Lmao I'm pretty sure you're actually talking to one of those damn black people. Comparisons like that suck because the struggle of black people is damn fucking real. In no way is an individual woman being careful around men the same as what black people face.
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Tinder is destroying mens self-esteem (New York Post)
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Lmao I'm pretty sure you're actually talking to one of those damn black people. Comparisons like that suck because the struggle of black people is damn fucking real. In no way is an individual woman being careful around men the same as what black people face.
so forget about those types of women....let them get what they want from someone else. Just be patient until you find a woman that appreciates your approach.
some people need to understand that there are soooo many different types of people out there. Sure you have men/women who are just followers..... avoid these types of people if feel you are a different type of person. All you'll do is just get stuck in your own made up matrix.
unplug yourself, and don't let the previous person affect how you interact with the next person.
JadedWriter, when you mention that "EVERY" woman that you "liked" treated you like crap.... then the issue is you... you are not being honest with yourself somewhere. Fix/find yourself first. Then go out there with a fresh cleansed mind. And STAY CONSISTENT.
Well, and the fact that I am extremely far from being conventionally attractive.
LookAtMeGo
Member
Lol thanks. I think I should move over to POF.
Love that song tho.
Same. Question: do you think I shouldn't be in here because I'm married? I stopped being single at 17, so I only remember what it's like to feel rejected and angry and depressed at a teenage level.
Principate
Saint Titanfall
I know that's why I said it. Because I'm black and she knows what i'm talking about. That assumption is based on prejudice, as in pre-judging someone based on something they have no control over.
I don't like it and never have, her general point is correct but I fundamentally disagree with that aspect.I just don't think continuing that thinking does anyone good.
LookAtMeGo
Member
Cindi Mayweather
Member
Generalizations?
Look at the stats.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/10/23/domestic-violence-statistics_n_5959776.html
You've lost me. A lot of this stuff has been done before the internet. They're generational, and they exist for a reason.
lightskintwin
Banned
There's a huge chance the reason this pattern persists is because of you. You're the common denominator in these situations.
What's a "hands off" first date practice?
I'm black too and I find that comparison extremely flawed. You're better off comparing men to another entity that's in a privileged position, homophobes, white racists, etc. Minorities, LGBT, and women are in a position of oppression. We can't have our prejudices be weighed against the ones who have more influence.
JadedWriter
Member
When did I say Tom Cruise was unattractive? The dude just happens to be rich as fuck and totally off sets whatever impact him being short would have on him in the dating game. Him being obscenely well groomed, dressed and attractive also helps. I don't even hate the dude, he's just a bit of a whacked out scientologist. If there weren't a bunch of women that purely date out of financial gain the term "gold diggers" wouldn't really exist either. I'm not saying all women do it, but there are women that do it. My mother makes more money than my dad, always has and they've been married for 32 years. Some people work through it, others don't it depends on the relationship and strength of the bond of the relationship. Some people just seem to be too shallow to allow a bond to even exist. Regarding Cindi's post I was just stating that not all men act like the assholes she was talking about and I honestly just find it offensive that there are guys that treat women, whether they're dating them or not as fucking property. Friday I was walking to the train station and saw this couple where the guy was manhandling I'm going to assume was his girlfriend by the wrist and was just dragging her all over the place. It looked quite wrong and very unromantic. I was like "what kind of shit is that?" Didn't look like he loved her or anything.
I don't try to kiss them or hold hands or anything like that. I hug on greeting and leaving and that's about it. As I said I have the oddest taste and probably shouldn't even be in charge of my own dating life.
My guess? Something to do with being a nice guy.
Cindi Mayweather
Member
Cindi laying the smackdown
Reminds me of my brother whining about shows like Oz where he sees so many naked men, ewwww, "I don't want to see that!". I replied, "You think I want to see all the naked women HBO awkwardly forces in every show? Or hell in every piece of media ever?" and that quickly shut him up, haha.
I know right? It's partly why GoT doesn't show dick or man candy as much as they do with the women. Because they know their audience and know men would be turned off. "I feel uncomfortable." Spartacus is the equal opportunity show. *drools*
ViewtifulJC
Banned
Doesnt sound like you are!
lightskintwin
Banned
Out of curiosity, is there any particular reason you don't try any physical contact on dates?
Principate
Saint Titanfall
Why most we assume someone is fundamentally bad when talking about any such demonination. Not trusting people and thus keeping you self from harm is one thing, assume a subsection of a billion people is bad until proven otherwise, serves no positive purpose than to continue that thinking. It's litterally how profiling works.
I'm sure there's plenty of stats for all sorts of things of things. The majority does not mean all and you shouldn't really treat as such when talking about something completely uncontrollable Do you not think police officers profile because of looking at the starts. Shit I've of UK Police chiefs profiling young black teens by looking at the stats. That was litterally their arguement.
There is a different outlook to it sure. Like I have always been single and it sucks for sure. Especially when you are like 23. Which then leads you to start hating yourself or atleast the way you look. I never do blame others for not finding me attractive but the issue I face is that I blame myself. Maybe I'm not attractive enough, maybe I'm not muscular enough, maybe I need abs. Maybe it's because of my skin tone. Like it just tanks you as a person. My friends who are girls have told me that I'm cute or good looking but I don't know. The reality seems so different.
sir_kevith
Member
I think people should make a goal not to depend on a dating app or matching service. Like it's completely fine to use them because it opens up more opportunities to find someone but if you end up depending on on them then it's actually closing off opportunities. You're going to obsess over any missed matches and wonder why, even though it's a pretty impersonal way to meet people.
If your goal is to meet people you should also be out meeting people in normal organic ways. Have friends introduce you to people, start up conversations at bars/cafes, goto parties, join clubs, goto concerts, go dancing, take dance lessons, join an adult sports league, etc. No matter how trendy a new app is there's always a ton more ways to meet people.
I met my SO 10 years ago through friends and we were both in completely different places in life at the time. Ran into her randomly at a party years later after i had several failed relationships lol. We started talking and then posting on eachother's Instagrams and stuff and it was never all that awkward.
If your goal is to meet people you should also be out meeting people in normal organic ways. Have friends introduce you to people, start up conversations at bars/cafes, goto parties, join clubs, goto concerts, go dancing, take dance lessons, join an adult sports league, etc. No matter how trendy a new app is there's always a ton more ways to meet people.
I met my SO 10 years ago through friends and we were both in completely different places in life at the time. Ran into her randomly at a party years later after i had several failed relationships lol. We started talking and then posting on eachother's Instagrams and stuff and it was never all that awkward.
Tom Cruise isn't the crux of my argument, especially since he so fine, but everyone has problems and disadvantages to overcome-- or even better, accept-- when they're putting themselves out there.
I do know that comparisons-- saying "why does that asshole have a girlfriend and I don't?"-- are toxic. You aren't in that girl's head. You know nothing about that relationship. You gotta do you. Strive to stop feeling resentful at women, and men who are successful with women, and try liking yourself for who you are first, whether you think you're "nice" or not. Like, ask yourself who you are and what you think and what your standards are. Be realistic.
It may work, or it may not work. But if you haven't tried it at all, that's the problem.
JadedWriter
Member
I do give them a choice in the matter. I'm not much of a "type A" person. I honestly think the woman has more of a choice in how far a relationship goes than I do, though I more or less broke up with my ex, she just put the final nail in the coffin herself after we discussed where the relationship was or wasn't going.
So pretty much I should try to figure out what I'm looking for in a person? I will admit to not having any sort of consistency at all. They've all been very different from each other.
I'm usually not sure if that's what they'd even want to be honest. Fuck I have no idea what women want at all.
excelsiorlef
Member
Women get street harassed just for being out late, or out early, or out at lunch, or out...
Women get harassed and sometimes assaulted or killed just for saying no to a guy...
How the fuck can they know which one won't be one of those, hence caution.
LookAtMeGo
Member
I met one girl for a walk down by the ocean and we decided to grab a bite after. When we got back to my car she called her sister to tell her she was still alive.
Think of it this way:
Of course not all men or white people are bigots/racists/homophobes/etc but can you blame those in a position of oppression from feeling weary? It's just like when straight people attend gay pride parades and are welcomed by the community but the members are still worried about violence from them and the odds of a shooter after what happened in Orlando.
To get trust, it must be earned. When I'm out alone at night, that I roll up my windows when I see someone walking by my car isn't me trying to make someone feel like a criminal. It's me taking precautions for my own safety. Should I take the chance of being robbed just to protect someone's feelings?
heliosRAzi
Banned
I think it's pretty understandable to be cautious around strangers, even calling to let people know you haven't been kidnapped/killed.
JadedWriter
Member
Working out helps. I know it's a cliché, but there are actual chemicals that weren't there before that make you feel better when you start doing it regularly.
Talking to a lot of different people helps, especially people who disagree with you. This doesn't have to do with dating, but my brother is unabashedly on the side of the alt-right and I try to converse with him all the time. Perspective and wisdom helps more than anything else.
JadedWriter
Member
TwEE-N-Toast
Banned
FallingEdge
Member
The iron will never let you down, friend.
soapypanda
Member
Some men have too much self esteem. I get a lot of messages from men who are very obese (I'm in the south). It's just not realistic to expect people who weigh 200 lbs less than you to go out with you.
Well, that girl that you don't like likes you when you act like you.
Always-honest
Banned
ouch... that was harsh...
Principate
Saint Titanfall
Yes that is caution, I'm not arguing about that and noone should, because it truly is horrifying what a lot of women go through. I'm talking thinking thought process of oh hey there's a guy of there, he's a guy thus he's a creepy rapist and such I will work under that assumption and act accordingly, until he someone manages to convince me that he's not a perve/borderline rapist even when he hasn't done anything to indicate either of those things. (This sort of thinking is how the cops get called on black people).
Not leaving yourself vulnerable to harm or harrasement is not the same as treating a gender like a their the dregs of society automatically. You lock your house not because you think everyone in your neighbourhood is a robber but because there is a chance someone is and thus you do not take the risk.
I don't expect anyone to not do it because it's frankly none of my business, but I will always air my grievances as such why of thinking because i honestly think nothing positive comes from it.
There's a reason why the court system works on the basis innocent untl proven guilty not guilty until proven innocent. Because proven innocence is a lot harder than proving guilt.
JadedWriter
Member
The only woman I even talk to occasionally and never in person has told me on numerous occasions that we're never getting together.
Should I even be talking to women in the gym? They all seem like they have boyfriends.
ViewtifulJC
Banned
damn lol
lightskintwin
Banned
Did you try one time and it horribly backfired?
LookAtMeGo
Member
I cant even remember how many times I heard that and it still happened.
The last girl I hooked up with was like "just so you know, I'm not hooking up with you so dont get your hopes up"
I was like "dont flatter yourself, who said I wanted to sleep with you?"
A few hours later.... bow chicka wow wow
JadedWriter
Member
If you think that's bad I made her breakfast and dinner for 3 nights and two days or something like that.
I'm a bit touch apprehensive for starters. I've gotten better over the years though in that regard. Secondly I honestly just try to give it a little time so the woman I'm with doesn't think I'm with her just to attempt to fuck her.
excelsiorlef
Member
And? What do you expect from that?
Hah; interesting thread.. thank you for the entertaining hour or 2. Especially Cindi's post.
I can honestly say that I've never accidentally rubbed against a woman. Didn't even think of the concept until I heard a guy say "if you have to squeeze past a woman, crotch first.. if you have to squeeze past a man, butt first." After hearing that disgusting thought I realized this must be a "Thing" for women and decided I'd always try to purposefully go butt first past a woman unless it's just not feasible or incredibly awkward to do so. But I say "excuse me need to slip past you" before doing so.
My wife and I talk about this sort of topic a lot; have always enjoyed engaging MRA's on the internet.
Their argument is essentially that "most men aren't successful with women, and I blame women for this." All kinds of pseudo-science to back them up (and awful literature; their favorite book was written by a female author in the 70s, can't remember the title.)
Even if it is partially true (most men aren't successful with women, a minority of men monopolize most dating scenes)... the correct attitude should be to improve yourself.. become competitive. Instead they do this hero-worshipping shit for MRA author's and pick-up-artist crap. You can tell the majority of them don't even have the balls to try all this "neg" crap, but instead sit around hi-fiving losers who do (or at least pretend to on the internet.)
I can honestly say that I've never accidentally rubbed against a woman. Didn't even think of the concept until I heard a guy say "if you have to squeeze past a woman, crotch first.. if you have to squeeze past a man, butt first." After hearing that disgusting thought I realized this must be a "Thing" for women and decided I'd always try to purposefully go butt first past a woman unless it's just not feasible or incredibly awkward to do so. But I say "excuse me need to slip past you" before doing so.
My wife and I talk about this sort of topic a lot; have always enjoyed engaging MRA's on the internet.
Their argument is essentially that "most men aren't successful with women, and I blame women for this." All kinds of pseudo-science to back them up (and awful literature; their favorite book was written by a female author in the 70s, can't remember the title.)
Even if it is partially true (most men aren't successful with women, a minority of men monopolize most dating scenes)... the correct attitude should be to improve yourself.. become competitive. Instead they do this hero-worshipping shit for MRA author's and pick-up-artist crap. You can tell the majority of them don't even have the balls to try all this "neg" crap, but instead sit around hi-fiving losers who do (or at least pretend to on the internet.)
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Help with doing the dishes.
Hey, all I'm ever trying to do on GAF is be honest. Take it or leave it. I was asking if I should be giving advice in this thread at all anyway.
The fact that you actually think about this and feel the need to post it... toxic dude. Classic "nice guy" stuff.
excelsiorlef
Member
Exactly...
JadedWriter
Member
A "This guy really cares about me, he's been such a good friend to me, we should hang out more." I treat her like a friend and I've done nothing but give her respect and be there when she's needed me. I Haven't seen her in about 3 years.
FallingEdge
Member
You sure can but you have to gauge the situation. I myself would either let them approach me or they start the convo and then go from there. I don't like to bother people at the gym. Unless of course, there is obvious and constant eye contact and smiling. Then I see nothing wrong with that.
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