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Transgaf: 'cause boys will be girls (and vice versa)

F

Femmeworth

Banned
I've started talking to a non-binary person I met through a dating site, and I can't keep the pronouns straight in my head. We haven't met in person yet but I'm terrified that I'll slip up when we do. I feel like a bad trans person. :| I screw up with pronouns in my head even when it comes to other trans women sometimes. I have problems with intrusive thoughts, which makes things worse.
 
B

Brian Griffin

Member
Language is one of the first things we learn and society directs us on what words to associate with what so it's not easy to go against what our brains have been trained to do. Surely this person has to understand that their situation is more difficult pronoun-wise that most others and that you are trying your best. All you can do is your best and it might take some time for your best to be as good and you want it to be.

As with all relationships, new and old, communication is the key. Tell them you might slip up but will try your hardest not to and they will probably understand.
 
P

Platy

Member
Also

J4yY15c.jpg

http://time.com/135480/transgender-tipping-point/
 
B

Brian Griffin

Member
Heard she was gonna be on Time. Very awesome. Also this just popped up on my FB feed.

Board Rules Medicare’s Policy of Excluding Coverage of Transition Related Care is Unreasonable

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Department Appeals Board today issued a ruling in an administrative challenge brought by the ACLU, Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders, and the National Center for Lesbian Rights determining that Medicare’s policy of categorically excluding coverage of transition related care is unreasonable and contrary to contemporary science and medical standards of care. This is a long-awaited and welcome decision that will benefit the health and well-being of transgender patients on Medicare seeking care.
Click to expand...

Femmeworth said:
Is this article from the future? Holy shit.
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They must be referring to the DOMA case. Scalia's dissent has been referenced in most if not all of the strike downs of SSM bans in the states.
 
tearsofash

tearsofash

Member
I'm sorry I don't post in this thread very often, but I just wanted to share that I finally have a court date for a petition for name change. :D

I raised enough money in a fundraiser to at least get the ball rolling.
 
E

Erin S Kittens

Member
I've been hearing some uncomfortable news in my local community. An individual, a provider of transgender healthcare who won the trust of the local trans* community, has begun exploiting us. Not only have they dug in deep with some local orgs, forming a non-profit ostensibly to benefit the community but seeming to just line their pockets and expand their holdings, but they've talked their way into getting lots and lots of referrals.

Well, what're they doing with all those referrals to benefit our community? Apparently, wringing an impoverished community dry and not giving a fuck about our well-being. So many unusual practices are employed that seem to only increase their profits. Even longtime transitioners are only given a max of 3 months' HRT at a time, which is entirely unnecessary and astoundingly unusual, especially for a 'transgender healthcare specialist'. Their prescription-writing has been constantly error-prone and they'll take weeks to submit corrections to pharmacies, leaving some patients without hormones for extended periods. And now, apparently, they're requiring drug tests for all prescription refills. I've heard of some doctors giving drug tests for their patients prescribed narcotics, but for people who get estradiol? This is beyond the pale. So many of their patients are unhappy with their practices, but don't know where else in the city to go.

Guess it's time to organize. :( I hate that stuff like this is happening.
 
F

Femmeworth

Banned
Erin S Kittens said:
I've been hearing some uncomfortable news in my local community. An individual, a provider of transgender healthcare who won the trust of the local trans* community, has begun exploiting us. Not only have they dug in deep with some local orgs, forming a non-profit ostensibly to benefit the community but seeming to just line their pockets and expand their holdings, but they've talked their way into getting lots and lots of referrals.

Well, what're they doing with all those referrals to benefit our community? Apparently, wringing an impoverished community dry and not giving a fuck about our well-being. So many unusual practices are employed that seem to only increase their profits. Even longtime transitioners are only given a max of 3 months' HRT at a time, which is entirely unnecessary and astoundingly unusual, especially for a 'transgender healthcare specialist'. Their prescription-writing has been constantly error-prone and they'll take weeks to submit corrections to pharmacies, leaving some patients without hormones for extended periods. And now, apparently, they're requiring drug tests for all prescription refills. I've heard of some doctors giving drug tests for their patients prescribed narcotics, but for people who get estradiol? This is beyond the pale. So many of their patients are unhappy with their practices, but don't know where else in the city to go.

Guess it's time to organize. :( I hate that stuff like this is happening.
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That's awful. I'm not too surprised given your location. :\
 
D

Dr.Palutena

Member
well no more canon than the logic for any other trans characters of that era i.e "you can't hit girls in the US or something idk" i.e an inherently transphobic reasoning. But I guess there isn't really all else to do but to reclaim/reject said characters and/or move on.
 
P

Platy

Member
"Can't hit girls" is urban legend

lexi said:
I doubt Birdo being trans is canon. Nintendo don't even do gay marriage in games.
Click to expand...

32Zchwh.png


The villain stopping to think before saying "dame" in Superstars Saga

Captain Rainbow entire part about her being that she has a very low voice and she was arrested because she was in the female bathroom and you have to prove that she is a girl by
finding a vibrator ???

Japanese site for Double Dash : "Catherine appears to be Yoshi's girlfriend... or does that mean boyfriend!?"

BS Super Mario USA
In the Satellaview special BS Super Mario USA, Birdo first received a speaking role, though it is mostly lost due to the broadcast nature. [...] The voice actors for the three Birdos are all okama, a Japanese term for men who act and dress like females. This only furthers the franchise-long running joke about Birdo's ambiguous gender.
Click to expand...
 
G

Gbraga

Member
Hey, TransGAF, I have a question that I've been thinking about today and it would be nice to get an answer. If it's too invasive, feel free to ignore me.

I was just thinking about the whole "your gender has nothing to do with what you have between your legs" thing. Now, I truly believe this, but I was wondering if it's something that is not that well known to the "general public", and even among trans girls/boys. Is it somewhat common for someone who doesn't really want to have surgery to do it anyway just because of that idea that your gender has to "match" your genitals? Or the same logic to the opposite direction, people who just can't see themselves having surgery, but since in their mind there is this relation, they just stay conflicted about their gender instead of accepting and understanding that those things have nothing to do with the other?

If so, is that considered a problem, something that needs to be more addressed so people won't struggle with that, and just go for it if they feel like it would be better for them or not if they don't?
 
P

Platy

Member
Long story short is .... people are diferent.


Ridiculously complex story not so short, nothing is strictly binary.

People suffer from diferent kinds of gender dysphoria, which is basicaly the "OMFG I NEED TO FIX THIS BODY" in the same way that ... cisgender have it.

Some people are like "whatever" and some people are like "omfg must change my nose and breast implants and .."

And yes, society's pressure does play some part on this ... but I HOPE that most people that fell by society's pressure are not to the point of creating MORE dysphoria after the surgery than before.

But as I guess that you are not in the mood to talk phylosophy or gender theory, I would say that 95% of the trans girls I KNOW would say yes if they could MAGICALY transform into cis girls in a matter of seconds with perfect change.

The price and quality of the surgery does affect a lot in thsi regard, since people with more dysphoria are like "this or death" in a "cake or death" sense while others are more like "...ok I can wait to see if they can do better" =P

Ideally, "women's penis" would not be a bizarre thing and tampoons would have ads focusing on trans men.
In the real world, if you don't beat me up or kill me when you discover that I still have a penis, that would be pretty nice
 
G

Gbraga

Member
Thank you for your answer, some of it sounds pretty obvious after you read it, but only after you read it :p

But as I guess that you are not in the mood to talk phylosophy or gender theory, I would say that 95% of the trans girls I KNOW would say yes if they could MAGICALY transform into cis girls in a matter of seconds with perfect change.
Click to expand...

Not really about not being in the mood, I just don't have enough knowledge to talk about it, I'd love to read you talking about it, though. I'm always open to learn.

Platy said:
In the real world, if you don't beat me up or kill me when you discover that I still have a penis, that would be pretty nice
Click to expand...

Shit, I'd like you even more.

btw, the video about Ryland was really beautiful, what a cute kid.
 
K

Kinsei

Banned
Gbraga said:
Hey, TransGAF, I have a question that I've been thinking about today and it would be nice to get an answer. If it's too invasive, feel free to ignore me.

I was just thinking about the whole "your gender has nothing to do with what you have between your legs" thing. Now, I truly believe this, but I was wondering if it's something that is not that well known to the "general public", and even among trans girls/boys. Is it somewhat common for someone who doesn't really want to have surgery to do it anyway just because of that idea that your gender has to "match" your genitals? Or the same logic to the opposite direction, people who just can't see themselves having surgery, but since in their mind there is this relation, they just stay conflicted about their gender instead of accepting and understanding that those things have nothing to do with the other?

If so, is that considered a problem, something that needs to be more addressed so people won't struggle with that, and just go for it if they feel like it would be better for them or not if they don't?
Click to expand...

Different strokes for different folks. I don't think it's a problem as for a trans woman looking between her legs and seeing a penis only brings up terrible feelings. Imagine taking a shower and having a part of yourself missing with something that doesn't belong in it's place. As such I don't think anyone can really decide the importance of SRS except the person undergoing the procedure. We can of course try and normalize the image of a woman with a penis or a man with a vagina to try and help trans kids and teens feel better about themselves as they're growing up, but we all know that's never going to happen in our lifetime.

As for myself, I wouldn't care about SRS (because of how expensive it is), if I didn't feel like I was putting my life in danger every time I tried to get intimate with someone, but I do feel that way, so it's a pretty big deal for me. If I found a magic lamp and got three wishes my first would be to make me a cis woman.
 
G

Gbraga

Member
Kinsei said:
Different strokes for different folks. I don't think it's a problem as for a trans woman looking between her legs and seeing a penis only brings up terrible feelings. Imagine taking a shower and having a part of yourself missing with something that doesn't belong in it's place. As such I don't think anyone can really decide the importance of SRS except the person undergoing the procedure. We can of course try and normalize the image of a woman with a penis or a man with a vagina to try and help trans kids and teens feel better about themselves as they're growing up, but we all know that's never going to happen in our lifetime.

As for myself, I wouldn't care about SRS (because of how expensive it is), if I didn't feel like I was putting my life in danger every time I tried to get intimate with someone, but I do feel that way, so it's a pretty big deal for me. If I found a magic lamp and got three wishes my first would be to make me a cis woman.
Click to expand...

Thanks, and I guess I got too used to being around here and even in my everyday life being surrounded by nice people, because the thought that this kind of thing still happened was weird to me, and then was quickly followed by "well, of course it does". You really do have a very important point there.

I did imagine a lot of people would back off after finding out that the woman has a penis or the man has a vagina, but violent reactions being a thing is so sad. Being rejected because of that probably already has a big impact on that person, especially if they're not very experienced, so I can only imagine the kind of damage being received with any kind of violence would do.

I mean, I can just take my own experience and how insecure about my body I was, and still am, so that x1000 must be really tough.
 
Z

Zelias

Banned
Gbraga said:
Hey, TransGAF, I have a question that I've been thinking about today and it would be nice to get an answer. If it's too invasive, feel free to ignore me.

I was just thinking about the whole "your gender has nothing to do with what you have between your legs" thing. Now, I truly believe this, but I was wondering if it's something that is not that well known to the "general public", and even among trans girls/boys. Is it somewhat common for someone who doesn't really want to have surgery to do it anyway just because of that idea that your gender has to "match" your genitals? Or the same logic to the opposite direction, people who just can't see themselves having surgery, but since in their mind there is this relation, they just stay conflicted about their gender instead of accepting and understanding that those things have nothing to do with the other?

If so, is that considered a problem, something that needs to be more addressed so people won't struggle with that, and just go for it if they feel like it would be better for them or not if they don't?
Click to expand...
For my part, I don't suffer much from genital dysphoria, though I do eventually want SRS because I feel like I want to go all the way, so I guess that, yeah, I do have a hang-up about gender and genitals matching.

Then again, I'm practically pre-transition still at this point so I imagine it's something I'll worry about more when the other pieces are falling in place. Plus, I'm asexual and not terribly interested in relationships, so unless HRT changes that (very possible), the whole 'woman with a penis, no thanks' thing is not really an issue.

And like a few other posters, if there was a magic button or a wish-granting genie or whatever, then yeah, I would become a cis woman in a heartbeat. I would have done that years ago if I could have :p
 
A

Amalthea

Banned
Then I guess I have a high genital dysphoria then because last time at my clinic I was stressing that I want to schedule for the earliest possible date for SRS. I'm fed up with the meat-pack and it's not like men approach you only in a consensual way.
 
A

Anastasia

Member
From a few days ago: http://www.prideagenda.org/news/2014-06-05-new-york-state-modernizes-policy-around-gender-markers-birth-certificates

(Albany, NY) June 5, 2014 — The Empire State Pride Agenda, New York’s lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) advocacy organization, along with a network of partner organizations, today welcome a policy change from New York State Governor Andrew M. Cuomo and his administration that removes the surgical requirement for New Yorkers to obtain a gender marker change on their birth certificates.
Click to expand...

As someone who was born in upstate NY I can't say how happy I am about this. Anyone born in NY (policy change doesn't apply to NYC) will still need to have a letter from a doctor showing that you have been on hormones, but otherwise this removes a huge barrier to changing something really important.
 
Z

Zelias

Banned
Woop, made an appointment to go private. Gotta wait six weeks for it but it's a start. Hopefully I'll start HRT around October time, and then I'll just switch to the NHS when they're ready for me :)
 
M

mollipen

Member
I'm totally behind on posting in here and catching up in things due to how crazy life has been lately, but just had to tell a quick story from my first day at E3.

I'm in the guys bathroom at McDonalds (stealing their wifi) washing my hands, when a man walks in. He stops in the doorway and says, "Is this the men's or women's restroom?" I look at him and say it's the men's, to which he points at me and stumbles over some sort of "...but ...you're..." I just smile and go back to washing my hands while he remains frozen for a few more moments, until deciding to brave coming in.

Second time today I've been gendered as female, when I'm doing nothing to be gendered as such. (I'm just over five months into HRT, but I don't think they've done enough yet to away things.) How people perceive you is always such an interesting thing.

Edit: Make that three times.
 
P

Platy

Member
Lin Siniang said:
WHY DO ALL THESE GAY MEN KEEP FLIRTING WITH ME?

What. The. FUCK!

EXPLAIN.
Click to expand...

If it helps, I came to realise that we give the blue screen of death to gaydars ... and the results change from people to people.

5 years ago I studied with a girl who was TOTALY SURE that I could NOT BE anything BUT a white cis hetero male.
...the fact that I was in an art school MIGHT have influenced her views =P

shidoshi said:
How people perceive you is always such an interesting thing.
Click to expand...

Yes, It always bugs me how "passing" works to some outer people ... and how it is more easy than most people think
 
A

Amalthea

Banned
At least you can stay cool in male restrooms, Sidoshi.
I on the other hand was always panicking since early childhood when I had to use them.
 
K

Kinsei

Banned
I'm starting to feel like I shouldn't even bother transitioning. My last pay was a whopping $350, so there's no way I'll ever be able to afford an apartment of my own and the costs for therapy, surgery, etc. My parents already hate me, and I know I'd be thrown out if I actually started to transition. My doctor is a member of my family, so doctor/patient confidentiality goes out the window. I know I'll never be able to pass.

It seems like it'll force me to be even more pain for nothing.
 
P

Platy

Member
Kinsei said:
Just one look in the mirror tells me everything I need to know.

I'll never be able to pass a half as well as the likes of Carmen Carerra and Laverne Cox.
Click to expand...

...Carmem Carrera is 90% surgeries and she started pretty girly

Laverne probably had LOTS of trouble passing

Using Carrera as a goal is like a cis girl using Adriana Lima or Scarlet Johanson as a goal =P

Do you NEED to be seen as a girl and would eb happy as looking hot or do you NEED to be seen as hot model AAA smooth knees ?
 
K

Kinsei

Banned
Platy said:
...Carmem Carrera is 90% surgeries and she started pretty girly

Laverne probably had LOTS of trouble passing

Using Carrera as a goal is like a cis girl using Adriana Lima or Scarlet Johanson as a goal =P

Do you NEED to be seen as a girl and would eb happy as looking hot or do you NEED to be seen as hot model AAA smooth knees ?
Click to expand...

Definitely the first one. I used those two as an example because they were fresh in my mind.
 
M

mollipen

Member
Amalthea said:
At least you can stay cool in male restrooms, Sidoshi.
I on the other hand was always panicking since early childhood when I had to use them.
Click to expand...

I can stay cool I guess, but it definitely does feel pretty freaking. And I pretty much can't do my business if there are other people in there with me.

One other interesting adventure during E3: during my interview with Shinji Mikami, the translator gendered me as female in Japanese to Mikami. *heh* I'm not sure if he just screwed up his pronouns (going from one language to another back and forth isn't easy), or if that's just how he read me.
 
A

Amalthea

Banned
shidoshi said:
I can stay cool I guess, but it definitely does feel pretty freaking. And I pretty much can't do my business if there are other people in there with me.

One other interesting adventure during E3: during my interview with Shinji Mikami, the translator gendered me as female in Japanese to Mikami. *heh* I'm not sure if he just screwed up his pronouns (going from one language to another back and forth isn't easy), or if that's just how he read me.
Click to expand...
Oh OK. Doesn't sound much better than me actually. Not that I use them anymore.

And just take what the translator said for what it is.
 
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