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Transgaf: 'cause boys will be girls (and vice versa)

C

Christine

Member
Hello TransGAF,

It's become clear to me recently that my feelings of gender confusion and dysphoria are never going to go away. If anything, they have only become more intense and more prevalent in the last few years. I've been ignoring the situation in the hopes that it'd go away for most of my life, but that doesn't seem to be working as well any more.

I'd like to share more from my own experiences but I'm not sure what to offer, or if that's even necessarily welcome at this time. However, I'm already grateful to everyone who's made this thread somewhere I can feel okay about posting this.
 
C

Christine

Member
Thanks for the welcome and invitation :)

The earliest I can remember this being part of my life is about eight years old. It was when I learned about the idea of past lives and reincarnation. I obsessed over the possibility that I had lived as a woman in a past life, or that I might be reincarnated as a woman. To be clear, I characterize these thoughts as obsessive because they were to the total exclusion of any of the other likely lines of speculation. I didn't think about where or when I had lived, or whether I had ever been wealthy, powerful, or famous. I just had the feeling that I had lived as a woman and an intense frustration that I could not have the memories of that experience. I once took a significant measure of comfort from the belief that I might have the opportunity to petition to be the other gender again after this life was over.

Of course, I pretended that this didn't really mean anything--I was a boy and that was that, I hadn't been consulted about the decision and couldn't appeal it, so I figured I just had to chalk it up as a minor disappointment and move on.

I'm starting to realize that I'm an idiot.
 
E

Extollere

Sucks at poetry
InfiniteNine said:
Got some big plans for when I get out of here next week! I'm finally going to pick one of the therapists I've jotted down and schedule an appointment and get things rolling for real. :)

I'm also pondering about coming out to the parents since I've been feeling pretty strongly about telling them recently. I'm not sure if I should though so it's puzzling. x:
Click to expand...

You have all the support I can give you in the world! If you choose to tell your parents (which I think is the right decision), it might be awkward and a bit strange but eventually they'll accept it, like it or not.

Also, you need to pick a cute name for yourself finally! I don't wanna have to keep referring to you by your male name forever you know!
 
P

Platy

Member
TwinIonEngines said:
I'm starting to realize that I'm an idiot.
Click to expand...

Welcome.

Don't feel like an idiot!

Dreams of easy solutions and denial are pretty common experiences for anything that human beings want so much and at the same time looks so "impossible" or not in the classic spactrum of what society expects of you
 
P

Platy

Member
Aiko Heiwa said:
Yeah, that's what I meant.

Haha, sorry. I was a bit excited.
Click to expand...

What ? Naaah ... I mean ... lets see that post again :

Aiko Heiwa said:
JX2k8.gif
Click to expand...

...ok
 
P

Princess Viola

Member
thatbox said:
Good for you! What problem do your grandparents present? Do they live with your mom as well, or are you just worried about telling them?
Click to expand...
My grandparents have custody of me and they don't approve of my being transgender.

And my grandpa and dad (my folks are divorced) think my boyfriend is a 30 year old pedophile and think me wanting to move here is just an attempt to be able to stay in contact with him.
 
P

Platy

Member
Aiko Heiwa said:
My grandparents have custody of me and they don't approve of my being transgender.

And my grandpa and dad (my folks are divorced) think my boyfriend is a 30 year old pedophile and think me wanting to move here is just an attempt to be able to stay in contact with him.
Click to expand...

Sorry...but ...how old are you ?
 
I

iirate

Member
TwinIonEngines said:
Thanks, I do usually know better than to cut myself down like that. But, it is like looking at the find the hidden image picture puzzle and wondering how you could have ever failed to spot the zebra.

I'd like to specify that I see myself as more androgynous than female. Ah, this is hard to talk about.
Click to expand...

Hey, you're far from the only one that's been there. It's easy to fool yourself when it's what you need to get by.

Also, don't worry about rushing into talking about stuff that you aren't ready to. It took me well over a year from when I came out to myself to come out to many of my friends, and there was a long period of time after that in which I wasn't really able to open up about it.

Just keep taking things one step at a time and you'll be fine.
 
F

Femmeworth

Banned
Aiko Heiwa said:
My grandparents have custody of me and they don't approve of my being transgender.

And my grandpa and dad (my folks are divorced) think my boyfriend is a 30 year old pedophile and think me wanting to move here is just an attempt to be able to stay in contact with him.
Click to expand...
Aren't you like 16?
Technically he would be an ephebophile.
 
C

Christine

Member
iirate said:
Just keep taking things one step at a time and you'll be fine.
Click to expand...

Thank you. Right now I'm kind of doing an inventory of denial. It's amazing how vivid and intense my memories of these feelings are. I *still* remember reading "The Marvelous Land of Oz" and being struck by a deep, keening hurt--a longing that squeezed my heart in a tense fist, a wrenching fear of being pulled away from myself by the power of this feeling, and the hotly intense burst of shame that followed.

Writing this down for other people to see is helping so much. Between my gratitude and the other emotions I'm unearthing, I'm on the verge of tears.
 
Y

yeoz

Member
fireside said:
Since we’ve got some new faces around here, I thought that it would be a nice time to remind everyone that there’s an IRC channel, if anyone wants to talk in a more private setting. Given the sensitive nature of the topics discussed, we feel that it is best if it remains transgender people only. So if you’re transgender, and want to join, feel free to PM me, and I’ll help you get set up.
Click to expand...
IRC? What's IRC? Internet Relay Chat? So it's a chatroom? :O
 
C

Chris R

Member
Just wondering if anyone here has seen the show on AMC Small Town Security. I only recorded it because it was on after Breaking Bad and thought that the first episode was pretty terrible, only to find out at the end of the episode that one of the people on the show was a transitioning male. Sucks seeing how bad some people treat him but for the most part they aren't as bad as I'd imagine a rural area of Georgia to be.
 
P

Princess Viola

Member
rhfb said:
Just wondering if anyone here has seen the show on AMC Small Town Security. I only recorded it because it was on after Breaking Bad and thought that the first episode was pretty terrible, only to find out at the end of the episode that one of the people on the show was a transitioning male. Sucks seeing how bad some people treat him but for the most part they aren't as bad as I'd imagine a rural area of Georgia to be.
Click to expand...
I have Dish.
 
F

fireside

Member
yeoz said:
IRC? What's IRC? Internet Relay Chat? So it's a chatroom? :O
Click to expand...

Yeah, the forum is pretty public and everything you write is exposed for who knows how many people’s eyes to see, so I figured it would be a good idea to make a chat room where trans people can talk about issues and whatever in a more private setting.
 
E

Emitan

Member
WARNING A Huge Podcast is back and had a discussion on LGBTQ representation in Japanese games.

Rep your podcast, Shidoshi!
Unless you did and I missed it
 
N

Nudull

Banned
Hey, everyone. I've been away from GAF for a while, and for good reason. After coming out to my parents about my androgynous nature and my feelings of the transgendered, not only this but my own need to really find myself and build something out of my reinvention, things only came to get worse. Long story short, I've ended up in some violent fights, I've come to be more distant and alienated from old friends, and I've now come to feel more alone in my situation than ever. My parents are making me undergo surgery next week, not only this, but they're forcing down all of this dieting on me in some sense of "helping" me out of my apparent high school trauma. I'm starting to fall into a dark place, but whatever comes to happen, I'll try to do my best.

It's good to see you all again.
 
Y

yeoz

Member
Nudull said:
Hey, everyone. I've been away from GAF for a while, and for good reason. After coming out to my parents about my androgynous nature and my feelings of the transgendered, not only this but my own need to really find myself and build something out of my reinvention, things only came to get worse. Long story short, I've ended up in some violent fights, I've come to be more distant and alienated from old friends, and I've now come to feel more alone in my situation than ever. My parents are making me undergo surgery next week, not only this, but they're forcing down all of this dieting on me in some sense of "helping" me out of my apparent high school trauma. I'm starting to fall into a dark place, but whatever comes to happen, I'll try to do my best.
Click to expand...

Wait, wait, what? What the heck? If this is something you don't want done, please please tell the doctor/nurses that you don't consent to having anything done!
This is your body here, and no one should be allowed to change anything about it except yourself :(

Also, ugh, at at everything else. I hope you're able to get through all of that OK. Hang in there *hug*
 
H

Hazaro

relies on auto-aim
Nudull said:
Hey, everyone. I've been away from GAF for a while, and for good reason. After coming out to my parents about my androgynous nature and my feelings of the transgendered, not only this but my own need to really find myself and build something out of my reinvention, things only came to get worse. Long story short, I've ended up in some violent fights, I've come to be more distant and alienated from old friends, and I've now come to feel more alone in my situation than ever. My parents are making me undergo surgery next week, not only this, but they're forcing down all of this dieting on me in some sense of "helping" me out of my apparent high school trauma. I'm starting to fall into a dark place, but whatever comes to happen, I'll try to do my best.

It's good to see you all again.
Click to expand...
Are you comfortable going into more detail?

Surgery (Not sure what kind you are talking about here) is something done to your body and should be your decision. Unless they will kick you out of their home and you can't support yourself 'forced' is... a rough term. Even if you are under 18 it's still your decision.

Anyway stay strong and try to find comfort in yourself. See where you will be in the future, and focus on getting there :)
 
E

Earthstrike

Member
Nudull said:
Hey, everyone. I've been away from GAF for a while, and for good reason. After coming out to my parents about my androgynous nature and my feelings of the transgendered, not only this but my own need to really find myself and build something out of my reinvention, things only came to get worse. Long story short, I've ended up in some violent fights, I've come to be more distant and alienated from old friends, and I've now come to feel more alone in my situation than ever. My parents are making me undergo surgery next week, not only this, but they're forcing down all of this dieting on me in some sense of "helping" me out of my apparent high school trauma. I'm starting to fall into a dark place, but whatever comes to happen, I'll try to do my best.

It's good to see you all again.
Click to expand...

Forced surgery? That sounds insanely scary. Forced? I hope to god it isn't forced SRS, that would be horrible. Do not allow any forced surgery to occur. It is your choice.
 
M

mollipen

Member
Yeah, as others have asked: What kind of surgery? If it's something major, and something you don't want done, you HAVE to stand up for your right to say no to it (even if doing so could be ridiculously hard). It's your body and nobody else's. I don't care who they are, parents or otherwise, they have no right to force something major of that nature upon you.
 
E

Emitan

Member
Don't do the surgery if you're not comfortable what it is! I don't know what kind of surgery you are talking about but it sounds elective which means DO NOT DO IT UNLESS YOU WANT TO. That is your decision and yours alone.
 
tearsofash

tearsofash

Member
What!?

Are you old enough to legally nonconsent to a hospital visit? 18+ or higher? If not, the only other option is not going to be a good one. :\
 
N

Nudull

Banned
Some clarification:

The surgery itself has to do with breast reduction. Not that I was ever grossly overweight, but the fact is that I've had them for my whole life (a fact that my parent never bothered to reveal until very recently, apparently), and I've been teased by other kids by it, among many other reason. It was, in itself, a long time coming, but after trying to speak to my parents, they've come to go forward with this now to ensure I end my high school woes and get me back on the straight, god-fearing path. They've said it clearly that any deviation would make me disappoint my mother and lose my dad outright.

"Be a man, stop being girly/childish, queers are diseased freakshows," ad nauseum.
 
E

Emitan

Member
Nudull said:
Some clarification:

The surgery itself has to do with breast reduction. Not that I was ever grossly overweight, but the fact is that I've had them for my whole life (a fact that my parent never bothered to reveal until very recently, apparently), and I've been teased by other kids by it, among many other reason. It was, in itself, a long time coming, but after trying to speak to my parents, they've come to go forward with this now to ensure I end my high school woes and get me back on the straight, god-fearing path. They've said it clearly that any deviation would make me disappoint my mother and lose my dad outright.

"Be a man, stop being girly/childish, queers are diseased freakshows," ad nauseum.
Click to expand...

This is horrible ;~;

If there was anything I could do for you I would.
 
K

kehs

Banned
Nudull said:
Some clarification:

The surgery itself has to do with breast reduction. Not that I was ever grossly overweight, but the fact is that I've had them for my whole life (a fact that my parent never bothered to reveal until very recently, apparently), and I've been teased by other kids by it, among many other reason. It was, in itself, a long time coming, but after trying to speak to my parents, they've come to go forward with this now to ensure I end my high school woes and get me back on the straight, god-fearing path. They've said it clearly that any deviation would make me disappoint my mother and lose my dad outright.

"Be a man, stop being girly/childish, queers are diseased freakshows," ad nauseum.
Click to expand...

How old are you?
 
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