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Tinder is destroying men’s self-esteem (New York Post)

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M

Markoman

Member
Subpar Spatula said:
You don't understand the hardships women face to be physically acceptable to others which is why your equal shallowness proposition comes off as bitter. You simply do not understand.

Come back with this equal argument when men face the same types of beauty standards as women.
Click to expand...

Better than you think, but are you going for my red button, or what? :D
How can a person be bitter if he or she is conscious about the facts and rules of life and accepts them with no hard feelings?

You're in a thread about an article that's trying to be scientific about some men having
troubles with online-dating because of one specific physical attribute!

We can do several threads for bald guys, obese, skinny, ugly guys aswell, but I guess you still won't see what's up. At least I've tried my best...

And concerning hardships: FitGAF won't agree, but going to the gym lifting weights 4 days a week isn't flower plucking either.
 
Subpar Spatula

Subpar Spatula

Banned
Markoman said:
Better than you think, but are you going for my red button, or what? :D
How can a person be bitter if he or she is conscious about the facts and rules of life and accepts them with no hard feelings?

You're in a thread about an article that's trying to be scientific about some men having
troubles with online-dating because of one specific physical attribute!

We can do several threads for bald guys, obese, skinny, ugly guys aswell, but I guess you still won't see what's up. At least I've tried my best...

And concerning hardships: FitGAF won't agree, but going to the gym lifting weights 4 days a week isn't flower plucking either.
Click to expand...

No one cares about their troubles because they pale in comparison to what women face--which is conveniently the target of this article. You really don't want to understand this. We can be just and fair but even then there's still this huge fucking disparity between requirements that "oh no, he's not 6'2" doesn't become analogous to decades of social condition of constant shaving, make-up, diets, skin texture, hair, etc. If you believe this is a big deal you should probably focus that energy towards the gender that needs it more because one clearly is still very much ahead.
 
P

Principate

Saint Titanfall
Subpar Spatula said:
Oh know, men get told they're too unattractive to date. Welcome to what women have been facing for decades on a much larger scale. This is the effects of men being dealt a similar hand and they just can't take it. The entitlement is coming crashing down and it's bringing many great stories like "pls respond".
Click to expand...

TBF why are you treating men like a monolith, it doesn't make much sense and is highly irrational. Women have for generations been screwed over in partriarchal society this is true , something that still permeates a lot of many societies today. On the individual cases though there's plenty of issues men and woman both share for largely different reasons, this is where the whole toxic mascinitely comes in and the nature of dating for both in regards to heterosexuals tend to be very different in regards to societal conventions, both havng benefits and issues though women tend to face more due to historically being treated as lesser individuals. In this specific context there are much more men on these sites than women and due to vain nature of these sites and the minimal amount of information provided people with the numbers working on the womens side use very vain filters as a sorting method, the advantage being on the the sort out people with with smaller numbers. This is basic problem solving and decision making, people have to filter these guys some how.

This can happen in real life but much more difficult to do and the harrasement tends to be much more severe due to the physical element and the fact women are more likely to harrased anywhere, even when to actively looking for dates etc.

Now from a more more smaller focused the indivduals perspective number of shorter guys feel upset that aren't getting a look in on these sites due to traits they largely have no control over and are treated harshly due to things they have impact in, e.g female harrasement online and in real world and feel like they want vent at the unfairness of it all. They of course are not owed these dates but feel like regardless of how they try they are getting no where. Now they are of course generally better in regards to many areas, but while a starving person in America is likely to be better off than a starving person in South Sudan, they are both starving and it's understandable to feel some empathy in regards to that. Ultimately that life and it's not fair and everyone has to deal with their own set of problems but I do feel like demonizing whole groups is not a productive endeavour for anyone.
 
H

hateradio

The Most Dangerous Yes Man
GoodMorningPluto said:
Seinfeld knows what's up.

c2986071fc2b067a00085ec8ffc686a1.jpg
Click to expand...
I just got an app idea.


BRB
 
M

Markoman

Member
Koodo said:
lmao, the power imbalance has little to do with the individual and more with the patriarchal, misogynistic society we live in. Women are at a disadvantage for precisely the reasons Spatula has been listing – they face a system that's actively working to denigrate them on a daily basis. It's blatantly false to say women's shallowness is equal to that of men – or more specifically, that it holds the same weight as that of men. It's the same as saying a person of colour's "racism" is equal to that of a white person's racism. The minority does not hold the power so whatever they say are just literally words. The group in power (the shallowness of men in this particular case of dating) are not just words but actions that are actively feeding into the harsher standards of beauty and obscene objectification that women face on a daily basis.

And this is precisely evident in the entirely male discourse of "woe, why don't women like me," which is rooted in a sense of entitlement and historic ownership over women's body. They don't have to like you nor do they even have to give you a reason for not liking you.
Click to expand...

Before this thread derails into pseudo-science...where does patriarchy come from?
You do realize that one of the major pillars of any social system is protection, don't you?
The strongest are selected through -let's call it evolution- to protect the weak...the fact that this power can be used to opress the weak is a different chapter of the same story.
You don't belive me? Almost all mammals do this.
It has been this way in human tribes, families, throughout the ages and still can be found in complex systems like states today. Feudalism, Mafia, Knighthood, Security firms... are all based on this principle.
Earlier in this thread people went exactly this route of reasoning by saying women choose taller men because they feel better protected...it's evolution u know.
So out of curiosity: is it ok for a woman in the 21st century to fall back on a stone age mentality/principle but at same time complaining that same said mentality puts them at a disadvantage? I really hope for the sake of mankind, I'm not the only one seeing the contradiction.

Subpar Spatula said:
...social condition of constant shaving, make-up, diets, skin texture, hair, etc..
Click to expand...

What am I reading? Have you been living on a deserted island for the last 30 years? Make-up is the only thing on that list that makes up the difference at this point. GayGaf may even say "nope". LOL
 
S

Secret Fawful

Member
Uhh....uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....

Women wanting a strong or protective man doesn't equate to those women wanting a system in which they're oppressed or considered weak. That's such a bizarre way to take that.
 
kavanf1

kavanf1

Member
Not said:
Imagine if the height limit thing at amusement parks never went away as you got older :(
Click to expand...

Years ago I worked on a Nascar ride in an amusement park and the ride had a 5 foot height limit. I had to turn away a guy in his 40s who was there with a crowd of his friends and I felt terrible for him. Wasn't trying to embarrass him, just didn't want to lose my job, but he went ballistic. I couldn't even comprehend how much shit he probably had to deal with his whole life because of his height.
 
M

Markoman

Member
Secret Fawful said:
Uhh....uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....

Women wanting a strong or protective man doesn't equate to those women wanting a system in which they're oppressed or considered weak. That's such a bizarre way to take that.
Click to expand...

Ok, please elaborate if you think it's that bizarre.
Has the patriarchic system come out of nowhere to this world like some hostile alien force?
I want a better explanation and arguments backed by facts now not some catch-phrase shaming, cherry-picking and wishful thinking.

Maybe it's my lacking sense of reality concerning the western world in it's entirety, but I don't see true oppression and women considered weak here where I live. So pls excuse my ignorance.

And if we're talking places in the world like Saudi Arabia, maybe it's more adequate to redirect those complaints towards the sheiks, Boko Haram, ISIS and the likes instead of bitching on Gaf, a place filled with mostly well-educated, open-minded, modern, nice and well-behaved men and women. By doing so eventually some in here will face the harsh reality that trying to change some people's ways through discourse is as hard as trying to ask a wild lion to share his prey with you.
 
L

Llyranor

Member
Er..... Women are constantly being told by men what to do with their bodies. Abortion rights, contraceptive access, rape culture, slut-shaming, constant emphasis on their looks in completely irrelevant fields (sports, job) where men don't get such judgement. Just hey, at least it's not Boko Haram!
 
S

suzu

Member
Wtf am I reading.

Llyranor said:
Er..... Women are constantly being told by men what to do with their bodies. Abortion rights, contraceptive access, rape culture, slut-shaming, constant emphasis on their looks in completely irrelevant fields (sports, job) where men don't get such judgement. Just hey, at least it's not Boko Haram!
Click to expand...

At least we're allowed to drive our own cars!
 
AppleBlade

AppleBlade

Member
kavanf1 said:
Years ago I worked on a Nascar ride in an amusement park and the ride had a 5 foot height limit. I had to turn away a guy in his 40s who was there with a crowd of his friends and I felt terrible for him. Wasn't trying to embarrass him, just didn't want to lose my job, but he went ballistic. I couldn't even comprehend how much shit he probably had to deal with his whole life because of his height.
Click to expand...
Damn . . . that sucks.
 
I

Into

Member
“My advice is not to look for a confidence boost from dating apps and [to] go into the online-dating world already knowing your worth.”


Hah, jokes on them. We live in a time where people set their own market value, which is coincidentally always set to "very high". And then when that value is not met, they lash out at the app, the media, society in general, the other sex etc. Some work on those shortcomings or apply effort into improving themselves in other areas. Some however go online and start Twatter "campaigns" and join subreddits to lash out at the people who dont want to date them.
 
D

Dizzy

Banned
I've used Tinder. Very early on into conversations most women ask me about me height. Now I'm ok as I'm about 6'1 (though for some reason everyone assumes I'm taller), but it feels like they need to tick off their "6 ft or taller" box for the conversation to proceed any further.

I feel bad for my friends as they're all quite short, though ironically I'm the only one that's single.

I have a preference for taller women, as in the upper end of 5ft rather than the lower end. So I can see why one who I dated for a while who was 5'8 wouldn't want to date someone who's 5'7 or below, women prefer the man to be taller.

However I've known a girl who was 5'2 saying she doesn't like short guys. Wtf? Lol surely someone 5'8ish would be big enough for her.
 
Roufianos

Roufianos

Member
This thread has blown the importance of height out of proportion, among other things.

If you're 5ft6 then just swipe on girls who are below that height. Women are small, I'm 5ft10 and yet still taller than probably 90% of women I see in the street.

The girls I've met on Tinder have ranged from 5ft2 up to 5ft6. If a girl's 5ft8 or above then I'll probablt swipe left.

Some girls are height obsessed but others won't mind as long as you're a few inches taller than them.

Personally I've found that women are more concerned about muscle than height. No girls from Tinder has ever mentioned by height but literally every single one hasn't shut up about how skinny I was. At least that's something we can work on.

If you're not getting matches then try getting some better pics.
 
J

JadedWriter

Member
Dizzy said:
I've used Tinder. Very early on into conversations most women ask me about me height. Now I'm ok as I'm about 6'1 (though for some reason everyone assumes I'm taller), but it feels like they need to tick off their "6 ft or taller" box for the conversation to proceed any further.

I feel bad for my friends as they're all quite short, though ironically I'm the only one that's single.

I have a preference for taller women, as in the upper end of 5ft rather than the lower end. So I can see why one who I dated for a while who was 5'8 wouldn't want to date someone who's 5'7 or below, women prefer the man to be taller.

However I've known a girl who was 5'2 saying she doesn't like short guys. Wtf? Lol surely someone 5'8ish would be big enough for her.
Click to expand...
One of my female friends needs a tall dude, she's 5'4 tops. Dafuq do you need a guy like 9 fucking inches taller than you for?
 
V

ViewtifulJC

Banned
Subpar Spatula said:
Oh know, men get told they're too unattractive to date. Welcome to what women have been facing for decades on a much larger scale. This is the effects of men being dealt a similar hand and they just can't take it. The entitlement is coming crashing down and it's bringing many great stories like "pls respond".
Click to expand...
This is your best post yet. Really encapsulated your brand of feminist trolling you've used throughout the thread to shame men for ever feeling bad about themselves. Really well done.
 
S

Stallion Dan

Member
ViewtifulJC said:
Ugly not even a good excuse. Lot of not particularly good lookin' people are in successful relationships right now.

You just shouldn't be on Tinder, thats all.
Click to expand...

The trick is to take your tinder profile picture with a big wod of cash in your hand, in front of your big house and nice car..
 
D

Dizzy

Banned
JadedWriter said:
One of my female friends needs a tall dude, she's 5'4 tops. Dafuq do you need a guy like 9 fucking inches taller than you for?
Click to expand...
Yeah I prefer taller women because I feel a little weird with someone half my height. It's not set in stone though. I've had a relationship with someone who was 5'3.

It's strange because from my experience the women of average height are the ones most likely to be flexible on height, and its the short ones who are determined to find a guy 6ft or above. Perhaps trying to overcompensate.

Though I remember a short female friend saying all her tall friends complain about all the short girls stealing all the tall men so they can't find any.
 
J

JadedWriter

Member
Dizzy said:
Yeah I prefer taller women because I feel a little weird with someone half my height. It's not set in stone though. I've had a relationship with someone who was 5'3.

It's strange because from my experience the women of average height are the ones most likely to be flexible on height, and its the short ones who are determined to find a guy 6ft or above. Perhaps trying to overcompensate.

Though I remember a short female friend saying all her tall friends complain about all the short girls stealing all the tall men so they can't find any.
Click to expand...
I think it's cause they want a tall guy to cancel out their short genes, though they usually fail to take into consideration that that isn't how genetics work. Two tall people can get a shorter kid as well depending on the heights of their grandparents for example. I'm shorter than my dad. Shit just happens. Just try finding a person that you're A) attracted to and B) one that respects you as well. Only problem is some people can't find a middle ground. They MUST have a guy that ticks EVERY unrealistic box that person has in their head. And then they wonder why they're still single.
 
C

Combichristoffersen

Combovers don't work when there is no hair
I refuse to date girls who aren't goth girls worshipping The Sisters of Mercy.

Despite being just 164 cm I've had quite a few dates from Tinder, Happn and OkCupid and slept with some of them, but nothing serious has come out of it.
 
M

mike6467

Member
JadedWriter said:
One of my female friends needs a tall dude, she's 5'4 tops. Dafuq do you need a guy like 9 fucking inches taller than you for?
Click to expand...

I once dated a girl who was 4'11. She liked tall guys, to the point that her friends bitched her out about taking them all. The relationship was fine, but my friends constantly called me a pedophile (she was 2 years older then me too....). But yeah, I didn't get that either, most women have the "taller then me in heels" criteria, so seeking out a foot plus difference seemed odd.
 
J

JadedWriter

Member
mike6467 said:
I once dated a girl who was 4'11. She liked tall guys, to the point that her friends bitched her out about taking them all. The relationship was fine, but my friends constantly called me a pedophile (she was 2 years older then me too....). But yeah, I didn't get that either, most women have the "taller then me in heels" criteria, so seeking out a foot plus difference seemed odd.
Click to expand...
I get the taller than me in heels thing, but some women just take it to the extremes. It's honestly beyond the realms of common sense and in some ways it sounds like it's being used to compensate for some sort of feeling of inadequacy.
 
G

God Dayumm

Banned
Subpar Spatula said:
No one cares about their troubles because they pale in comparison to what women face--which is conveniently the target of this article. You really don't want to understand this. We can be just and fair but even then there's still this huge fucking disparity between requirements that "oh no, he's not 6'2" doesn't become analogous to decades of social condition of constant shaving, make-up, diets, skin texture, hair, etc. If you believe this is a big deal you should probably focus that energy towards the gender that needs it more because one clearly is still very much ahead.
Click to expand...

No. Men that have shortcomings need to put energy and work on themselves, not others. All the dumb shit you posted is inconsequential so I didn't engage, but this one bit is destructive advice. Never ask people to do for others what they don't do for themselves.
 
The Elite

The Elite

BOSS
Subpar Spatula said:
Oh know, men get told they're too unattractive to date. Welcome to what women have been facing for decades on a much larger scale. This is the effects of men being dealt a similar hand and they just can't take it. The entitlement is coming crashing down and it's bringing many great stories like "pls respond".
Click to expand...

Do you think men being rejected for their looks is a new thing?

Get over yourself.

Both sexes do it. There is nothing wrong with it. You're attracted to who you are attracted to.
 
E

Ether_Snake

安安安安安安安安安安安安安安安
JadedWriter said:
One of my female friends needs a tall dude, she's 5'4 tops. Dafuq do you need a guy like 9 fucking inches taller than you for?
Click to expand...

She wants to wear six inch heels every once in a while and still look small next to her man in a photo.
 
Cindi Mayweather

Cindi Mayweather

Member
Subpar Spatula said:
Because between men and women there's a power imbalance. It's why revenge porn, rape, stalking, online threats, beauty, sexual assault, etc. are heavily skewed towards women. It's not uncommon for a woman to be passive during a man's advances to just get him to leave her alone. This is where that divide comes from. Women are not equal in the dating game, they're a designed notch on the belt a lot of men believe they deserve. When women ignore or say "no thx" to guys online and that upsets them, that's every one seeing what happens when they can't get their way.

I honestly don't get how you don't see this imbalance. If you don't see how this affects dating as a whole then you're literally being ignorant of reality. Oh, and it's not just America.
Click to expand...

Sometimes telling a man no is scary. Even "I have a boyfriend" doesn't work. He'll think it's a lie or whatever or think he's in a movie and can win or whatever stupid bullshit. Even if you say no, some men are going to keep following you. At that point, I start rummaging in my purse for pepper spray and cracking my fingers in case things are gonna get busy. So turning down men on online dating sites/apps felt so good mwahahaha the power - the power in my hands! Mwahahaha! *swipes left*

So I agree with you but the way you're explaining your arguments earlier made no sense even to me. I think you could argue it in a better way. Seeing men have to realize they have to step it up in order to get it work online brings a smile to my face.

Koodo said:
lmao, the power imbalance has little to do with the individual and more with the patriarchal, misogynistic society we live in. Women are at a disadvantage for precisely the reasons Spatula has been listing – they face a system that's actively working to denigrate them on a daily basis. It's blatantly false to say women's shallowness is equal to that of men – or more specifically, that it holds the same weight as that of men. It's the same as saying a person of colour's "racism" is equal to that of a white person's racism. The minority does not hold the power so whatever they say are just literally words. The group in power (the shallowness of men in this particular case of dating) are not just words but actions that are actively feeding into the harsher standards of beauty and obscene objectification that women face on a daily basis.

And this is precisely evident in the entirely male discourse of "woe, why don't women like me," which is rooted in a sense of entitlement and historic ownership over women's body. They don't have to like you nor do they even have to give you a reason for not liking you.
Click to expand...

The great part is how so many average or below average looking men think they deserve to get with me. As soon as I say no thanks, I'm a bitch. Always, and forever. Being offered the opportunity to say no to some guy online feels so good. Of course if it's on OKC he might insult me and say something racist but at the end of the day, he's the one who caught the L.

I mean the premise of this thread is Tinder is harming men's self esteem. Good.
 
U

Urban Scholar

Member
Cindi Mayweather said:
Sometimes telling a man no is scary. Even "I have a boyfriend" doesn't work. He'll think it's a lie or whatever or think he's in a movie and can win or whatever stupid bullshit. Even if you say no, some men are going to keep following you. At that point, I start rummaging in my purse for pepper spray and cracking my fingers in case things are gonna get busy. So turning down men on online dating sites/apps felt so good mwahahaha the power - the power in my hands! Mwahahaha! *swipes left*

So I agree with you but the way you're explaining your arguments earlier made no sense even to me. I think you could argue it in a better way. Seeing men have to realize they have to step it up in order to get it work online brings a smile to my face.



The great part is how so many average or below average looking men think they deserve to get with me. As soon as I say no thanks, I'm a bitch. Always, and forever. Being offered the opportunity to say no to some guy online feels so good. Of course if it's on OKC he might insult me and say something racist but at the end of the day, he's the one who caught the L.
Click to expand...

Not going to lie this must feel empowering and refreshing in hindsight. Would also explain why my female friends have smiles on their faces when they tell me their on tinder for a few minutes.
 
Cindi Mayweather

Cindi Mayweather

Member
Urban Scholar said:
Not going to lie this must feel empowering and refreshing in hindsight. Would also explain why my female friends have smiles on their faces when they tell me their on tinder for a few minutes.
Click to expand...

Reishiki said:
I really don't understand people sometimes. Things like this just reinforce it.
Click to expand...

Girl has a rough day and it wasn't over because she realized she's going to have to probably deal with creeps on the bus on the way home. Who to avoid the most? The old man who keeps staring at your breasts? Or the dude that follows you off the bus? How about the men yelling from their cars "shake your ass for me, sweet thing?" "Have you ever been with a white man? I'll show you love feels like." So when she gets on her phone, she can finally wield power and turn a fuck nigga down without worrying whether or not his crazy ass will punch her in the mouth because he can't handle rejection.

Make those self esteems even lower, I say.
 
entremet

entremet

Member
Cindi Mayweather said:
Girl has a rough day and it wasn't over because she realized she's going to have to probably deal with creeps on the bus on the way home. Who to avoid the most? The old man who keeps staring at your breasts? Or the dude that follows you off the bus? How about the men yelling from their cars "shake your ass for me, sweet thing?" "Have you ever been with a white man? I'll show you love feels like." So when she gets on her phone, she can finally wield power and turn a fuck nigga down without worrying whether or not his crazy ass will punch her in the mouth.
Click to expand...
What does this have to do with online dating lol

The guys on Tinder have nothing to do with this lol.
 
The Elite

The Elite

BOSS
Dating is sort of like hitting in baseball. If you're striking out 7 times out of 10 you should still consider yourself hall of fame worthy.

You should be getting rejecting most of the time. That goes for both sexes. Don't assume you're god's gift to the opposite/same sex. If a woman looked hot but her profile was shit and she sounded like a pain in the ass I wouldn't be interested. If she didn't look like someone I would want to be naked with. Ignore that shit. Women have the power to do the exact same thing and good on them. They have every right to be picky. Men do it all the time. So should women. It burned in high school but I grew up. I have body image issues, but I worked through them. Women have it worse when it comes to body image due to media pressure.

Ended up in a fantastic relationship when all was said and done. You shouldn't put too much stress into being rejected when it comes to online dating. That's just silly.
 
R

Reishiki

Banned
Cindi Mayweather said:
Make those self esteems even lower, I say.
Click to expand...

If this is your world, then I cannot relate. I am not conventionally attractive, so I only attract attention because I'm a 6'2" woman with extremely broad shoulders.
My boyfriend suffers from crippling social anxiety and the majority of my male friends have very low self-esteem. Seeing the effects of that is what shapes my view.

If I have a bad day, the last thing I really feel like doing is shitting on strangers on the internet.
 
P

Principate

Saint Titanfall
Reishiki said:
If this is your world, then I cannot relate. I am not conventionally attractive, so I only attract attention because I'm a 6'2" woman with extremely broad shoulders.
My boyfriend suffers from crippling social anxiety and the majority of my male friends have very low self-esteem. Seeing the effects of that is what shapes my view.

If I have a bad day, the last thing I really feel like doing is shitting on strangers on the internet.
Click to expand...

Yeah it doesn't sound particularly healthy. I don't think taking "revenge" on completely unrelated people ever is.
 
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