If you don't want to do, they can't force you.
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Transgaf: 'cause boys will be girls (and vice versa)
- Thread starter lexi
- Start date
If you don't want to do, they can't force you.
InfiniteNine
Rolling Girl
That's damn horrible but you should try and stop this from proceeding. x: I wish there was something I could do to help you. >:
Call the hospital, and ask for the patient advocate. Tell them that you're scheduled for a procedure, but, it's being forced on you by your parents, and let them know that you're refusing to consent to anything being done to you. The patient advocate will hopefully put a kibosh to it, since to do otherwise would presumably expose the hospital to legal liability. Don't let this get any farther than it's already gone. You need to stop this surgery dead in it's tracks right now.
Loving parents don't torture their kids (which is what forced dieting, and verbal abuse amounts to), or threaten to disown them, or force surgeries on them. That shit is fucked up, and it isn't right.
This is nothing short of abuse. This is a toxic environment you're in, and you need to get the out of there as soon as you reasonably and safely can.
Please let us know what city or state you're in, so we can look up resources (glbt or otherwise) to help you.
I'm eighteen. I really wish there was a better way to make peace with my parents, but after seeing how my dad is nearly willing to pull a knife on me, how my brother will never take me seriously, and how distant my mother can truly become, I'm afraid that any amount of argue at this point may turn into something far uglier. It's awful, really, to be the only sane person in a family of assholes. :/
Dr.Palutena
Member
Ugh, that whole situation is horrible. At the very least you should prevent this surgery from happening if it's something you aren't comfortable with, it's your body and it's your consent that's needed, they can't make you.
Edit: Pulled a knife on you? holy shit, you need to get out of there and maybe even call the police, family or not.
Edit: Pulled a knife on you? holy shit, you need to get out of there and maybe even call the police, family or not.
Anyone who pulls a knife on you is not your family. I have no idea how but you need to get out of there.
Do not let your parents force you into breast reduction. Do not let your parents talk you into breast reduction. Do not follow through with this. Forcibly getting your breasts removed isn’t going to change anything.
Your family isn’t worth all this. Find a way to get out of there and/or call the police.
Femmeworth
Banned
Goddamn, that can't be legal.
I can't believe I'm suggesting this, but, you need to get out of there, as soon as you reasonably and safely can.
Anything is safer than living at home right now. Anything at all.
Please let us know what city or state you're in, so we can look up resources (glbt or otherwise) to help you.
Princess Viola
Member
Nudull, I don't know you, I only know of your situation from these posts.
But GET OUT OF THERE NOW. CALL THE COPS. CALL SOMEONE.
But GET OUT OF THERE NOW. CALL THE COPS. CALL SOMEONE.
Also count me in the "get out" option.
Call a friend or a parent or anything and find a place for you to stay. Search for jobs that could make you survive on your own and rent a small place.
Also, the cops
Femmeworth
Banned
Yep, I'm going to agree with the others, you need to get out of there as soon as possible.
I honestly wish I knew where to go and that I could, but the fact is that I can't. At least right now. I haven't spoken to my brother at all, but knowing him, he'd shrug it off completely and turn me in to my parents. Most, if not all of my brother's friends are already self-destructive and all, and the last time I tried to get outside help through therapy, I told my family of the privacy I needed to share between myself and my therapist, and my parents ended up forcing me out under apparent pedo-fears (later on, they claimed it was money issues :/). At this point, I'm stuck in my own prison until I can gain the means and support to move out.
I live in south Florida, if that helps any.
You're never as stuck as you think. You have to be bold enough to get the help you need.
I'm lacking in any sort of meaningful ability to help, all I got is vague self-affirmations.
Princess Viola
Member
Shit, if I was a few years older, I'd let you stay at my house.
Femmeworth
Banned
I'm looking at the site for Florida's social services department. http://www.myflfamilies.com/
This looks like the ticket. I just wish there was something I could do on this side of the Atlantic.
Miami? Anyone have any experience with any of the resources below? I don't know anything about Florida, so I can't vouch directly for any of them...
Miami GLBT youth resources:
The Alliance for GLBTQ Youth - 305-899-8087, 866-634-8087
Miami Bridge Youth Services - 305-635-8953 (24/7)
Pridelines Youth Services - 305-571-9601
Fort Lauderdale GLBT resources:
Sunserve Social Services 954-764-5150
Please please call the hospital, and ask speak to the Patient Advocate. (check your PM)
You need to tell them you can't and won't consent to any procedures, and you need to get the surgery STOPPED.
Sorry to change the topic for a second, but I need to post this one more time or I will punch someone.
I talked about that in another thread because it is from a brailian tv show, but .... just saw the worst 2 minutes of television related to transgender people in my life.
And it was on a huge tv show in the country's biggest tv channel.
It was a good hearted piece about SRS in thailand.... but.... wow !
Talk about transphobic comments that you could smell "research ? lol what is that" from a mile.
It climaxed when they said something along the lines of
"one of the reasons there are so much transexuals in thailand is because the prostitution market is very big, so turning into a woman is an easy way to get money for the poor people"
...wow
"So I'm a poor cisgender male. I will take cost medicine, pay for an expensive surgery and sell my body because of the promise of easy money in a saturated market"
....who can say this kinda of stuff seriously ?
I talked about that in another thread because it is from a brailian tv show, but .... just saw the worst 2 minutes of television related to transgender people in my life.
And it was on a huge tv show in the country's biggest tv channel.
It was a good hearted piece about SRS in thailand.... but.... wow !
Talk about transphobic comments that you could smell "research ? lol what is that" from a mile.
It climaxed when they said something along the lines of
"one of the reasons there are so much transexuals in thailand is because the prostitution market is very big, so turning into a woman is an easy way to get money for the poor people"
...wow
"So I'm a poor cisgender male. I will take cost medicine, pay for an expensive surgery and sell my body because of the promise of easy money in a saturated market"
....who can say this kinda of stuff seriously ?
InfiniteNine
Rolling Girl
Some thoughts from the anonymous one.
Nudull, your situation sounds really scary and it seems like your family are the ones that have mental issues.
How can somebody be forced into surgery at 18 years? I guess Florida is one of those 21 age of consent states, isn't it?
I hate to play devils advocate in situations that I couldn't handle myself, but you really should try to get away from your family ASAP!
How can somebody be forced into surgery at 18 years? I guess Florida is one of those 21 age of consent states, isn't it?
I hate to play devils advocate in situations that I couldn't handle myself, but you really should try to get away from your family ASAP!
Don't know if this was posted already, but it could be a helpful resource.
http://www.transhousingnetwork.com/
http://www.transhousingnetwork.com/
Congrats! We knew you could do it!
You should still reach out to one of the groups listed earlier, just to see what they can offer you.
Came out to my mom and it went well! She's ridiculously bad at calling me Emilie but at least she's trying
*hugs tightly* We love you Nudull and I'm so happy that you going down the path that YOU chose.
*hugs tightly* We love you Nudull and I'm so happy that you going down the path that YOU chose.
Professor Beef
Banned
Grats Emichu. And good luck Nudull!
tearsofash
Member
God dammit.
I want to make progress but life is getting in the way, and life seems like it will keep getting in the way until I make progress. This isn't some fucking cosmetic bullshit. Until I go through with this, there's always going to be bullshit getting in my way. I don't know how much more I can take. I thought it would help coming out about it publicly after 25 years, but I still feel stuck, I still feel like I'm not being true to myself. Sometimes I just wish it would it end, a person can only deal with so much stress. I'm too busy trying not to be homeless to do anything at all with my with transexuality and it's really disheartening.
I want to make progress but life is getting in the way, and life seems like it will keep getting in the way until I make progress. This isn't some fucking cosmetic bullshit. Until I go through with this, there's always going to be bullshit getting in my way. I don't know how much more I can take. I thought it would help coming out about it publicly after 25 years, but I still feel stuck, I still feel like I'm not being true to myself. Sometimes I just wish it would it end, a person can only deal with so much stress. I'm too busy trying not to be homeless to do anything at all with my with transexuality and it's really disheartening.
Princess Viola
Member
Congrats!Came out to my mom and it went well! She's ridiculously bad at calling me Emilie but at least she's trying
And on a positive note for me, my mom and step-dad are all prepared financially to have custody of me. I still need to go back to Florida though so custody can be transferred.
The only thing I truly fear is having to fly on an airplane now.
Came out to my mom and it went well! She's ridiculously bad at calling me Emilie but at least she's trying
Not even the more transfriendly person on earth can change something like that so fast =P
Give her some time
Well, I have good news and bad news.
I recently came out to my brother, and although he seems to be passive and distant, he's certainly supportive of my life, so it's good to have one ally in the family.
However, my mother came to sit me down with her, and after explaining myself and everything, she has come to find my descions as evil and self-destructive, and since I can't change for her, nor will she come to admit her own actions, well...it would seem I'll be moving out of home a lot sooner than expected. I should feel happy, but at the same time, I feel the sting of a long, drawn-out fight. In any case, I'll hopefully be alright.
Take care out there, everyone.
I recently came out to my brother, and although he seems to be passive and distant, he's certainly supportive of my life, so it's good to have one ally in the family.
However, my mother came to sit me down with her, and after explaining myself and everything, she has come to find my descions as evil and self-destructive, and since I can't change for her, nor will she come to admit her own actions, well...it would seem I'll be moving out of home a lot sooner than expected. I should feel happy, but at the same time, I feel the sting of a long, drawn-out fight. In any case, I'll hopefully be alright.
Take care out there, everyone.
Tell her to drop the bible and grow the fuck up.
Sorry, no offense and stuff, I know she's still your mum.
*hugs*
Just remember that being true to who you are is the most important thing in life and every action that gets you closer to that is a positive.
It's not really going to help at all, but yeah I feel that frustration too.
Dr.Palutena
Member
I'm sorry about your mom, but we are all here for you and wish you luck in whatever is to come next.
I know its hard to feel like youre not doing anything productive with your life, but I dont think transitioning without stability is the best thing to do. This might sound insensitive, but I think finding a place to live eeks out transitioning on the stuff to get done first scale.
(None of this is very helpful, is it?)
I need your help.
I am turning 27 this year. I couldnt hide it anymore. As I am getting older everyday, I was getting frustrated and stressed more and more. So 2 months ago, I moved away from my parents. I still haven't told them about my decision yet.
I am Asian. My parents are very traditional. I am the only child in my family, and I am the only male of this generation on my father's side, therefore my family is expecting me to carry on my family name. I know it is selfish of me to be what I wanted to be, but I do not want to live unhappily rest of my life. I know my family would not accept me if I am going to take the path I want. However, it still needs to be addressed, the question is how.
I have not started my transitioning yet because I need to find a way to support myself financially.
What kind of jobs can I do while transitioning? It is very hard to find a job right now, I havent had any luck since I moved away from my parents, and my savings is running out.
I am turning 27 this year. I couldnt hide it anymore. As I am getting older everyday, I was getting frustrated and stressed more and more. So 2 months ago, I moved away from my parents. I still haven't told them about my decision yet.
I am Asian. My parents are very traditional. I am the only child in my family, and I am the only male of this generation on my father's side, therefore my family is expecting me to carry on my family name. I know it is selfish of me to be what I wanted to be, but I do not want to live unhappily rest of my life. I know my family would not accept me if I am going to take the path I want. However, it still needs to be addressed, the question is how.
I have not started my transitioning yet because I need to find a way to support myself financially.
What kind of jobs can I do while transitioning? It is very hard to find a job right now, I havent had any luck since I moved away from my parents, and my savings is running out.
CHEEZMO
Obsidian fan
It isn't.
alysonwheel
Member
CHEEZMO;41025891 said:
Thirded. You have one life. Live it.
I'm sorry, but 3 things about this quote, 2 are on the bolded part.
1)You are NOT the only male because as you started your post with, you are not male.
2)Carring a family name is insanely easier for woman to do, you only need to change that on the legal stuff when you name your son.
3)It is not selfish. They are the ones expecting a female to carry the name of the family when the tradition is the male to do it.
Youre not selfish, your parents are. If your parents dont accept or respect you for who you are, and what you want to do, then theyre not worth it. You can still continue on the family name if you want, you dont have to change your last name to whoevers if you get married (if you even want to get married). Buck tradition. Whens the last time it made you feel at peace with yourself? Whens the last time tradition helped you be who you want to be?
As for finding jobs I have no advice because I cant get one either. You can do almost any job while transitioning, if the company you work for is going to be supportive/accepting.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Well, it sounds like your brother is alright so that's good at least. As long as he's not hostile like the rest of the family at least give him a chance. Ideally everyone should accept you instantaneously but it's just not the reality. He probably doesn't even necessarily have any problem with it but it's still a big change for others and can be a weird thing to get used to if it's never come up in their life before, people just aren't educated. As for the rest of your family, they seem batshit crazy, especially anyone who would pulled a knife is seriously fucked in the head and if it were I would stop talking with them. I've had family members pull knives before too and it's bullshit, there's honestly no excuse for it and unless they get help there's no reason to further contact with them as no benefit comes from it, but that's my personal experience.
Obviously call what others have posted and gain information, especially now while you still have a place to stay and don't have to scramble later if you do leave. People here are obviously more than willing to help you look for and sort any information needed but your situation sounds beyond unhealthy and if you can go somewhere almost anywhere else I would think it's beneficial, threatening violence with a weapon is NOT ok and does need to be sorted, whether you have to involve the police or not before someone is injured or worse. Are there any non immediate family members nearby or anything that can help? Whether an aunt, uncle, grandmother/grandfather, etc.?
Hope you sort everything out, don't be foolish and feel afraid or feel like you're being annoying by asking for help. That's the most foolish move you can make, absolutely no one gets mad by asking questions for help, especially in a situation like yours. Best of luck.
Forgot this part xD
Hard to say because you don't said your area and the place you live ... but here is a quick googled list of transgender firendly places
http://www.masstpc.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Employers_with_Transgender_Friendly_Policies
I heard that huge companies like Google and IBM might even cover SRS and stuffs like that ...
If they are not an option, you can't go wrong with home working, freelances, phone support or anything that don't involve direct client support people are easier to be more supportive
But as I said, the problem is we don't know anything about your carrer of choice.
Hard to say because you don't said your area and the place you live ... but here is a quick googled list of transgender firendly places
http://www.masstpc.org/mediawiki/index.php?title=Employers_with_Transgender_Friendly_Policies
I heard that huge companies like Google and IBM might even cover SRS and stuffs like that ...
If they are not an option, you can't go wrong with home working, freelances, phone support or anything that don't involve direct client support people are easier to be more supportive
But as I said, the problem is we don't know anything about your carrer of choice.
thank you guys so much.
I learned a lot from you guys.
oh BTW, when I said carry on my family name I meant passing on my family genes and last name to next generation and beyond.
I felt once I start my transition, my family history will be ended in my own hands. I have this fear and guilt in me for very long time.
I learned a lot from you guys.
oh BTW, when I said carry on my family name I meant passing on my family genes and last name to next generation and beyond.
I felt once I start my transition, my family history will be ended in my own hands. I have this fear and guilt in me for very long time.
If passing on your genes is important to you, you can always have your sperm frozen before you start hormones.
Not being Asian, it's hard for me to directly speak about the various cultural aspects that come into play in your life. Having lived in an Asian country for a while, though, I got to see a lot of that.
Family is important, absolutely. But so are you as an individual. Ask yourself this: What happens if your family name dies out? Put aside all of the things other people say to you, and answer that question for yourself. What happens? Does your family instantly stop existing? Will all of the past accomplishments of your family be erased from history? Will people forget they ever existed if their name doesn't—and, as a bigger question, will people remember them in the first place?
Typically—if we look past those who do things for selfish reasons—those that came before us struggled for one reason: To give those that would come after them a better life. As much as some people may want us to believe otherwise, that usually doesn't have anything to do with keeping one particular name around.
What you owe those who came before you is one thing: Not to squander the life they worked to give you. They wanted their children and their children's children to have a better life—not to live in their shadow. We leave a history and a legacy by who we are as people and what we do, not what name we live under.
At least, that's how I see it.
I shaved for the first time this morning.
I don't know what drove me to this sudden early act of change and rebellion. Maybe it was my mother's talk from yesterday, who knows. Still, I did managed to cut away every last bit of facial hair I had. I looked into the mirror and came to realize how androgynous my face really came to be. I went a bit wild with my mother's makeup, and the aftermath stung like hell, but it couldn't have felt any more good. I think my transition might go well. Anyway, I'll be off to handle things at my campus, see if any good news comes from it.
I don't know what drove me to this sudden early act of change and rebellion. Maybe it was my mother's talk from yesterday, who knows. Still, I did managed to cut away every last bit of facial hair I had. I looked into the mirror and came to realize how androgynous my face really came to be. I went a bit wild with my mother's makeup, and the aftermath stung like hell, but it couldn't have felt any more good. I think my transition might go well. Anyway, I'll be off to handle things at my campus, see if any good news comes from it.
Princess Viola
Member
I still remember the first time I decided to shave.
And in other news, I am going to be moving in with my mom. My plane leaves on the 30th.