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Transgaf: 'cause boys will be girls (and vice versa)
- Thread starter lexi
- Start date
I'll know on the 2nd. Now back to freaking out.
Omg....you find out on my Bday...when I make my Bday wish ill include you now too Alchemy
Thought you might find this interesting:
http://www.slate.com/blogs/behold/2...ender_nonconforming_camp_for_boys_photos.html
http://www.slate.com/blogs/behold/2...ender_nonconforming_camp_for_boys_photos.html
That is really awesome.
I'm glad there are places like that. I was also happy to read that the parents are really involved with the activities.
That and the little one dressed as the lead from Brave is ADORABLE!
HolyBaikal
Banned
I think that's so wonderful and makes me smile. I'm so happy for them. It just makes me smile so much how cute and how wonderful that is.
I wish I had something like that when I was growing up.
I wish I had something like that when I was growing up.
Box of Bunnies
Banned
Four months on hormones. A third of a year. Feels like simultaneously the longest and shortest time ever. And yet it's just barely lifting the foot in the first step.
Mum and I occasionally meet up for lunch and to do groceries together but midway through the most recent meeting I got moody over nothing and acted all shitty towards her over nothing. After getting home and crying over being such a bitch I messaged her to apologise and tried to explain the hormonal-ness and she respond all like. "Let's make a deal: if you can deal with my menopausal moodiness I can put up with yours." She's incredible and way more than I deserve,
Ordered my first sports bras and some girl jeans and tshirts this morning too.
Mum and I occasionally meet up for lunch and to do groceries together but midway through the most recent meeting I got moody over nothing and acted all shitty towards her over nothing. After getting home and crying over being such a bitch I messaged her to apologise and tried to explain the hormonal-ness and she respond all like. "Let's make a deal: if you can deal with my menopausal moodiness I can put up with yours." She's incredible and way more than I deserve,
Ordered my first sports bras and some girl jeans and tshirts this morning too.
This is totally amazing, and your mom is like super awesome.
Congratulations on the new clothes, I still am high off my new dress I got a month ago so I hope that they are what you really want as that feeling is so good!
Final psychological assessment appointment on Wednesday, then it's a few short weeks before I get the official diagnosis through. Kinda hope I can get started on HRT within three months, that would be nice...
I'm still worried about coming out at work. I think even with HR oversight, I'm not going to be able to avoid the more...boorish idiots in other departments.
I'm still worried about coming out at work. I think even with HR oversight, I'm not going to be able to avoid the more...boorish idiots in other departments.
Coming out at work is my ultimate nightmare, we don't have HR and we're just a three person studio. Other two guys are total fratbros. Figure I'll just end up quitting and working from home when our current project ends :/
Don't count the two guys out yet. One thing I've learned in coming out to people is that reactions can often surprise you. I never thought I'd get some of the supportive reactions that I've gotten.
So, this might be a strange question, but I was wondering if any of the trans women here were mistaken for trans men at any point in their transition(or vice versa).
As weird as it may sound, it happened to me multiple times. The first time, I hadn't even started HRT, and had just started going to a therapy group aimed at LGBT students at my campus. At my other therapist's recommendation, I was starting to use my chosen name and pronouns in therapy, and that's how I introduced myself to the new group.
After our first meeting, a trans man from the group approached me and asked if I wanted to go to another trans support meeting with him that was happening later that night. I accepted his invitation, and we drove out there, and then eventually ended up at a more casual meetup afterwards. The whole time, I was using my chosen name and telling people I preferred female pronouns. Well, after the meeting, we were driving home, and he wanted to ask me something, but didn't want to offend me. I told him to ask anyways, and it turns out that even after spending half the day and the whole night with me, he was still confused as to whether I was a trans man or woman.
Fast forward to early last year - I was formally coming out at work. I had already waited longer than I probably should have, considering that many of the new employees were gendering me as female when we met, and some of the other employees had already started to suspect something was up(especially as I wasn't correcting any of the new guys). The franchise I was working for didn't really have a system in place for trans employees coming out, so much of how/when I wanted to do it was left up to me. I ended up talking to everyone privately or in small groups over a period of a few days. Several of the employees were confused, unsure if I was coming out as a trans man or woman.
Anyways, it's just something that I think about from time to time, but have never actually asked anyone else if they've experienced something similar. It's not like I'm so androgynous that I'm regularly misgendered or anything - pre-HRT, I was seen as male, and at around six months post-HRT, I started being typically gendered female. It just that when people find out that I'm trans, signals seem to get muddled.
Absolutely this.
The number one person I was scared to come out to is my dad. We hadn't been in touch too much over the years, and on top of that, he's extremely bigoted. I have trouble even having a conversation with him without hearing something extremely offensive aimed at a racial minority or women(or every liberal ever, the greatest evil in his eyes).
I actually held back on coming out because of him. When I finally decided to do so, he was actually pretty great about it. Apparently, he and my mom had already discussed this possibility when I was much younger, so he wasn't exactly surprised, and I'm sure that helped. Aside from that though, he immediately started using my chosen name and pronouns without being prompted from me, and was generally very accepting.
The fact that people can surprise you goes both ways, though. My mom was really supportive when I first told her, but has struggled with my transition every step of the way, despite generally being a very tolerant and open-minded individual.
When I came out at work, pretty much everyone was cool, including the guys that I was ready to write off.
As weird as it may sound, it happened to me multiple times. The first time, I hadn't even started HRT, and had just started going to a therapy group aimed at LGBT students at my campus. At my other therapist's recommendation, I was starting to use my chosen name and pronouns in therapy, and that's how I introduced myself to the new group.
After our first meeting, a trans man from the group approached me and asked if I wanted to go to another trans support meeting with him that was happening later that night. I accepted his invitation, and we drove out there, and then eventually ended up at a more casual meetup afterwards. The whole time, I was using my chosen name and telling people I preferred female pronouns. Well, after the meeting, we were driving home, and he wanted to ask me something, but didn't want to offend me. I told him to ask anyways, and it turns out that even after spending half the day and the whole night with me, he was still confused as to whether I was a trans man or woman.
Fast forward to early last year - I was formally coming out at work. I had already waited longer than I probably should have, considering that many of the new employees were gendering me as female when we met, and some of the other employees had already started to suspect something was up(especially as I wasn't correcting any of the new guys). The franchise I was working for didn't really have a system in place for trans employees coming out, so much of how/when I wanted to do it was left up to me. I ended up talking to everyone privately or in small groups over a period of a few days. Several of the employees were confused, unsure if I was coming out as a trans man or woman.
Anyways, it's just something that I think about from time to time, but have never actually asked anyone else if they've experienced something similar. It's not like I'm so androgynous that I'm regularly misgendered or anything - pre-HRT, I was seen as male, and at around six months post-HRT, I started being typically gendered female. It just that when people find out that I'm trans, signals seem to get muddled.
Absolutely this.
The number one person I was scared to come out to is my dad. We hadn't been in touch too much over the years, and on top of that, he's extremely bigoted. I have trouble even having a conversation with him without hearing something extremely offensive aimed at a racial minority or women(or every liberal ever, the greatest evil in his eyes).
I actually held back on coming out because of him. When I finally decided to do so, he was actually pretty great about it. Apparently, he and my mom had already discussed this possibility when I was much younger, so he wasn't exactly surprised, and I'm sure that helped. Aside from that though, he immediately started using my chosen name and pronouns without being prompted from me, and was generally very accepting.
The fact that people can surprise you goes both ways, though. My mom was really supportive when I first told her, but has struggled with my transition every step of the way, despite generally being a very tolerant and open-minded individual.
When I came out at work, pretty much everyone was cool, including the guys that I was ready to write off.
Simply Sarah
Member
I also sign on to this. I don't have any solid proof and I know the plural of anecdote is not data, but, from my experience and the experiences of many others I've talked to, it seems like there tends to be a higher than expected chance of a positive (or at least non-negative) reaction for people that aren't close family/friends/etc. Maybe it's just a case of the average person not having enough invested in a specific "you" to let this get them worked up?
Erin S Kittens
Member
I can relate to this! I'm usually read as a cisgender 'butch' lesbian... I use quotes because I know lots of butch-identified women and I wouldn't classify my presentation as butch, but rather fairly (gorgeously ;P) androgynous. When I first started being active in this city's transgender community ~26 months ago, I was only about nine months into my HRT and had only been out for a bit over a year, and presented a lot more femme. Long, styled hair, makeup, earrings, bras, girly clothes like skirts and blouses, shaved legs and pits, that kinda thing. Passing was never an issue with me. I'd grown cute little breasts at puberty when I was young, and HRT really galvanized the feminization that my weird body had begun on its own. As I got more comfortable with myself and explored myself and my preferences, I came to realize that I didn't much care for all the cishet male attention I was getting, and there were also some frustrations related to members of the community reading me as a cisgender woman and taking objection to my presence/participation in things like giving a keynote speech for TDoR (as they perceived me as a cis ally taking the voice away from our people).
Basically... I was experiencing the same kind of issues I had been pre-transition, in that people were reading me as different than I was. I'd always wanted nothing more than to be a visible trans woman, to give hope to closeted folk the same way the trans women who bravely paved the paths our generations are beginning to tread and expand had given to me. I've always said that to cisgender me is to misgender me. I was also getting frustrated with the idea that as trans people, we were supposed to leave one restrictive box to occupy another. So, after giving it some consideration, I shaved my head, threw out my makeup, bras, and jewelry, started wearing more neutral attire and men's clothes, quit doing hair removal below the neck, and continued my life and my work without fear. I continued (and continue) using female pronouns, and continue to receive them universally. In public, I expected some misgendering as a result, but it never came. Cishet men stopped trying to pick me up on the street, and femme folk came out of the woodwork to show their interest. <3 It made and continues to make me so happy. Hilariously, after attending a trans meeting for the first time with this look, all the trans guys at the meeting showed up to the next one with shaved heads as well. All. Of. Them.
The humorous and ironic side effect, as hinted at the beginning, was being typically read as a cis butch woman in cis company and as a FAAB non-HRT/op trans-dude in trans spaces. Whenever I told someone who had gotten to know me afterward that I was transgender, they'd look puzzled, look me up and down, and timidly ask me if there was a guy name I'd prefer they use. At a recent discussion in my city's local trans group, one trans girl asked me why I was talking about taking estradiol--we've attended the same group for more than two years now, and she admitted to me that she always thought I was a trans guy who was kind of bad at being a guy and hadn't gotten up the courage to start T. Several other girls raised their hand to tell me that they assumed the same. At the most recent meeting, there were a couple new trans guys, and we went out after for a bite to eat. When I told them that I was often hilariously mistaken for being a trans guy, they looked puzzled, and one asked if I instead identified as gender-neutral, non-binary, genderqueer, or some other FAAB trans identity. I did my best to explain, but as with most of these conversations, I'm not entirely sure they completely understood it when it was over.
#GenderFuckLife, I guess.
Simply Sarah
Member
To be fair, the "queer mainsteam" for non-binary/androgynous has been largely claimed exclusively by FAAB folk (A can of worms for another day). That and if you were read so hard as a cis woman before then you're probably starting your current incarnation from somewhere in what it normally considered FAAB space. Genderfuck indeed!
WhenI had the interview for my current job they knew that I was trans but not how I looked. So I was waiting in the lobby with some unrelated bussiness guy who wore a suit.
Then the person for my interview came to the lobby. First she looked at me, then she looked at him. Finally she asked him if he is Ms. Amalthea.
He looked so confused! lol
Of course I told her that it's me actually. LOL
Then the person for my interview came to the lobby. First she looked at me, then she looked at him. Finally she asked him if he is Ms. Amalthea.
He looked so confused! lol
Of course I told her that it's me actually. LOL
Erin S Kittens
Member
That's a fair point about the way these identity spaces are traditionally claimed and occupied.
I got bullied heavily all my life for being a 'boy' who looked, acted, and sounded a lot like a girl. My initial coming-out, close to four years ago, was as simple as shaving my beard off and plopping a big red bow in my hair. In my naivety, I thought the people in the really conservative area I lived in were just very understanding and educated XD
:3 I like to think of these kinds of incidents as the 'party favors' of being trans.
Well I just got back from the doctors.
She prescribed me Androgens but requests we wait until November for Estrgen.
I'm kinda sad, the hair I can handle manually , by shaving where as I won't let myself go black market for E. Overall it was a step in the right direction, just not how I envisioned it.
She prescribed me Androgens but requests we wait until November for Estrgen.
I'm kinda sad, the hair I can handle manually , by shaving where as I won't let myself go black market for E. Overall it was a step in the right direction, just not how I envisioned it.
Yay for steps! I'm slowly descending into madness waiting for my follow up.
Simply Sarah
Member
Ugh, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I hope today goes better for you.
Thanks for saying so. It's okay though, it's nothing all women don't experience in high traffic call centers. I just needed to vent, get out the anger and shame.
Hang in there. You're on a very positive path right now.
Thank you iirate, that is very sweet of you to say.
The world seems like it decided to smile for me a bit.
The Androgen is actually something Goserelin, which seems to have MANY effects for a MtF.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goserelin
It helps with hair growth.
However the major thing is it reduces the Testosterone in a male body, so it can reduce things like gentials in Bio Males as well as it makes it much easier for Estrogen to take hold on the body and help out with the transition.
Sadly if you look at that huge needle, im pretty scared of that thing.
Well that's nifty sounds very helpful to transitioning.
I think it was like 4-5 years ago that I looked at trans stuff; I was still trying to find a label that might describe me, although I dunno if that was quite it. I always felt more girly inside and I felt that my inner thoughts and feelings were better represented by a girl, which has led to every fantasy representation of "myself" as such, but I don't know that I would go through the difficult process of actually "making the switch".
I felt like this for years, until I broke down like five months ago and started seeing a therapist and moving forward on getting hormones...
Then again I've wanted to be a girl since I was five, grew up horribly confused because I didn't even know that being transgendered was a thing, and then spent my teens until now looking up hormones and stuff.
NINE DAYS TO GO. Think I'm losing it...
I seem to recall a time or two that I've had this happen. One that made me laugh was, a number of years ago on here, we were sharing audio clips of our voices. Someone said to me, "You're transitioning to a guy, right? I can tell you're trying, but your voice still sounds like a girl." *heh*
NewGamePlus
Member
So I totally read this and thought, "Hey, that happened to me too. I should write something supportive! Actually, I wonder what I had to say about it at the time." Which then led to me clicking back to the start of this thread and reading some of the early stuff.
Yeah, don't read old forum posts. It's too weird. It's like wow, I was simultaneously a completely different person and exactly the same person, and actually, not just me but everyone. Almost as if time has changed people's personalities and outlooks or something silly like that.
Ugh, don't do it. You're doing it aren't you? I said don't. No, for real... I used to use a lot smilies back then. Alas, poor poor smilies.
Back on topic, anti-androgens are actually super awesome and a super big deal. Even if everything feels like it's moving in slow-motion right now, you've got an awesome bright future to look forward too.
I remember that! Or, at least, I remember you mentioning that.
Post from an anon trans friend! I'll be posting her responses over the next little while
Congrats on her journey .... just remember that there is no such a thing as 100% passing.
The random McDonald clerk not giving a shit to his job that barely look at you will always use male pronoums because the "default human" is male =P
I got a new family doctor recently and during our initial meet and greet when he found out I was transitioning he asked how far along I was in becoming male.It I found it really flattering actually and it really made my day.
Yeah, it actually did feel good for me too, especially the first time when I still hadn't started hormones.
Suuuuper Smaaaaash B
oooooooobs
....it is not that healthy to think that it is this instant =P
...unless I missed anything and you are doing surgery xD
No surgery, surgery is scary! But depending on what the doctor gives me on the 2nd, combined with Smash releasing on the 3rd it could potentially be the best two days of my life >.>
Princess Viola
Member
Congrats!
Yay!
Box of Bunnies
Banned
Hurray!
Congratuhellations!!