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Tinder is destroying men’s self-esteem (New York Post)

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MadSexual

Member
I would say it's not racist to be more attracted to or to prefer particular races, but that completely ruling out particular races is. 'No blacks, sorry not sorry' is absolutely racist.
For sure. Those kinds of statements say a lot more than just a look they dig. I filter girls of my own race when I see that shit.
 

kavanf1

Member
We're talking aesthetic preferences here. It isn't racist to prefer some races over others. Nobody is saying that doesn't limit your options or that race or height reflects the character of a potential suitor.

Indeed but there's a big difference between a personal preference and this:

I would say it's not racist to be more attracted to or to prefer particular races, but that completely ruling out particular races is. 'No blacks, sorry not sorry' is absolutely racist.

And following on from that, I'd treat anyone who put an exclusion based on height the same as I'd treat someone who put an exclusion based on race. It's one thing to have a preference but another to use it as a primary criterion for choosing a partner.

I'm not familiar with dating sites, but these kinds of exclusions just seem distasteful in the same way people would think of a guy who wrote "Don't message me unless you're DD or bigger" in his profile.
 
Indeed but there's a big difference between a personal preference and a statement this:

And following on from that, I'd treat anyone who put an exclusion based on height the same as I'd treat someone who put an exclusion based on race. It's one thing to have a preference but another to use it as a primary criterion for choosing a partner.

I'm not familiar with dating sites, but these kinds of exclusions just seem distasteful in the same way people would think of a guy who wrote "Don't message me unless you're DD or bigger" in his profile.

It seems you're adamant in placing your height on victim status. Accept the fact that women on average prefer tall men, DEAL WITH IT.
 

gaiages

Banned
I'm rather short (5'7'' but I lift) and that didn't stop this random chick to try to bypass my pants and go for my man muscle in the middle of a goddamn karaoke party. Yes, she was taller than me. No, that didn't stop her for wanting to fuck my brains out.

Also, fuck the modern dating apps lol. They're all built around women ''empowerment'' so I'm not even surprised about the statistics. Out there in the wild, we're ALL as thirsty as ever.

????????
 
It's not like I said "tall men only" or anything. One guy was 5'6 and I still talked to him. Again, I am 5'4. I probably won't date you if you're shorter than that unless something really catches my eye. It's not like I have anything against short men. I'm just less attracted to men shorter than me. A guy who is 5'6 is still considered short by most.

Comparing race to height is ridiculous and shows how little adversity you've had in your life if you want to make that kind of comparison.

It's the same thing with boob size. If you see a woman you're attracted too, certainly you'd probably subconsciously choose the one with bigger breasts. Maybe, maybe not. That's not to say the girl with smaller breasts won't have the capability of having a boyfriend or anything, but there's probably a subconscious thing that has you attracted to big breasts.


I mean, in a way he's kind of right? Had like 20 messages in my inbox by the end of my first day on OKC.
 

Squalor

Junior Member
Preferring one race over another is so weird.

It's always seemed like an ignorant, learned behavior at best and a racist one at its worst.

Also, preferring "exotic" to you races is definitely usually about fetishizing said race, which is also gross.
 

ishibear

is a goddamn bear
I have never been deterred by a preference before and honestly I don't know if anyone should. You would be surprised how many people throw out their preference if they are attracted to you.

A couple dudes on Facebook said they thought black girls were unattractive. They saw pictures of me and my friends, then proceeded to ask if we were seeing anyone. That continues to happen.

Where people get the idea that everyone of a certain race looks alike is beyond me. You're better off saying the qualities you prefer than anything else.
 
Preferring one race over another is so weird.

It's always seemed like an ignorant, learned behavior at best and a racist one at its worst.

Also, preferring "exotic" to you races is definitely usually about fetishizing said race, which is also gross.

Most humans prefer their own race sexually. It's not weird at all unless you're going after a specific race that's not your own like you mentioned.

I have no problem saying I'm mostly attracted to black men, which is the same race as me. Any other race, you stand a chance but a much smaller chance. I'm open-minded. I've dated white, asian, latino;etc but my main attraction is black men.

But the thing about preferences is that there's exceptions. I normally go for really fit guys but there's one guy I know who's got a beer belly and muscles and looks like a lineman, and I think he's really sexy. Exceptions exist.
 
I have never been deterred by a preference before and honestly I don't know if anyone should. You would be surprised how many people throw out their preference if they are attracted to you.

A couple dudes on Facebook said they thought black girls were unattractive. They saw pictures of me and my friends, then proceeded to ask if we were seeing anyone. That continues to happen.

Where people get the idea that everyone of a certain race looks alike is beyond me. You're better off saying the qualities you prefer than anything else.

Let's see them pics, shawty. LOL :p
 

kavanf1

Member
It seems you're adamant in placing your height on victim status. Accept the fact that women on average prefer tall men, DEAL WITH IT.
What makes you say that? I've already said ITT I have no issue with my height, and I don't even use dating apps anyway. I'm just pointing out a double standard.

Anyway, I know women prefer tall men, that's a given. My point was more about it being socially acceptable to filter on one (uncontrollable) physical attribute, but not another.
 

Squalor

Junior Member
Most humans prefer their own race sexually. It's not weird at all unless you're going after a specific race that's not your own like you mentioned.

I have no problem saying I'm mostly attracted to black men, which is the same race as me. Any other race, you stand a chance but a much smaller chance. I'm open-minded. I've dated white, asian, latino;etc but my main attraction is black men.

But the thing about preferences is that there's exceptions. I normally go for really fit guys but there's one guy I know who's got a beer belly and muscles and looks like a lineman, and I think he's really sexy. Exceptions exist.
That's because most humans grow up in an environment that is filled with their own race. Most humans' families and closest friends are people of their same race.

Aside from the familiarity, it's also just a numbers game. If one were to grow up in a majority "X" environment, one better like or learn to like "X" if one wants to not be alone.

Obviously, there are exceptions as there are to everything, but that's the majority.
 

MadSexual

Member
And following on from that, I'd treat anyone who put an exclusion based on height the same as I'd treat someone who put an exclusion based on race. It's one thing to have a preference but another to use it as a primary criterion for choosing a partner.

I'm not familiar with dating sites, but these kinds of exclusions just seem distasteful in the same way people would think of a guy who wrote "Don't message me unless you're DD or bigger" in his profile.
I think most people looking for a traditional, multi-faceted relationship would be justified in saying that person is probably short-sighted about the variety of experiences that come with a relationship as well as unnecessarily limiting toward his success, but if that person's sole motivation for interacting with another human is to play with tig ol' bitties, we'd have to shrug our shoulders and say that's fine and good luck. Height might be similarly exclusive, but that's honestly okay if it's that important to someone. It's rather unfortunate when race plays in the same way, and we're all free to judge that person for their criteria, but I don't suppose there's anything wrong about it in itself.

Calling exclusions "distasteful" just sounds bitter and dejected. Not everyone is looking for the same thing in a relationship. It doesn't matter how nurturing, entertaining, or whatever you are if it's not important enough to the person you're trying to impress. You're better off not worrying about it and focusing on people who are looking for what you provide.

I'm just pointing out a double standard.
Where is the double standard? It seems to me that humans universally select sexual partners in accordance with their preferences when given a choice.
 
Most humans prefer their own race sexually. It's not weird at all unless you're going after a specific race that's not your own like you mentioned.

I have no problem saying I'm mostly attracted to black men, which is the same race as me. Any other race, you stand a chance but a much smaller chance. I'm open-minded. I've dated white, asian, latino;etc but my main attraction is black men.

But the thing about preferences is that there's exceptions. I normally go for really fit guys but there's one guy I know who's got a beer belly and muscles and looks like a lineman, and I think he's really sexy. Exceptions exist.

Citation needed
 
What makes you say that? I've already said ITT I have no issue with my height, and I don't even use dating apps anyway. I'm just pointing out a double standard.

Anyway, I know women prefer tall men, that's a given. My point was more about it being socially acceptable to filter on one (uncontrollable) physical attribute, but not another.

There's a lot of complex things associated with the Race thing that's just not associated with Height.
 

Nekofrog

Banned
I think it's interesting that every time there's a thread about online dating, we get a lot of Official NeoGAF Opinions about various little things. Everybody has different rules and norms.

There's always the guy who insists that his unsolicited comments about a girls tits to her face is a "compliment" and that she's being uptight. I dunno about those people
 
What makes you say that? I've already said ITT I have no issue with my height, and I don't even use dating apps anyway. I'm just pointing out a double standard.

Anyway, I know women prefer tall men, that's a given. My point was more about it being socially acceptable to filter on one (uncontrollable) physical attribute, but not another.

Race is not a physical attribute.

It's a combination of multiple physical attributes.

Black American men tend to have almond eyes, bronze skin, and juicy lips. I find these qualities sexy. I was raised in an environment to find these physical attributes sexy.

Your comparison would make sense if race weren't about more than skin color. Height is just height.


Citation needed



http://phys.org/news/2010-07-sexual-resemble-parents.html
 

KingV

Member
It's not like I said "tall men only" or anything. One guy was 5'6 and I still talked to him. Again, I am 5'4. I probably won't date you if you're shorter than that unless something really catches my eye. It's not like I have anything against short men. I'm just less attracted to men shorter than me. A guy who is 5'6 is still considered short by most.

Comparing race to height is ridiculous and shows how little adversity you've had in your life if you want to make that kind of comparison.

It's the same thing with boob size. If you see a woman you're attracted too, certainly you'd probably subconsciously choose the one with bigger breasts. Maybe, maybe not. That's not to say the girl with smaller breasts won't have the capability of having a boyfriend or anything, but there's probably a subconscious thing that has you attracted to big breasts.



I mean, in a way he's kind of right? Had like 20 messages in my inbox by the end of my first day on OKC.

I don't see the difference between height discrimination and racism against black people in this context. It's like saying racism for Asians is not real racism because they don't really have it that bad, all things considered.

Nobody is arguing that being short is as bad as being black in society at large, but that's not really what the topic is about.

"No short guys", "Just my preference, plz respect it", "ugh, no fatties", "$100K+ only", or whatever things dudes put in their profiles all say unappealing things about your character. No one is saying don't have a preference, but wearing it on your sleeve as some sort of badge of honor just shows a lack of class, in general.
 
I don't see the difference between height discrimination and racism against black people in this context. It's like saying racism for Asians is not real racism because they don't really have it that bad, all things considered.

Nobody is arguing that being short is as bad as being black in society at large, but that's not really what the topic is about.

"No short guys", "Just my preference, plz respect it", "ugh, no fatties", "$100K+ only", or whatever things dudes put in their profiles all say unappealing things about your character. No one is saying don't have a preference, but wearing it on your sleeve as some sort of badge of honor just shows a lack of class, in general.

I agree about wearing it on your sleeve. But where does that come into Tinder and online dating exactly? I've said before I have my preferences but don't advertise them on my profile and people still have a problem with it. So is this topic about preferences in general or not? At least stay consistent.
 

Owwari

Banned

There are dating apps where only the woman is allowed to initiate a conversation, haha.

I mean, in a way he's kind of right? Had like 20 messages in my inbox by the end of my first day on OKC.

Thank you, it also doesn't help that we act like starved beasts and reinforce the one-sided game and turn it into a never ending cycle.

Sigh ... you should be in my shoes when I tell some girl I'm not really attracted to her. They go ape shit on me, like they're entitled to be desired by every man they meet, lol. I know that at this point our genitals are like freeware in the grand scheme of things but it doesn't hurt to be a little selective from time to time you know?
 
I don't know if you can say dating apps empower women. Men are generally more thirsty, more aggressive, and more creepy.

Look at Facebook: equal representation there, but see how many more women get unsolicited messages than men.
 

kavanf1

Member
There's a lot of complex things associated with the Race thing that's just not associated with Height.
I'm sure there are, especially so in the US, but just because one problem is worse on a sliding scale of shittiness doesn't mean that the less shitty thing should be acceptable.

I have no horse in the race on the height thing or the race thing, but to me it seems that there are parallels there which both have the same resolution - empathy, understanding, awareness and so on. As much as possible I try to treat people on a case by case basis, as you get good and shitty people from every walk of life, from every background. Everyone's sensitivities are different, and I think it's important to acknowledge that and factor that into my treatment of people.
 
J

Jpop

Unconfirmed Member
Speaking of self-confidence I do dislike the instant gratification that is Tinder and such apps. Makes any type of connection seem chesp.

Though I never found rejection from Tinder degrading as there are way too many pros to worry over why one person wasn't interested.

On a self-esteem boosting note.

I've been relaxing in the park all day, a really pretty Bosnian girl sat next to me to charge her phone. We didn't talk over the course of a couple of hours, but when she left she smiled, said it was nice meeting me and gave me her number.
 
I'm sure there are, especially so in the US, but just because one problem is worse on a sliding scale of shittiness doesn't mean that the less shitty thing should be acceptable.

I have no horse in the race on the height thing or the race thing, but to me it seems that there are parallels there which both have the same resolution - empathy, understanding, awareness and so on. As much as possible I try to treat people on a case by case basis, as you get good and shitty people from every walk of life, from every background. Everyone's sensitivities are different, and I think it's important to acknowledge that and factor that into my treatment of people.

You're just not going to change the height preference which is a desired trait by most women of all races.
 
J

Jpop

Unconfirmed Member
Most guys I know prefer women that are shorter then them as well.
 

Pusherman

Member
Strong preferences with regards to looks have always weirded me out. I just don't get how it works. I mean, if you end up dating someone that doesn't meet your preferences do you still wish they did? Like, say you prefer black guys but end up dating an asian man do you still (secretly) wish he was black? Do you fantasize about him being exactly the same except black? Or if you prefer blondes but fall in love with a redhead do you still wish she had blonde hair? Would you like her more if she dyed it blonde? Attraction doesn't work like that for me at all. I've been attracted to all kinds of girls and every time I've liked everything about them. If their pale and asian I like that. If their super dark with African features I like that too. Same goes for height, weight, eye color, etc. Doesn't mean I don't have turn offs with regards to looks but their relatively few and pretty straightforward.
 
My Facebook breh. I don't post pics on forums.

You better than me, ain't no shame in my game. I post pics wherever. LOL

Strong preferences with regards to looks have always weirded me out. I just don't get how it works. I mean, if you end up dating someone that doesn't meet your preferences do you still wish they did? Like, say you prefer black guys but end up dating an asian man do you still (secretly) wish he was black? Do you fantasize about him being exactly the same except black? Or if you prefer blondes but fall in love with a redhead do you still wish she had blonde hair? Would you like her more if she dyed it blonde? Attraction doesn't work like that for me at all. I've been attracted to all kinds of girls and every time I've liked everything about them. If their pale and asian I like that. If their super dark with African features I like that too. Same goes for height, weight, eye color, etc. Doesn't mean I don't have turn offs with regards to looks but their relatively few and pretty straightforward.

Agreed. My strong preference is that you're overall package is cute which can came in all shapes and sizes and colors.
 

Squalor

Junior Member
Most guys I know prefer women that are shorter then them as well.
Might be true, but you show me a guy with a profile that states "No women over 'X height,' and I'll show you a liar.

Besides, when it comes to guys, generally, they are simply intimidated by women who are taller than they are. That's not to say they don't find them attractive.
 

ishibear

is a goddamn bear
You better than me, ain't no shame in my game. I post pics wherever. LOL

I got this way because of Facebook believe it or not.

Had a public page and some dudes thought I was attractive and started harassing me. Ever since I keep my pics visible to friends only and the only people who know what I look like are people I trust.... and random people on the street lol

Besides, when it comes to guys, generally, they are simply intimidated by women who are taller than they are. That's not to say they don't find them attractive.

Tfw you remember being called an amazon because of your height.
I kinda think that's a compliment though.
 

kavanf1

Member
You're just not going to change the height preference which is a desired trait by most women of all races.
That's not what I'm talking about, my friend. I don't want to change anyone's preferences. I'm not sure how else to put it...I'd simply prefer if insulting short people was seen as socially unacceptable, in the same way that the insulting of any other trait (or combination of traits) that is beyond a person's control is considered socially unacceptable.
 
I got this way because of Facebook believe it or not.

Had a public page and some dudes thought I was attractive and started harassing me. Ever since I keep my pics visible to friends only and the only people who know what I look like are people I trust.... and random people on the street lol

Sorry to hear that. Always some lame dudes gotta fuck it up for everybody else. LOL That's why I IRL I keep them out my circle. The reason a lot of attractive women want to hang out and have a good time with us, is because we're chill and don't press 'em like that. They feel completely comfortable knowing they ain't about to get harassed.

That's not what I'm talking about, my friend. I don't want to change anyone's preferences. I'm not sure how else to put it...I'd simply prefer if insulting short people was seen as socially unacceptable, in the same way that the insulting of any other trait (or combination of traits) that is beyond a person's control is considered socially unacceptable.

Ok, I see where you're coming form and hope it does change. I unfortunately don't see it happening soon.

A woman who is taller than me who is fit makes me irrational.

Bruh, Attractive tall women are dope as fuck.
 

Roufianos

Member
Preferring one race over another is so weird.

It's always seemed like an ignorant, learned behavior at best and a racist one at its worst.

Also, preferring "exotic" to you races is definitely usually about fetishizing said race, which is also gross.

Racism? You have to be joking.

I don't find pale, blue eyed and blonde haired girls attractive at all. I guess that makes me racist against my own people seeing as I have a grandma and aunts who fit that description perfectly.

I don't find black women attractive either. I guess that makes me racist even though my two best friends are black males and I have a tonne of black female friends.

Race determines facial features. It's not racist to not find certain races attractive as they might not have a feature set that appeals to you. I like girls with big brown eyes, black hair and olive skin. Mediterranean women basically. Do you know any Asian, black or Northern European women with that feature set? No.
 

Afrocious

Member
I don't find black women attractive either.

not.jpg
 

Media

Member
I've mostly dated guys who are shorter than me or the same height. I'm 5'9, and I've only been with one guy much taller than me. My husband is only around half an inch taller than me, which means I can't wear heels without making him uncomfortable.

And everyone I've dated said they wished I were shorter, or joked about liking amazons. Which is weird, cause I'm not like, 6 ft tall.
 

Squalor

Junior Member
Racism? You have to be joking.

I don't find pale, blue eyed and blonde haired girls attractive at all. I guess that makes me racist against my own people seeing as I have a grandma and aunts who fit that description perfectly.

I don't find black women attractive either. I guess that makes me racist even though my two best friends are black males and I have a tonne of black female friends.

Race determines facial features. It's not racist to not find certain races attractive as they might not have a feature set that appeals to you. I like girls with big brown eyes, black hair and olive skin. Mediterranean women basically. Do you know any Asian, black or Northern European women with that feature set? No.
Damn, thank you for proving my point for me.

Holy shit. I don't know what's worse: your post or the complete lack of self-awareness.

Carry on, my wayward GAFfer.
 
Strong preferences with regards to looks have always weirded me out. I just don't get how it works. I mean, if you end up dating someone that doesn't meet your preferences do you still wish they did? Like, say you prefer black guys but end up dating an asian man do you still (secretly) wish he was black? Do you fantasize about him being exactly the same except black? Or if you prefer blondes but fall in love with a redhead do you still wish she had blonde hair? Would you like her more if she dyed it blonde? Attraction doesn't work like that for me at all. I've been attracted to all kinds of girls and every time I've liked everything about them. If their pale and asian I like that. If their super dark with African features I like that too. Same goes for height, weight, eye color, etc. Doesn't mean I don't have turn offs with regards to looks but their relatively few and pretty straightforward.

I agree. The only turn-offs I have with regards to looks are if you're severely overweight or have lots of face piercings

Racism? You have to be joking.

I don't find pale, blue eyed and blonde haired girls attractive at all. I guess that makes me racist against my own people seeing as I have a grandma and aunts who fit that description perfectly.

I don't find black women attractive either. I guess that makes me racist even though my two best friends are black males and I have a tonne of black female friends.

Race determines facial features. It's not racist to not find certain races attractive as they might not have a feature set that appeals to you. I like girls with big brown eyes, black hair and olive skin. Mediterranean women basically. Do you know any Asian, black or Northern European women with that feature set? No.

Phew. I was worried there for a moment, but the bolded settles it.
 

Squalor

Junior Member
Racism? You have to be joking.

I don't find pale, blue eyed and blonde haired girls attractive at all. I guess that makes me racist against my own people seeing as I have a grandma and aunts who fit that description perfectly.

I don't find black women attractive either. I guess that makes me racist even though my two best friends are black males and I have a tonne of black female friends.

And I don't find any of my house maids attractive either because they're Hispanic, but I'm not racist because I let them clean my house, my house—I let them in my house. It's hyuge, my house. I'm not racist. I'm telling you, people.
.
 

Squalor

Junior Member
Huh? So a black guy who doesn't like white girls is racist as well? Cut the crap, Jesus.

It's a matter of preference. Just like when you're buying a red car instead of a blue one. Preference.
Comparing buying a car based upon its color to liking a person based upon his or her color.

NeoGAF.
 
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