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[Amalthea]

Sorry about that. That's what I get for posting after a exhausting day. I skimmed over some parts.

That's understandable.

Anyway: What I notice is, that many here seem to have some friends who are with them when they go out.

Is that really common? Most of the time you hear how Transpeople loose all their friends and to be honest I have none too.

I'm doing nearly everything alone.

 

[Femmeworth]

I found something ridiculously rare !

.... a joke with trans people who is not offensive =O

tumblr transcription :


video of the comedian using this joke : http://vimeo.com/60809689

If that's a good joke, his presentation squanders it.

 

[mollipen]

That's understandable.

Anyway: What I notice is, that many here seem to have some friends who are with them when they go out.

Is that really common? Most of the time you hear how Transpeople loose all their friends and to be honest I have none too.

I'm doing nearly everything alone.

I went shopping with a friend who is trans herself once, but otherwise I've done all of my shopping alone so far. I really would like to make more local female friends that I could do stuff like that with, though.

 

[Sibylus]

Hi TransGAF.

I finally started visiting a local transgender support group a few months ago on the advice of a therapist after I realised that, with my university graduation out of the way, I'd ran out of excuses to keep me running away from my issues/problems with my gender identity. Now my only regret is not trying to deal with this much sooner than I currently am (I turned 26 in August).

I feel like the only thing really stopping me from proceeding further now is my own personal insecurities, combined with a healthy dose of fear. I have been advised by the group not to disclose my transgender identity to the company I'm starting work for on Monday in case they use the 3-Month Probationary Period clause of my employment contact to fire me. I haven't started HRT, so this isn't too much of a problem on a practical level, even though it bothers me on an emotional one. I am exceedingly lucky to have a supportive fiancé, although he knew about my identity problems from the start.

While I am uncloseted to my close friends and housemates (who have been cool with it), most of my extended family currently remains in the dark. My mother has been the most supportive, although she continues to doubt the veracity of my claims that I've felt this way for longer than the shit that went down when I was a teenager. My Dad remains pretty frosty, but I'm not sure where his priorities lie right now.

I'm at that point where I feel comfortable enough passing with friends, at the group, and short walks outside, but not enough to go for lengthy trips outside, it feels like a really tough mental barrier to break through. I think I can do it, but it'll take time. At least I'm earning money now so I can get some things I still need.

Still, I'm glad something like this is here so I can vent a little.

Welcome to the thread, Reishiki! Glad to hear you have support close to home

 

[mollipen]

I finally started visiting a local transgender support group a few months ago on the advice of a therapist after I realised that, with my university graduation out of the way, I'd ran out of excuses to keep me running away from my issues/problems with my gender identity. Now my only regret is not trying to deal with this much sooner than I currently am (I turned 26 in August).

There's no way that you're not going to feel regret, but there's a few things to keep in mind. First, you're still young, and younger than many other people who have gone through what you're going through.

Also, you've got no idea if you could have handled all of this "sooner". One of the things my psychologist stressed to me was that there's no way to know if you would have been ready then like you may be ready now. If you had started things earlier, you might have far larger regrets now. We need to do things in our own time, when we're ready to handle those things.

If, for you, that time is now, then you're doing it at the right time, and sooner would have been before you were ready.

I have been advised by the group not to disclose my transgender identity to the company I'm starting work for on Monday in case they use the 3-Month Probationary Period clause of my employment contact to fire me. I haven't started HRT, so this isn't too much of a problem on a practical level, even though it bothers me on an emotional one.

It's going to be tough - trust me, I know very well - but I'd definitely say keep it to yourself for now. Advice I got, and it makes sense to me, was that it's a good plan to not tell your job about your transitioning until you've actually started HRT. If you tell them before you start, and they fire you, you've got less proof that they did so due to your status (as, at that point, you might not be considered trans legally).

I am exceedingly lucky to have a supportive fiancé, although he knew about my identity problems from the start.

It's very good that you have somebody who seems like they'll be supportive, and it's definitely good that they already knew about your situation. Having this come up later in your relationship can definitely be a complicated matter.

If you don't mind my asking, what is your gender identity? One of the problems with being just words on the internet is it can be hard initially to be certain on things like which pronouns to use.

 

[Reishiki]

Also, you've got no idea if you could have handled all of this "sooner". One of the things my psychologist stressed to me was that there's no way to know if you would have been ready then like you may be ready now. If you had started things earlier, you might have far larger regrets now. We need to do things in our own time, when we're ready to handle those things.

Yeah, this is something my partner tells me. Had I tried to address this a couple of years earlier, my university projects probably would have suffered (despite my best efforts to the contary), and I'd have probably gotten more flak from the parental units.

If you don't mind my asking, what is your gender identity? One of the problems with being just words on the internet is it can be hard initially to be certain on things like which pronouns to use.

Oh wow, I managed to write out all that and didn't mention this. I'm MtF. Thank you for the welcome.

Welcome to the thread, Reishiki! Glad to hear you have support close to home

And again.

 

[Amalthea]

I went shopping with a friend who is trans herself once, but otherwise I've done all of my shopping alone so far. I really would like to make more local female friends that I could do stuff like that with, though.

Yeah, that's something I wish too. But whatever, gonna shop today alone again. :I
The fear, the feaaaar....

 

[InfiniteNine]

Yeah, that's something I wish too. But whatever, gonna shop today alone again. :I
The fear, the feaaaar....

Be strong you can do it! I hope things go well next time I do it as well.

 

[Reishiki]

Yeah, that's something I wish too. But whatever, gonna shop today alone again. :I
The fear, the feaaaar....

We're with you in spirit!

(I still haven't been able to shop in person, I've done all mine online so far.)

 

[Amalthea]

I'm back and oh my God, am I a stupid bitch. Nothing happened again, well some friendly chit-chat happened.

I'm waaay too oversensitive. I feels so sorry, I always think like "passing" is some kind of myth. Maybe I just can't believe it can happen, even if it did for me already.

I'm really sorry for toying with your feelings, gals!

 

[Platy]

Oh wow, I managed to write out all that and didn't mention this. I'm MtF. Thank you for the welcome.

Another =P
Why is NeoGaf so predominantly XY ? xD

Welcome !

 

[Anastasia]

Welcome Reishiki!

Also, you've got no idea if you could have handled all of this "sooner". One of the things my psychologist stressed to me was that there's no way to know if you would have been ready then like you may be ready now. If you had started things earlier, you might have far larger regrets now. We need to do things in our own time, when we're ready to handle those things.

If, for you, that time is now, then you're doing it at the right time, and sooner would have been before you were ready.

This is a really good point. I needed to take over a year before I could do any major decision-making; partly to see if my feelings "changed" (not knowing what I know now), and because I just didn't feel ready. In hindsight, I'm really glad I did that. It helped to solidify that I am doing the right thing. And because I used that time to do lots of studying on transgender issues and what it means to be trans, I feel like I can more easily handle whatever will come my way than if I started transitioning over a year ago.

 

[Princess Viola]

Has anyone else here ever had doubts about being able to transition?

Cause I've been having them for a while now. :\

 

[Emitan]

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/laura...gendered_b_4030525.html?utm_hp_ref=gay-voices

 

[Femmeworth]

I thought you left. I figured you would come back.

 

[CHEEZMO™]

They always come back.

 

[Emitan]

I thought you left. I figured you would come back.

Tried to just post in a few threads now. Mainly K-On, Pokemon, and here.

Blew up at someone in the Pokemon thread for no reason so I guess I shouldn't have come back. It's a stupid addiction.

 

[Viola of the Abyss]

Things have been kinda stale for me lately. I recently moved to Japan (when I realized the truth about myself it was too late to back out) and that doesn't exactly help as I wouldn't even know where to start with over here. Talking with a therapist would certainly be the first thing to do but my Japanese skills are elementary to say the least. I don't even know if I'd be able to do it in English! Plus I don't have any close friends nearby (which I'd really love to have around while transitioning), and being quite the introvert person I don't really see myself having many in the near future ( ._.)

Thing is, I don't want to do it in Italy either. It's too dangerous, the risk of attacks and violence there is much higher than here. People are not ready and specialized centers are very few and far between. I'm pretty sure there are no specialized therapists in my town or in a 500km radius around it. Things are slowly getting better, a governor recently even proposed to include such services into the national healthcare system but I guess you can only imagine how it turned out and the public reaction that it sparked >_>

I guess UK would be a nice compromise but for now I'm stuck here for a couple of years.

To try and keep things going forward I plan on telling about me to most of my friends when I'll go home for the holidays on christmas, which is the thing keeping me being open about it on Twitter as I have a friend following me there. I'd prefer to tell her in person rather than her knowing about it from a Twitter conversation. For those who follow me, expect fireworks on my timeline at the end of this year :3

Oh, well. Apart from that yesterday I tried going to Shibuya to do some shopping inspired by the posts above, I saw some really nice clothes that I wanted to buy but I panicked and ended up not buying anything I'll try again on Sunday! I must do it this time!

Emi, just stick to the community threads. It's not worth to lose contact with all the awesome people that are here because of a couple of hotheaded idiots that post stupid oneliners in random threads around.

 

[rooflapimp]

Why does it seem like the vast majority of transgenders are MtF? In my experience, FtM seems much less common.

 

[Reishiki]

I was in M&S earlier grabbing smart shirts for my job and spotted a simple purple shirt over in the Women's section. Needless to say, I now own a new shirt (In my favourite colour)!

It's the first bit of feminine clothing I've bought in person. Seems so insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but I can't wipe the grin off my face.

 

[Amalthea]

Why does it seem like the vast majority of transgenders are MtF? In my experience, FtM seems much less common.

I think it's partialy due to the press covering MtF more because it has more "Shock Value". :I

 

[ComputerMKII]

I think it's partialy due to the press covering MtF more because it has more "Shock Value". :I

http://www.closermag.fr/people/news-people/secret-story-1-erwan-est-devenu-un-homme-6004

 

[Amalthea]

http://www.closermag.fr/people/news-people/secret-story-1-erwan-est-devenu-un-homme-6004

Something about the exeption proves the rule, I just think the focus rests too much on MtF anyway, In some countries it's also more common to report about FtM people.

Anyway speaking of France, I ordered this photography book about Transgender scene that was centered around the Place Blanche (same place where the Moulin Rouge is located) in Paris during the 50's and 60's.

Will be fascinating to look it trough.

 

[iirate]

Why does it seem like the vast majority of transgenders are MtF? In my experience, FtM seems much less common.

Anecdotal, but I personally know more trans guys. It really can depend on the crowds you hang with, region, etc...

 

[mollipen]

It's the first bit of feminine clothing I've bought in person. Seems so insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but I can't wipe the grin off my face.

That's how it works. I remember when I started growing my hair out, at one point I bought a pack of women's hair bands, and that felt like one of the most thrilling things in my life. *laughs* For a while, I adored those hair bands, because of what they meant to me in terms of taking my first steps.

Things have been kinda stale for me lately. I recently moved to Japan (when I realized the truth about myself it was too late to back out) and that doesn't exactly help as I wouldn't even know where to start with over here.

Were you over there around the time of TGS? Had I know, we could have met up!

 

[Sibylus]

I think it's partialy due to the press covering MtF more because it has more "Shock Value". :I

This combined with a cultural expectation in the west for men to shield their feelings and be loathe to ask for help is what I think probably accounts for most of it.

 

[Reishiki]

That's how it works. I remember when I started growing my hair out, at one point I bought a pack of women's hair bands, and that felt like one of the most thrilling things in my life. *laughs* For a while, I adored those hair bands, because of what they meant to me in terms of taking my first steps.

I still have my first three Alice bands, I do love them so.

Folowing on from the clothes shopping success, I asked one of the councillors at my TG support group this evening who travels back on the same train route as me if he could escort me to the station. So not only did I do my first shop (technically), I did my first proper trip outside while dressed accordingly. My shoes also got a lot of positive comments from the group, too.

I'm really riding the good wave today.

 

[Viola of the Abyss]

Were you over there around the time of TGS? Had I know, we could have met up!

It looks like we missed a great chance
Let me know if you come back around these parts, I'm going to stay here for quite a while anyway, and I'll definitely be here for next years' TGS!

 

[Platy]

Why does it seem like the vast majority of transgenders are MtF? In my experience, FtM seems much less common.

From my experience, ftm people don't seem as open on the internet outside of trans specific forums

 

[Reishiki]

So, I started the second week of my new job this week. I'm still in the closet as far as work goes, but I'm feeling confident based on a couple of things;

- As I found out today, for a smallish IT company (~75-100 employees), there's a pretty surprising number of GLB staff.

- There's a distinct seperation between sex and gender on the company harrasment policy, and a note about gender identity on the company dress code. The wording suggests that they've had a TG employee before.

My intention is to work through my probation period (2.5 months left) and ensure that I'm valuable enough to the company before outing myself, which should also give me enough time to work through some more counciling and get my head straight.

 

[mollipen]

- There's a distinct seperation between sex and gender on the company harrasment policy, and a note about gender identity on the company dress code. The wording suggests that they've had a TG employee before.

My intention is to work through my probation period (2.5 months left) and ensure that I'm valuable enough to the company before outing myself, which should also give me enough time to work through some more counciling and get my head straight.

That sex/gender separation is pretty good to hear to me, because it would seem to denote a company that actually has some understanding of the issues involved.

Definitely agree with your waiting though. One main reason for that, to me, is being more certain of your situation when you tell your company. The more confident you seem in yourself and your identity, the more serious I feel they'll be likely to take it.

 

[Platy]

Just because I KNOW this kind of discussion will appear again, I will just leave this article for fast reference ...

http://www.themarysue.com/etruscan-warrior-woman-discovery/

Last month archaeologists working in Tuscany uncovered a tomb holding two 2,600-year-old bodies assumed to be a warrior prince and his wife. The reason they thought they knew the gender of the two piles o’ bones is that one of them was laid to rest near a lance and the other near some pieces of jewelry.
[...]
Bone analysis [pause for a giggle break from my inner 12-year-old] has revealed that the “prince” with the lance was actually a 35- to 40-year old woman, and the “wife” who took her worldly bling into the afterlife was a man. Husband? Boy-toy? The world may never know.

And on the comments :

Speaking as an archaeologist and an osteologist (bone specialist) - yes, it is unfortnately far to common for this jump-to-conclusion interpretation in my field even today. Of course, even when the archaeologist is careful to hedge their bet by saying "the grave goods appear to suggest" it is quickly turned into a "fact" down the line.
Having said that, many archaeologists do work hard on problematising genders in prehistory and there are many articles and dissertations dealing with the subject.
My personal favorite is one of the oldest preserved burials in Sweden (mesolithic) with a skeleton found with a special kind of hunting spear. It was displayed for decades at the museum and assumed to be a man - until an osteologist actually looked at it and relised it was a woman.

So the next time someone says that bone structure of transgender people is easily identificable from cisgender people.... well, not even people TRAINED for this can actualy do it =P

 

[Anastasia]

That's a cool find. The fact is bone structure varies so much among people, both men and women. I'm trans (MtF), yet I have a daintier, smaller frame than many ciswomen I know.

 

[DJ Crimson]

Yea

 

[Sibylus]

Sounds like a good reaction to me, at least at first glance. Unexpected, but no knee jerking and no drama

And cool link, Platy! Now I know there were warrior princes (maybe some huntresses?) on the Italian continent circa 600 BC. And of course it was the Etruscans! Everyone suspects that they were permissive and open and that the Romans were particularly conventional about things, often to the point of only changing their ways at the threat of sacking (imminent or potential).

Wouldn't be surprised if it was cultures like these that could have proven the inspiration for the Amazons in Greek myth, albeit with maybe not as much embellishment (such as the cutting off of a single breast to hold their bows straighter). Etruscans, just like Romans up until a certain point, were barbaros to the Greeks.

 

[DJ Crimson]

Yea

 

[Emitan]

It seems like my dad has been telling the rest of my family without my consent. :/

Jeeze tell him to stop :<

 

[Hitokage]

Just because I KNOW this kind of discussion will appear again, I will just leave this article for fast reference ...

http://www.themarysue.com/etruscan-warrior-woman-discovery/


And on the comments :



So the next time someone says that bone structure of transgender people is easily identificable from cisgender people.... well, not even people TRAINED for this can actualy do it =P

The more appropriate conclusion is that contextual clues are no substitute for investigating the actual bones themseles.

 

[Amalthea]

It seems like my dad has been telling the rest of my family without my consent. :/

Maybe he didn't know what to think so he told them about it.
Be careful about how they react. And of course tell him not to keep telling anybody.
Getting outed by others might be convenient sometimes (like when you're too afraid) but you always feel as if they abused your thrust.

 

[mollipen]

It seems like my dad has been telling the rest of my family without my consent. :/

Sorry to hear this.

I'm kind of surprised I haven't be outed more by the family members that I've told. Not that it would be so much to the rest of my family, because my family tends not to talk to one another very much, but more other acquaintances. My mother tends to send out "what's going on it our family" emails/letters on a semi-regular basis, and she isn't aways good about knowing what not to share.

I think the best thing you can do at this point is try to stress to him how you'd rather not have him do that. I don't know if the "it's not your right" argument would work, so maybe more the "this is a very personal thing, and I want to be able to tell other people when I'm comfortable enough to" route.

But, of course, being your father, I'm sure you'll know best which way to come at it with him.

 

[sophora]

Halloween is coming next week and my friends are all starting to plan stuff this week. A close friend of mine keeps urging me to crossdress, which I do want to but at the same time too terrified to even try. I did dress like a girl back when we were younger for trick or treating but everyone kept laughing at me, apparently it was pretty hilarious :/

I really do want to try again but I get really bad anxiety attacks, so I'm not sure if I should even try. The thought of it brings me down so much...

 

[Five]

Halloween is coming next week and my friends are all starting to plan stuff this week. A close friend of mine keeps urging me to crossdress, which I do want to but at the same time too terrified to even try. I did dress like a girl back when we were younger for trick or treating but everyone kept laughing at me, apparently it was pretty hilarious :/

I really do want to try again but I get really bad anxiety attacks, so I'm not sure if I should even try. The thought of it brings me down so much...

I feel like this is the perfect time to be a little audacious. If you dress as a plain girl, you're inviting the question of whose clothes you're wearing, which is going to be awkward if they're yours, which they should be. If you dress up in a Wonder Woman costume, or slave Leia, or something along those lines, people already know you're being bold and don't have to ask you questions about it.

*I went as Zelda last year

 

[Servbot24]

I need some help transGAF

My girlfriend of the last year is mtf and I am quite in love with her. Unfortunately for me she recently said we need to go on break because she wants to "get out there" and see other guys. This is pretty devastating to me since I was planning to marry her.

Physically she has made her transition beautifully. She is stunning. But emotionally it has not been so easy. She grew up in east-hillbilly-texas and her family did not support her in any way. her brother beat her and her father refuses to speak to her over the last 4 years. Even worse, her mother, the only person who would have supported her, died of cancer when she was 12 and she had to drop out of school to take care of her siblings. In her small town word spreads fast and she can not even return there without getting dirty looks.

She is doing better now, she is 21 and already working on her Masters in a city several hours from her home town. She has a good friend group that supports her. However there were years of terrible insecurity that have left their mark. In her past she allowed herself to be abused by men because she was desperate to be accepted, and of course there was all of the discrimination that trans people often have to face. She is very strong, but those insecurities still linger with her and she has a bad need for validation. Even when we were dating she would go out to bars to flirt with guys just to make sure they found her attractive. One of the reasons she chose to break up with me is to seek validation from other men

As for me, I am an American, cisgendered, caucasian, blue-eyed blonde boy who grew up in a nice Christian home. There are basically no problems in my life aside from the ones I brought upon myself (plus bad social anxiety but that pales in comparison). Also, my relationship with her is my first time dating.

She tells me that she resents me for my relative innocence. Not that it's my fault, but when she dumped me she said that she we can't relate to each other because of the differences in our past. I have never faced trauma. I don't have a sexual history beyond her (the point of this is not performance, she says she doesn't feel special since I haven't had to go through people and choose her).

This is only one of the reasons she wants to be on break with me. Most of the reasons are my fault, and I am doing my best to take care of those, but this is one thing I just can't see how to overcome. I have offered as much validation as I can see how - when she first told me about her intersex condition I did not hesitate at all to continue the relationship, I practically worship her body, I support her in her glbtq activities (she is an active member of support groups and clubs and so on), etc. I'm sure i have not been perfect but I have done my very best

Any ideas how I can help her feel like I can relate to her? I am determined to win her back.. some parts of the relationship I know I can fix, but this part seems nearly impossible

 

[ComputerMKII]

I need some help transGAF

My girlfriend of the last year is mtf and I am quite in love with her. Unfortunately for me she recently said we need to go on break because she wants to "get out there" and see other guys. This is pretty devastating to me since I was planning to marry her.

Physically she has made her transition beautifully. She is stunning. But emotionally it has not been so easy. She grew up in east-hillbilly-texas and her family did not support her in any way. her brother beat her and her father refuses to speak to her over the last 4 years. Even worse, her mother, the only person who would have supported her, died of cancer when she was 12 and she had to drop out of school to take care of her siblings. In her small town word spreads fast and she can not even return there without getting dirty looks.

She is doing better now, she is 21 and already working on her Masters in a city several hours from her home town. She has a good friend group that supports her. However there were years of terrible insecurity that have left their mark. In her past she allowed herself to be abused by men because she was desperate to be accepted, and of course there was all of the discrimination that trans people often have to face. She is very strong, but those insecurities still linger with her and she has a bad need for validation. Even when we were dating she would go out to bars to flirt with guys just to make sure they found her attractive. One of the reasons she chose to break up with me is to seek validation from other men

As for me, I am an American, cisgendered, caucasian, blue-eyed blonde boy who grew up in a nice Christian home. There are basically no problems in my life aside from the ones I brought upon myself (plus bad social anxiety but that pales in comparison). Also, my relationship with her is my first time dating.

She tells me that she resents me for my relative innocence. Not that it's my fault, but when she dumped me she said that she we can't relate to each other because of the differences in our past. I have never faced trauma. I don't have a sexual history beyond her (the point of this is not performance, she says she doesn't feel special since I haven't had to go through people and choose her).

This is only one of the reasons she wants to be on break with me. Most of the reasons are my fault, and I am doing my best to take care of those, but this is one thing I just can't see how to overcome. I have offered as much validation as I can see how - when she first told me about her intersex condition I did not hesitate at all to continue the relationship, I practically worship her body, I support her in her glbtq activities (she is an active member of support groups and clubs and so on), etc. I'm sure i have not been perfect but I have done my very best

Any ideas how I can help her feel like I can relate to her? I am determined to win her back.. some parts of the relationship I know I can fix, but this part seems nearly impossible

It's over, bro. Move on.

 

[Servbot24]

no. not until she tells me to.

 

[Sibylus]

Does she have a counselor she talks to about her insecurities? I've no doubt that "getting out there" can help with some of them in some people, but I'm a bit "eh" on it being panacea. Double "eh" given her rough background on top of gender dysphoria... that's a lot of heavy shit that may or may not be dispelled as if by magic via pubbing it up.

 

[Servbot24]

Does she have a counselor she talks to about her insecurities? I've no doubt that "getting out there" can help with some of them in some people, but I'm a bit "eh" on it being panacea. Double "eh" given her rough background on top of gender dysphoria... that's a lot of heavy shit that may or may not be dispelled as if by magic via pubbing it up.

She sees a counselor once a month which is what her school provides
And no I don't think that seeing other men will help the situation. she is very emphatic that what she wants most in life is to have a family. so clearly she will eventually have to learn to find validation from one man.
The question is how to give that to her when i'm not even sure she knows how to accept it.
Oh btw, we are kind of dating / hanging out a bunch. I'm not really sure what we're doing. She said she still loves me and wants us to start over. so it's not like i have no chance here, i just need to make sure i have some kind of answer for issues that i know are coming. and hope that she doesn't meet some magical dream guy in the meantime (i want her to be happy above all else, so that comment is just the selfish side of me coming through).

 

[Sibylus]

If she gave you the okay, perhaps you could talk to her counselor and express your concerns wrt validation and the like? You absolutely would not be there for dating advisory, mind. Whether or not you're together in the future, it still nonetheless hurts to struggle with helping someone you care about. That bears talking about, whether it be with her counselor, some other counselor, or whomever is close to you that you lean on for advice.

You seem to be realistic and even-handed thus far, above all I'd say try to keep a grip on those qualities, even if things get really tough and emotional. She has to do right by her, and you have to do right by you, even if in the end it doesn't conform to where our heart tugs.

 

[Servbot24]

She doesn't want people to think that she's crazy or something and me getting involved with her counselor would make her quite uncomfortable. Besides she knows she has these issues and she said she's tried to tackle them and failed several times before.

In the moment all I can do is wait and do my best. she made it clear that we are starting over. meaning she's giving me a chance but she's not just going to automatically be my girlfriend again. and she will also be seeing other men. this is insanely difficult for me to deal with, especially since I am very jealous and desire intimacy, yet she texts other guys even when we're together. I know she has a date tonight for example. I'm trying to keep cool because if I even begin to imagine it I'll break down. The woman I thought was going to be my wife gazing into another man's eyes, maybe kissing him. shoot me.

god. i can't think about that. plus this is not the dating thread. i need to think about how i can show that i relate to her on this specific issue. I'll be spending a busy weekend with her coming up for which we already have lots of plans, but I after that I need to figure out a way to express to her that I can relate to her past.

 

[Sibylus]

KK, understood. Don't feel shy about stopping by for advice in the future, albeit as you say, this thread isn't a dating thread per se. I will say that her wellbeing and yours, regardless of how you relate in the future to each other, is plenty germane to the thread. PFLAG! (e-FLAG?)