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Transgaf: 'cause boys will be girls (and vice versa)
- Thread starter lexi
- Start date
Dr.Palutena
Member
Well this course of discussion seems pretty callous , It also seems fallacious to think "you need to be presenting or on hormones to think anyone will consider you a female" . I mean I hear people say things in my direction sometimes, who generally I dont even know and sometimes I think they are talking to me, and I know close to everyone has had the experience of someone waving in their direction and thinking it was to them even when it made no sense. Attentions whores, everyone.
I thought it was a strange (and rude) comment myself.
Like you said, most people have thought they were being called to at one point or another, and it happens in many different contexts. It's a common human experience.
Winterfang
Banned
Hello Transgaf. I have a question I know the word "trainee" is banned around here, what the correct terminology for the phrase "trainee" surprise? I ask because I don't want to offend later.
CHEEZMO™;47562109 said:
LOL
This is a really weird question. It's like asking 'I know the n-word is banned around here, what's the correct terminology for 'n-word stole my bike?'
Dr.Palutena
Member
Interns are seldom a surprise though.
"my bike was economically redistributed by an ethnic individual"
lexi said:
"my bike was economically redistributed by an ethnic individual"
"A nice young person from afro-american background took possesion of my two wheeled, non motorized vehicle"
CHEEZMO
Obsidian fan
NewGamePlus
Member
Obama's America
member of the urban demographic misappropriated my method of travel
Gentleman with a bigger density of melanine than mine borrowed until further notice my beloved recreational transportation device
Speaking of bicycles, with the new standards of care ("new" as in 2011 or so) hormones are much easier to get prescribed right? I don't really feel like going through the motions with a therapist -- after years of self-debate I've settled on my answer pretty definitely. I know I'd still have to get an examination, but no 90 days or some crap any more right?
Now that I've started college I feel like it's time to start transitioning...
Now that I've started college I feel like it's time to start transitioning...
Terms like "tranny surprise" and "trap" aren't offensive just in terms of the words used, but more so their meaning. They're often associated with the idea that somebody of one sex presents themselves as another in order to trick somebody, which absolutely is not the case with somebody who is transgender.
Or, they also refer to somebody purposely trying to trick somebody else by, for example, showing a photo of a woman, asking "isn't this girl hot", and when the other person says yes, saying "haha, it's actually a dude!" In that case, the person who is transgender is seen as nothing more than a means to "trick" someone.
Thus, the problem is both the word "tranny"and the stigma it carries with itand the term/idea "tranny surprise" itself.
Thanks.
Both of the places near me are in Houston, dang. Not that far away (about 30-45 mins), but I sure hate driving there. I'll deal with it though.
You hate me that much?
No, I hate erratic traffic and shitty drivers.
Which means I hate driving everywhere, but Houston has a lot more of them!
Houston "drivers"
lol
I used to get real offended by this sort of crap but these days I just can't take the people who ponder things like this seriously anyone. Sorry buddy. I prefer to mock this sort of laughable ignorance with endless wit and sarcasm. I enjoy making them feel stupid. Is this sadistic?
There was this girl on an online dating site who messaged me the other night based on my interests, namely philosophy, meditation etc. I rarely engage in online chat with people. The pic I had on my profile was an oldish one. Turned out we had a lot in common, chat went very well.
I thought, hmm, how should I break it to her that I'm trans? I don't overly care for a relationship, but it would be nice. Her selection in her bio on sexuality says, 'open minded'. Right, let's see shall we? I update my interests to include makeup and nail polish (I use both in guy mode anyway). That went over like a lead balloon. I get the reply, 'I hope you're kidding?' Based on that, I thought fuck the 'coming out' process and just told her point blank I'm transsexual. So she says, 'I don't judge but I'm just not into that at all'. So I said, 'what did you think this is, courtship? I have 'make new friends' on my profile for a reason'.
Then she craps on about being deceptive and I basically call her a hypocrite. I think she's ignoring me now. Since she wasted my time on Sunday night carrying on about a crappy job and a bad back and I was real attentive in listening I kind of want to give it to her some more before she finally blocks me. I think I get a sense of satisfaction out of doing this to these people. They're ignorant. They know nothing. I don't really like being judged on who I am and it kind of spits in my face when I think of all I've ever been through.
She'll read what I say for a while. Topics like that are like a trainwreck for these people, they don't want to look but can't look away.
It's amusing how the people who get most upset about not knowing someone is trans BECAUSE DECEPTION are the ones who have the strongest negative reactions and are the whole reason we can't scream that we're trans from the rooftops.
Maybe we wouldn't have to "hide" things if you weren't bigoted.
Maybe we wouldn't have to "hide" things if you weren't bigoted.
I think that if someone genuinely wants to be educated on a topic, then its best to talk to them in a helpful manner. And even if they dont want to learn, its probably better to plant a seed filled with good information; maybe one day theyll have a different stance on the topic, and remember what you said. That option, or the alternative (trying to get back at her), might not accomplish anything, but theres definitely no guarantee that anything will be accomplished with the alternative, other than any immediate pleasure you feel. It seems like a relationship of any type is out of the cards, so instead of expounding negative energy and bringing up stressful feelings, I would just let it go. You could spend that same time meeting a new person, or doing something else that you enjoy.
ganbareneopokekun
Member
kinda offtopic, but could you tell me the origin of your avatar? which anime is that?
thanks
Yes, nicely put. But what annoys me is this whole 'I'm open minded thing'. Yeah, righto.
Very, very few people qualify as honestly open minded in my book.
This is true. I guess I still have a fair bit of pent up anger in me.
kinda offtopic, but could you tell me the origin of your avatar? which anime is that?
thanks
Fire Emblem Awakening
I decided to message someone else. Told her up front. It was a good chat. She was quite curious but didn't know much about it at first. That's what bothers me, we're expected to be up front about it but the general population knows shit all about it and is too quick to judge based on labels and stereotypes.
It sounds like she didnt have a negative reaction like the previous girl, so thats an improvement at least. The way I look at being up front about it is that you shouldnt have to until things are starting to become more than friendly, or it has kind of been implied that things are going in that direction. You shouldnt have to wear a sign that says, Im trans! though. I guess it really depends on who youre dealing with and how open-minded/educated they actually are. But if someone is projecting (or outright says) that they expect you to be up front about it, they probably aren't worth the trouble anyway from a relationship point-of-view.
Just sent the coming-out email at work. Turns out the QA analyst I've been working with has a 7-year-old son (possibly daughter) who is exhibiting possible signs of being transgendered. Not only is she supportive of me, she's supportive of her kid. ...So now I'm even grumpier about my parents. >_<
*hug*
I think (hope?) that's it's just a generational thing. Our (older) parents are less supportive than younger parents, who I believe are simply more aware (and, thus, more open) with regard to these issues.
Dr.Palutena
Member
I totally think it's a generational thing , from older parents not having that conceptional understanding of trans and other lgbtqa related things , to their approval of said things regardless of level of understanding. Additionally I think older generations still have that expectation of children doing things along the lines of what they wish for , or for the sake of the family versus what the child may actually want.
Hello again, everyone. Had a question and I wanted your input.
Background info: my spouse and I are into threesomes. She's bisexual and I am straight so we stick to ffm threesomes.
Anyway, a few weeks back during one of our movie/weekend nights the subject of dating someone who is trans came up (Quite possible we were watching The Hangover 2 or something. That or a gif. of Bailey jay was posted in the Funny Pics thread).
So, she asked if I would ever have sex with someone who has transitioned from male to female but has opted to keep the male genitals. I said no. The reason for that is that I do not find the penis sexually attractive. I'm straight. The thought of performing oral or taking one just is not for me.
This led to a follow up question: what would happen if I was dating a woman and they turn out to be trans and still have a penis? Would she need to disclose that to me?
This was a difficult question to answer. On one hand, I strongly felt that she would not need to disclose this information to me just as I would not be required to let her know I and biologically male. On the other hand, I don't know how I would feel if the relationship would get to the intimate part and I find a penis where I expected a vagina to be.
We didn't even get to the part where I would pose these questions to her since I wasn't able to give a definitive answer.
So, everyone. Care to chime in? Any of you ever find yourself in a similar situation? Ifso, how did you handle it?
Background info: my spouse and I are into threesomes. She's bisexual and I am straight so we stick to ffm threesomes.
Anyway, a few weeks back during one of our movie/weekend nights the subject of dating someone who is trans came up (Quite possible we were watching The Hangover 2 or something. That or a gif. of Bailey jay was posted in the Funny Pics thread).
So, she asked if I would ever have sex with someone who has transitioned from male to female but has opted to keep the male genitals. I said no. The reason for that is that I do not find the penis sexually attractive. I'm straight. The thought of performing oral or taking one just is not for me.
This led to a follow up question: what would happen if I was dating a woman and they turn out to be trans and still have a penis? Would she need to disclose that to me?
This was a difficult question to answer. On one hand, I strongly felt that she would not need to disclose this information to me just as I would not be required to let her know I and biologically male. On the other hand, I don't know how I would feel if the relationship would get to the intimate part and I find a penis where I expected a vagina to be.
We didn't even get to the part where I would pose these questions to her since I wasn't able to give a definitive answer.
So, everyone. Care to chime in? Any of you ever find yourself in a similar situation? Ifso, how did you handle it?
I don't really disagree with your line of thought there. Disclosure isn't a prerequisite for conducting a relationship with someone, but disclosure before the initiation of intimacy would be pretty damn important in this case, because the question of equipment and the compatibility thereof is an inevitable discussion to be had. Some may not mind, but if it were me I would disclose to be safe.
Of course, where the question becomes infinitely more personal (and controversial) is when we're talking post-srs. I'd dare say that's ultimately the trans person's choice. If I was seeking a long-term relationship with my partner, I would disclose, both for mutual peace of mind and also in the interest of making pertinent health issues known. If we're sharing a place of living and/or income, you're damned straight I want to know if they're an asthmatic or have a heart condition, both for understanding and having a few flags I can run up in an emergency.
In any case, how you feel and how you act are not necessarily synonymous. Treat people with respect and decline when your heart isn't in it, despite what you might feel.
Of course, where the question becomes infinitely more personal (and controversial) is when we're talking post-srs. I'd dare say that's ultimately the trans person's choice. If I was seeking a long-term relationship with my partner, I would disclose, both for mutual peace of mind and also in the interest of making pertinent health issues known. If we're sharing a place of living and/or income, you're damned straight I want to know if they're an asthmatic or have a heart condition, both for understanding and having a few flags I can run up in an emergency.
In any case, how you feel and how you act are not necessarily synonymous. Treat people with respect and decline when your heart isn't in it, despite what you might feel.
So yeah, it's emotional dumping/questions time again.
Stress has been building up pretty bad lately and I've started to drive myself nuts again. Just more and more I feel like I'm shoving myself in a little box to avoid getting hurt, even if I try not to. I just dread even going out shopping/ out for dinner most of the time, fearing a "sir" or some such, and even just seeing people will sometimes drive me nuts from either recognizing male features that look too similar or female ones that remind me of how I'm not. And then on top of that even just sitting around I'll start to notice body hair (thankfully very light) or my not so great hairline and it'll just frustrate me to no end. Mostly, I've just decided that I need to move on to the next step, so right now I'm trying my best to formulate a plan. I'm out to my parents, but in a way that I essentially bury it down, not talk about it for a long time, and effectively end up having to "come out" all over again when I reach a breaking point.
Mostly, I'm just kind of sitting around and trying to push things aside right now, and I know I just need to give myself that push and get things rolling. Really, I'm in the kind of position where I feel like I want someone else to give me that push and force me forward, but it honestly needs to come from within. I guess mostly, even though I can see where I am and I can see where I want to be (IE fully transitioned), the middle part kind of scares me, or perhaps more accurately is just a big mystery to me that I don't know how to deal with. I feel like I want to work up the guts to finally start HRT, but I definitely think I need a plan first. Anyone have any experiences to share about when they finally decided to start HRT/what that middle zone is like? How do you decide when it's time to get out there and present yourself as a woman proper, and how long do you try to hide whatever progress you've made for fear of unintentional outing? Also, personally I'm left wondering what to do, as I'll be finished school around mid-June when I do a three week study abroad in Japan and it'd probably be easier if I was at a point where I wouldn't have to be "out."
Oh, and a bit of an aside that isn't personal, but its annoyed me so much recently realizing that we can't just have schools have an LGBT unit/section in Sex Ed/Health whatever in schools. I mean, especially looking at that MtF transition video thread we just had, it seems so clear how much of the problem is that kids aren't even exposed to anything trans (and to a lesser degree LGB stuff, although that's at least gotten much better coverage/attention in mainstream media). I think I was taught about safe sex as far back as 5th grade, which I'm sure the religious groups also hate, but we can't even get schools to tell kids what a trans person is? It just makes me really mad to think about how much such a simple little change could help. Bleh.
And for a less serious closer, a little question I've been wondering about for a while. I've been wanting to take a multivitamin daily as of late, but I'm stopped by the fact that they're divided into men's and women's. What exactly is the difference there?
Edit: Oh yeah, and sorry for the giant, disorganized block of text.
Stress has been building up pretty bad lately and I've started to drive myself nuts again. Just more and more I feel like I'm shoving myself in a little box to avoid getting hurt, even if I try not to. I just dread even going out shopping/ out for dinner most of the time, fearing a "sir" or some such, and even just seeing people will sometimes drive me nuts from either recognizing male features that look too similar or female ones that remind me of how I'm not. And then on top of that even just sitting around I'll start to notice body hair (thankfully very light) or my not so great hairline and it'll just frustrate me to no end. Mostly, I've just decided that I need to move on to the next step, so right now I'm trying my best to formulate a plan. I'm out to my parents, but in a way that I essentially bury it down, not talk about it for a long time, and effectively end up having to "come out" all over again when I reach a breaking point.
Mostly, I'm just kind of sitting around and trying to push things aside right now, and I know I just need to give myself that push and get things rolling. Really, I'm in the kind of position where I feel like I want someone else to give me that push and force me forward, but it honestly needs to come from within. I guess mostly, even though I can see where I am and I can see where I want to be (IE fully transitioned), the middle part kind of scares me, or perhaps more accurately is just a big mystery to me that I don't know how to deal with. I feel like I want to work up the guts to finally start HRT, but I definitely think I need a plan first. Anyone have any experiences to share about when they finally decided to start HRT/what that middle zone is like? How do you decide when it's time to get out there and present yourself as a woman proper, and how long do you try to hide whatever progress you've made for fear of unintentional outing? Also, personally I'm left wondering what to do, as I'll be finished school around mid-June when I do a three week study abroad in Japan and it'd probably be easier if I was at a point where I wouldn't have to be "out."
Oh, and a bit of an aside that isn't personal, but its annoyed me so much recently realizing that we can't just have schools have an LGBT unit/section in Sex Ed/Health whatever in schools. I mean, especially looking at that MtF transition video thread we just had, it seems so clear how much of the problem is that kids aren't even exposed to anything trans (and to a lesser degree LGB stuff, although that's at least gotten much better coverage/attention in mainstream media). I think I was taught about safe sex as far back as 5th grade, which I'm sure the religious groups also hate, but we can't even get schools to tell kids what a trans person is? It just makes me really mad to think about how much such a simple little change could help. Bleh.
And for a less serious closer, a little question I've been wondering about for a while. I've been wanting to take a multivitamin daily as of late, but I'm stopped by the fact that they're divided into men's and women's. What exactly is the difference there?
Edit: Oh yeah, and sorry for the giant, disorganized block of text.
Femmeworth
Banned
Weird story, my mother found a wallet and I think it might belong to a trans man. I had a look at the driver's license and noticed that the sex marker indicated female, while the name and picture were masculine. I considered some other possibilities like it was fake and/or a mistake, but found them to be even more improbable. I even considered that the person might be actually be a transitioning trans woman but getting the sex marker changed before anything else doesn't make sense. Anyway, we turned it in to the police to let them handle it, so I guess I'll never know. Still, what are the odds.
Could be a mistake when the license was entered. I have an F marker on my license & driving record already, and I didn't do it myself. Still not sure if I should get it "fixed" or not...
Femmeworth
Banned
You're right, but I didn't share my suspicion with my parents who decided to give it to the police.
I considered that it was a mistake, but the card had been issued in 2011. I don't see a cis person going that long without correcting such a mistake.
Spoke to my mother, and the police called her earlier to say that they had already turned it over to the owner.
1-Don't make the beauty standards kill you and make you wear makeup
2-Be ready for sexism
3-If someone kicks you out of the curb they are not your friends
4-Be ready for transphobic shit
5-Relax
6-Relax
7-Relax
8-Save Money
9-Transition will only make people see you as the girl you are and nothing more
10-
Be yourself, fuck what others think of you and RELAX
I came in here out of curiosity (as a straight male). The contrast of the humorous thread title and the above posts gives me both a new appreciation for transgender[(s) I don't know if that's correct etiquette] and inspiration for a huge positive attitude (perhaps from a new sense of perspective). Thank you.
I think it's just an attempt at a summary. With "RELAX" being a really really important bit of advice.
Just a very summary.
Of course you can summary with
1-Brace yourself for beauty culture.
2-Say goodbye to male privilege.
3-People will surprise you.
4-Prepare for (micro)aggressions.
5-Go to therapy.
6-Pursue other interests.
7-Take a deep breath and be patient.
8-Save money.
9-Don't expect transitioning to solve all your problems.
10-You do you.
But besides 2, 8 and 9, those titles don't explain the basics
edit :
Wich is why I went with "Relax, be yourself, fuck what others thing, fuck the sexism and transphobic and save money"...
Wich is what I am basicaly saying in every single post and irc line =P
"Transgenders" is kind of an awkward way to refer to people who are transgender, so it's probably best to avoid saying it in that way. (I don't consider it to be offensive if somebody does, as it's usually simply a case of the person not being sure what is the right term to use.)
And I'm glad to hear that the thread has helped educate you to some degree about the topic. Beyond being a place of support for those who are trans, that's one of the best results a thread like this can have.
Uuuh, what? That stuff was a bit obvious.
InfiniteNine
Rolling Girl
Hurrah happy anniversary! Thank you everyone for you support and help.