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Tinder is destroying mens self-esteem (New York Post)
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I have absolutely zero things to contribute when it comes to people talking about sex. I just smile and nod.
The guys who are putting you down for your looks are trying to preemptively break what they perceive to be your confidence. They want you to feel insecure so they can have control over you. That's precisely why they seem to so often comment on your breasts, because that's a physical attribute that is conventionally attractive. It's why thin women are called anorexic and curvaceous women are called fat. It's why intelligent women are called anti-social nerds and athletic women are called meatheads. An easy way to hurt people is to turn a positive attribute into a perceived negative for them, and hurt people are easier to manipulate and control. They're classic PUA fuckboys.
Your value isn't determined by other people - it's determined by you. Fuck what they think, they aren't worth your time. What they say doesn't mean shit because they are humans. They're slightly ascendant apes, just like you and me. Nothing they say has any intrinsic worth or authority any more than any other human, because they are humans. They aren't special, I'm not special, no one is special. None of us are special, because if being special is a meaningless construct judged by an observer from within the system that has had their objectivity compromised by only ever existing within the system. We're a bunch of humans trying to construct a greater society in the chaotic void, with only the vaguest of ideas of what kind of a world we want to live in. Nothing has intrinsic value, everything only has value because we assign it value. Everyone, not just you or me, has their own insecurities, weaknesses, and self-doubt because we are all humans. This might sound like a very pessimistic outlook, but for me it's freedom.
When you recognize that valuation is not eternal but rather human-created, you can remove the tinted shades that color your perception of the world and more importantly your perception of yourself. People hating on you - and I maintain that they are trying to take advantage of you because by those same conventional paradigms I said are meaningless you are attractive - have no authority and are themselves meaningless echoes. Nothing is special, which means you get to decide what is! Our values, our culture, our society has no basis for there to be any intrinsic values or meaning, which means you decide upon what has value. I personally think it's pretty incredible that our brethren of slightly ascended ape humans have iterated upon this strange and chaotic world. And what's more incredible is how much potential we all have to grow! We've lost sight of the countless small wonders because they've been absorbed into our perception of the new normal. There is beauty in the world not because some rando points to something and declares that it is officially beautiful, but because you can interpret it and shape it. Destroy your preconceptions of the world and rebuild them with the perspective of a clearer lens.
At least, that sort of mindset is what helped me deal with my own self-esteem issues and a lot of general negativity. Reading back on this, my post comes off as pretty severe and negative, but that's just problems with my writing ability. It's harder for me to explain the rebuilding part of my humanistic philosophy, but nonetheless I hope it helps you like others have helped me in the past.
NumberThree
Member
hey you know that thing where you do the sex thing and then have sex like you know how
it sure is fun having sex isn't it
i know this being a sex-haver myself
ZackieChan
Member
Almost like this is a forum for discussing opinions
It may be an offensive compliment, but it's still a compliment. It's just a dumb one, but the guys are meaning it to say that those boobs can't possibly be real.
It's useful - for getting dates. Not sure why you say "everything you read" says it's useless. I mean, the online dating thread here is full of stories of people being successful with online dating. From what I recall, you never even went on or asked for a date, despite using the apps. Maybe give it a try before you dismiss it outright?
Cow Mengde
Banned
Are you sure you're talking to the right person?
ZackieChan
Member
China-Gaf, bro
Cow Mengde
Banned
Stuff like this isn't just limited to regular straight dating apps. It's 10x worse in the gay world on 'dating' apps like Grindr and such. Most guys wouldn't even bother to spit on you, much less talk to you, if you're not hot/cute.
Crap like that can literally kill someone's self esteem so I know how true it is.
Crap like that can literally kill someone's self esteem so I know how true it is.
ZackieChan
Member
That'smyfetish.png
I don't get this article...
What about women's self-esteem? Traditionally, Tinder should make their lives even worse or have I missed something?
Online dating is basically "survial of the fittest" and "picking up the left-overs", so no news here. We're bascially going back to the stone age mentality while using technical convenience, but the hunt is sweeter than the kill.
What about women's self-esteem? Traditionally, Tinder should make their lives even worse or have I missed something?
Online dating is basically "survial of the fittest" and "picking up the left-overs", so no news here. We're bascially going back to the stone age mentality while using technical convenience, but the hunt is sweeter than the kill.
Morrigan Stark
Arrogant Smirk
A creepy, extremely rude comment?
Subpar Scrub
Banned
Idk, strong chicks are hot af
Imo it's similar to non-tinder-dating, in that you shouldn't put so much stake on the other person liking you/you being "successful" in dating terms. The more I focused on my other hobbies, university etc and just used tinder as a small side-distraction, the less it "impacted" me (if at all) when I didn't get a reply or a date didn't go so well. Eventually found my partner and we've been together for a year now.
Also worth mentioning that while (unattractive) men might get no replies/attention, women on the other hand seem to get like 100 creepy messages (or asking directly for sex) a day from what I've heard. Seems bad too.
Also worth mentioning that while (unattractive) men might get no replies/attention, women on the other hand seem to get like 100 creepy messages (or asking directly for sex) a day from what I've heard. Seems bad too.
Absolutely, it's a fetish really tall guys can't share unless they meet one of those rare gigantic women.
oneils
Member
I've brought this up early in this thread but these GAF statements of large cock are such BS with all these 5'5 guys. Give a break. Basically the GAF penis size threads only tell me that there is a bunch of insecure and insincere posters when it comes to that.
On a side note I got a good laugh out of the movie Everybody Wants Some!! where one of the main dude's got some good game and his strategy was to not boast about how large his cock was but instead play it off that it was some more realistic size because all the co-eds on campus were tired of hearing every guy state that his cock is a monster truck.
I think part of the problem is that some people get a sense of validation when their preferred partner group (wasn't sure of what term to use to recognise different sexualities sorry) gives them attention.
What people have to remember is that the only person that gives you validation is yourself. Once you realise that you don't have to and frankly shouldn't care about the opinions of those not interested in you.
Not to mention having self respect and standards is usually a great sign and something that is respected. There will always those that are cruel to you, or reject you. The former do it because they're too dumb to realise that they don't value themselves, they value how they affect others and are pitiful.
The ones that reject you? They have every right to, same as you have every right to reject someone you're not interested in. You have to value yourself.
What people have to remember is that the only person that gives you validation is yourself. Once you realise that you don't have to and frankly shouldn't care about the opinions of those not interested in you.
Not to mention having self respect and standards is usually a great sign and something that is respected. There will always those that are cruel to you, or reject you. The former do it because they're too dumb to realise that they don't value themselves, they value how they affect others and are pitiful.
The ones that reject you? They have every right to, same as you have every right to reject someone you're not interested in. You have to value yourself.
SprachBrooks
Member
This man knows what's up.
Monocle
Member
Man this thread is making my night. Amazing comparison.
I still stand by it, most people would rather wade through 20+ shitty messages a day and based on the law of averages find 2+ decent messages than having to send dozens of messages in the hope of maybe getting a response. I'd rather be an employer that occasionally has to filter applications from subpar candidates in order to find someone worth interviewing than an employer who has to spend, time, money and recruitment fees just to get someone to look at a job advert.
freenudemacusers
Member
look at it this way, you just need to work out a little bit and dress like a non-dork to beat all the schlubs who think cargo shorts and dad bods are acceptable in 2016. pretty low threshold really.
Honestly I find it really interesting, personally I don't hear much in the way of conversations regarding those types of topics, and because of my own orientation I can say such thoughts never really occurred to me.
I feel it's always interesting to get a different point of view on something.
Monocle
Member
Isn't it fabulous? (Speaking as a huge fan of hot men here.)
entremet
Member
Haha yeah.
This sounds extremely shallow and I feel like you're missing the complaint. You say you instantly reject someone based on height but they better have something to offer and should be interesting? An interesting person that's shorter than you has instantly been written off by you by their height. You sound extremely vain.
Count Dookkake
Member
eot
Banned
Depends on where you live
If women have a biological tendency to act as the gatekeepers of sex, it makes a certain degree of sense from an evolutionary standpoint. If a man procreates, he can move on instantly. If a woman becomes pregnant, she is out of the game for at least 9 months and during that time is increasingly vulnerable. Being selective seems natural.
Ok....Jared Leto, Tom Cruise, Johnny Depp, Tom Hardy, Kit Harrington, Jason Statham are manlets and should consider suicide
Just to get this right...are small dudes allowed to have paid sex? Or should they just accept their fate and live like monks?
Haha, genderXsex topics are the best
Vicetrailia
Member
I like my women tall though, no shorter than 5'8 for sure. But I still wouldn't reject a date based on that. If you aren't HWP (with exceptions) I will though.
Look at it this way. For a woman who strongly prefers taller men, does she pick the:
A) 6'1" decent-looking dad bod cargo shorts-wearing guy
B) 5'6" decent-looking dad bod cargo shorts-wearing guy
C) 5'6" well-dressed gym-goer with nicely-fitted clothes
Speaking only of pure physicality, B doesn't stand much of a chance against A, he needs to have the edge some other way. Some girls would still prefer A, but some could definitely go with C. Will all girls? Nah, and nor do they need to. What if B was a funny charismatic guy? Maybe he'd stand a chance, but in the world of online dating, he'd probably get written off already, which isn't fair, but when there a lot of tall funny charismatic guys available, can you fault girls for choosing based on their preference? There are so many A's available that girls have to draw the line somewhere, and unfortunately for B it's often height. There are similar lines drawn by guys to write off great girls for purely shallow physical reasons too, they'll swipe left just by looking at the picture (just like girls look at the number).
Rather than shaming girls into pity-dating you (which isn't going to work, anyway), it's more productive to acknowledge your disadvantage, and rather than mope about it, focus on other aspects that you actually CAN change and make yourself more enticing. You know what, you *are* short, but so what, you know you're awesome, because of xyz. Now wear that confidence on your sleeve and that will already make you more attractive.
Your logic is sound. However you did read what she said right? "Im not dating a man shorter than me". She didn't say "I'll date a short guy if he's dressed nice". I don't really know what you were addressing with that middle paragraph rant pertaining to my post but sure.
And this scientific approach basically turns this kind of women's logic into an issue:
"A tall man can protect a woman much better". Against what? Wolves, bears, lions a 5'6 guy with an AK?
Like you've said from a biological standpoint: after a strong male has finished his procreation job, what keeps him from moving to the next woman in his pack?
What I'm trying to say, we shouldn't even try to be too scientific about such topics, because I expect that the unvarnished truth is going to bring us back where we were 50 years ago...and women will be at the losing end once again.
For me it works like this: if a man/woman chooses sex/relationship partners only by strict superficial values - good on them BUT they should be ok with others doing the same to them.
Don't come crying if a 6'5 with 10inch sausage guy, whom you only loved because of that, leaves you for a younger and more beautiful girl because his genetic preconditions give him more options and foster his drive for diversity. End of story.
hydrophilic attack
Member
From an evolutionary perspective, it makes sense for women not to date short men. It protects their offspring from being short and, thus, undateable
John Kowalski
Banned
This was good fun and games but yall had to ruin everything with social darwinism
AppleBlade
Member
Good post which is why I tell the short guys on this thread to skip the dating sites. Go to places where you are not surrounded by tall guys and where there are more girls than guys. Combine that with being well dressed, well groomed, smelling good, success in finance and career, being in good shape, with a good nights rest and focus more on long-term dating success versus short-term hookups and you'll do fine.
The key is to make good goals (i.e. SMART) around these things. Don't be general about it. Make a plan. It might sound like a lot of work just to get a girl but really it is self-improvement. These things will pay off in all facets of life. I went through a similar transformation and you'll find even guys want to be your friend more often, you'll get more and better responsibilities at work, etc.
Read "Mate: Become the Man Women Want"
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0316375365/?tag=neogaf0e-20
It goes more into detail about all this but this book changed my life and I was not even on the dating market. I'm married but it improved my marriage, gave me much better self-esteem. I preach these tenets to young men all the time because I wish I heard this when I was younger.
Well, evolution is a bitch and does not go together very well with our human values.
From an evolutionary perspective it makes sense to take whatever you want with no obligations with the only limit being what you "can do" not what you "should do".
BTW, short people would have dissapeared altogether by now if evolution is that simple:
30.000 years ago...tall male beats smaller guy in a club-fight, gets all the pussy
>
in the meantime...smaller guys have to use the human brain better in order to survive
>
20.000 years ago...smaller dude smashes taller guy's head with a rock while he's asleep, gets all the pussy
efyu_lemonardo
May I have a cookie?
Just finished catching up on this thread and I wanted to say thank you to everybody who's been contributing with insightful posts and links, I mean it! I've already taken a lot from here. I wanted to quote each helpful post individually but there have been way too many so let me just say that y'all are awesome for posting and sharing and if there's anything I can contribute in return it would be my honor to do so.
You're great GAF. Each and every one of you!
There is one poster who I would really like to acknowledge though:
I've read all your posts and the replies to them and was deeply moved and saddened by what you wrote. Especially the part about lacking male friendships and therapy being unhelpful. I just want to let you know if you ever want to talk to someone or just let out some steam you're more than welcome to PM me. I hope you don't give up until you arrive at a healthy and loving social environment, devoid of people who put you down because of their own messed up self esteem issues. You deserve to be surrounded be people who love and empower you and anyone who makes you think any less of yourself doesn't deserve your attention.
You're great GAF. Each and every one of you!
There is one poster who I would really like to acknowledge though:
I've read all your posts and the replies to them and was deeply moved and saddened by what you wrote. Especially the part about lacking male friendships and therapy being unhelpful. I just want to let you know if you ever want to talk to someone or just let out some steam you're more than welcome to PM me. I hope you don't give up until you arrive at a healthy and loving social environment, devoid of people who put you down because of their own messed up self esteem issues. You deserve to be surrounded be people who love and empower you and anyone who makes you think any less of yourself doesn't deserve your attention.
I call bullshit. My dad is tall yet here I am, a shortie
And no my mom didn't step out on my dad I have all the facial features that my dad has but I'm a lot shorter than him.
eot
Banned
It's another media problem. Men are 'taught' to put a lot of their self worth in their penis size. Small penises are acceptable to make fun of for some reason (similar to short men actually). Then there's porn which more often than not tries to reinforce bigger = better. It's easy to see how it can become a psychological hang up for people, no matter if they're big or small. I mean shit, even some guys who are already too big still wish they were bigger because it's been ingrained in them so deeply.
People shouldn't take stuff like this, or this to heart, but of course many will.
When it gets to thousands of rejections are you going to be bothered?
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