JadedWriter
Member
You don't even really know me well enough to make that assessment.
I really don't bother people as well. I honestly just put on my headphones and just keep to myself.
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Tinder is destroying mens self-esteem (New York Post)
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If you've never had success there, probably let it go. A lot of people are there for me time and don't want to get hit on.
LookAtMeGo
Member
Well when you befriend somebody they usually dont put out to return the favor. Usually friendship is reciprocated with more friendship. If sex is what you were after you prolly went aboot it the wrong way.
The gym is for working out. Don't get between people and their gains/cardio
excelsiorlef
Member
Are/were you at any point hoping it would/will eventually lead to sex?
No, it's "women are being honor-killed with no ramifications in dozens of countries, but women won't swipe right for me because they all hate short men."
Principate
Saint Titanfall
Don't do that you end up the dreaded friendzone and start having expectations of a relationship when you really shouldn't be having any. Best case work on your appearances go to gymn, work on your communication skills by talking and conversing with as many people as you can and relax don't be desperate (never an attractive trait) but be proactive (and I don't mean harrassing women or the same women). You won't get a yes to a date without a number of no's so don't think about them, they're meaningless we all have are preferences you just weren't there's, everyone has their own, think of it less of a rejection and more of a journey. The yes' come hand in hand with the no's, when you accept them as a part and parcel your less likely to become that obsessive creep this thread tells horror stories about.
I guess it's the attitude that's the problem? I mean, if I wanted someone to like me and to give me a chance, I'd presumably try to do nice things. But I assume the problem is that it seems like he wasn't hoping, but rather expecting? So the correct course of action is to move on.
brianjones
Member
part of me agrees with this but what are the places for dating then?
just bars? that's a small window
JadedWriter
Member
I've never really tried to make a move on her. I cooked cause she's my friend and I care about her a lot. She couldn't cook and she bought a bunch of food, that she couldn't cook and it probably would've just been rude to cook for myself. I kind of sort of know where I stand with her it just would be nice if I actually got to do something with her instead of just chatting her up on facebook messenger.
Did I want to have sex with her? Yes. Have I ever tried to have sex with her without her consent? No. Did I ever think I had a chance? No. I'm nice to her cause I care about her. I already know my feelings are never going to be reciprocated by her. I already know that even if we did get together, it would never be a long term thing, we're just two different people.
Well, there's an app.
Close the thread now
LookAtMeGo
Member
99.9% of my sex and dating life has come from meeting people at the bar or a party. I only ever dated one person who I met through a friend. I dont even know how you go about striking up a conversation in any other type of setting.
I think you may have just created an infinite loop.
Life isn't a Bioware RPG. You can't just invest enough affection points or give x gifts/coins to make people like you more. This applies to both friends and romantic interests. If you do nice deeds because you're a decent guy, you just do them because, you don't do them and then get angry because you got nothing in return. That reaction betrays an ulterior motive.
kittoo
Cretinously credulous
LOL haha sorry for the late reply.
Its a question that, while a little uncomfortable, is really a sad truth about India (or any South Asian country). The fairer you are, the better you would be perceived in looks (and many other things). The answer to your question is that I am extremely fair (maybe like .01% of India?), I pass for a foreigner a lot of times.
And the sad thing is, despite me knowing that this is bullshit, I kinda do feel great when people comment on my color (or maybe even writing this answer?). We all suck here in this regard.
LookAtMeGo
Member
Ever think aboot just putting yourself out there and telling her how you feel? Rejection sucks but at least you would know where you stand. Making a move physically once the friendship is in place can go pretty badly so IMO, I would do it verbally. But if friendship is all you want and time together then just tell her that.
lightskintwin
Banned
There's nothing wrong with making any type of physical moves in order to create or maintain sexual tension that may lead to sex one day. That doesn't mean that's all you want from her. By virtue of the date, should let her know that you want to fuck her. I have a "kiss on a first date" policy I normally adhere to where I go for it every time. LOL
The accidentally rubbing against somebody happens a lot at packed clubs.
I don't have to know you to assess a few posts. I wasn't judging you as a whole I was judging a few of your posts. Those posts are classic "nice guy" complaints.
This is a thread about Tinder; you felt the need to bring up a bad friend and how you made her several meals. Why are you even bringing up a bad friend in a dating thread?
Prophet Steve
Member
Wherever people go out to interact with other people. So yes, bars, clubs, stuff like that.
Or wherever the opportunity pops up.
brianjones
Member
but like what did people do in the past
is trying to date in all social settings frowned on cause there's apps for that now
I'm not thinking you should bother people mid workout mind you
JadedWriter
Member
I'm quite sure she knows I have a thing for her. I just don't discuss it with her too much cause I know where I stand with her except for the moments where I'm stupid as fuck and just desperate where I subtly bring it up like an idiot and she tells me it's never going to happen. I've known her for years, it's been well conversed already.
I don't even really consider her a "bad friend" to be honest she's a woman I should emotionally move on from and just continue living my life. There's just some sort of mental blockage keeping me from doing that. She might actually be the most normal woman I've liked over the years. The rest have more or less been stunted socially, more so than me cause they don't seem to want to date anybody for either emotional or psychological reasons.
Principate
Saint Titanfall
I assume she's keeping you at arms length because she figured you may have other intensions and don't want to lead you one. I gets very messy tryining to be friends with someone that you would try to have more than just friendship if you or they had the chance so it's better for some people to have friends and just friends or the opposite. My only advice would be to move on she likely acting this way for a reason.
LookAtMeGo
Member
Well that sucks. Prolly best to move on.
excelsiorlef
Member
Then stop.
Either be her friend and get over the wanting to fuck her part (which you blatantly are not) or move on....
arranged marriages
You're right, but to be fair a lot of other things not pertaining to the subject of dating has been brought up here.
Edit: And boy did this thread take turn for the "real".
lightskintwin
Banned
You need to move on from her, because I've seen these types of relationships turn "nice guys" to real bitter men. Regardless of what you say it is, you still have a tiny bit of hope it'll happen between ya'll, and when it doesn't all those nice things that you did, and she did very little is going to end up with you feeling used. And you probably were.
brianjones
Member
I don't care about a girls money but I feel like that's because I have none
"Let's be poor together"
Principate
Saint Titanfall
Yes there's plenty wrong with this statement and lot of statements here, almost shocking, almost.
ViewtifulJC
Banned
you noticed his name is "JadedWriter" and he's been chasing this girl for years
its too late b
JadedWriter
Member
I think I am for the most part. I'm not as clingy or obsessed with her as I was a couple of years ago. I'm just a person she speaks to when she's bored out of her mind. It honestly just depends on how depressed I am. I already know I have no chance with her. I'm just in one of my moods where I don't think anybody is going to be with me so I'm most likely just a tad bitter when it comes to dating conversations.
I'm not exactly chasing her anymore. I don't ask her to do shit with me randomly. I did have a 14 month relationship recently and I'm probably more bitter about that failing than I am about not fucking that Chinese woman.
It's like people forget that I brought up having an ex that isn't this woman several times. I am capable of moving on from her quite well.
You either need to be straight up and ask her out on a proper date, or move on.
But what if you do have an ulterior motive, as in, you're interested in them? What do you do? That's what I never figured out how to do, Get a girl to be interested in me. Like you said, that isn't something that happens by choosing the correct conversation path in a Bioware RPG. But obviously people become interested in other people somehow. I mean, I'm living proof of it. My parents, like other normal people, got together somehow.
I guess the obvious thing is to be upfront, since otherwise like you said I'd have an ulterior motive, but it's harder with people you already know and are friends with. I did ask some out back in high school, but got rejected. I guess in college I hoped I would meet someone and something would evolve naturally, but it never did. Probably because I had a tendency to act awkward and stupid when I have a crush on someone, and was slow to move on. And I think I became equally nervous of them saying yes as them saying no, because then I'd have to figure out what to do next.
Principate
Saint Titanfall
That or straight up forced marriages with no say on the woman's part. Really gruesome stuff
I'd honestly recommend moving on, unless your getting some genuine friendship out of this and your not some pass time it'd be better for you spend that time on self improvement meeting new people, rather than that small hope she may change her mind.
excelsiorlef
Member
There's already a hint of bitterness given his disappointment that she didn't show sufficient gratitude according to his standard (which in this case means she didn't spend more time with him) for his cooking.
Edit: Wait how is she using him lol.... Let's not feed into that narrative
One question to everyone here who is or has been involved with the dating scene of today (not 20 years ago but past 5 years or so): is money really that big of a factor to women anymore? I mean, the women I interact with are all "I don't want a man paying for my share of the date" types. The thing that they seem to care about is a man being able to support himself and thus demonstrating that they're not lazy or that they don't have ambitions. They want an equal. For some time now I haven't noticed that classic "I wanna get a rich man so he can support a lavish lifestyle for me" vibes from women in general where I live.
So is it really that big of a thing anymore?
So is it really that big of a thing anymore?
lightskintwin
Banned
I don't know, but often times it is the case.
I think it's about the same.
excelsiorlef
Member
You absolutely don't come across as someone who is over her.
JadedWriter
Member
She doesn't pay enough attention to me to use me. At that point in time she was in her lesbian phase anyway. I'm just venting old salt and not new salt. New salt is with my ex.
I'm about 95% over her. I'm not actively pursuing her but if she texted me expressing interest in something short term I wouldn't say no.
Principate
Saint Titanfall
You can only really know from experience, but what you should be working on is putting yourself out there getting those yes and no's. Rejection is part of relationship it should be something to be scorned get angry at or feared. Nothing ventured nothing gained. After you've fumbled a few of those yes's you'll learn what not to do, but you can get some general common sense advice to ease the process (None of the pick up guide bullshit though).
excelsiorlef
Member
Ahh yes "nice guys" are just victims of selfish women who take advantage of them...
That's what we're going with?
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Yes, money's a big factor. Even if the woman chips in -- the girl I'm currently dating does, and we basically alternate, since she's a lawyer too -- it expands the things you can do. I've also dated women who expected me to pay, at least initially. I've also dated women who insisted on splitting things 50/50.
To engage in public math: 98% of the time, I offer to pay, they make overtures at paying (which may or may not be serious, but I don't really care), I tell them that I've got the check, that I asked them out and so it's on me. 75% of the time, they'll pick up drinks at the next place we go.
Apparently.
FallingEdge
Member
that works
I disagree but it isn't as black and white as that. If there is obvious attraction, gotta say hi.
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