It took me a while to "get it" but I understand well enough that I switched to the preferred transgender years ago. I haven't ever heard it used in a derogatory sense per we but the past tense creates some misconceptions that can lead to problems. It leads to the perception that there was a point in time when we switched genders, that "being transgendered" is something that happens, as opposed to being transgender which is just an attribute of who we are. People understand who I am much better when I get across that I have always had a core female identity and that my social transition wasn't about changing genders, but about aligning everyone else's perception with my own.
-
Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.
Transgaf: 'cause boys will be girls (and vice versa)
- Thread starter lexi
- Start date
It took me a while to "get it" but I understand well enough that I switched to the preferred transgender years ago. I haven't ever heard it used in a derogatory sense per we but the past tense creates some misconceptions that can lead to problems. It leads to the perception that there was a point in time when we switched genders, that "being transgendered" is something that happens, as opposed to being transgender which is just an attribute of who we are. People understand who I am much better when I get across that I have always had a core female identity and that my social transition wasn't about changing genders, but about aligning everyone else's perception with my own.
I really agree with Shidoshi on the offended bit. In fact several of my friends get super angry over the use of Transgendered, but me personally it doesn't even make bat an eye. A lot of the time it will be with someone who is trying to learn or be nice to me, so it often makes me smile.
To each there own, and we all have triggers, but we should never force ourselves to trigger like others do.
Today was my first day dressed out. I wore tights, a skirt, a corset, and a black tee.
It went better than expected given this is Texas. The lady at the theatre who I bought my ticket from seemed happy for me even though we didn't talk about it. I got a few weird glances from people, especially from little kids when I went to Walmart. But, nobody avoided me or was rude at all. I'm pretty sure quite a few people didn't even realize.
I'm going to try and find someone to take me clothes shopping since I only have the one outfit.
It went better than expected given this is Texas. The lady at the theatre who I bought my ticket from seemed happy for me even though we didn't talk about it. I got a few weird glances from people, especially from little kids when I went to Walmart. But, nobody avoided me or was rude at all. I'm pretty sure quite a few people didn't even realize.
I'm going to try and find someone to take me clothes shopping since I only have the one outfit.
Great! Those first times feel great.
Where in Texas are you? I transitioned in Denton, and still live around the Dallas area.
When I was first presenting fully as female, I would only do so when with friends. I've certainly gotten looks before, but nothing has ever been directly malicious.
______________________________________________
I'm in a bit of an uncomfortable situation moving forward. I've been out of work for over a year, and have been off of my meds for almost a year now. To make things worse, I've gained a lot of weight during this time. I've finally found a new job, and it's a really good one(pay is >50% more than what I had before, full benefits, employer has a perfect 100 rating on the CEI), but at this point, I'm heading into this job less "passable" than I was when I left my last one, and with almost no clothes that still fit me any more.
Their dress code is business casual, and I basically have two tops that fit, along with a single jacket and a pair of fitting pants. I'm flat broke at this point, and what money I've been able to borrow from family is going to have to go to a bus pass so I can commute(which is also going to be extra scary with the aforementioned issues). I'm pretty much going to have to deal with not passing well and wearing the same clothes into work everyday until I have money again.
Obviously, I'm really excited about the job, but putting my life back together is something that I can't really start until I have income coming in again.
The good news is that I feel completely mentally prepared to pick up these pieces. I'll spare y'all of the details, but the same events that placed my life in such a sorry state for the last year have also given me confidence in myself that I lacked even before, when I was leading a more successful life. I finally get that the good that came to me before happened because I made it happen, and that I can do even better.
I live is Saginaw, so probably not too far from you.
__________________________________________________
Congrats on the job, and sorry about the weight and meds, that's rough.
But at least you have the confidence going for you, that's a really important part, and something I'm severely lacking.
Heya ladies.
I've been working hard to get down for summer and a nice suit, still I was thinking of going for a corset of the training type to help with my figure. As it stands I see many who say that really expensive ones like a 1000 dollars is waste.
Anyone have any suggestions? I'd love to really work on training my rips. At thirty I think I can do a little something.
I've been working hard to get down for summer and a nice suit, still I was thinking of going for a corset of the training type to help with my figure. As it stands I see many who say that really expensive ones like a 1000 dollars is waste.
Anyone have any suggestions? I'd love to really work on training my rips. At thirty I think I can do a little something.
Lol I didn't mean super cheap. Like I was reading 600-700 dollars is what I should look for,
I must be a sadist, I'm totally posting in that thread later.
I'd have a pretty cute before/after pic. XD
Android18a
Member
Transgaf, I've got a second job interview/meet-and-greet on Friday. I'd like to ask about their equal opportunities/anti-discrimination stuff with a view to using this as a fresh start in a new workplace to seriously consider taking the positive steps towards transition.
What do you suppose is the best way to ask about this sort of thing? Bearing in mind this is the UK, in case things are different here than in your countries?
I'd really like to have a fresh start in life here. I'm 32 now, and I'm thinking of setting the personal goal to be a 35 year old woman, not a 35 year old woman trapped living as a guy and unhappy.
What do you suppose is the best way to ask about this sort of thing? Bearing in mind this is the UK, in case things are different here than in your countries?
I'd really like to have a fresh start in life here. I'm 32 now, and I'm thinking of setting the personal goal to be a 35 year old woman, not a 35 year old woman trapped living as a guy and unhappy.
Erin S Kittens
Member
I gave it a subtle go, Platy 
I dunno, shit is nearly unheard of in Switzerland. We rank like some former east-block countries in terms of LGBT rights.
The kicker is; when I had internships in two federal departments they were always throwing around terms like Gender-Studies and such but they actually just meant it in the absolute narrowest sense of the heterosexual binary.
When I had an interview for the South-Asian section of the Foreign Department I told them that I'm interested into the political and social situation of the third-gender groups of South-Asia and they were like "Uhhh, yes...what?"
Ask about their Employee Handbook or similar documentation. Our one includes, under the equal opportunity statement section: "...free from unlawful discrimination including by association or by perception on the grounds of colour, race, nationality, ethnic or national origin, religion or belief, sex, gender (including gender reassignment), sexual orientation, age, martial status, disability, pregnancy and maternity."
The handbook makes the same sex/gender distinction in the dress code section. Knowing how progressive the HR department is ahead of time is always useful and seeing this in my own company guidelines was a great help when it was time to come out at work.
Butterfly Witch
Member
There are several things to look out for when seeking for a real corset, let alone a corset designed for waist training.
First of all I can tell you right off the bat that going forward with waist training is a huge commitment that requires you to change your daily routine significantly and probably permanently. It requires massive amounts of dedication, patience and, above all, discipline.
To permanently alter your waist you must be ready to spend anywhere near 8 to 23 hours per day wearing a corset, 7 days a week, no cheat days. Yes, this includes sleeping.
Now, the way it works it's literally by forcing your bones to bend and pushing your soft tissue around via extremely tight fabric reinforced by high quality steel boning. This will, over time, reshape your body but if you stop doing it then you will lose your results at least partially and most likely permanently.
A corset needs to be cleaned very carefully and so does your skin, the oils and sweat from your skin will ruin your corset and can lead to nasty infections on your skin so daily care is required in the form of moisturizer and sensitive cleaning. Also, bear in mind that you should not wear a corset against your bare skin as this will expose it to all of the dirt from your skin and potentially damage it beyond repair, plus a higher chance of damage to your skin as well. It must always be worn on top of a liner, shirt or top that is 100% cotton.
The bones, materials and stitching are what separate a $20 corset from a decent $300+ waist training corset. The bones are what gives the corset it's rigidity and cheap corsets use plastic bones which bend much like you'd expect a strip of plastic to, they're not good at all for waist training and are not considered by many as actual corsets, sometimes being referred to as "fashion corsets".
An actual waist training corset needs to be extremely well fitted to your body so if you are not buying something custom made for your body then you are being ripped off. This is also why they are expensive since you can't mass produce them or have a surplus, they must be custom fitted. Steel bones are an absolute must but other things such as fabric or stitching can be just as important. A good tight lacing corset is made to fit you so perfectly that a good sneeze while wearing it can literally tear it apart.
Be prepared to have multiples because you will need them. Not only that but be prepared to thrash them because you will break them and "outgrow" them. You have to keep the pressure steady so this means that over time your corset will simply no longer fit you due to being too large so you have to buy a new one. Also, remember that a corset is like a razor blade, they CANNOT be shared. The material will mold to your body so wearing another person's corset will never fit you right and ruin the corset's fit for the original owner.
This rabbit hole goes pretty deep and I'm more than happy to share more information with you or anyone else interested via PM. Just remember that this is a lifestyle or a hobby that requires a lot from you physically, mentally and financially.
In addition to the suggestion about the employee handbook, you could ask if there are active employee resource groups (which may have a different name there.) Most companies have groups like this that work internally on issues specific to race, gender, orientation, belief system, etc. If they don't have an LGBT ERG then chances are any policy they have is just words on paper. If they do have one then it would be worth talking to someone who leads the group.
I did exactly that when considering a job a few years ago and got a pretty good idea of where things stood.
SpaceCadetKeon
Banned
Was going to do a before/after thing here, but sure, that works too.
Thanks so much for the info Butterfly Witch. I did send a pm about it, if by chance you have time to look at it later.
Thanks again For all the info!
Butterfly Witch
Member
Not a problem but I didn't get any PM's from you :X
Ugh I even sent it twice. My iPad and Gaf don't get along.
I said in the pm thank you so much. As it stands I'm nearing the end of what I can do via diet and work for waist shrinkage and am fully committed to Waist training. I'd love any more in depth info you could give me as I want to do this smart, and I am willing to make the nessicary life style changes to get a better figure.
Regards
Beth Cyra
Ps thanks again and sorry if I pm'd oncw before, my iPad doesn't show it
You don't have to respond naturally lol. But I didn't want to type it a forth time so I figured I'd at least mention it here and copy paste it on my pic later lol.
Android18a
Member
CONGRATS!!
Also, hi to all of you girls, i've been lurking a bit since i was b& and i'm glad to read good news all around.
Cheers!
This was everything I was thinking of saying.
Im super happy for you Hypoallergenic Chie
Last night I got called into HR about the bathroom situation. They've told me that I'm to start using the womens restroom, and once I start, I wont be allowed to switch back.
I also got tons of support last night while I was dressed out. In general, things are just going awesome right now. (except with my parents, but at this point they can jump in a lake)
I'm kind of terrified of using the womens restroom though. But also excited. Is that wierd?
Also, thanks for all the support girls, I appreciate it.
I also got tons of support last night while I was dressed out. In general, things are just going awesome right now. (except with my parents, but at this point they can jump in a lake)
I'm kind of terrified of using the womens restroom though. But also excited. Is that wierd?
Also, thanks for all the support girls, I appreciate it.
That is so awesome you're getting the support you deserve!
I understand the bathroom thing which isn't weird at all
on a personal note:
Thanks to Butterfly_Witch for both her amazing kindness and guidance I bought my first full training corset so the adventure to actually get some feminine curves finally begins lol.
Given I went through the bathroom switch in late March, I'm in a great position to know exactly how you're feeling at the moment. *heh*
It's going to be GOD DAMNED SCARY at first, and you're just going to have to deal with that. It's amazing how much terror one little room can cause in you. You're going to feel like you're going into a space that you aren't supposed to be allowed to go, in part because that's one of the big rules you were taught ever since you were young. It's like stepping foot into North Korea, where you know it's just land and people and running water, but it will feel like the most foreign of worlds you've ever been to. Like sneaking into enemy territory. And it'll feel 1000x percent worse if there's another woman in there, because then suddenly that voice inside your head with be telling you you're in the wrong place, and what if they find out you're there, and will they think you're a creep for being in their bathroom, and why do you have the right to be in there, and all of that.
And every time you go in, it'll be a little less weird, and a little less scary, and will feel a little more "right". I still give thought every now and then to the fact that I'm using the "other" bathroom, but for the most part, the "other" bathroom is now the men's room, a place I can't even imagine stepping foot into anymore.
Really, it's like everything with transitioning: it seems like the most earth-shatting thing at first, and a few months later it's the most normal thing and you actually kind of miss those scary moments.
It's not odd at all, just the product of a lifetime of cultural conditioning. There's nothing like being told you can't enter to give a place a certain fascination. In practice you'll find that there's nothing all that mysterious or exotic about it. It's another bathroom with everyone going about their own business. The fact that you're all women is the only difference. Among the differences I've observed:
- Conversations in men's restrooms are pretty rare but they're fairly routine in women's.
- Women's restrooms are frequently better equipped than men's rooms. Practical additions like tampons and hand lotion are common additions, as are full length mirrors. In more extreme cases there are entire lounges, some fairly lavish.
- Women tend to keep their spaces cleaner than men, but the difference isn't as dramatic as you might hope.
Angryharlot
Banned
I avoid public restrooms whenever I can, anyway. Sometimes I will scurry into one that looks empty during a movie but, generally, I still dodge the issue.
Hi Transgaf! ^_^
I'm very shy and very new to NeoGAF, but I finally mustered up the courage to post here.
Ahem, I'm a 22 years old girl who's been on HTR for about 3 months right now. I've absolutely never felt better in my life, but I still have my "off" days like everyone. >.>
I'm... very pleased with the changes so far, but there are still some things I'm insecure about. I won't get it all of those now, because I'm so new here and kind of intimidated. The main thing I wanted to ask about is "voice training." I've recorded myself on microphone and to be painfully honest I HATE how my voice sounds. Does anyone have tips for this? My voice has never been deep (even squeaky and high pitched at times), but it's beyond crushing to be called "sir" on the phone or have someone in a game confuse you for the opposite sex, especially when you're having a good day.
Sorry for rambling or being off topic. >_<
I'm very shy and very new to NeoGAF, but I finally mustered up the courage to post here.
Ahem, I'm a 22 years old girl who's been on HTR for about 3 months right now. I've absolutely never felt better in my life, but I still have my "off" days like everyone. >.>
I'm... very pleased with the changes so far, but there are still some things I'm insecure about. I won't get it all of those now, because I'm so new here and kind of intimidated. The main thing I wanted to ask about is "voice training." I've recorded myself on microphone and to be painfully honest I HATE how my voice sounds. Does anyone have tips for this? My voice has never been deep (even squeaky and high pitched at times), but it's beyond crushing to be called "sir" on the phone or have someone in a game confuse you for the opposite sex, especially when you're having a good day.
Sorry for rambling or being off topic. >_<
As the local lurker and self-appointed greeting fiend i give you a very calid welcome and hope you enjoy the community and have a great time here.
Also, cheers
SALUD!! BIENVENIDA!!
Hi! I'm glad you decided to de-lurk for the moment as it's always nice to hear from a more of our community here.
I can't imagine anything more on-topic for the thread, so please ramble away. I hear you on the phone misgendering. Soul crushing is pretty much the right way to describe it and speech was definitely a sore spot for me during the first year or so following my social transition. On vacation I wanted my wife to place room service orders and I almost never answered my phone. I did wind up working with a vocal therapist and made pretty huge strides, to the point where I can't remember the last time I was gendered male on the phone. Pitch is the least of it, as you've noticed, with inflection and sometimes phrasing playing more important roles.
Learning to listen to others with a critical ear helps a lot. Stay focused and work at it with someone who has studied the field, but your goal should be easing into speech patterns that grow to be natural given time. In just a few years I went from square one to the point where speaking to a audiences of thousands is no more terrifying than it was pre-transition.
What I do sometimes is hold up two 3 ring binders or stacks of thick in front of my ears when I speak. Do it front of a mirror. People would probably think your silly if you did this in public! It's difficult to hear ourselves the same way others do and it's how soundwaves travel from our voice box to our ears. The binders are supposed to help eith that. I'm not trans ... I'm just very critical of my voice and don't like speaking, telephones, or recordings. Also, microphones are a lottery. My iMac and phone/tablet mics all have different sensitivity.
Yes, the pitch is the least of my concerns. Sometimes I feel my throat choke up if I try to increase the pitch, which doesn't help anyway. I was never very good at imitating voices though, which discourages me.
But I'm floored with your public speaking bit. I can't even fathom that, as I barely can stand my own voice all alone in a room. Much admiration.
I'll definitely give this a try. Thanks!
Wow, I feel so much better already. ^_^
Welcome to the party!
I don't know if it'll work for you, but for me, whenever I'm driving around I practice singing in a higher pitch. My singing still sucks, but the effect of constantly using my voice at a high pitch is that my default tone is higher when speaking. I almost always get called ma'am on the phone.
you can accomplish the same thing by constantly humming high notes.
Note: while this may make your voice sound more feminine, it will probably not pass face to face unless you can also pass, and it wont teach you the nuances of feminine speech, which is actually quite different from how men speak (often, but not always)
Recording yourself helps too, but unless you have a really good microphone, you're probably getting the wrong impressions from recording.
Voice training is definitely the better option, but I can't afford it so this is what I've stuck with.
Lee Chaolan
Member
=/ Definitely a bummer, wish her well throughout her transition and life.
Femmeworth
Banned
Given the avatar they had, I'm skeptical of how genuine they were.
Might have been just that oblivious though.
Might have been just that oblivious though.
Lee Chaolan
Member
Never saw what it was, but I did see another post about it, so must have been pretty bad.
I was wondering about their avatar as well. Is that why they were banned?
Alt of a well known shitbag.
Femmeworth
Banned
Welp. Thanks for nipping it in the bud. Honestly I'm surprised it doesn't happen more often.
I always knew that Aguirre was trans ! =O