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Tinder is destroying men’s self-esteem (New York Post)

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J

JadedWriter

Member
Aki-at said:
Doesn't really bother me if I get hundreds of rejections, it's just a picture of someone I don't know so there's no investment in being rejected.

Though I'm not keen on Tinder, more of an OKCupid kind of guy, I'd like to know a little something about the person first.
Click to expand...
God I hate OKC the women on there are such hipster cliches.
 
A

Aki-at

Member
SummitAve said:
When it gets to thousands of rejections are you going to be bothered?
Click to expand...

Probably not. I've had girlfriends in the past so it's not like I haven't dated before. In fact since I've been in an abusive relationship too I welcome the calm being single gives you.

Having a companion isn't the be all end all for me and being rejected by people I hardly know doesn't hurt me. What did hurt me was a girl I liked but didn't feel the same way but such is life.

Having no girlfriend basically just gives me more excuse to not drive all the time and spend more times with friends and family :p

Llyranor said:
If he gets rejected by a thousand girls, his height would not be the sole factor.
Click to expand...

I don't even put my height in and worst case if our personalities match but not attraction I might have just made a new friend so that's a bonus in my books!

JadedWriter said:
God I hate OKC the women on there are such hipster cliches.
Click to expand...

Haha I do tend to avoid those, though just today I found an Asian girl who's "Muslim (And it's important!)" Who prioritises white guys.

I mean it's not like there isn't white Muslim guys but since they're rarer than the mainstream Asian ones in the UK it got a decent chuckle out of me lol
 
eot

eot

Banned
Afrocious said:
dont worry im low key lurking

dunno if it matters but i'll spoiler tag stuff in case it's nsfw

for real though i never thought anything about it until i started undressing in locker rooms and dudes started actively talking about how i have a monster dick/pipe, so i kinda grew self conscious about it. at the time, i had low self esteem so this was kinda harsh

first time a girl sees my penis (girl i lost my virginity with) gave me that spiel about me having a big dick (shit like 'you're definitely the biggest'/'i dont know if it can fit'/'i want to taste it'). she was white and it made me feel some kind of way with me being black and her literally holding my dick saying this stuff to me. this was also the first time i ever tried out casual sex and all in all, i dont regret it even though i didn't care for the experience. i wasn't attracted to her and figured i'd try at least feel good. i did but eh.

sometime after that i met my (ex) girlfriend. she said similar things about my dick when we had sex, but she eventually got used to it and seemed to only want sex from behind - which worked for me.

the last girl i had sex with i ended up having a conversation about her voicing my concerns about my dick, my thoughts on what people have said to me. i felt more comfortable telling her these things because she was black and we were pretty cool with each other (this was when i realized it's okay to not prefer casual sex).

she told me that a girl will just get used to it if she wants it. she, too, preferred sex from behind. so i kinda just did what folks ITT said and just went with it.

none of this is a humblebrag but i feel folks will look at it as such. i feel like i'm going to have this talk again pretty soon with someone i'm kinda seeing as well....
Click to expand...

r/bigdickproblems
 
D

djtiesto

is beloved, despite what anyone might say
Stuff like this is why I'm wary of using Tinder. I'm not a terribly attractive guy (and about average height) but at least with some of the other sites, I can read their profile and write a reasonably interesting, thoughtful message to get the ball rolling. So many guys on the other sites will just write throwaway messages like "hey baby wats up?".
 
A

Afrocious

Member
Tinder is easy to bullshit a message with. Just as long as you're not saying something creepy or saying the generic 'hey'/'what's up'/'how are you doing' stuff, you're fine.

you're not guaranteed a response but hey at least she probably read your message.
 
F

FaintDeftone

Junior Member
kingslunk said:
This sounds extremely shallow and I feel like you're missing the complaint. You say you instantly reject someone based on height but they better have something to offer and should be interesting? An interesting person that's shorter than you has instantly been written off by you by their height. You sound extremely vain.
Click to expand...

It ultimately doesn't matter what she thinks though. Let her have her height requirement. You know why? There are millions of other women out there that do not have that requirement.

Like I said many pages back, I'm a very short guy (5'3) and I've never had issues dating aside from my high school days when I had no self esteem and I let people's jokes get to me. When I stopped letting my height bother me, I was attracting women left and right. Hell my dad was 5 foot even and he was a total ladies man.

There are tons of women out there who do not care how tall you are (my wife being one of them and she's taller than me). Sure there are many like Cindi where height is crucial, but it's actually a smaller number than most think in my experience. Cindi can be shallow all she wants, because at the end of the day she's one person in a sea of other women with different views and opinions. The short guy she rejected can easily find someone else so no big loss. I'm not trying to insult Cindi here either, I'm actually agreeing with her (even though she came off as pretty harsh).

By the way, this is one of the best off topic discussions I've had on Off-Topic GAF in quite a long time. Very interesting perspectives here.
 
M

Markoman

Member
eot said:
r/bigdickproblems
Click to expand...

Haha this is great...

To the younger folks on GAF: I've turned 40 this year and so far I never needed to swallow Viagra to make my +10 fire infused short sword work (I'm a DEX build). Two of my friends (STR) who both use +4 Zweihänders (raw) have been using Viagra regularly since their mid-thirties and need almost an hour recovery time to wield their weapon again after the first sexual encounter with severe headaches next day. So, there's a positive to everything I guess....
 
K

KingV

Member
MrVargas said:
Good post which is why I tell the short guys on this thread to skip the dating sites. Go to places where you are not surrounded by tall guys and where there are more girls than guys. Combine that with being well dressed, well groomed, smelling good, success in finance and career, being in good shape, with a good nights rest and focus more on long-term dating success versus short-term hookups and you'll do fine.

The key is to make good goals (i.e. SMART) around these things. Don't be general about it. Make a plan. It might sound like a lot of work just to get a girl but really it is self-improvement. These things will pay off in all facets of life. I went through a similar transformation and you'll find even guys want to be your friend more often, you'll get more and better responsibilities at work, etc.

Read "Mate: Become the Man Women Want"
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0316375365/?tag=neogaf0e-20

It goes more into detail about all this but this book changed my life and I was not even on the dating market. I'm married but it improved my marriage, gave me much better self-esteem. I preach these tenets to young men all the time because I wish I heard this when I was younger.
Click to expand...

This is actually good advice. You had another post earlier that was also good advice.

All these posts that are like "keep Tindering but be the best possible you" are missing the point and giving the most basic advice that applies to every person all the time in every context. In this one particular context, people think it's good advice for some reason, but would never go into a thread where a woman is complaining about something sexist that keeps happening to her, and tell her she just needs to try harder to be even better than all the guys. It's widely acknowledged that that is condescending advice.
 
S

siddhu33

Member
The OkCupid race data thing pisses me off...i'm brown, and it seems like a lot of these girls have this "No brown/black guys" implicit rule that they've got going on, and it really sucks.

Look, I am aware that this just means that they won't message you anyway, that's fine. But it's annoying to be playing in hard mode (no filthy pun intended) from the outset, right?
 
A

Afrocious

Member
siddhu33 said:
The OkCupid race data thing pisses me off...i'm brown, and it seems like a lot of these girls have this "No brown/black guys" implicit rule that they've got going on, and it really sucks.

Look, I am aware that this just means that they won't message you anyway, that's fine. But it's annoying to be playing in hard mode (no filthy pun intended) from the outset, right?
Click to expand...

You're a minority. You were born on hard mode.
 
A

Aki-at

Member
siddhu33 said:
The OkCupid race data thing pisses me off...i'm brown, and it seems like a lot of these girls have this "No brown/black guys" implicit rule that they've got going on, and it really sucks.

Look, I am aware that this just means that they won't message you anyway, that's fine. But it's annoying to be playing in hard mode (no filthy pun intended) from the outset, right?
Click to expand...

Here's the thing.

If a girl is willing to exclude you based on race would you really want to be with such a person? I'm a brown skinned south Asian and if someone got put off based on my skin tone it's the type of person I want to avoid.
 
A

Afrocious

Member
Aki-at said:
Here's the thing.

If a girl is willing to exclude you based on race would you really want to be with such a person? I'm a brown skinned south Asian and if someone got put off based on my skin tone it's the type of person I want to avoid.
Click to expand...

Exactly. When this happened to me, it took me years to resolve with myself but this is truth. Don't deal with people like that.
 
S

Shredderi

Member
Aki-at said:
Here's the thing.

If a girl is willing to exclude you based on race would you really want to be with such a person? I'm a brown skinned south Asian and if someone got put off based on my skin tone it's the type of person I want to avoid.
Click to expand...

At it's core it's lamenting the fact that people like that (racists) exists in the first place. Can't argue with that.
 
A

Auctopus

Member
Markoman said:
Haha this is great...

To the younger folks on GAF: I've turned 40 this year and so far I never needed to swallow Viagra to make my +10 fire infused short sword work (I'm a DEX build). Two of my friends (STR) who both use +4 Zweihänders (raw) have been using Viagra regularly since their mid-thirties and need almost an hour recovery time to wield their weapon again after the first sexual encounter with severe headaches next day. So, there's a positive to everything I guess....
Click to expand...

What if you have a Dragon's Tooth?
 
H

hydrophilic attack

Member
Markoman said:
Haha this is great...

To the younger folks on GAF: I've turned 40 this year and so far I never needed to swallow Viagra to make my +10 fire infused short sword work (I'm a DEX build). Two of my friends (STR) who both use +4 Zweihänders (raw) have been using Viagra regularly since their mid-thirties and need almost an hour recovery time to wield their weapon again after the first sexual encounter with severe headaches next day. So, there's a positive to everything I guess....
Click to expand...

I'm a low-level Vig/End pump build, which easily makes me beat all competition, but unfortunately leaves my partner sore and bored long before I finish
 
L

Llyranor

Member
Aki-at said:
Here's the thing.

If a girl is willing to exclude you based on race would you really want to be with such a person? I'm a brown skinned south Asian and if someone got put off based on my skin tone it's the type of person I want to avoid.
Click to expand...

Afrocious said:
Exactly. When this happened to me, it took me years to resolve with myself but this is truth. Don't deal with people like that.
Click to expand...
Yeah, it's the kind of thing you have to learn to accept (that these people exist). The sooner you learn not to give them the time of day and to not let it affect you, the better off you'll be.

At this point, I consider it a favor that they display that on their sleeve, saves me a lot of time. And not just for things that affect me directly. If someone explicitly states a disdain for dating black people (I'm not black), or disparaging comments about gay marriage, for example, they are out. I mean, seriously, this is the best you can present? Please.

KingV said:
All these posts that are like "keep Tindering but be the best possible you" are missing the point and giving the most basic advice that applies to every person all the time in every context. In this one particular context, people think it's good advice for some reason, but would never go into a thread where a woman is complaining about something sexist that keeps happening to her, and tell her she just needs to try harder to be even better than all the guys. It's widely acknowledged that that is condescending advice.
Click to expand...
It's not so much dismissal as acknowledgement that it is unfair, but that nothing can be done about it (the height), so why mope about it? We can't suddenly make women become more attracted to shorter guys vs tall guys (all else being equal), nor will they suddenly start to pity-date short guys that they wouldn't have previously.

The women that are already open-minded about height are already dating the short men, and the twitter/facebook trolls with disgusting aggressive attitudes do not represent the majority of women.
 
J

JadedWriter

Member
Aki-at said:
Haha I do tend to avoid those, though just today I found an Asian girl who's "Muslim (And it's important!)" Who prioritises white guys.

I mean it's not like there isn't white Muslim guys but since they're rarer than the mainstream Asian ones in the UK it got a decent chuckle out of me lol
Click to expand...
There have been moments where I read a profile and I'm just like, "so what you're trying to say is, that you just want to be alone forever."
 
Cindi Mayweather

Cindi Mayweather

Member
kingslunk said:
Your logic is sound. However you did read what she said right? "Im not dating a man shorter than me". She didn't say "I'll date a short guy if he's dressed nice". I don't really know what you were addressing with that middle paragraph rant pertaining to my post but sure.
Click to expand...

Huh?

I'm 5'4. I'm not dating a man shorter than me but that leaves plenty of men who aren't. How is this shallow? If you can't get me, I'm sure you can get my friend Linda. She's 5'0. Why do you think you're a guarantee? I will not date a man shorter than me but I know plenty of short women and women who will date a man shorter than them.

I would go for a guy who is 5'6 and goes to the gym.

His post is my logic flat out. Barely anything was changed in terms of logistics.
 
A

Afrocious

Member
The real question here is if tall people (6'0+) can wear shorts or not.

I say no and I'm looking for another reason to get rid of my cargo shorts.
 
M

Markoman

Member
Auctopus said:
What if you have a Dragon's Tooth?
Click to expand...

Hm...pal, have you ever considered inter-species sex? A female shetland pony or a teenage hippo surely will love it.

hydrophilic attack said:
I'm a low-level Vig/End pump build, which easily makes me beat all competition, but unfortunately leaves my partner sore and bored long before I finish
Click to expand...

My advise: go farming and rebalance your stats, if you're still encountering problems, lay down your white sign and I can help you in a Co-op session.
 
S

siddhu33

Member
Afrocious said:
The real question here is if tall people (6'0+) can wear shorts or not.

I say no and I'm looking for another reason to get rid of my cargo shorts.
Click to expand...

Cargo is a no-go unless you're going fishing or hiking or something. There's a lot of nice shorts out there that aren't cargo shorts. I find that height is not the main issue with shorts, but rather how your big your legs are. Having large legs mean that shorts can be a blessing sometimes, don't have to worry about how the cut of the trouser ends near the foot.
 
A

Afrocious

Member
siddhu33 said:
Cargo is a no-go unless you're going fishing or hiking or something. There's a lot of nice shorts out there that aren't cargo shorts. I find that height is not the main issue with shorts, but rather how your big your legs are. Having large legs mean that shorts can be a blessing sometimes, don't have to worry about how the cut of the trouser ends near the foot.
Click to expand...

Yeah I'm 6'2" with some big thighs from squats so I dunno what to do here.
 
A

Aki-at

Member
Llyranor said:
Yeah, it's the kind of thing you have to learn to accept (that these people exist). The sooner you learn not to give them the time of day and to not let it affect you, the better off you'll be.

At this point, I consider it a favor that they display that on their sleeve, saves me a lot of time. And not just for things that affect me directly. If someone explicitly states a disdain for dating black people (I'm not black), or disparaging comments about gay marriage, for example, they are out. I mean, seriously, this is the best you can present? Please.
Click to expand...

Yeah that's exactly how I look at, it's better to get these people out of the way than waste time on them.

JadedWriter said:
There have been moments where I read a profile and I'm just like, "so what you're trying to say is, that you just want to be alone forever."
Click to expand...

Standards are too high with some women.

Now I wish I was replaying about short guys so I could use that pun to its full effectiveness :(
 
A

Always-honest

Banned
eot said:
It's another media problem. Men are 'taught' to put a lot of their self worth in their penis size. Small penises are acceptable to make fun of for some reason (similar to short men actually). Then there's porn which more often than not tries to reinforce bigger = better. It's easy to see how it can become a psychological hang up for people, no matter if they're big or small. I mean shit, even some guys who are already too big still wish they were bigger because it's been ingrained in them so deeply.

People shouldn't take stuff like this, or this to heart, but of course many will.
Click to expand...
Yeah the dickshaming is still very alive.
 
A

Adam_Roman

Member
I know the thread's kind of derailed from the original topic, but Tinder has established my self-esteem as a guy. I went all of high school and 3 years of college without having a single date or any girl interested in me. Since I started using Tinder a year and a half ago I've had two girlfriends and talked with at least a few dozen women that weren't bots and were genuinely interested in me. That's way more experience than I would've had otherwise, and it showed me that even if I'm not the best looking guy, there's still plenty of people attracted to me.
 
appaws

appaws

Banned
I am so happy after reading these threads to be old and never have used any app to get a date. I met my wife in college like a normal person.

It seems like it would be difficult to have a really big shwantz, just dangling in the way. They say Italians do, but somehow that gene missed me. When flaccid, I practically have an innie.
 
T

TheSeks

Blinded by the luminous glory that is David Bowie's physical manifestation.
Afrocious said:
The real question here is if tall people (6'0+) can wear shorts or not.

I say no and I'm looking for another reason to get rid of my cargo shorts.
Click to expand...

Yes? Provided the shorts are within a reasonable leg length, there's nothing stopping you from wearing those.
 
H

harSon

Banned
ViewtifulJC said:
I always say something specific about the picture. Something that's not generic, but also not something G-Fex would say or some shit.
Click to expand...

I say something generic 90% of the time and it works for me. I literally say "Hey, how's it going?" followed by "What are you up to?" and I receive responses to like 80-90% of the times I reach out. I haven't noticed a big difference between generic messages, and those that are specific to that person.
 
M

MadSexual

Member
appaws said:
I am so happy after reading these threads to be old and never have used any app to get a date. I met my wife in college like a normal person.
Click to expand...
I'd say most people won't meet their ultimate partner in college any more, and given the immaturity of relationships I've seen in that age group, it's for the best. I can imagine a time when college grads were ready to be full adults, but now, even most of those that excel still think too selfishly and narrowly to select a person to spend the rest of their life with. It's still true that it's hard to meet people after college, however, so dating apps are a product of the effort being made. I agree they are weird and the experience largely sucks, though.
 
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