices in bed (read books related to the above things instead).

 

[lightskintwin]

Are abnormally taller women inclined to the same "I'll only date guys taller than me" mentality?

I've always wanted to date someone taller than me. Closest I got was a volleyball player my freshman year...but she was the same height (6'1)

Hi five. I love tall women. The highest I ever dated was 5'11. Most of my girlfriends have been around 5'7.

In my experiences, Tall women still want to date somebody taller than them. LOL