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[appaws]

I'd say most people won't meet their ultimate partner in college any more, and given the immaturity of relationships I've seen in that age group, it's for the best. I can imagine a time when college grads were ready to be full adults, but now, even most of those that excel still think too selfishly and narrowly to select a person to spend the rest of their life with. It's still true that it's hard to meet people after college, however, so dating apps are a product of the effort being made. I agree they are weird and the experience largely sucks, though.

I have always thought of colleges and universities as the ultimate match makers. Take 10,000-30,000 young people at the height of their fertility and dump them into a town together to pair off, away from their families and looking to find partners.

But, you are right. Maturity levels seem to have dropped, and career possibilities certainly have, making it tougher to form families at a young age.

This huge delay we have baked in (in the west at least), of marriage and childbearing is a bad thing, but I don't have any solutions.

 

[eot]

Here we go

I don't own any myself, FYI. I'm just taken aback by how intensely people seem to dislike them.

 

[hydrophilic attack]

Let's do a comparison for some shits and/or giggles.

I'm 5' 10", college educated, with a stable income. If I were single, what would I get?

On pity handie per year, if you dedicate enough time

 

[Omegasquash]

On pity handie per year, if you dedicate enough time

But would I need to pay for it on top of that?

 

[hydrophilic attack]

But would I need to pay for it on top of that?

You'd need to pay for 10+ dates

 

[Omegasquash]

You'd need to pay for 10+ dates

Free to play, pay to win. Fucking app culture man, I tell ya.

 

[KingV]

It's not so much dismissal as acknowledgement that it is unfair, but that nothing can be done about it (the height), so why mope about it? We can't suddenly make women become more attracted to shorter guys vs tall guys (all else being equal), nor will they suddenly start to pity-date short guys that they wouldn't have previously.

The women that are already open-minded about height are already dating the short men, and the twitter/facebook trolls with disgusting aggressive attitudes do not represent the majority of women.

I could say the same thing about literally most of the things complain about in OT.

Complaining about body shaming is not going to make men want to date obese women either, but nobody says "hey we shouldn't bother talking about those things or be annoyed by them."

We don't tell people that complain about those things that their feelings are invalid, or then go after them clowning them for being annoyed by it like some people in this thread. Like it's not the biggest thing in the world, but it can be pretty disheartening when internet dating. Incidentally, that's what this thread is about.

There is nothing you can do about being short, true, but there is actual things you can do to minimize the impact of it. Probably the main thing is to stop internet dating and try something else where you interact with people in person, where your "statistics" are better compensated for by all your other factors. This is also probably good advice for brown people, overweight people, and people who photograph poorly, too.

Stop wearing cargo shorts, be funny, and hit the gym will help a little bit, but not nearly as much as just trying something else.

(I also suspect one's Tinder/OKC experiences are largely driven by where one lives too, In that height/race/whatever might matter less in cities with more prospects or different demographics). Height and race might matter a lot in Omaha, where most of the women are white corn-fed amazons but matter very little in NYC where there are a much more diverse set of people, and considerably more women than men.

 

[JadedWriter]

I could say the same thing about literally most of the things complain about in OT.

Complaining about body shaming is not going to make men want to date obese women either, but nobody says "hey we shouldn't bother talking about those things or be annoyed by them."

We don't tell people that complain about those things that their feelings are invalid, or then go after them clowning them for being annoyed by it like some people in this thread. Like it's not the biggest thing in the world, but it can be pretty disheartening when internet dating. Incidentally, that's what this thread is about.

There is nothing you can do about being short, true, but there is actual things you can do to minimize the impact of it. Probably the main thing is to stop internet dating and try something else where you interact with people in person, where your "statistics" are better compensated for by all your other factors. This is also probably good advice for brown people, overweight people, and people who photograph poorly, too.

Stop wearing cargo shorts, be funny, and hit the gym will help a little bit, but not nearly as much as just trying something else.

(I also suspect one's Tinder/OKC experiences are largely driven by where one lives too, In that height/race/whatever might matter less in cities with more prospects or different demographics). Height and race might matter a lot in Omaha, where most of the women are white corn-fed amazons but matter very little in NYC where there are a much more diverse set of people, and considerably more women than men.

If you think height and race don't matter in NYC then you're mistaken.

 

[GamerSoul]

Thanks bruh

I'm tempted to delete all four of my online dating apps. They make me more depressed. I had a great first date a couple of months ago (she kissed me when we were watching a movie at her place, and more than once), then got ghosted.

I'd recommend probably taking a break from them. I removed most of the dating app shortcuts from my phone, so I don't have that urge to constantly check.

And it's tough, but like other have said you can't take things too personal. And maybe try to change it up every now and then by hitting a bar or something along those lines.

 

[How About No]

Free to play, pay to win. Fucking app culture man, I tell ya.

Holy crap someone's gonna make a lotta muns with this idea

 

[ISWThunder]

I say something generic 90% of the time and it works for me. I literally say "Hey, how's it going?" followed by "What are you up to?" and I receive responses to like 80-90% of the times I reach out. I haven't noticed a big difference between generic messages, and those that are specific to that person.

That definitely makes the Bumble app interesting, since the girl has to send the first message. It's definitely a mixed bag of girls just saying hi or them asking something out of the blue ("What's your best joke", Fuck, Marry Kill, etc.).

It changes the dynamics slightly, whereas on Tinder I feel like I'm always the one asking questions.

 

[KingV]

If you think height and race don't matter in NYC then you're mistaken.

I have no idea, it was just for the sake of example. I don't live there.

But the point is it quite probably relatively matters more in one place vs another either because the make up of the people, or that the volume of people is so large that while the dating pool shrinks from these filters, it is going from a really big number to still a pretty damn big number, so there is still enough options that it doesn't feel as limiting.

 

[sir_kevith]

One thing I've learned is that people make rules and preferences that seem so harsh but often come from their own insecurity.

I remember having a convo with an acquaintance of mine (she's black and that matters for this) but she was saying she wouldn't date a black guy without a bbc because "what's the point of dating a black guy then?" And she dates all kinds of guys so I told her that's extremely fucked up lol.

Anyways the other night she got turned down by a dude at the bar. She said later that he was too skinny for her anyways even though she was into him 5 minutes ago. People will just tell themselves shit to make themselves feel better. I honestly don't think she would have any issue dating a skinny black dude with a regular sized dick tbh but she had to lash out.

I'm a shorter guy so yeah I've been plenty insecure about it but it's a big world. I'm short as fuck in the Netherlands or something but normal in Italy or some place else.

 

[hydrophilic attack]

Free to play, pay to win. Fucking app culture man, I tell ya.

Holy crap someone's gonna make a lotta muns with this idea

http://m.neogaf.com/showthread.php?t=1248108

 

[Vitten]

That's what you get for being honest. Always add a few inches to your height, that way you can at least get more dates going and girls might overlook your 'small' stature if you're a fun guy.

Since most women lie about their weight/age or use bullshots to make themselves appear more attractive than they really are there's no reason guys shouldn't do the same.

 

[game-boi]

I don't give a fuck. I'm not dating a man shorter than me. You don't like it, you deal with it. Find a woman way shorter than you then or make yourself interesting enough that I want to date you. I'm 5'4 and my rule to not date any man shorter than that, which isn't common to begin with. If you're 5'8, whatever. As long as you're taller than me. Aesthetically, I prefer a man between 5'8 to 6'2. For me, there's a thing such as being too tall.

My thing is why do a lot of men think they can get a girl just by being a man? Like I'm obligated to be interested in you just because you're a man. Better step the fuck up to the plate. If you're being rejected for your height, look for girls that are shorter than you or become interesting enough where your height isn't a turn off. I'm not saying you have to be Prince or anything, but jeez.

My main question is: what the fuck do you have to offer? I hope I have something to offer to you as well. I hope I'm interesting enough for you to want to know me more. So why would I not have the same expectation out of a man I date?

Thank goodness I don't have to worry about any of this and I'm happily taken.

Because they've been told that's all they have be. Why objectively assess one's physical appearance and chosen behaviors when our culture is filled with fiction that tells people that's it's okay for guys by slothful bores and ladies have to be hot?

As a gay dude who isn't model pretty and has used a dating app or two, this is the most amazing aspect of this thread. Sorry, straight dudes, but this type of rejection isn't unique and you've been living a fairly privileged life if you made it THIS far and not had to run into this often. Are you curious to see what REAL, harsh judgement that is close to what most women see on a routine basis on these dating apps looks like? Download Grindr, upload a photo, and introduce yourself to somebody with abs.

...speaking of, some of the justifications Cindi uses for her "preferences" sound an awful lot like the "No fats, no fems, no Black, no Asian" crowds you'll see on a bunch of gay dating apps so I'll tell you the same thing I'd tell any one of them: Those might be your preferences, but have you ever considered why you have them? Where they come from? Or why they matter so much to you? Maybe you've thought about this and those preferences are dealbreakers for you, but the way you're phrasing them say a lot more about you than the topic at hand.

 

[How About No]

That's what you get for being honest. Always add a few inches to your height, that way you can at least get more dates going and girls might overlook your 'small' stature if you're a fun guy.
.

http://m.neogaf.com/showthread.php?t=1248108

Oh I'm thinking more pre-order weapons and gold-plated guns and double XP perks but applied to dating

 

[Fuchsdh]

I have always thought of colleges and universities as the ultimate match makers. Take 10,000-30,000 young people at the height of their fertility and dump them into a town together to pair off, away from their families and looking to find partners.

But, you are right. Maturity levels seem to have dropped, and career possibilities certainly have, making it tougher to form families at a young age.

This huge delay we have baked in (in the west at least), of marriage and childbearing is a bad thing, but I don't have any solutions.

At least based on my peer circles, the pairing off after college is still very much a thing, but it's highly dependent on the college you went to. I went to a good public university and I'm one of the very few who went there and is married four years out. My friends who went to Ivys or the more elite state schools like University of Virginia or William and Mary? A lot more of them married their college girlfriends/boyfriends.

I dunno what is really driving that disparity, or if it's actually tangible beyond my anecdotal experience.

 

[Sami+]

I actually met my girlfriend through tinder so I feel pretty alright about it lol. Worst I've gotten is some boring dates.

 

[KmA]

Because they've been told that's all they have be. Why objectively assess one's physical appearance and chosen behaviors when our culture is filled with fiction that tells people that's it's okay for guys by slothful bores and ladies have to be hot?

As a gay dude who isn't model pretty and has used a dating app or two, this is the most amazing aspect of this thread. Sorry, straight dudes, but this type of rejection isn't unique and you've been living a fairly privileged life if you made it THIS far and not had to run into this often. Are you curious to see what REAL, harsh judgement that is close to what most women see on a routine basis on these dating apps looks like? Download Grindr, upload a photo, and introduce yourself to somebody with abs.

...speaking of, some of the justifications Cindi uses for her "preferences" sound an awful lot like the "No fats, no fems, no Black, no Asian" crowds you'll see on a bunch of gay dating apps so I'll tell you the same thing I'd tell any one of them: Those might be your preferences, but have you ever considered why you have them? Where they come from? Or why they matter so much to you? Maybe you've thought about this and those preferences are dealbreakers for you, but the way you're phrasing them say a lot more about you than the topic at hand.

If this isn't the realest thing lmao. Honestly Grindr is a lot worse than Tinder because most guys on there are unabashedly only looking for sex. And it's super dehumanizing since they view people in terms of how well they activate their erection, rather than you know treating people with respect. But unfortunately LGB people don't have many options outside of bars and online apps.

 

[Afrocious]

...speaking of, some of the justifications Cindi uses for her "preferences" sound an awful lot like the "No fats, no fems, no Black, no Asian" crowds you'll see on a bunch of gay dating apps so I'll tell you the same thing I'd tell any one of them: Those might be your preferences, but have you ever considered why you have them? Where they come from? Or why they matter so much to you? Maybe you've thought about this and those preferences are dealbreakers for you, but the way you're phrasing them say a lot more about you than the topic at hand.

So basically Cindi's just mad cause she didnt meet the height check for a roller coaster

 

[Cindi Mayweather]

Because they've been told that's all they have be. Why objectively assess one's physical appearance and chosen behaviors when our culture is filled with fiction that tells people that's it's okay for guys by slothful bores and ladies have to be hot?

As a gay dude who isn't model pretty and has used a dating app or two, this is the most amazing aspect of this thread. Sorry, straight dudes, but this type of rejection isn't unique and you've been living a fairly privileged life if you made it THIS far and not had to run into this often. Are you curious to see what REAL, harsh judgement that is close to what most women see on a routine basis on these dating apps looks like? Download Grindr, upload a photo, and introduce yourself to somebody with abs.

...speaking of, some of the justifications Cindi uses for her "preferences" sound an awful lot like the "No fats, no fems, no Black, no Asian" crowds you'll see on a bunch of gay dating apps so I'll tell you the same thing I'd tell any one of them: Those might be your preferences, but have you ever considered why you have them? Where they come from? Or why they matter so much to you? Maybe you've thought about this and those preferences are dealbreakers for you, but the way you're phrasing them say a lot more about you than the topic at hand.

How is that the same thing? Guys on those apps openly tell you what their preferences are. It's not like I'm saying flat out "black men only, no short men, no fats". I prefer a guy be black because I'm black and I'm mostly attracted to black men. I'd prefer for a man taller than me, and I'd also prefer that he look after himself and exercise. But I don't really advertise this as a prerequisite when I was on OK Cupid. My first priority there is finding someone who is interesting enough for me to want to date. It just so happens, that I ended up dating a tall, black, military veteran. But he was hardly the first guy I talked to on OK Cupid, and I actually talked to overweight guys and non-black men as well.

This idea of shaming people for having sexual preferences is odd to me. Of course, that's not to say all preferences are equal and that some preferences don't merit criticism. But labeling all preferences in the same pile is naive and disrespectful I think. I'm actually fairly open-minded when it comes to dating, and I don't think I have to pull a Sigmund Freud to understand why I'd prefer a man taller than me.

I mean, it's not that hard. I want to feel protected and sheltered and that's a vibe a man shorter than me likely cannot give off.

Honestly this whole "you're not allowed to have preferences" thing is shit.

 

[CyberMiguel]

I have always thought of colleges and universities as the ultimate match makers. Take 10,000-30,000 young people at the height of their fertility and dump them into a town together to pair off, away from their families and looking to find partners.

University life doesn't actually work like that. A good portion of students simply don't care about finding a match and another portion is simply too involved in their studies to actually have any social life.

...and then there's the "atypical" people (like me) who simply can't find any match because of atypical reasons (in my case, it's my ASD). =/

 

[kobu]

Because they've been told that's all they have be. Why objectively assess one's physical appearance and chosen behaviors when our culture is filled with fiction that tells people that's it's okay for guys by slothful bores and ladies have to be hot?

As a gay dude who isn't model pretty and has used a dating app or two, this is the most amazing aspect of this thread. Sorry, straight dudes, but this type of rejection isn't unique and you've been living a fairly privileged life if you made it THIS far and not had to run into this often. Are you curious to see what REAL, harsh judgement that is close to what most women see on a routine basis on these dating apps looks like? Download Grindr, upload a photo, and introduce yourself to somebody with abs.

As a bisexual guy who decided to try Grindr recently I didn't have to introduce myself to anyone with abs because they all messaged me first and I don't think I'm good looking at all. So I don't think doing what you suggested is going to teach anyone a thing about harsh judgement.

 

[Llyranor]

It's hardly a newsflash that the vast majority of women would prefer a man taller than them, to some more of a dealbreaker than others.

I think what's important is how rudely or aggressively one might express that preference in their profile.

 

[Biolink]

Time to save up and get a couple of those height surgeries. Welp.

 

[Cindi Mayweather]

Time to save up and get a couple of those height surgeries.

Go to the gym and lift weights instead.

 

[ThisGuy]

Time to save up and get a couple of those height surgeries. Welp.

How far along has that come? Is the best option still to have your legs broken and slightly pulled apart?

 

[Cindi Mayweather]

It's hardly a newsflash that the vast majority of women would prefer a man taller than them, to some more of a dealbreaker than others.

I think what's important is how rudely or aggressively one might express that preference in their profile.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201306/why-women-want-tall-men

The results on partner preferences are a bit discouraging if you’re a short man. In general, women were more likely than men to think that the man should be taller and they didn’t want to be in a relationship in which they were taller than their male partners. Men liked being taller than their partners, but they didn’t care about the height difference as much as women did.

 

[lightskintwin]

I dunno man, I don't think I've ever seen the equivalent of this for men. Obviously that woman (and those like her in the comments) aren't the norm, but it still hints at the difference between women and men.

If anything that link reinforces my point. Men find women on average more attractive than women find men, so if anything it's women who have to lower their physical standards. So men who meet the majority of women's standards of attractiveness have by far an advantage than vice versa due to supply and demand.

The OkCupid race data thing pisses me off...i'm brown, and it seems like a lot of these girls have this "No brown/black guys" implicit rule that they've got going on, and it really sucks.

Look, I am aware that this just means that they won't message you anyway, that's fine. But it's annoying to be playing in hard mode (no filthy pun intended) from the outset, right?

That's why it's important to go out and socialize because as a Black man who hangs out with other Black men, I've never felt any barriers from other women due to my race.

One thing I've learned is that people make rules and preferences that seem so harsh but often come from their own insecurity.

I remember having a convo with an acquaintance of mine (she's black and that matters for this) but she was saying she wouldn't date a black guy without a bbc because "what's the point of dating a black guy then?" And she dates all kinds of guys so I told her that's extremely fucked up lol.

Anyways the other night she got turned down by a dude at the bar. She said later that he was too skinny for her anyways even though she was into him 5 minutes ago. People will just tell themselves shit to make themselves feel better. I honestly don't think she would have any issue dating a skinny black dude with a regular sized dick tbh but she had to lash out.

I'm a shorter guy so yeah I've been plenty insecure about it but it's a big world. I'm short as fuck in the Netherlands or something but normal in Italy or some place else.

LOL What's hilarious is I used to make a similar statement about Black women. What's the point in dating a black woman who ain't got no ass? For the record, I primarily date Black women and yes they gotta have ass. LOL

 

[Owwari]

I'm rather short (5'7'' but I lift) and that didn't stop this random chick to try to bypass my pants and go for my man muscle in the middle of a goddamn karaoke party. Yes, she was taller than me. No, that didn't stop her for wanting to fuck my brains out.

Also, fuck the modern dating apps lol. They're all built around women ''empowerment'' so I'm not even surprised about the statistics. Out there in the wild, we're ALL as thirsty as ever.

 

[kavanf1]

I already knew that it's not ok to be racist. ITT I learned it's ok to be heightist. I'm confused about why one is acceptable and the other isn't though. In both cases the person being isted has no control over either factor. Seems like both ought to be unacceptable really.

 

[ishibear]

I have never done online dating but most if not all of the guys I have ever dated or liked were the same height as me (174cm/ a little over 5"8) or shorter.

Sorry, but I would like to date someone taller for once. I have often felt freakishly big and uncomfortable being taller than most people around me. For once, I would like to look up at someone... 😭

My problem, no one else's heh.

 

[appaws]

University life doesn't actually work like that. A good portion of students simply don't care about finding a match and another portion is simply too involved in their studies to actually have any social life.

...and then there's the "atypical" people (like me) who simply can't find any match because of atypical reasons (in my case, it's my ASD). =/

Man, I must have went to dumb schools! I don't remember too many students "too involved in their studies" to have a social life. Even law students at my pretty decent law school found time to socialize and hook up. At least 2 marriages came out of my class.

I would say that most people care a lot about finding a match. Of course there are outliers who don't...but it seems to consume so much of our mental process from puberty onward.

ASD sucks. I hope you are getting help and doing well.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201306/why-women-want-tall-men

Interesting post. Makes some sense considering evolutionary imperatives. It takes a long time for those to wear off even after they become functionally meaningless.

 

[KingV]

It's hardly a newsflash that the vast majority of women would prefer a man taller than them, to some more of a dealbreaker than others.

I think what's important is how rudely or aggressively one might express that preference in their profile.

I think there's a larger discussion about how dehumanizing online dating is, in general, and How it might be improved, what could be a better alternative, or if it's even an objectively a good thing for people/society.

Theoretically it makes meeting people easier than ever, yet there's articles about how asexual millennials are comparatively to previous generations at the same age too.

Sure lots of people have had success, but it doesn't seem like people are pairing up more easily than ever or anything.

 

[MadSexual]

I already knew that it's not ok to be racist. ITT I learned it's ok to be heightist. I'm confused about why one is acceptable and the other isn't though. In both cases the person being isted has no control over either factor. Seems like both ought to be unacceptable really.

We're talking aesthetic preferences here. It isn't racist to prefer some races over others. Nobody is saying that doesn't limit your options or that race or height reflects the character of a potential suitor.

 

[game-boi]

Cindi, I was in the middle of typing up a reply that could be summarized as "I really wish that you included this level of nuance in your post where you told people 'you don't give a fuck.' Your experience is interesting and I had a few questions," but then I saw edited your post to include this garbage...

Honestly this whole "you're not allowed to have preferences" thing is shit.

This is the exact same rationale racists use to back up their "preferences" when it's brought to their attention that they are shallow and pretty shitty.

Have your arbitrary preferences that make you feel good. Knock yourself out. But these "preferences" and the way that you have phrased them in this thread show an amazing lack of empathy and paint you as a unpleasant person of little character.

 

[eot]

If anything that link reinforces my point. Men find women on average more attractive than women find men, so if anything it's women who have to lower their physical standards. So men who meet the majority of women's standards of attractiveness have by far an advantage than vice versa due to supply and demand.

I see what you mean but I guess we meant different things then. With "standards" I meant what standards they have for considering someone good looking, and you meant what standards they have for considering someone dateable. That sucks for women though if they think most men are ugly lol, I guess men have it better after all?

 

[jroc74]

Honestly this whole "you're not allowed to have preferences" thing is shit.

Dont sweat it. A preference is a preference is a preference. Even race. It might sound bad but its a preference that doesnt bother me. I've seen some profiles with Black women only looking for White men. Do you.. Like I think a chick thats into sports is sexy as hell. So that could be my preference. The more things we have in common the better it should be, right?

I might start trying to date White women only...does that make me bad or is it me just trying to do something different?

I remember one woman I liked at work told me she doesnt date ppl she work with. Cool, I can dig it. (its a good rule to live by, honestly)

As time went by she changed her tune and I wasnt even trying to make her change it. She was just a cool person to hang out with. Funny thing is we basically changed places....she was feeling me and I was looking at her as a friend...a sexy ass friend with a nice body but still...lol

On one hand I get what the other folks are saying but I get what you are saying too.

 

[Cindi Mayweather]

Cindi, I was in the middle of typing up a reply that could be summarized as "I really wish that you included this level of nuance in your post where you told people 'you don't give a fuck.' Your experience is interesting and I had a few questions," but then I saw edited your post to include this garbage...



This is the exact same rationale racists use to back up their "preferences" when it's brought to their attention that they are shallow and pretty shitty.

Have your arbitrary preferences that make you feel good. Knock yourself out. But these "preferences" and the way that you have phrased them in this thread show an amazing lack of empathy and paint you as a unpleasant person of little character.

Quite a reach there, tiger.

 

[lightskintwin]

I see what you mean but I guess we meant different things then. With "standards" I meant what standards they have for considering someone good looking, and you meant what standards they have for considering someone dateable. That sucks for women though if they think most men are ugly lol, I guess men have it better after all?

I do mean standards for considering someone good looking. Attractive men have more advantages than attractive women, I don't know if they have it better.

 

[Always-honest]

I think the more preferences they put on the list the easier it must be to find more people who will likely be a good match.
Easier to avoid people from the get go.

 

[JadedWriter]

I think the more preferences they put on the list the easier it must be to find more people who will likely be a good match.
Easier to avoid people from the get go.

Every time I see a laundry list of "preferences" I nope the fuck out of the profile. I have preferences too. I typically go after Asian and Hispanic women and you know what? My first GF and current ex ended up being Haitian. I would've never thought about being with a Haitian woman and we had a relationship that lasted a year and two months. Sometimes it's just best to keep an open mind.

 

[J2 Cool]

This thread..Tinder raises (short) men's blood pressure.

Just use online dating for what you can. I don't post my height. I don't care, and its rarely an issue. If someone asks I tell them. Generally just try to match with girls my height or shorter, but. just don't really care. Theres always another option, as well as just meeting people in person. It's just an additional outlet for dating.

 

[MadSexual]

Cindi, I was in the middle of typing up a reply that could be summarized as "I really wish that you included this level of nuance in your post where you told people 'you don't give a fuck.' Your experience is interesting and I had a few questions," but then I saw edited your post to include this garbage...



This is the exact same rationale racists use to back up their "preferences" when it's brought to their attention that they are shallow and pretty shitty.

Have your arbitrary preferences that make you feel good. Knock yourself out. But these "preferences" and the way that you have phrased them in this thread show an amazing lack of empathy and paint you as a unpleasant person of little character.

I hope I'm not misreading you, but you write as though people with hearts of gold deserve special consideration. Some people are looking for intellectual companionship, sure, but by and large, love is for sex, and if it aint sexy, it ain't love. It doesn't really matter if it's height, race, weight, number of teeth, college degrees-- if you don't arouse someone based on their threshold of preferences, they don't owe you any special attention.

 

[Ceallach]

People have prefences, why waste your time on someone that doesnt interest you. Unfortunately Tinder is shattering undesirable mens perceptions of themselves.

 

[Skelter]

Don't use Tinder.

I was a 22-year-old virgin and accidentally ended up meeting my current partner of three years randomly in a pub on a night out, completely unintentionally.

Moral is, put yourself in positions where you can meet women. The more you meet, the better the odds of meeting someone you're compatible with for the right reasons.

And sometimes you just want to fuck, hence, tinder.

 

[Llyranor]

I already knew that it's not ok to be racist. ITT I learned it's ok to be heightist. I'm confused about why one is acceptable and the other isn't though. In both cases the person being isted has no control over either factor. Seems like both ought to be unacceptable really.

We're talking aesthetic preferences here. It isn't racist to prefer some races over others. Nobody is saying that doesn't limit your options or that race or height reflects the character of a potential suitor.

I would say it's not racist to be more attracted to or to prefer particular races, but that completely ruling out particular races is. 'No blacks, sorry not sorry' is absolutely racist.

The other thing about comparing race and height. Take a white guy and an Asian guy, all else being equal. One is not inherently superior to the other, but it is the centuries of colonialism and institutionalized racism/discrimination that has made one significantly more attractive than the other.

For a taller and shorter, all else being equal, I find that women would almost all pick the taller guy by default. Sure, some women might pick a shorter guy over some taller and also suitable guy, but it would have to because of some other trait that makes the shorter guy more attractive (funnier, better chemistry, no cargo pants, etc), and not because of the height being an advantage. I know social conditioning has an impact on this as well, but shorter is inherently viewed as a negative trait (relative to taller) almost universally. I don't know how to address that in the dating world.

I think there's a larger discussion about how dehumanizing online dating is, in general, and How it might be improved, what could be a better alternative, or if it's even an objectively a good thing for people/society.

Oh, absolutely. Being reduced stats is pretty awful. If I had just made a by-the-books stats-based profile, I would have had zero success online.

 

[Always-honest]

Every time I see a laundry list of "preferences" I nope the fuck out of the profile. I have preferences too. I typically go after Asian and Hispanic women and you know what? My first GF and current ex ended up being Haitian. I would've never thought about being with a Haitian woman and we had a relationship that lasted a year and two months. Sometimes it's just best to keep an open mind.

That's best in general i think.

 

[lightskintwin]

Every time I see a laundry list of "preferences" I nope the fuck out of the profile. I have preferences too. I typically go after Asian and Hispanic women and you know what? My first GF and current ex ended up being Haitian. I would've never thought about being with a Haitian woman and we had a relationship that lasted a year and two months. Sometimes it's just best to keep an open mind.

This. People make exceptions against their preferences all the time.